So unfair

Why have there been so many miscarriages lately? Maybe I am only noticing b/c I am one of them. I lost my baby last week at only 5 weeks. This is the most awful experience of my whole life. I feel like I have lost a piece of me, that I don't know if I will get back. How are we expected to go on and try again? This just seems so unfair. I know that miscarriage is common, but why me? After trying for so long, why does it end like this for me and so many others? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

Re: So unfair

i know that it is so upsetting and hard to deal with; however common it is

just try to remember that everything happens for a reason;

Re: So unfair

I was thinking the same thing. It makes my heart so heavy.

My mom went through a total of 3 miscarriages in her life. She had a baby each time after and said that her extra angels in heaven was helping her carry her 3 girls safely and to term. I know it sounds cheesy but it makes me feel better.

Wishing all of you strong ladies the best and keeping you in my prayers!

Re: So unfair

I know it is hard to go on.. But you find the strengths somewhere.

There does seeem to be a bunch lately but I also find that after a run of BFP's we usually see a few m/c's on these boards. It is very common and that it no way minimizes the pain that I felt or that anyone will feel.

For me I was doing real well. But this is the month my baby should have been born. I always said that this month wouldn't make me sad becasue, OF COURSE, I would be pg by now. But, alas, I am starting my first IUI in a week and a half.

So yesterday I had to buy a baby gift for someone and I left target crying. I stupidly let myself wander past the clothes and I looked at all the strollers and whatnot. Dumb. So I went to my mom's and my dh met me there and we all went to a baby store together. So I guess what I am saying is.. Lean on people. That is what makes it okay for me. I couldn't imagine going through this if only my Dh and I knew. I think the women who do that must have unbelievable strength.

The worst part for me is, If this IUI fails I will be getting AF just a few days before my due date from the baby I lost.

I just pray that I get a BFP!

Re: So unfair

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage myself in February at just over 5w. It was the most emotionally painful experience I have ever been through. Everyone tried to make me feel better by telling me how common it is and how I will have a healthy pregnancy again, but common or not, it still hurts. I felt like I wouldn't be able to move on and try again. It's been over 2 months & I still think quite often about how things would have been had I not miscarried.

I'm sending tons of your way because I understand the pain you are going through.

Re: So unfair

I also recently had a micarriage after my first IVF. It's the most heartbreaking thing I've ever been through. A number of ladies here have told me that miscarriage will forever change you. But you WILL find the strength to pick up and try again. I know that I will never know the joy of getting that BFP because I will be in a constant state of worry, that is what I find so sad for me, and make me angry. You will never forget the loss of a baby regardless of how early in a pregnancy you are. It's still a loss. I will forever remember the life that started to grow inside of me and always wonder what and who that life would have grown into.

You have to give yourself as much time as you need to grieve and find the strength to try for that next BFP. For me, I had to...it was the only thing was going to keep me going. I have no choice if my husband and I want to be parents. I know our time WILL come.

I don't buy into the "everything happens for a reason" I absolutley loathe that expression. In my mind, having gone through this, there is no reason for us to have had to go through the heartbreak of a miscarriage. Nobody should ever know the emotional pain of losing a baby.

Again, you WILL get through this, and you WILL be a mom. It's hard to stay positive, but it helps in being able to move on.

ETA: I also think that we hear about alot of miscarraiges early on because women tend to test before their period is late. Many years ago, that wasn't the case, and most women wouldn't even know they were having a miscarriage, they would just think they were having their normal period. Which is why I never tested before my period. Now, because I'm under the care of an RE and going through IVF, I know early on if I'm pregnant or not.

Message edited 5/5/2008 3:12:36 PM.

Re: So unfair

i had a mc at 5 months this past january...my deilivery date would have been next week.....i still cry.....i feel that it is sometimes unfair or aggravating to hear that mc are normal.... it sure didnt feel normal to me....i still get mad at the world and everything....but i know i need to find the positive in all this...that DH and me have our very own angel watching over us....

Re: So unfair

Its so unfair, One of my sisters' had a M/C at 5weeks also and finally was able to get preggo again. She said the same exact words you did. She still thinks about the baby she lost and the due date she was suppose her little one. I wish I could be of more help

Re: So unfair

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

Re: So unfair

Unfortunately its not something people talk about but yes, it is so common. I am so sorry for your loss. I found out my first pregancy wasn't viable when I went for my first sono with DH. It was the worst and I still miss her(we had genetic testing done and I asked the sex since they knew).

It does get better and you will go on to have a healthy child. But miscarriage is the worst.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Message edited 5/5/2008 12:03:08 AM.

Re: So unfair

I had a miscarriage in March at 6w3d. I was absolutely devastated. I have had all the same feeling you expressed in your post - why me, it isn't fair. After a year and a half trying, and infertility treatments, I finally get pregnant to have it taken away from me. I know there is nothing I can say to make it better, but it does get easier with time, and you will be ready to try again -just take things at you own pace.
Take your time to cry and grieve over your loss. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Re: So unfair

I just wanted to say "I'm so sorry".

Re: So unfair

I'm sorry

Re: So unfair

I am feeling a little better than when I wrote my original post on saturday. I know that I need to be positive and believe that there are good things in store for me. I know in my heart that I will get to be a mom one day. I guess this just wasn't my time. I will continue to feel sorry for myself, but I know that I can't give up hope. I have to keep going and enjoy life and maybe not focus so hard on this. I am going to make and RE appointment once I go see my gyno and know that everthing is OK and I can start again.

Thank you all for the support and reassurance. I truly appreciate all your thoughts and it is a comfort to know that they are so many out there that have to go through this horrible ordeal. We will all get through it together.