How important is it to you..........

to live near your parents when you have a baby?

DH and I can't decide if we want to move to LI or NJ.... If we stay in LI, I will be close to my parents...... Otherwise, it would be about an hour commute... Not TOO bad, but definitely not as close as LI would be, and then you have to factor in inevitable traffic... tolls..... etc.

The catch is, you can get SO MUCH MORE for your money in NJ!!!!!!!! I just don't know what to do...

Re: How important is it to you..........

I will b very close to my parents. In fact 8 houses away. We should b closing in December. I was on the fence about it and so was DH, but everyone says its great to have ur family close b/c they will b there to help u. I'm excited that I get to b near them!

Re: How important is it to you..........

Its important to us.

FIL lives in Fl with SMIL & my father passed away when I was a child.

So our DC will only have my mother & MIL in their lives (FIL thinks we should come see them all the time , so he won't be a big part in DC's life).

My mother & MIL live around the block from each other - so thats a huge plus. No deciding which we need to be closer too.

Another factor for us is that I will have to return back to work either FT or PT. So my mom or MIL will have to watch DC for 1-2 days. Begin close to them makes that alot easier, as opposed to having to commute to one of their homes & than head to work.

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My parents are such a huge help with DD #1 that I couldn't imagine not living near them.

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It is really important to me to have my parents close-ish. We are all on LI, but my parents are about 1-1 1/2 hours away, and my MIL is about an hour away (not counting traffic on the LIE). However, they are all near both my and DH's jobs, so until my child starts school, I have them for any issues that may arise while DH and I are at work (we will just have to go with childcare, there are no other options - unless we sell the house and buy a shack - we need both paychecks - the glory of LI). When my kid starts school, I'll get a job near home, so travel will be involved in order to see family.

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To me it wasnt important but thats only b/c our families will not be able to watch our baby (when we have one)! Since we are on our own we moved to LI!

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Honestly, we wouldn't move more than ten minutes away. My entire family is within a 20 minute radius and we see eachother 2-3 times ( or they are in Italy LOL )

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I just wanted to say we were under the same impression you were, that you could get more for your money in NJ, boy were we wrong!!! NJ is more expensive than LI for housing, real estate taxes and food. We had to move b/c of DHs job but we were completely shocked at how expensive NJ is.

Re: How important is it to you..........

I couldn't imagine being far from my family when I have a baby. The idea of being solely responsible for a new baby with NO help whatsoever is kind of terrifying. And I want my child to know their grandparents.

Re: How important is it to you..........

It's very important to be close to my parents and brothers. My parents are very close to DS, and hopefully additional children! My brothers are DS's godfathers, and they see him a few times a week. Very grateful for that. I wouldn't care about the in laws, they don't visit ever, so it just doesn't matter.

And depending on where you move in NJ, its just as expensive on LI as it is in NJ. I grew up on LI, and my parents moved to NJ, and now I live in NJ as well.

Message edited 10/8/2009 8:44:29 AM.

Re: How important is it to you..........

right now i'm living very far away from my parents and that breaks my heart. It IS important for me to be near them ESPECIALLY when we have kids. So we do plan to move within the next year. I would also want my mom to be with me while pregnant, but at the same time i just don't want to put my entire life on hold. I'm willing to not be with them while I'm pregnant with the first, as long as we get there while our future son or daughter is still a baby

Re: How important is it to you..........

My parents are 20 minutes in one direction and my in-laws are 10-15 mins in the other direction. I love being so close to them now that I'm sure that I'll appreciate it even more when there's a I'm definitely going to need help from my mom and MIL.

Message edited 10/8/2009 9:56:42 AM.

Re: How important is it to you..........

Very important.

My mom lives 5 minutes away and I wouldnt have it any other way

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Before DS was born, we had our hearts set on Westchester. Luckily we waited until he was here to buy a house because after he arrived we realized how important it was to be near my mom so we ended up on LI about 20min from her

Re: How important is it to you..........

It's very important to us. My mother, sister and I all live within 5 minutes of each other. Dh wants to move out of state and I wouldn't mind doing it either but I need my mom and sister to go too, lol.

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Re: How important is it to you..........

How odd you ask this now. We are currently house hunting and this is always in the back of my mind. DH doesn't completely "get it" b/c his parents recently moved to FL and he thinks it's no big deal to not be super close to family. I know he'll feel different once we have a baby and we want babysitters! lol.

Right now I'm about 20 miles from my mom and 3 sisters, I don't want to be much further away once a baby comes.

Re: How important is it to you..........

Well we live off the island about 5 hours away. We just moved this summer for DH's job. Now that I got my BFP it is hard. We want to tell them we are pregnant, but don't want to do it over the phone. So we have to wait to visit. It is going to be harder when the baby comes for sure. The only silver lining is that I am due June 14th and both my mom & MIL are teachers so they will have the whole summer off to come visit. I plan to use i-chat a lot once the baby is here, but it is not the same. We just had to move b/c DH was offered such an amazing opportunity that he could not have had if we stayed in NY. I also don't think we would ever be able to afford a house on LI. We may end up moving back to NY, but prob not for 5-10 years if at all. The only thing that keeps us from feeling totally isolates is that BIL & FSIL live 10 minutes from us. I would just be really sad if the IL's moved down here & my parents were still in NY. They are just too young to retire, and relocation with the economy is not possible. So we will see how it goes.

Re: How important is it to you..........

It's very important to us. We're both very close with our parents, and I just couldn't imagine experiencing parenthood for the first time without them close by! Plus, we want our children to know their grandparents as well as they possibly can.
Even aside from the children issue, DH and I have always agreed that as long as our parents are around, we would never move away. Someday down the road, I think we definitely would.

Re: How important is it to you..........

It's very important to us. I live 5 minutes away from my parents and could not see us being any furhter away. I know how much I depend on my parents for things now, so I know eventually when a baby comes, I will need them even more.

Re: How important is it to you..........

My parents live 2 1/2 hours away in PA...growing up I didn't have either of my grandparents close and my parents did it. It was great because my grandparents were allowed to come visit for a week at a time and be a special treat. Also they got to be grandparents and spoil us rather than watch and raise us...

I'd move out of LI in a second to get more for my money in PA. would I like to be closer to my parents? Yes, but to me affordable housing is the most impmortnat. That's why I'm not truly happy on LI.

Re: How important is it to you..........

I'm not sure what towns you are looking at in NJ...but unless you are very far south or west, NJ is just as expensive as LI. Then you have to factor in the high property tax, so some towns are even more $$$$. You can FM me with any NJ questions, since we looked for houses in NJ for 2 years.

But to answer the original question..living near my parents is extremely important to me....especially when we have kids.

Re: How important is it to you..........

Thank you so much ladies for all your input!!

I am just still so torn. DH and I will be looking at houses again soon and really need to AT LEAST choose a location to get serious about... Right now we are just so uncertain. Ideally I really would like to live closer to my parents.... it's just unfortunate that all the towns close to them are SO expensive!

I will probably be posting about this more as the weeks go by!!!..........