so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

I posted earlier this month that we were going to try Deanna's plan. it involves BDing every day from CD until a positive OPK. Then BD every day the day of + OPK, the next two days, skip a day and one final BD.

I didn't tell DH we were on a 'schedule' b/c it kind of kills the romance. throughout, I've never told him when I got a + OP, etc.

So, CD 8 we didn't BD b/c he didn't feel well and ' just couldn't.' Fine- I was pizzed, but figured it was still early in. CD 10 BD no problem. CD 12- no problems; CD 14 he tried to get out of it for an entire hour! He said he was too tired and couldn't keep his eyes open but def. the next day. Mind you, it was midnight and he was still up watching TV and drinking a beer
I pretty much told him I didn't give a *** and he had better do it. He did, but needless to say I was irritated the entire time. The day before yesterday he apologized and I finally told him the 'schedule.' He said he would be on it without prompting last night (CD 16). Well, at midnight, I got out of the shower and announced ti was time for bed. he stayed on the couch for a half hour finishing a show. Then he took a quick shower and came to bed and- NOTHING. he lay there for a half hour without not making a move. I finally asked him what the deal was and he said he 'wasn't feeling it.'

I am furious!! I feel rejected and am tired of being the one to initiate BD. We had a huge argument/discussion. He says he feels run down and tired and doesn't like the fact we're on a schedule. I'm so annoyed and hurt, I dont' even feel like doing anything now!!! I am also ****** b/c I feel like this whole month has been a bust. It seems to me he only decides he's tired when I bring up BD. Otherwise, he will stay on the couch until 12, 1, 2AM, etc.

Stupid me- I thougt he'd enjoy all the extra action

I guess not!

Message edited 1/6/2010 1:11:53 PM.

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

My DH told me the other day that he would rather just do it spur of the moment bc if he feels like he's on a schedule he feels pressured and it kills the mood.

I've decided that if this month i'm not pg that we're not gonna actively TTC but instead just let it happen, hopefully we will BD at the "right times". I don't want this to become like a chore for us, then it's really no fun.

I think deep down inside they get just as frustrated as we do and probably give up while we just see it as more of a challenge and try to change things up every month....

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

I am sorry you are going through this. I understand your frustration. On the flip side I understand his. DH and I don't want it only be about TTC we want the same passion and spontaneity. I can only offer you and hopes it gets better.

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

Have you explained to him the extremely small window there is every month to get pregnant? I had something similar with DH. Once I explained that I had basically 3 days to get pregnant each month at that was it, he was much better about it and we got pregnant the very next cycle. I basically said we're gonna do this right, or we're not doing it at all so if you want kids, you'd better f'in put out!

Is your DH completely on board with TTC or was he wishy-washy to begin with?

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

You both have vailid points...BD can be exhausting especially if you do it everyday and honestly it can get boring if its scheduled. (JMO)

I think CD 8 is too early maybe wait for CD 10-12 so it doesnt seem so long.
Also Lingerie always helps

Best of Luck!

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

I tried Deanna's plan a while ago, and found it exhausting! My DH had the same reacation. I didn't tell him we were on a schedule but I think it was too much...we talked about it just like you did and I said I couldn't be the only one to WANT this. I explained that I am exhausted too! The whole process is really frustrating!

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

DH had a similar complaint- he called himself a sperm donor

I think its better if they think its natural- so on those days maybe throw on a sexy nighty and change when you do it- if its normally when you go to bed, try the am or when you both get home, change up the place- keep it fresh- that worked for me- and dh had no idea we were actually having "scheduled sex"

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

I can see both sides and agree with many points from both too. I wouldn't be pizzed though. I'd rather my DH be involved and not feel 'eh' when the time happens. How will you feel if you are both pizzed and 'eh' and you do conceive? Not worth it in my opinion. Then you'll spend the rest of your life saying 'great, he didn't even want to do it.' SOOOO not worth it to push him when he isn't feeling it. Especially since it's a partnership, not just a donation.

edited for spelling.

Message edited 1/6/2010 1:42:24 PM.

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

Thanks ladies. I know where he is coming from- believe me there have been times all I wanted to do was

I guess I just wish he had been more open. Seems like he was being passive aggressive instead. We have a history of having issues because he doesn't come out and say how he feels until the poop is ready to hit the fan. As far as I know, he told me he is all for TTC and swore this again last night.

I don't think he knows how small the window is, etc. I will try to explain, but don't know if that will help. I'm sure we'll work it out- I just needed a good vent.

Thanks for listening- this is why I love this board!

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

In this case, I actually see his side more than yours. Sorry. I know how hard TTC is, and I know that you want a baby, but do you really want to be demanding that your DH BD with you, or would you rather find out why he seems so hesitant? I think a long conversation is in order. Maybe he is having fears about becoming a dad, and feels like he can't talk about it. Or maybe he has just been really tired and stressed lately (aren't we all ). Or maye it's really nothing, and he is hoping that you'll initiate the sex because that makes it more exciting for him. But unless you talk to him (and not just about the BDing schedule) you'll never know

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

HOnestly, I dont think that he just doesnt want to be a dad...but that some men are just lazy and ttc is A LOT of work lol!!! They looooove BDing... but when its every other day or everyday- they arent as into it every single time. For us, we want to get preggo ASAP and for them...of course they want us to be preggo, but as ladies we want it NOWWWW!!! lhahaha!

My Dh loves BDing, but was not a fan of Deanna's plan. It was almost like it was too much and wasn't as enjoyable b/c it felt too forced.

I would talk to your Dh and see what schedule you guys both want to do. We do every other day when we can and if we are tired or whatever we just dont. When I get my + OPK its 3 days in a row one day off then another day OR we just do 4 days in a row.

Trust me, A LOT of people go through this. You are NOT alone Many people dont like to admit it, but it gets so frustrating that sometimes you start to become a drill sargent without even realizing it. This is how I was last month... and took a step back and have taken a more relaxed approach this time around. It cant be too forced because you dont want to get preggo and remember that you conceived the baby while he was complaining during BDing.

Good luck!!!

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

Posted by headoverheels

In this case, I actually see his side more than yours. Sorry. I know how hard TTC is, and I know that you want a baby, but do you really want to be demanding that your DH BD with you, or would you rather find out why he seems so hesitant? I think a long conversation is in order. Maybe he is having fears about becoming a dad, and feels like he can't talk about it. Or maybe he has just been really tired and stressed lately (aren't we all ). Or maye it's really nothing, and he is hoping that you'll initiate the sex because that makes it more exciting for him. But unless you talk to him (and not just about the BDing schedule) you'll never know

Re: so upset and frustrated with DH- warning LONG

Posted by babylove628

My DH told me the other day that he would rather just do it spur of the moment bc if he feels like he's on a schedule he feels pressured and it kills the mood.

I've decided that if this month i'm not pg that we're not gonna actively TTC but instead just let it happen, hopefully we will BD at the "right times". I don't want this to become like a chore for us, then it's really no fun.

I think deep down inside they get just as frustrated as we do and probably give up while we just see it as more of a challenge and try to change things up every month....