Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I live in queens and commute everyday on the subway.

And i have to say that 95% of the time when the subway is crowded and I can't get a seat its a women that gets up and offers me her seat. It's hardly ever a man...the men just sit there and stare at me or pretend they don't notice. what's up with that?

just wanted to vent...

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

Unless you obviously look pg, i think men are afraid to insult us. or they are stupid and blind.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I am obviously pregnant and men NEVER offer their seat. Well once a man did. Any other time it has been a woman .. usually a woman who is older and has probably had a child and understands .. otherwise I find most men and women do the "sideways stare" as you see their little brains contemplate their morals.
"should I offer?"
"Nah, I deserve the seat!! "
"Wait, I am a good person, I should offer her a seat. "
"Nahhh, it's her fault for being knocked up."

I swear you can see the hamsters running on the wheel!

Message edited 6/1/2007 12:18:09 PM.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I drive to work so I can't sympathize....
BUT

I do agree that there is a complete lack of gentelman-ness in this world today. Some of them are downright rude to women!

I guess all we can do is promise to raise our sons with a little more respect.

I have to ask DH if he ever ofers his seat, but he usually passes out on the train....

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I believe the etiquette (maybe it's old fashion!!!) is for men to get up for a woman whether she is PG or no.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I only was offered a seat a few times:

I commuted to NYC and walked 15 minutes after my 40 min LIRR ride. The commute only bothered me one day when I was on the LIRR after a blizzard. The trains were delayed and then I had to stand in the aisle the whole way to Penn. No one gave me a seat even though I was clearly pregnant. I was hot from standing with my coat on and with the crowded train. I started getting dizzy and then I started to cry hysterically. Finally someone gave me a seat. I cried the whole way to Penn!

I can't even let then off the hook because it was winter and I was wearing a coat! I was clearly pregnant!!

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Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

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Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

Dh is a gentleman who gives up his seat for pregnant ladies and the elderly and disabled. Sometimes he has to nudge me to get up for someone because I usually just zone out when I'm on the train.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I have to say through 8 months of pregnancy Ive only had one man that went out of his way... and he was probably about 18. I was going into a card store and he was in a subway next door, came out of subway to open the card store door for me. I told DH I wanted to cal l the kids mother and thank him for raising a gentleman.

I must say, my DH still opens the car door for me, always gets up for women/elderly to sit....

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

i don't get a seat (yet). Only once last week a girl offered me her seat - i declined because i felt fine - the guy sitting next to her asked "How did you know" = she said i have good eyes? i guess to most i still look fat not pregnant? Earlier this week the train was a nightmare and as i was changing trains this woman practically elbowed me to get a seat ahead of me. nice right.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

Chivalry is dead....unfortunately.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I was on the subway today (6 train) going to my doctor's appt. and 3 people on the same train offered their seat to me.
1) a young man in his 20s
2) a woman in her late 60s/early 70s
3) a woman in her late 30s

And when I was walking in the city this morning, a man walking in the opposite direction said to me, "Good morning Miss and congratulations." It was so nice.

There are some kind and decent people in this world.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

This is why I take the express bus!

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I agree with you...

I often travel with my girls into the city..by train..everyone is so busy trying not to sit next to someone else that they cant give up a seat to let a mother sit with her two little children and one handicapped child!!!!!!!!! I usually just sit the girls down next to some smartly dressed individual (usually male) with a soda, tell them to try and not spill it like they did the last time...they have been previously instructed to cough and blow their nose. Said individual usually gives up their seat withing 5 minutes.

It is a said state that this is what the world is coming too that I have to resort to this..but it has happened virtually each and every time...

Im going to make sure that my son knows to open doors, pull out chairs, and give up his seat to a lady.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

One guy offered me his seat a couple months ago, when I did not look pregnant at all. I was exhausted though, and maybe that showed, or maybe he was just a gentleman. I'm not sure which.

I'm not obviously pregnant yet, so I'll have to see how this goes, but I've seen this with other people, and years ago, I had a cast on my leg and commuted by subway. I believe two women offered me a seat over a period of a couple months. No men did.

Men very rarely offer their seats to anyone. If they do, they are usually older men (60s-70s plus), and probably need the seat themselves. It almost always is a woman who offers her seat, if anyone does.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

They must all live down here in MD- I am amazed everytime I go out how people in general are wanting to *help* me. Doors opened, offers to carry my groceries to the car, and seats offered on the Metro.

Then again, I look like I'm about to lay down and give birth right now- so maybe they fear me.....

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

that's disgusting!

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I take the bus everyday! Actually two buses now that I am nervous about taking the train and today took the cake!

I know that I am a plus size gal to begin with, but I am no monsterously large woman also.

I was holding on to the bar when another much skinnier woman comes along and is pregnant and the man who I was standing in front of for over 20 minutes gets up and offers her his seat! I was livid, I turned to him and said, "you saw me standing there did you just think that I was FAT!!!!!" He turned several shades of red. An older woman quickly offered me her seat and just out of sheer spite, I refused! Stupid I know, but come on, a pregnant belly is so different then a fat belly! I know because I had both!

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

I commute by car now but when I was in college I had torn a tendon in my leg and was in a cast with crutches and this man went to give me his seat. It was taking me a bit of time to actually turn and sit because the cast was to mid thigh. Well in the few seconds that it took me to attempt to sit down some other guy who was standing (young 30s) sits in the seat and I ended up in his lap not realizing this guy scooted into the seat.

The guy who gave up his seat for me started to scream at this other guy. One other guy helped me back up and the guy that originally gave up his seat for me grabbed the seat snatcher. It was actually scary and not so fun. I got into the seat and the other men physically moved the seat snatcher from the subway car.

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?

Re: Where have all the gentlemen gone?