i want to run away... financial problem

right after we got married, dh started to make a series of bad financial moves.

they have lead to much dischord in our marriage. there is so much that has happened because of the stress. i'll save you all the agony of reading it all.

so now, fil offered to help. he offered $X. so dh starts talking about how "we'll have a christmas" and all the things he wants to buy had the man not learned a thing???

so... fil shows up tonight to give us the money... he informs us that he can not give what he offered. he can only give a fraction of that amount. ok fine. it is a gift and i am grateful for ANY help.

the icing on the cake is that, dh STILL doesn't get it. he doesn't understand how he did this. he refused to accept responsibility. he wants his father to bail him out and he wants life to go on as if nothing... shopping. while we were sitting there talking about it all, I WAS IGNORED! i hate needing help! i hate that dh put us in this position. i hate that fil is being a PITA.

i don't want it, but this could end us. we've had issues before, but this one could be THE ONE.

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

What were you going to use the money for? Bills? Have you tried sitting down with DH and showing him the financial situation. Probably not conducive to do in front of FIL. I hope you are able to work through this

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

is there anyway that you could have your FIL make out the payments directly to your collectors?

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

You need to show him on paper what money looks like and budget him. It seems you are still independent of money and you need to decide if you want to invest more money in him.

I know marriage is about love and all that stuff but money is a huge part of it. Like you said, its ruinning your marriage and it gonna get worse before it gets better ...

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

they've been hashing and re-hashing numbers for about three hours. they came to an answer....

THE ONE I GAVE THREE HOURS AGO THAT EVERYONE IGNORED!!

i really feel alone, tonight

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

you're not alone...we're here

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

you can fm anytime if you want to chat

i think you really need to show him exactly what is due when and how much is owed.. i was not that involved with the money and thought things were peachy till my dh acutally showed me what was due when... now i have a grasp on it all.. but it did take time and it wasn't dire straits but along the same lines

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

you're never alone

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

im sorry youre gonig through this.

hopefully he grows up.

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Maybe him seeing it on paper will help open his eyes and realize he needs to re-prioritize his finances.

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

I went through a very similar situation with my DH, except it was FMIL who bailed him out. We both entered the marriage with significant debt. The difference is I know how much I make, how much I need to pay off, and how much I can spend. DH has no clue. I had to sit down and write out a chart of every bill, how much it is, how much is needed out of every paycheck to pay that bill, and how much is left over. It took a while, but DH came around and realized that I need to be the one to control the finances. His paycheck comes in and he gets an allowance each week. He still slips and wants to go out all of the time, wants to buy expensive things, etc. and usually after a reality check he'll come back around.

It's a tough situation. Money is the number one thing couples fight over and it's a huge contributor to the high divorce rate in this country. You can get through this. FM if you need to talk.

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Posted by libby2595

right after we got married, dh started to make a series of bad financial moves.

they have lead to much dischord in our marriage. there is so much that has happened because of the stress. i'll save you all the agony of reading it all.

so now, fil offered to help. he offered $X. so dh starts talking about how "we'll have a christmas" and all the things he wants to buy had the man not learned a thing???

so... fil shows up tonight to give us the money... he informs us that he can not give what he offered. he can only give a fraction of that amount. ok fine. it is a gift and i am grateful for ANY help.


the icing on the cake is that, dh STILL doesn't get it. he doesn't understand how he did this. he refused to accept responsibility. he wants his father to bail him out and he wants life to go on as if nothing... shopping. while we were sitting there talking about it all, I WAS IGNORED! i hate needing help! i hate that dh put us in this position. i hate that fil is being a PITA.

i don't want it, but this could end us. we've had issues before, but this one could be THE ONE.

You are living my life!!!! I could have written this exact post!!! I hope things get better!!

Message edited 11/25/2007 11:31:13 AM.

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

I am so sorry. I really hope you and DH can work through this

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

Have you thought about going to a financial counselor with your DH. Sometimes they need to hear it from another person in order for them to get it through their head

Re: i want to run away... financial problem

I am so sorry that DH isn't getting it and changing his ways.

can I ask how is FIL being a PITA? By helping or by not giving what he said he would give?

Was DH always financially bailed out by his dad? If so that is why he has never learned a lesson.

You are in a tough situation and I can imagine the amount of stress that would put on your marriage.

Re: i want to run away... financial problem