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dexsmom
LIF Infant
Member since 1/10 321 total posts
Name:
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Serious question....
My DH's husband died a few months ago, very suddenly, and fairly young. Since then, we have been having unprotected sex. We were always saying that we didn't want kids for a few years (been married almost 2 years now). After his dad died, he said that he was concerned that he wouldn't live a long life, and he was thinking it might be a good time to start trying. We haven't really discussed it seriously since, but he hasn't been using protection since. I wasn't planning on trying until maybe Sept. or Oct. since we work in the school system and ideally we would be due around May/June.
Last night, I know I was ovulating and we did the BD. Today he said that he knows I want a baby. He said that his "heart says yes, but his head says no." We have not discussed this since his dad passed. He said if it happened he wouldn't be upset, but he is not sure we are financially ready. None of our friends are anywhere close to this point, and I am a little worried...not to mention finances.
What do you all think?
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Posted 1/28/10 11:57 PM  |
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new2ttc
LIF Infant
Member since 1/10 221 total posts
Name:
its a secret
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Re: Serious question....
i think that you are never going to be financially "ready"....are there ways to be a little more ready money wise before having a baby? sure...but i think its more important that you and DH are mentally ready!
everyone who has children always tell me that you make it work $$ wise
good luck! 
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| Posted 1/29/10 8:03 AM |
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LightUpMyLife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/10 804 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Serious question....
I agree with the AP.
I do think you need to sit down and discuss it.
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| Posted 1/29/10 8:34 AM |
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dexsmom
LIF Infant
Member since 1/10 321 total posts
Name:
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Re: Serious question....
Thanks for the replies. I know we need to talk about it, and I plan on doing that soon.
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| Posted 1/29/10 9:53 AM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Serious question....
Honestly, there is NO way to plan around a calendared "time off". It could take 1 month. It could take 20+ months. There are just no ways of knowing.
Your husband went thru a very traumatic and sad event with his father's death. Maybe you should have him see his regular doctor for a full check-up. Having the doctor tell him that he is healthy might help settle him about the "dying young" thoughts.
There is NEVER a perfect time to have a baby. Very few people will ever have the "perfect" amount of money in the bank or the perfect time off etfc...It has to be a decision from your heart.
Of course, if you are about to start a new job and get health insurance for the first time in years or you are living hand-to-mouth every day or on social services I think then it is NOT at all the right time to have another child. But for most people, you find a middle ground.
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| Posted 1/29/10 1:29 PM |
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Coosie
So in love with my little boy!
Member since 1/10 1889 total posts
Name:
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Re: Serious question....
Posted by michele31
Honestly, there is NO way to plan around a calendared "time off". It could take 1 month. It could take 20+ months. There are just no ways of knowing.
Your husband went thru a very traumatic and sad event with his father's death. Maybe you should have him see his regular doctor for a full check-up. Having the doctor tell him that he is healthy might help settle him about the "dying young" thoughts.
There is NEVER a perfect time to have a baby. Very few people will ever have the "perfect" amount of money in the bank or the perfect time off etfc...It has to be a decision from your heart.
Of course, if you are about to start a new job and get health insurance for the first time in years or you are living hand-to-mouth every day or on social services I think then it is NOT at all the right time to have another child. But for most people, you find a middle ground.
You took the words right out of my mouth!
DH and I thought long and hard about TTC. Are you ever totally ready? I don't think so because if it's your first, you have no idea what you are in for. That being said, though, there is some "level" of ready though. To have a child just because DH is afraid of dying young might not be the right way to go.
Again, I couldn't agree more with Michele31 - maybe having a full work up by DH's MD might ease DH mind a bit so the situation isn't rushed.
I hope that whatever you guys decide to do works out!!
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| Posted 1/29/10 1:47 PM |
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