Very Upset!

DH and i are thinking about divorce :(((. All we are doing is fighting over not getting pg. and finances and leaving with his parents! We have been ttc for five years and still no baby :(..plus we moved in with his parents who i love but it's not working out staying there anymore. Like i have said in previous posts my FIL and MIL are just being too pushy in our marriage and it is causeing trouble. He thinks im wrong for wanting to move out of his parents house because we needed to save money..but we need to save our MARRIAGE! Seriously it's on the rocks and i know it's not good to say oh if i only had a baby things would get better but i honestly think they would? Am i wrong for saying this?? I just love DH and i know he loves me too..it's just soo frusting always seeing BFN for the last 5 years!!!!! I'm sry for rambling on but i'm very upset right now.

Re: Very Upset!

So sorry you are dealing with this.

Re: Very Upset!

thank you so much! i'm soo confused and soo upset right now! but ty!

Re: Very Upset!

I think living with ILs puts a lot of strain on relationships. It was offered to us a way to save money and I immediately said no. We may never have enough saved to buy a house, but saving the money wasn't worth it. Please talk to your DH about moving it. If you seek counseling together, maybe the counselor can suggest that moving out is the best option.

Re: Very Upset!

I am sooooo sorry

Re: Very Upset!

I'm sorry you are going through this. Is it possible to see an RE to help you through your infertility? Have you considered other options (adoption)? Before you make any decisions, seek the help of a therapist. He/she will be able to help you sort out feelings you and your husband are feeling and help you come up with possibly solutions to make things work. Between the pressures of living with your inlaws and not getting pregnant, it's no wonder why you two are probably at your wits end.

Re: Very Upset!

thank you soo much! i will def. take your advice and speak with DH

Re: Very Upset!

Good luck!

Re: Very Upset!

yes we are at our wits ends! but thank you all for your wonderful advice! It really helps knowing that people are willing to help and support others. Thank you all!

Re: Very Upset!

I'm sorry you are going through this. First I think you ,might want to seek couple counseling to help the marriage. After you both have arrived at a good place in your marriage then you should discuss your fertility issues and possiibly see and RE and have testing done.

Keep in mind that a baby does not heal a marriage, Only you and DH can heal your marriage. Best of luck to you both

Re: Very Upset!

Thank you so much! I agree with you that DH and i need to heal our mariage and that a baby won't fix it. We just really want one. I def. think we will seek out counseling to help our mariage. I also am thinking about adoption! But first we need to fix our marriage! Thanks so much!

Re: Very Upset!

I am sorry you are going through this.

Defintiely living with either set of parents can make any situation very stressful. This is something that I vetod right away. While it may save you money right now it can cause more problems in the long run. I agree with everyone and try talking to someone impartial.

You are strong and I am sure you and DH love each other and that you will be able to work this out

Re: Very Upset!

I'm so sorry!

I think the previous posters gave some excellent advice

Re: Very Upset!

i dont have any advice, just a lot of

Re: Very Upset!

thank you soo much! You did give excellent advice! Everyone is soo supportive and i really need that right now! Thank you all! I do appreciate it greatly!

Re: Very Upset!

TTC is such a huge stress and puts a lot of strain on a marriage. I can't imagine the stress of adding 5 years to that. I think everyone's advice to seek counseling is very good. You should also look into moving out of IL's ASAP so that you are no longer under the constant scrutiny of them. I could never live with my IL's, let alone my own parents, so I give you a lot of credit for doing that.

Good luck to you and DH.

Re: Very Upset!

I can only imagine the stress of TTCing for 5 years, added to the stress of living with your IL's, trying to save money.. and then worrying about your marriage on top of that.

I agree with other posters that getting your marriage in a better place should be your first priority. If that means you guys move out and rent a place for a few years while saving $$ for a house, then so be it. Having the peace of mind and sanity to work on your marriage should be #1 on both your minds.
Only when you've gotten a better handle on that should you then move on to sorting our the TTC issues.
I hate to say it because i know you want a baby.. but a baby will only add to your stress and if anything, make your marriage even worse if you're struggling already.

Once you and your DH are in a better place, you can talk about going to an RE to see what issues you might be having with TTC - they definitely help!

good luck

Re: Very Upset!

thanks so much everybody!!!..You all gave me great advice thanks! :)

Re: Very Upset!

i say stick it out. it's the tough times that are the hardest.... yet those are the most important ones because they bring your closer to each other and stronger as a couple. I don't think you have passed the point where things couldn't be repaired.

Good luck!!