bridesmaid and TTC

MY Dh and I don't want to tell anyone we are TTC. Problem is..I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a spring wedding. We have been TTC months no luck.. This month if I got lucky I would be 81/2 months preggo at wedding.

Am I obligated to tell the bride that there is a possiblilty of me being pregnant at wedding?

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

no, absolutely not! you don't have to tell anyone. TTC is a really private thing.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

I don't think you need to tell her anything right now.
I hate to say it, but you really don't know how long it will take to get pg... it could take a month, it could take 6 months, a year,.... you just don't really know.
But I do think that you would need to tell her as soon as you start telling people after you get your BFP.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

definitely not...once you get pregnant you can tell her but i wouldn't worry about it.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

You do NOT need to tell her! When you get a BFP though u might want to call the gown place to talk to them about gown alterations, etc.

I am a bridesmaid in May, but the bide knows about my plans. The reason I told her though wasn't because of her wedding...... I would have told her regardless But, you do NOT have to feel obligated to tell her. Like others have said, you don't know how long it will take ... but hopefully, we will BOTH be able to treat ourselves with a nice gown alteration and be pregnant at the weddings we're in!

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

No, you do not have to tell her.

It's your business only. If you wind up 8.5 months pregnant on her wedding day, she will have to make do.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

The time to tell the bride is when the orders for the bridesmaid dresses have to go out (due to the fact that your size may change), or when you announce that you're pregnant.

Trying is trying....you never know how long it'll take.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

I wouldn't tell her unless she is someone you are super, super close with. Someone you would want to know you are TTC. Your not obligated to tell her. Don't feel bad. Are you thinking you may not want to be in the wedding if you are really preggo, or that she might not want you in it then? If either of those are the case when you tell ppl after you get your BFP, I would just have an honest convo with her, and that gives you both the option to opt out.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

I'm in the same situation - I'm a bridesmaid in June. But I told my friend our plans. I don't think you have to tell your friend, but if you're ordering the gowns soon, order a size or two bigger just in case!

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

I don't think you need to tell her but I would decline and say that time of year is going to be hectic for various reasons. It's not fair to her if you get pregnant and then need to drop out (and then she needs to ask someone else) or if she needs to pick a different dress for you. The wedding is not THAT far away and she needs to start planning for dresses and things like that pretty soon.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Yes i think that you should tell the bride. At my wedding I had 2 pregnant bridesmaids. One 6 months and the a few weeks. Obviously the told me they were both TTC and I wanted to have them no matter what. Good luck with what ever you choose

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Quite frankly I don't think that it is anyones business if you are TTC, so I would say you are not obligated to tell her. IF it comes time to order the dress and you find out your are pregnant then you can tell the appropriate people. I don't agree that you should decline. You being pregnant is not going to affect the bride at all, just order a larger dress!

Message edited 8/23/2009 3:35:10 PM.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by MrsList

I don't think you need to tell her but I would decline and say that time of year is going to be hectic for various reasons. It's not fair to her if you get pregnant and then need to drop out (and then she needs to ask someone else) or if she needs to pick a different dress for you. The wedding is not THAT far away and she needs to start planning for dresses and things like that pretty soon.

I am sorry, but I disagree with this! I don't think that a person should have to turn down a person's offer to be in a bridal party because they *might* be pregnant, and it might make the gown situation harder. There ARE ways to work around the gown situation, things like this happen ALL THE TIME! It's SO common. Also, being in someone's bridal party is more than just the gown. Clearly she was asked because the bride feels close with her and is honored to have her as a bridesmaid on her special day. I think it wouldn't be fair to the bride to NOT be in the bridal party, just because she might be pregnant.

That's just my opinion!

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Like others have said, you don't know how long it will take. If you are lucky and blessed with a pregnancy right away, you can decide when to tell her.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Hi Girls..

Thanks so much for your responses..It is a close family member..but we still don't want to say we a re TTC.. We have been trying for a while and most likely it will take a while longer. If I am blessed this month..I wouldn't want to have to decline..I really want to be in the wedding.. but it does add a lot of stress being preggo in a bridal party..

If I would have gotten preggo months ago I wouldn't have this problem lol

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Posted by MrsList

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by MrsList

I don't think you need to tell her but I would decline and say that time of year is going to be hectic for various reasons. It's not fair to her if you get pregnant and then need to drop out (and then she needs to ask someone else) or if she needs to pick a different dress for you. The wedding is not THAT far away and she needs to start planning for dresses and things like that pretty soon.

I am sorry, but I disagree with this! I don't think that a person should have to turn down a person's offer to be in a bridal party because they *might* be pregnant, and it might make the gown situation harder. There ARE ways to work around the gown situation, things like this happen ALL THE TIME! It's SO common. Also, being in someone's bridal party is more than just the gown. Clearly she was asked because the bride feels close with her and is honored to have her as a bridesmaid on her special day. I think it wouldn't be fair to the bride to NOT be in the bridal party, just because she might be pregnant.

That's just my opinion!

If the wedding was in 2 years, then I would say fine, the bride has time to make decisions about dresses and if OP decided to drop out, she has time to find a new BM. But the bride has to order dresses in the next few months (6 months in advance is what they recommend and the wedding is in about 9 months) and which dress she chooses may depend on having a VERY pregnant bridesmaid. Plus if you can't do all of the things that bridesmaids are supposed to (bridal shower, bachelorette party), it's more gracious to decline and not have the bride have to work around you.

Re: bridesmaid and TTC

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by MrsList

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by MrsList

I don't think you need to tell her but I would decline and say that time of year is going to be hectic for various reasons. It's not fair to her if you get pregnant and then need to drop out (and then she needs to ask someone else) or if she needs to pick a different dress for you. The wedding is not THAT far away and she needs to start planning for dresses and things like that pretty soon.

I am sorry, but I disagree with this! I don't think that a person should have to turn down a person's offer to be in a bridal party because they *might* be pregnant, and it might make the gown situation harder. There ARE ways to work around the gown situation, things like this happen ALL THE TIME! It's SO common. Also, being in someone's bridal party is more than just the gown. Clearly she was asked because the bride feels close with her and is honored to have her as a bridesmaid on her special day. I think it wouldn't be fair to the bride to NOT be in the bridal party, just because she might be pregnant.

That's just my opinion!

If the wedding was in 2 years, then I would say fine, the bride has time to make decisions about dresses and if OP decided to drop out, she has time to find a new BM. But the bride has to order dresses in the next few months (6 months in advance is what they recommend and the wedding is in about 9 months) and which dress she chooses may depend on having a VERY pregnant bridesmaid. Plus if you can't do all of the things that bridesmaids are supposed to (bridal shower, bachelorette party), it's more gracious to decline and not have the bride have to work around you.

Not trying to start a flame war here, but we can just agree to disagree! I think that the real meaning behind being a bridesmaid is the sentimental aspect of it and walking down the aisle the day of the wedding....... the dress issues aren't a big deal, even considering the time frame. She can always order a larger gown to start and have it taken in if necessary.

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this coming May and might (and HOPE TO) be pregnant!! I will still participate in the bachelorette party (my friend is not the 'wild' type, so I know it will be a relatively low key night) .... and I will entertain myself with some soda in place of alcohol! And I don't see any problems with participating in the bridal shower, personally.

I guess it also depends on the bride. My friend is just so gracious that I will be walking down the aisle and standing as one of her bridesmaids on the day of the wedding, regardless of what my gown might look like. My roll in her wedding represents out close friendship, and that means accepting that I might look a little frumpy on the day of!

Like I said, agree to disagree!