xpost: I need help with a MIL issue...

I'm a poster on LIF (on the TTC board all the time) but I had to hideout with this name just in case there are lurkers.

My MIL is single, her husband left her way before I met DH and nobody has heard from him in 15 yrs. She lives alone, doesn't drive, barely speaks english and before we were married lived with my DH. Before we married, he would do everything for her, take her food shopping, take her to do laundry, to the bank, pay the bills etc. etc. etc.... I figured once we got married things would change. DH is the youngest of 4 siblings. His mom needs help paying the bills bc she is retired and can barely cover the rent, so they all chip in and help out. What annoys me is that every single saturday, like clock work, she calls DH to take her shopping or to run errands. I tell him she needs to call his sisters or brother to help out too, that it's not fair for him to do it all the time.

DH feels that since it is his mom he should help her, which I 100% agree with, but not every single weekend. It puts our life on hold bc he never says no to her. DH is also the type to keep his mouth shut to avoid any type of confrontation with his siblings so he just bites the bullet and does whatever he has to do to help his mom.

I have gotten to the point where I'm about to flip out when I hear my phone ring on Saturday mornings and it's her. I tell him to call his sisters and have one of them do it...we all live close by and it's not impossible to help out. His brother shows his face once or twice a month and thinks he can get away with giving her $50, what about helping out?

What would you do? What bothers me the most is wth is gonna happen when we have kids? Is he gonna leave us to go help her all the time? I need some advice, please help

Re: xpost: I need help with a MIL issue...

If I were you, I'd try to talk DH into having a pow-wow with his brother and sisters to come up with a way to split the weekend duties. There are 4 of them you said? That is 1 weekend a month for each of them. It's fair and it's also a way for each of them to spend some time with their mom.

Good luck.

Re: xpost: I need help with a MIL issue...

I think your DH needs to talk to his brothers and sisters because this isn't fair to you guys.

Re: xpost: I need help with a MIL issue...

Im sorry you are going through this


Nothing will ever change unless DH puts his foot down and talks to his brothers and sisters. He's going to have to because its not fair to him or to you. I would sit down with DH and explain to him that eventhough he doesnt want to open his mouth, hes going to have to make it clear that he cant be doing this forever on his own. If everyone lives close, then they should make the effort to help out their mother too.

Good luck!

Re: xpost: I need help with a MIL issue...

that really is a tough situation. it sucks that he has siblings and they dont help out. maybe all the siblings need to get together and discuss how they can all chip in with the help/errands.

my DH is an only child and his parents rely on him for everything too - but he doesnt have a choice bc there is no one else to help him...

Re: xpost: I need help with a MIL issue...

It's definitely a tough situation.

I would have your husband sit down with his other siblings and work out some sort of schedule where it works out for everyone to help her out. It seems like pretty easy math to me - 4 weekends in a month and 4 siblings to help with the food shopping.

As far as your concerns for when you have kids, maybe he can use that to your advantage. He can use the kids as an excuse a lot of the time saying he's caught up with everything going on with a new baby around, and he probably won't even be lying. It's a lot of work!