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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by rojerono
I would not stay out later than 12. And if I were going to be later than that for any reason, I would call and let him know.
I go by that Golden Rule. I treat him the way that I would like him to treat me.
too bad he doesnt live by this rule.
we're opposite. i will call or text him every hour on the hour.
when he is out he never calls me or answers his phone or texts. 
it annoys me when i send him a nice text like "love you, be home soon" and he writes back somethign nasty.
but i will stop venting now.
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Posted 7/2/07 3:36 PM  |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
it annoys me when i send him a nice text like "love you, be home soon" and he writes back somethign nasty.
 Are you KIDDING?? That is SO disrespectful!!! Seriously, you guys need to sit down and TALK. That kind of behavior only manifests into worse arguments, worse fights and so much bitterness. I hope you both can learn to communicate without the anger because this doesn't sound healthy. My relationship isn't pefect but my DH would NEVER get away with that kind of crap. Helll, even a FRIEND of mine wouldn't get away with that.
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:40 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by KittyTheStray
that shows a lot of immaturity. If it's true on his part, he's immature. BUT maybe he is just WORRIED about you because he knows you're out drinking and you're a woman, and bad things can happen to women in parking lots or just walking to their door... So if he really does it JUST to get mad at you, then he's the immature one, but if it's him being worried about you but you just think it’s him being controlling then you're being immature about it. Marriage is a lot of compromise and both people need to be committed to it – even if it means not being able to go out with your friends all night because he stayed home. I really think you both should go to couples counseling, if he’s really that nasty and controlling (your words!). It could help you learn how to respond and deal with his behavior and maybe teach him to communicate better – maybe he’s not trying to be controlling but just worried about you and needs to learn how to communicate better!
i think it is a combo of worry and immaturity that ends in being controlling.
i agree with compromising and i have. alot.
no one will know because idont post things like "so, i stayed home last night since dh asked me to" you know. so obviously i come here to vent and stuff, and people can often only see the bad things. i am not saying i am perfect i am damn near far, but i htink that people often think it is all ME and that i am disrespectful to our relationship, when its really not 100% my fault at all.
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:41 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Superkat
Posted by Jesaroo
it annoys me when i send him a nice text like "love you, be home soon" and he writes back somethign nasty.
Are you KIDDING?? That is SO disrespectful!!! Seriously, you guys need to sit down and TALK. That kind of behavior only manifests into worse arguments, worse fights and so much bitterness. I hope you both can learn to communicate without the anger because this doesn't sound healthy. My relationship isn't pefect but my DH would NEVER get away with that kind of crap. Helll, even a FRIEND of mine wouldn't get away with that.
i guess when i see everything in writing it makes me realize more that we have some problems we need to sort through.
i wouldnt mind cousiling at all. for a number of reasons.
i guess i always chalk it up to our age difference and why he is the way he is to me and why i like to go out and he doesnt, but i think it is deeper than that.
and youre right, it manifests into bigger fights. it takes two to fight, BUT like ive said a few times, i stay out later the nastier he is. if he is being a jerk, i am in no rush to come home.
like last week when i stayed out late. that was when he called at like 10:30 saying not tocome home drunk and that i proably was... when in fact i only had about 3 sips of a Cider. the more times we woudl tlak on the phoen or text, the nastier we got with each other.
and when i got home things got worse.
ug.
sorry to vetnand all,i guess i am just thinking out loud right now.
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:46 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Typically I'd rather be home with FH than out with my girlfriends... that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a night out once in a while, but I tend to cut it short so I can go home to FH.
I don't seem to understand that if your DH has a problem with you staying out so late why you just don't cut your night short. Wouldn't you rather hang out with DH (who should be your #1 priority) than hang out with friends?
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| Posted 7/2/07 3:46 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by BabyAvocado
You have to meet each other in the middle. I honestly think you'll just mature out of this (I know I did, even though it took some work on DHs part) but...how long will he put with it...?
I agree with this too. I am usually home by 12 - 1am at the latest, but I am 39 and you are 23. If I were married at your age, I would probably be inclined to stay out later, but DH was never the type to do that. Out of respect for him, I generally tell him when to expect me home and if for some reason it's later, I call. I know he worries and doesn't really sleep until I get home.
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| Posted 7/2/07 4:10 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Usually we all go to dinner. Im home by 9:30-10:00
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| Posted 7/2/07 4:16 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by stephanief
Posted by Ophelia
you guys seem to have this argument often.
you keep blowing him off, citing various reasons that have to do with your friends/fun/issues whathaveyou.
honestly, if it were me, the real problem would be that even though I tell you something bothers me, your actions tell me you just don't give a sh1t.
if it was ONCE or TWICE...maybe..but after that you'd be on a short leash.
if he was FAR away (ie Fire Island, Atlantic City...Jupiter) it would be fine.
but NO...not just at some random bar/club a hop skip from home.
get your azz home...that's what I'd tell him, and that is what I'd do.
well said...
But why ?? I'm a wife, not a dictator !!
I don't care what time he comes home, as long as I know he's going out and he'll be home late ..Don't tell me you'll be home at 10 and show up at 3am - That's not right - .....If it's not a regular thing, and he's fine w/ ME coming in at 5am on ocassion when I'm out w/ MY friends.......what's the big deal ?? - Does he go out w/o you ??
Message edited 7/2/2007 4:34:12 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/07 4:21 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
I would probably not stay out later than midnight - which is well past my bedtime since I am OLD! 
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| Posted 7/2/07 4:22 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
If I go out with my friends I'm usually home by 10 or 11pm, since we usually go out after work. I have no desire to go to clubs anymore BTDT and I don't care for straight up bars, so I really have no reason to be coming home at all hours of the morning.
Plus i wouldn't want to do that to myself.... My boys don't care what time I went to sleep they wake up early.
Message edited 7/2/2007 4:24:38 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/07 4:23 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by stephanief
Posted by Ophelia
you guys seem to have this argument often.
you keep blowing him off, citing various reasons that have to do with your friends/fun/issues whathaveyou.
honestly, if it were me, the real problem would be that even though I tell you something bothers me, your actions tell me you just don't give a sh1t.
if it was ONCE or TWICE...maybe..but after that you'd be on a short leash.
if he was FAR away (ie Fire Island, Atlantic City...Jupiter) it would be fine.
but NO...not just at some random bar/club a hop skip from home.
get your azz home...that's what I'd tell him, and that is what I'd do.
well said...
But why ?? I'm a wife, not a dictator !!
I don't care what time he comes home, as long as I know he's going out and he'll be home late ..Don't tellme you'll be home at 10 and show up at 3am - .......If it's not a regular thing, and he's fine w/ ME coming in at 5am on ocassion when I'm out w/ MY friends.......what's the big deal ?? - And yes, I'm married. -
the big deal is and ONLY is, when one of you DOES care. that's all.
in THIS situation, one of them (her dh) cares. and this is what I would do IF one of us cared.
as long as it's not a problem for YOU or YOUR relationship, rock your body to the break of day. live it up. have a GREAT time.
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| Posted 7/2/07 4:34 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by stephanief
Posted by Ophelia
you guys seem to have this argument often.
you keep blowing him off, citing various reasons that have to do with your friends/fun/issues whathaveyou.
honestly, if it were me, the real problem would be that even though I tell you something bothers me, your actions tell me you just don't give a sh1t.
if it was ONCE or TWICE...maybe..but after that you'd be on a short leash.
if he was FAR away (ie Fire Island, Atlantic City...Jupiter) it would be fine.
but NO...not just at some random bar/club a hop skip from home.
get your azz home...that's what I'd tell him, and that is what I'd do.
well said...
But why ?? I'm a wife, not a dictator !!
I don't care what time he comes home, as long as I know he's going out and he'll be home late ..Don't tellme you'll be home at 10 and show up at 3am - .......If it's not a regular thing, and he's fine w/ ME coming in at 5am on ocassion when I'm out w/ MY friends.......what's the big deal ?? - And yes, I'm married. -
the big deal is and ONLY is, when one of you DOES care. that's all.
in THIS situation, one of them (her dh) cares. and this is what I would do IF one of us cared.
as long as it's not a problem for YOU or YOUR relationship, rock your body to the break of day. live it up. have a GREAT time.
Obviously, there's more to this than I know - I don't follow all of Jess's posts re: her DH. - However, those telling her to be home "b/c her DH wants here there and that's where she belongs" ..........I think that's an unfair extreme - JMO - like everyone else -
Message edited 7/2/2007 4:40:35 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/07 4:39 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by photoshopbabe
me, personally, my husband doesnt care waht time i get home...but I feel bad myself goin out and stayin out late....
Ditto. We 98% of the time go out together with all our friends as a big group, but when I do go out with all the girls he makes plans with his guy friends and vice versa.
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| Posted 7/2/07 5:29 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
We've gotten home as late as 3am. Last night out we all spent the night in a hotel.
This only occurs every few months so it's no big deal IMO.
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| Posted 7/2/07 5:47 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
1or 2 am the latest.
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| Posted 7/2/07 5:50 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
OK after reading the whole thread, the good, the bad and the ugly here is what I think.
I think the big issue is probably you and your DH's age difference. I forget how old you are but I know you're younger than most of us and your DH is older. I think your relationship requires extra compromise on both of your parts becasue of the age difference. He's older, he had plenty of time to party and while he may be done with that he needs to understand he married a younger girl and while you're committed to him you still want to enjoy your life. I personally don't see anything wrong with that. IMO life doesn't end when you're married and if it does that often leads to problems of it's own.
In the big picture I think you and DH often have trouble expressing you're feelings to each other and generally have the same arguements over and over again which makes me think they're is a bigger underlying issue that you two need to address.
I think that you both love each other and while pictures don't tell everything I think they say a lot and I think you guys look like a loving fun couple but you're both just at different places right now.
I think counseling, if he would go for it would probably help you both.
As for going out, I say go and have a good time. You invited him and he doesn't want to go and IMO that's his problem. If he doesn't like your friends then that is a nother issue you two need to address. Otherwise if he wants to sit home then so be it.
I hope none of this sounds judgemental because it's not. All marriages have their own issues, mine included. I hope you and DH can work this out so that you don't have to keep arguing over it. 
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| Posted 7/2/07 6:04 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by monkeybride
OK after reading the whole thread, the good, the bad and the ugly here is what I think.
I think the big issue is probably you and your DH's age difference. I forget how old you are but I know you're younger than most of us and your DH is older. I think your relationship requires extra compromise on both of your parts becasue of the age difference. He's older, he had plenty of time to party and while he may be done with that he needs to understand he married a younger girl and while you're committed to him you still want to enjoy your life. I personally don't see anything wrong with that. IMO life doesn't end when you're married and if it does that often leads to problems of it's own.
I have to agree with this! My dad is 14 years older than my mom, and i can still remember them having similar problems and recurring fights over the same types of things. But, they loved each other and made it work, but like Jen said, it takes extra compromise sometimes. He had his time to party, and now he's at a different point than where you are. But he chose to marry someone younger, and you chose to marry someone older, and now these are the things that come with that package. But, you love each other- so now you just need to decide to make it work.
and i agree with Sandra too- thisis something that you'll probably mature out of. There are ALOT of things that used to bother me (and DH) that just dont matter anymore because of the way we've learned to handle them.
but one of the worst feelings is when you feel like your SO completely disregards how you're feeling.. and that's something that you guys need to work on.
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| Posted 7/2/07 6:32 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by monkeybride
OK after reading the whole thread, the good, the bad and the ugly here is what I think.
I think the big issue is probably you and your DH's age difference. I forget how old you are but I know you're younger than most of us and your DH is older. I think your relationship requires extra compromise on both of your parts becasue of the age difference. He's older, he had plenty of time to party and while he may be done with that he needs to understand he married a younger girl and while you're committed to him you still want to enjoy your life. I personally don't see anything wrong with that. IMO life doesn't end when you're married and if it does that often leads to problems of it's own.
In the big picture I think you and DH often have trouble expressing you're feelings to each other and generally have the same arguements over and over again which makes me think they're is a bigger underlying issue that you two need to address.
I think that you both love each other and while pictures don't tell everything I think they say a lot and I think you guys look like a loving fun couple but you're both just at different places right now.
I think counseling, if he would go for it would probably help you both.
As for going out, I say go and have a good time. You invited him and he doesn't want to go and IMO that's his problem. If he doesn't like your friends then that is a nother issue you two need to address. Otherwise if he wants to sit home then so be it.
I hope none of this sounds judgemental because it's not. All marriages have their own issues, mine included. I hope you and DH can work this out so that you don't have to keep arguing over it.
thank you!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 7/2/07 6:33 PM |
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TwinMama
Love my little ladies
Member since 2/06 1225 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
I hardly ever go out without my DH..but the other night i went out with my girlfriend and we got a little typsy..i ended up sleeping on her couch because i didn't want to drive home..my DH was so ****** at me the next day..but it's funny because when he stays out late playing cards and strolls in at 3am it's fine..I don't get mad at him only if he doesn't call me...For punishment he has to get up with the twins in the morning
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| Posted 7/2/07 6:34 PM |
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conigs25
So in love with this kid!
Member since 5/06 11197 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Midnight-ish
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| Posted 7/2/07 7:11 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
mini "update":
DH just called and did the whole
"What are you doing tonight?"
i told him "you know i'm going to park slope"
to which he (lied) said "no i didnt"
[ummmm didnt i tell you this morning to pack cool clothes to come out in if you wanted to meet up with us]
so then -as expected- he said "dont come home f*cking late tonight"
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
so i stayed calm and said to him that he shouldnt speak to me like that when i havent done anything wrong and i dont appreciate the way he barks orders at me.
he was pretty quiet for a minute there and we didnt say anything so then i said
"its really unfair the way you just anticipate me coming home late and you dont even give me a chance"
so then we talked for a bit and i asked him "what do you think is an appropriate time for me to come home?"
he said 2am.
so i will try to be home around then.
i guess thats my compromise.
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| Posted 7/2/07 7:14 PM |
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cj7305
=)
Member since 8/05 12296 total posts
Name:
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends..... UPDATE!
Posted by monkeybride
OK after reading the whole thread, the good, the bad and the ugly here is what I think.
I think the big issue is probably you and your DH's age difference. I forget how old you are but I know you're younger than most of us and your DH is older. I think your relationship requires extra compromise on both of your parts becasue of the age difference. He's older, he had plenty of time to party and while he may be done with that he needs to understand he married a younger girl and while you're committed to him you still want to enjoy your life. I personally don't see anything wrong with that. IMO life doesn't end when you're married and if it does that often leads to problems of it's own.
In the big picture I think you and DH often have trouble expressing you're feelings to each other and generally have the same arguements over and over again which makes me think they're is a bigger underlying issue that you two need to address.
I think that you both love each other and while pictures don't tell everything I think they say a lot and I think you guys look like a loving fun couple but you're both just at different places right now.
I think counseling, if he would go for it would probably help you both.
As for going out, I say go and have a good time. You invited him and he doesn't want to go and IMO that's his problem. If he doesn't like your friends then that is a nother issue you two need to address. Otherwise if he wants to sit home then so be it.
I hope none of this sounds judgemental because it's not. All marriages have their own issues, mine included. I hope you and DH can work this out so that you don't have to keep arguing over it.
Well said, i agree!
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| Posted 7/2/07 7:16 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends..... UPDATE!
there's no time limit. We just agree tht it will be around a certain time. He always comes home later than me but we both rarely have a night where that happens.
Earlier on we did, but now we are older and work more and play less.
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| Posted 7/2/07 7:26 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends..... UPDATE!
whenever...... on the weekends...if during the week and i have work maybe by 12.....on the we
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| Posted 7/2/07 7:44 PM |
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nixy
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1575 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Going out with your girlfriends..... UPDATE!
Posted by Jesaroo
mini "update":
DH just called and did the whole
"What are you doing tonight?"
i told him "you know i'm going to park slope"
to which he (lied) said "no i didnt"
[ummmm didnt i tell you this morning to pack cool clothes to come out in if you wanted to meet up with us]
so then -as expected- he said "dont come home f*cking late tonight"
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
so i stayed calm and said to him that he shouldnt speak to me like that when i havent done anything wrong and i dont appreciate the way he barks orders at me.
he was pretty quiet for a minute there and we didnt say anything so then i said
"its really unfair the way you just anticipate me coming home late and you dont even give me a chance"
so then we talked for a bit and i asked him "what do you think is an appropriate time for me to come home?"
he said 2am.
so i will try to be home around then.
i guess thats my compromise.
Great step in the right direction....just get home by 2am even if you are having fun so he has no reason to anticipate that you are going to be late next time.
I totally agree with monkeybride and that it is an age thing. I can honestly say that i have grown out of the staying out all night phase and its more b/c of age (& terrible hangovers) than b/c of marriage!
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| Posted 7/2/07 8:22 PM |
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