DH not ready....

How do you handle your feelings when you are ready to TTC (or to just "see what happens") and DH is not and thinks he will not be until the end of the year? How do you control your emotions and not fight or feel resentful at times??

Re: DH not ready....

It's hard, but really you both have to be ready. If he says he's ready when he really isn't than he'll likely feel resentful towards you.

TTC is a huge life changing decision and it's best to go in ready. My DH has a child with disabilities and a nephew with Downs, so he was scared. Being ready to TTC was a looooong process for us, even though I have been 'ready' for years.

I just had to learn to be patient and to respect his fears. We both ended up giving a little for the other to get where we are now.

Good Luck

Re: DH not ready....

I had the reverse situation. Dh was ready and i wasnt.. He was very patient.

Marriage is all about compromise!

Re: DH not ready....

i'm in the reverse. DH would love to start trying now---I'm not ready. He sometimes feels like hes "getting old" (he turns 32 in july) and i can sense that he wishes I was pregnant. but i really want to hold out until the end of the year to start TTC. its hard but he always knew that i wanted to wait about 2 yrs before trying--but he has caught the itch earlier than me. sometimes its a case of talking it over and agreeing when you think you will both be ready.

however--i can't lie--even though i've said that we can TTC by the end of 2008--i know that i will be scared sh*tless to start...just because its something so big. part of me thinks i'll never be "ready" for it---its hard to say "okay lets do it!....at least for me it is

Re: DH not ready....

It's a tough situation, but really, you both have to be ready.

We were married in September & I wanted to "stop preventing" right away & start actively trying in January. DH didn't want to start at all until March. After talking about how I felt & why I wanted to start when I did & why DH felt the way he did, we ended up choosing to start actively trying in December.

I know it's frustrating to not be on the same page about TTC, but marriage is all about compromise! I hope you join us soon!

Re: DH not ready....

If it was up to my DH he would have never been ready but I explained that my biological clock was ticking and we couldn't wait any longer. I think that age plays a big part in this issue. If you are in your 30's and know you want a few children, don't wait too long to start.

Re: DH not ready....

I completely sympathize. Having a child is another level of commitment and alot of men are not ready for that if they are kids at heart.

My DH, who is in his late 30s now, is the same. He loves children but is absolutely relieved whenever we return home from family gatherings nowadays. There's always a bunch of kids running about and he never ceases to remind me that we're lucky we don't have to deal with that 27/7 YET!

You don't want to have a child before he's ready so to get your mind off this dilemma, just try to pick up a new hobby or plan trips and outings you know won't be possible if you guys start a family. Honestly, having a child is so life-changing. Don't rush into it unless you're both ready.

Of course, all that advice goes out the door if you're both in your late 30s already and want several kids! :)

Good luck!

Message edited 4/4/2008 5:14:07 PM.

Re: DH not ready....

Quick review of the last 5 years of marriage (for me)
1st year: DH tells me he doesn't think he wants children. My response: I would like to wait at least a year of being married before we even talk about it.
2nd year: I had a bad car accident and we bought a home, so we were both on the same page about no children yet!
3rd year: I bring up the subject and DH totally freaks out cause he isn't near ready!
4th year: The subject is brought up by our families (when? when? when?) and DH says "maybe soon" and my response, "no way...I'm not ready at the moment"
5th year: (this year) I am so ready I can't stop thinking about it and DH needed to think about it some more (crazy right)
Bottom line: we have talked and talked and now we are both TOTALLY ready and excited its all we talk about. When we got married we made a vow to always be best friends and up front and honest with each other. So as hard and frustrating as it was "not being on the same page" we were able to understand each other about it.

Now if only AF would join us on this "page" in the chapter of our life.
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