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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Random question
If your (adult) child was arrested for committing a violent crime (guilty, no doubt), would bail him/her out?
This is not a one time thing, or self defense, but the latest desrtuctive incident.
Question is open to parents and non-parents alike.
ETA: They admit that they did it, and the arrest was not unjust.
Message edited 6/1/2007 12:47:08 PM.
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Posted 6/1/07 12:34 PM  |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: Random question
yes, I would bail him or her out because if my child can't count on me, than who can she count on?
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:36 PM |
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LIMOMx2
...
Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
No and I am a parent.
ETA: Yes parent's should be there for a child to count on but also to show them the difference between right and wrong.
ETA: If you bail them out this time then that is giving them the idea that it was alright to do what they did.
Message edited 6/1/2007 12:38:40 PM.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:36 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Random question
not a parent yet, but i would like to think that dh and i will stand behind our child regardless. yes, easier said then done. but i don't think i could turn my back. kwim?
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:37 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
Posted by Tany
yes, I would bail him or her out because if my child can't count on me, than who can she count on?
But doesn't that sort of condone the crime? 
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:37 PM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Random question
Posted by BNL2005
not a parent yet, but i would like to think that dh and i will stand behind our child regardless. yes, easier said then done. but i don't think i could turn my back. kwim?
ditto.
eta: if they were guilty of the crime, then i would probably let them sit in there for a few hours to teach them a lesson. but theres no way that i could ever turn my back on my child and leave them stuck in jail.
Message edited 6/1/2007 12:39:12 PM.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:38 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: Random question
Posted by baghag
Posted by Tany
yes, I would bail him or her out because if my child can't count on me, than who can she count on?
But doesn't that sort of condone the crime?
but that's still my child and I would have to look at all the factors why she did it.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:38 PM |
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bomb-blast
bye bye
Member since 11/06 1327 total posts
Name:
Leo
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Re: Random question
I think the real question is whether or not you would bail them out if you knew they were guilty or if they admitted to you having done whatever it was that they were arrested for. Of course any parent would bail out their kid who was unjustly arrested.
Message edited 6/1/2007 12:40:10 PM.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:39 PM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Random question
For me, I am not a parent but I would bail them out, if it was the first time. If they were a habitual law breaker, constantly riding the edge, then I would have to reconsider.
I have a friend and her son has been in and out of jail since he was 17. He is 21 now. First it was hit and run car accident, then drinking and driving, then drug use and finally drug dealing.  She bailed him out and went to court with him to plead for leniency. He was given probation and then broke the law again and again.
She eventually stopped bailing him out because it was just enabling his bad behavior. She helped check him into a rehab program and she tried to help him straighten out his life. But if he doesn't want to be different, there is nothing she can do by enabling his bad behaviors.
She is a good person and she has been hurt soooo many times by her son and his actions. It isn't always fair to walk away but sometimes it is the right thing to do.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:40 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
Posted by bomb-blast
I think the real question is whether or not you would bail them out if you knew they were guilty or if they admitted to you having done whatever it was that they were arrested for. Of course any parent would bail out their kid who was unjustly arrested.
good points, i edited my original question.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:41 PM |
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Jessee
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1260 total posts
Name:
Jessee
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Re: Random question
Not a parent, but if my child admitted to committing a violent crime I would not bail him/her out. As a parent, I would feel obligated to let my child suffer the consequences of their actions.
But, as I said, I'm not a parent, so I guess you never really know until you're in that situation.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:44 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Random question
Posted by Superkat
For me, I am not a parent but I would bail them out, if it was the first time. If they were a habitual law breaker, constantly riding the edge, then I would have to reconsider.
I have a friend and her son has been in and out of jail since he was 17. He is 21 now. First it was hit and run car accident, then drinking and driving, then drug use and finally drug dealing. She bailed him out and went to court with him to plead for leniency. He was given probation and then broke the law again and again.
She eventually stopped bailing him out because it was just enabling his bad behavior. She helped check him into a rehab program and she tried to help him straighten out his life. But if he doesn't want to be different, there is nothing she can do by enabling his bad behaviors.
She is a good person and she has been hurt soooo many times by her son and his actions. It isn't always fair to walk away but sometimes it is the right thing to do.
my il's have friends whose son was in the same situation. life ended badly for him. but they stod by him and tried over again and again.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:47 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
As a parent and the way the situation has been explained. I would not bail her out of jail.
If it was the 1st time I would and try to get help for her. But if it's something that has happened a few times and this person is now an adult, than she needs to make changes in her life and I would not continue to enable her.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:55 PM |
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dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Random question
I'm not totally sure about this but when you bail someone out isn't it just that you are taking responisibility for them until their trial? (that's what I've gathered from TV)
If thats the case, yes, I think I would take responsibility for them and try to figure out what is going wrong with my child.
But if they get convicted then they have to go to jail right? There is no bail for that?
I'm not a parent so this is just me imagining it, it might be different if G-d forbid I was really in the situation.
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| Posted 6/1/07 12:55 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Random question
Posted by Tany
yes, I would bail him or her out because if my child can't count on me, than who can she count on?
I agree...I plan to be there 100% for my daughter, no matter what. I would bail her out if I could.
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| Posted 6/1/07 1:08 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Random question
Posted by 5ofClubs
No and I am a parent.
ETA: Yes parent's should be there for a child to count on but also to show them the difference between right and wrong.
ETA: If you bail them out this time then that is giving them the idea that it was alright to do what they did.
Agreed.
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| Posted 6/1/07 1:12 PM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Random question
Posted by 5ofClubs
No and I am a parent.
ETA: Yes parent's should be there for a child to count on but also to show them the difference between right and wrong.
ETA: If you bail them out this time then that is giving them the idea that it was alright to do what they did.
ITA!! I am pregnant with my first child but I can tell you that there are certain things I will not condone.
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| Posted 6/1/07 1:12 PM |
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Jessee
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1260 total posts
Name:
Jessee
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Re: Random question
Again, I'm not a parent, but I do not believe, just because you do not bail a child out of jail means you are not supporting them 100%. It's a different type of support - tough love.
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| Posted 6/1/07 1:18 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
Posted by 5ofClubs
No and I am a parent.
ETA: Yes parent's should be there for a child to count on but also to show them the difference between right and wrong.
ETA: If you bail them out this time then that is giving them the idea that it was alright to do what they did.
I agree.
I voted that I wasn't a parent by mistake.
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| Posted 6/1/07 1:20 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
Posted by 5ofClubs
No and I am a parent.
ETA: Yes parent's should be there for a child to count on but also to show them the difference between right and wrong.
ETA: If you bail them out this time then that is giving them the idea that it was alright to do what they did.
I agree
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| Posted 6/1/07 2:17 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
I had a family member in this very difficult position. She bailed her son out, only to have him get high on cocaine and hit her... I am not a parent but sometimes, I think tough love is necessary.
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| Posted 6/1/07 2:19 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Random question
No.
I am a parent and based upon the situation I would not.
They are a repeat offender so for me to bail him/her out is enabling the behavior. My actions are encouraging their distruction.
Time for some old school tough love.
BTW: AS a high school teacher, I find that those parents who insititute tough love early and in small scale incidents raise children who never find themselves in these situations.
It's the parents who constantly give in, argue with teachers and administration, provide no boundaries, give many second chances and false threats of punishments that are never carried out, etc... often they are the ones whose kids are headed down the wrong path and a good percentage are criminals.
A criminal is not created overnight, it's years of lack of a good family foundation and parental responsibility.
As my father always said... "I'm your father, NOT your friend... too bad!" Parents who are primarily their kids' "friend" are the worst IMO.
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| Posted 6/1/07 2:34 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Random question
No...and I am a parent. A violent crime...no way would I bail her out
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| Posted 6/1/07 2:38 PM |
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