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Tina1117
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 1447 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
My 3yrs old has been out of control and I just don't know what to do to get it under control. I discipline so I'm definitely not afraid of stepping it up a knotch. I'd rather get it under control now then deal with an uncontrolable teenager.
I do timeouts and we do the 3mins of timeout. The entire 3mins he's screaming, stomping his feet and clapping his hands (likes he's hitting us), saying "I don't want to". Then after 3mins I sit down next to him and say do you know why you're in time out and he says no so I explain to him why. He calms down, I have him say sorry and then he goes about his business. Then the tantrums start again. I try talking to him and he's yelling at me. I take toys away and he screams crying.
This morning he woke up at 5am SCREAMING and waking the entire house up. He was yelling that he wants to go downstairs and watch TV. I tell him no it's sleepy time because it's still dark out. I put him back in his bed and he's screaming and kicking while he's in bed. After awhile I talk to him and he's saying with an attitude "I want to watch TV."
He's VERY impatient so I need to get that under control too. I'd love advice on how often do you give time outs? Am I suppose to give as many in a row until he gets it? How do I make him learn patients?
TIA
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Posted 2/8/12 7:02 AM  |
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A3CM
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Member since 9/08 3762 total posts
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Mommy
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
i was told time out time do not begin until the child is sitting quiet. maybe that is why he is not understanding why..
my DDs time out do not start until she is calm, i explain to her why she is sitting in time out and then begin the 2 min (she's 2.5)
this is what we were told to do for my DS (he is autistic, so the reasoning behind may vary) but it seems to work with my typical DD.
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| Posted 2/8/12 7:31 AM |
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Tina1117
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 1447 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Posted by AJandCJsMommy
i was told time out time do not begin until the child is sitting quiet. maybe that is why he is not understanding why..
my DDs time out do not start until she is calm, i explain to her why she is sitting in time out and then begin the 2 min (she's 2.5)
this is what we were told to do for my DS (he is autistic, so the reasoning behind may vary) but it seems to work with my typical DD.
hmmm...may be that's why. this is the first that i heard time outs start after they calm down. it does make more sense. thank you i'll see how that works. i'm praying it does.
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| Posted 2/8/12 7:39 AM |
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rkl1130
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 1476 total posts
Name:
Rose Ann
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
I too heard that the time outs start when they're calm and will sit because it is more effective and they better understand why they're in time out.
DD is only 17 months but does have tantrums. We don't officially do time outs yet but we do take her aside and talk to her and keep her aside until she calms down.
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| Posted 2/8/12 8:29 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
I think you just explained my 2 yr old this morning.
He gets a sticker in the mornings now IF he STTN, or at least stays in bed.
He got his sticker. It was 5AM so still too early to go downstairs. I asked him if he wanted to come in our room to watch TV for a bit and he threw a fit.
He is also speech delayed in receptive and expressive language. For him and us it can get frustrating.
I can't do timeouts when he's throwing a tantrum b/c he doesn't understand.
I wait till he's calm as well and then talk to him.
THe reward system seems to work a bit. With my DS I use pictures so there's pics of toddlers sleeping, playing nice, eating, sharing toys, brushing teeth, etc.
Maybe try something with getting rewards, stickers, etc for his positive behavior?
DOesn't always work with DS, but we're trying.
Good luck
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| Posted 2/8/12 8:58 AM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Crashing...
I'm a preschool psychologist, and often work with parents on doing timeouts at home. First, you definitely don't want to start the timer until he's calm, as the other moms already said. Remind him how to sit appropriately (hands in lap, quiet feet, quiet mouth), and tell him that you will wait until he's ready. Get a 3-minute sand timer so that he can physically see the time passing. If he starts acting up after you start the timer, turn it on its side and wait to start it again until he is sitting appropriately. If you need to, start the timer all over. After, talk to him about why he was in time out, like you are already doing, and have him go back and either complete the request that you asked him to do (e.g., clean up his toys), or demonstrate appropriate behavior. If he starts demonstrating negative behavior again, repeat the time out. You may need to do this several times at first.
Hope that helps! 
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| Posted 2/8/12 9:04 AM |
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Tina1117
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 1447 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Posted by Jax430
Crashing...
I'm a preschool psychologist, and often work with parents on doing timeouts at home. First, you definitely don't want to start the timer until he's calm, as the other moms already said. Remind him how to sit appropriately (hands in lap, quiet feet, quiet mouth), and tell him that you will wait until he's ready. Get a 3-minute sand timer so that he can physically see the time passing. If he starts acting up after you start the timer, turn it on its side and wait to start it again until he is sitting appropriately. If you need to, start the timer all over. After, talk to him about why he was in time out, like you are already doing, and have him go back and either complete the request that you asked him to do (e.g., clean up his toys), or demonstrate appropriate behavior. If he starts demonstrating negative behavior again, repeat the time out. You may need to do this several times at first.
Hope that helps!
This is great thank you. Can I ask...is there such thing as too many time outs? What should I dismiss and not give time outs for? I feel like I'd give time outs for everything that he flips out about and sometimes I can't even why I put him there. "Because you were a bad boy" isn't a good enough excuse.
Message edited 2/8/2012 10:58:36 AM.
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| Posted 2/8/12 10:57 AM |
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
I don't think he is "a bad boy". I think you should say, "he was acting badly".
They sound the same but its not.
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| Posted 2/8/12 11:26 AM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Posted by Tina1117
Posted by Jax430
Crashing...
I'm a preschool psychologist, and often work with parents on doing timeouts at home. First, you definitely don't want to start the timer until he's calm, as the other moms already said. Remind him how to sit appropriately (hands in lap, quiet feet, quiet mouth), and tell him that you will wait until he's ready. Get a 3-minute sand timer so that he can physically see the time passing. If he starts acting up after you start the timer, turn it on its side and wait to start it again until he is sitting appropriately. If you need to, start the timer all over. After, talk to him about why he was in time out, like you are already doing, and have him go back and either complete the request that you asked him to do (e.g., clean up his toys), or demonstrate appropriate behavior. If he starts demonstrating negative behavior again, repeat the time out. You may need to do this several times at first.
Hope that helps!
This is great thank you. Can I ask...is there such thing as too many time outs? What should I dismiss and not give time outs for? I feel like I'd give time outs for everything that he flips out about and sometimes I can't even why I put him there. "Because you were a bad boy" isn't a good enough excuse.
My feeling is that if he's throwing a tantrum about something, just let him throw it, as long as he is not hurting himself or anyone else, and then after the tantrum, give him the right words to use and have him practice expressing himself appropriately.
I would pick a couple of specific, concrete behaviors to initially use time out for (e.g., saying "no" and refusing to follow through with a direction, throwing things, hitting, etc.) That way, you always have a specific reason that he is in time out.
Also, try not to use phrases like "you were a bad boy". Tell him, "you did a bad thing" or "you made a bad choice."
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| Posted 2/8/12 11:57 AM |
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babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
I just wanted to post a link of an article I read a while back, it comes with a video (its a little long) about tantrums and how to decipher when to leave them alone and when to swoop in and calm them down.
I thought it was pretty interesting.
Temper tantrums
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| Posted 2/8/12 12:12 PM |
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Tina1117
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 1447 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Thank you, thank you!
I'm going to check out this video. Sometimes I feel like such a bad mother
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| Posted 2/8/12 12:35 PM |
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Posted by Tina1117
Thank you, thank you!
I'm going to check out this video. Sometimes I feel like such a bad mother
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM! Bad mom's drive drunk or leave their kids in the car when they go get their hair done. You took the time to realize there was an issue and get help for it.
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| Posted 2/8/12 12:37 PM |
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babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Posted by Tina1117
Thank you, thank you!
I'm going to check out this video. Sometimes I feel like such a bad mother
Don't feel that way. We try our best, it's not easy raising children. Just by posting that you are looking for advice and help shows that you are a great and caring mother. Don't beat yourself up.
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| Posted 2/8/12 12:39 PM |
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
I never had My son sit for time outs. The definition of time out is time out from the reinforcer. If he wanted me to attend to him, he didn't get me if his behavior wasn't appropriate. I would walk away from him. I now tell him to g take a time out, and he picks a spot. Away from us.
I used to put him in his high chair for time outs, and turned it to face the wall.
I started time outs at ten mts though, so he knew the drill by the time he was 2.
The most important part of the time out is to never talk to them, interact with them, or look at them while they are in the time out. When they are out, then you engage them to discuss what happened. Wrestling to keep them in time out won't work. You have to find a time out area where you can leave them and know they are safe.
I am very by the book about time outs because of my training, and they do work. But it inky works if you can keep them from what they want during thetime out. If they want your attention, and you are there the whole time, then it won't work.
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| Posted 2/8/12 1:15 PM |
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
*only. Not inky. 
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| Posted 2/8/12 1:16 PM |
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Btw, tantrums are par for the course at this age. They are rough, but as long as you don't give in to them, he will get past it!
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| Posted 2/8/12 1:17 PM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Posted by lipglossjunky73
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I am very by the book about time outs because of my training, and they do work. But it only works if you can keep them from what they want during the time out. If they want your attention, and you are there the whole time, then it won't work.
For some DC, though, they won't work at all. DS would sit quietly in his TO spot, and then when we would sit down and explain things to him, and tell him he could leave, he would stay there. Sometimes for an hour. We did everything the books said to the letter. TOs just didn't affect him. If we took away toys, he would offer all of them. TOs only work if you are taking something away from them (attention, playtime, etc). If they are at a phase where they aren't actually looking for anything in particular, TOs aren't that effective.
We stuck with it because we knew that he would eventually mature, and we wanted him to know that he wasn't getting away with things.
However, when DS got to an age where he had things we can barter with (TV time, 3DS, books, etc), discipline was much easier....  
3 is a very rough age, though....
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| Posted 2/8/12 1:34 PM |
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Re: Help w. Tantrums & Time Outs
Actually, I agree with you. They only work for specific things. If you don't have anything significant enough to control, they are meaningless. They only worked for specific things. We haven't done time outs in over a year because its not a suitable punishment for him anymore...
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| Posted 2/8/12 3:49 PM |
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