I'm happy, but also not happy

I just needed to vent a little. I just logged on to see the BFP's on this board. I want to say I am truly happy for those that are pregnant because a baby is a true blessing.

I think every day it gets a little easier for me to get through what happened to me. BUT, the roughest thing for me is to see girls getting BFP's on the TTC board, and I can't even try yet. I'd say it could be catorgorized as jealousy. As much as I'm excited for them, I am pi**ed off at the same time bc I am jealous. Then I feel guilty for feeling jealous and bitter, when a baby is such a happy thing for anyone.

Like I said, I really am happy for gilrs who get their BFP, but I am just so unbelievabley jealous and bitter. I just needed to say it, bc I don't think DH can truly understand the feelings that goes along with what us girls have to deal with. At least not in the same way as we understand each other.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

wow.....i actually fm'd one of my fellow ttc friends about this same bunch of feelings that u have described as well as she venting the same feelings back at me sooooooooo u r NOT alone and i think its completely normal especially in ur situation u have even MORE of a right than most to feel these things and u should be able to grieve as well in the midst of it all

and for when the time is right

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

I think I can relate. I was ttc for about 8 months with no success. Now I just found out that I need a laser surgery on my cervix and I can't ttc for probably at least another two to three months. I am so devestated. And while I'm very glad to see all the bfp's, I am so jealous at the same time.

I guess we both need to just hang in there, what choice do we have? good luck to you.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

I really do underrstand where you are coming from. Before I got my BFP I felt the same exact way. I felt like everyone was pregnant around me and getting +'s except me.

I truly hope that when you are able to start TTC, you get your BFP quickly! (And also everyone else on this board.)

Good luck! here is some dust for you!

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

you're definitely not alone!

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Definitely not alone. I had received some confusing news at the doctor's office yesterday morning then I went on this site last night and saw the BFP's and I just closed it down.

I'm happy for these girls but, bottom line, I'm jealous.

Here's to a lot of late 2007 & early 2008 BFPs!!!!!

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

I feel exactly the same way, I have been TTC since August 2006, and I have had two m/c's. Everybody I know either is PG or has just had a baby. I went to a Christmas party yesterday and three of my GF's brought their babies, and one just announced she was PG, to say the least it was very hard for me, we left early and I came home crying.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Definately not alone.

I feel the same way.



To us all

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

I think it's completely normal and understandable what you're feeling. When I can't deal with this forum I just take a break for a few days. Sometimes it's just not that easy, though.

I hope that you can TTC soon and to everyone.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

I think what you are feeling is absolutely normal. Here's a bunch of baby dust for when you and DH are able to try again!! And some hugs too!

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Oh no......you have every right to feel how you do. And I hope that whenever you feel the time is right fofr you to ttc again everything will be perfect and happy for you

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Posted by npbride

I think it's completely normal and understandable what you're feeling. When I can't deal with this forum I just take a break for a few days. Sometimes it's just not that easy, though.

I hope that you can TTC soon and to everyone.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Totally normal! I had a m/c earlier this year and have tons of jealousy towards pg women. I am not a jealous person, but ttc brings out any bit of jealousy. It is rough to hear about women getting pg. Like you said, you're happy for them, but at the same time, you are sort of bitter. I feel it even more b/c I am going to be 36 and know that time is running out. My DH's nephew, who is in his 20's, got engaged, got his now wife pg "by accident". So everytime I see them with their newborn, I have to walk away or I'll just lose it. It just does not seem fair, you know.

I also step away from here when it gets to be too much bfp news.

I hope good things come all our ways very soon! The holidays are rough when you are TTC.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Thanks for making me feel like I am not alone girls. I just broke down after writing this to DH bc I feel like I am being punished for some reason that I can't figure out.

I wish
to everyone, and I am going to be selfish and give some to myself for January.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

You are rightfully entitled to the way you feel. I feel it too sometimes. I had a molar pregnancy and by doctor's orders was not allowed to TTc for 6 months. I thought that was an eternity but I used the time to grieve the baby I lost and when the time was up I was really ready. For other reasons we are not actively TTC yet but the point is, it's not that long and I truly believe you will appreciate the time you have right now. It will go by so fast. Just focus on taking care of yourself to make a good home for your baby. I am so sorry you are going through this but like you said, with each passing day it will get easier and chances are by this time next year you will be holding your bubbly, bouncy, healthy, and happy baby.

If you ever need to talk I am here. And yes, we do understand

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Oh god do I hear you. After I m/c I was so angry. The first few days I was still able to write "congrats" on the BFP posts.. but then I just couldn't anymore. I was just so angry, jealous.. you name it. It just hurt so bad. Even now I have to force myself to write congrats if it is not someone I have had contact with online.
You have a strange feeling of being happy for them and wanting to scream at the same time. Especially the ones where they got pg on the first time It is the worst kind of jealousy to feel. Being jealous over someones possesions somehow is understandable but I feel like if I ever told someone how angry I was towards pregnant people in those first few weeks after the m/c that they would think I was nuts.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Your DH probably isn't on this board reading all of the BFP with you. I hope that when the time is right we can all read your happy news. Maybe you can even just try taking a break from reading it if it upsets you. why torture yourself!

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Janine, I feel some of your emotions here too. Jealousy is a normal emotion when you want something this bad. Maybe taking a break from the TTC board would be a good idea till January. I think of doing this myself sometimes too. Like it might alleviate some of the stress surrounding the fact that it isn't happening for me yet. I don't know if any man can truly understand what women go thru at this stage of their life. Always here if you need a chat or a hug!

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Sweetie you have EVERY right to feel this way. You have been through SO much. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, one that people feel embarrassed to admit to. We are all human. I you for being honest.

Since we are being honest, I sometimes get eeked when women post their BFP's on here rather than the pregnancy board. This board is filled with woman that have been TTC for years in some cases. I know they are super excited and want to share their news but it must be almost enraging to see women that have been TTC for two or three months get PG so quickly. We've only been "playing around" with TTC since August and I admitt I get a little green when I see the BFP postings. Please don't get me wrong, I am VERY happy for these ladies but I admitt I get a little miffed.

Hang in there, your time will come soon

ETA: When I do get a BFP I really don't think I will post it in the TTC boards.

Message edited 12/10/2007 2:58:35 PM.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

Posted by Brittny817

Sweetie you have EVERY right to feel this way. You have been through SO much. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, one that people feel embarrassed to admit to. We are all human. I you for being honest.

Since we are being honest, I sometimes get eeked when women post their BFP's on here rather than the pregnancy board. This board is filled with woman that have been TTC for years in some cases. I know they are super excited and want to share their news but it must be almost enraging to see women that have been TTC for two or three months get PG so quickly. We've only been "playing around" with TTC since August and I admitt I get a little green when I see the BFP postings. Please don't get me wrong, I am VERY happy for these ladies but I admitt I get a little miffed.

Hang in there, your time will come soon

Message edited 12/10/2007 1:09:41 PM.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

I can totally relate. I believe when I eventually get my BFP, I'm not sure this is the place I would post. I also think the holidays is just making people feel worst then normal. Yesterday at church I saw the cuttest baby and I started to cry. I hate what TTC does to us, it really turns us to people we would never have thought it would. I do read when someone posts a BFP because every now and then its someone who has struggled along with me or much longer and they give me strength to go on, that there's hope, but I will agree, the I got pregnant the first time around or on my honeymoon, or not even trying does kill me.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

opps double post

Message edited 12/10/2007 2:39:57 PM.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

I totally understand where you are coming from. For months and months I wasn't ovulating, and couldn't even try. I stopped coming on TTC because it was too upsetting for me.
Now that my treatments are getting me to ovulate, I am coming on here more, but it is still very difficult for me when someone gets a BFP, especially only after one or two months of trying.
I am not normally a jealous person either, but I have to admit that trying to have a baby has brought out the green-eyed monster in me.

Re: I'm happy, but also not happy

To ALL!