Re: Forgive a Cheater?

i say no, however its easier said than done

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

dont this this could be answered till u are in that situation

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

You might in time be able to forgive him, but you will never forget

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I would never be able to look him in the eye again.

I know it's easier said than done, but Id say no way. It's such a tremendous act of disrespect.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

so sorry you are going through this.
does your family know what happened?

I think I would humiliate my cousin and tell the family what she and your DH did.

I hate to say this but they say a man is a man and somehow, dont know why, the man always comes out of this like its no big deal but the woman- the other woman = the whore.

all though it may humiliate you to tell the family, or may feel that way- I think its a huge support group for you and a way to slap her in the face in the eyes of the family. best of luck to you.

oh I didnt answer the question. wow, thats tough, I would have to say even though we have a daughter now and for her it would be best to stay together, I just couldnt do it mentally. I wouldnt be able to trust him again and that alone would drive me mad and be miserable everyday. If he was late wonder where is he what is he doing. Cell phone rings- who is it. I just couldnt do that to myself.

Message edited 6/1/2007 1:15:34 AM.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

No, I am sorry to say, but I just couldn't forgive a cheater. If you are that unhappy... just get out of the relationship.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

It would depend on the circumstance.

If I didn't have kids, I would kick him to the curb. With kids, I do think it gives a different perspective on everything. I think you need to decide what's best for you & your family. If it's something that would become common knowledge among my family members, probably not.

With a family member? That would take a long time & he'd need to do a lot to gain my trust back - including going to marriage counseling. It's definitely not something I could forgive without that.

I agree with Anna - disrespectful on so many levels.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I'm not in your shoes so I can't give you my take on what I would do. I wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I was cheated on once and I moved on with my life. Once infediality (sp?) hits, IMO, the trust is over.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

It's easy to say I'd leave him in a heartbeat, but it's not so easy when you take into consideration all the history and feelings you have with someone. I was in a 5 year relationship where I was cheated on - I tried to move on and forgive him. On some level, you do move on by holding onto all those wonderful memories you have with that person. But, at some point, memories will only take you so far. It's not so much the anger that you have against the person for cheating on you, and not even that you look at them in such a different light - the damage comes from what it does to YOU. Your confidence starts to fade away, you start to question yourself and wonder if you're still attractive, or if you did something wrong, and ultimately, you become paranoid, possessive and untrusting, and that's what leads to the ultimate destruction of the relationship if you try to forgive and forget. Or, at least, that's what happened to me. And, honestly, it took a good 3-4 years to retrain myself, to let go of those insecurities and new behaviors, when I met DH. It's toxic...

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

unforgiveable!!!

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I see it in levels...

was it a one time thing or a relationship?

did he come clean to you or did you have to snoop?

is this the only person he's been unfaithful with or were there others?

was it full on cheating s e x or a kiss?

I think that cheating in and of itself is horrible, but there are different levels to it. none of the levels make it right, i think they make it a bit easier. i.e. if my husb (god forbid) cheated 1x but told me about it before I had to find out by other means I wouldn't be as mad as if it was a full on relationship with someone else. If he did it 1x w/a bunch of other people, then I know there's a problem there. And cheating means different things to different people. somepeople think kissing is more intimate than sex - i don't but others do. so what level was it on?

I'd say it is easier said than done to just flat out leave a cheater - but that's b/c its happened once before to me w/an ex and we tried to work it out but unfortunately i couldn't get over it and was extremely untrusting of him. with good reason, but it still affected our relationship to the point were it wasn't worth it. but we weren't married and we didn't have children so it was a little easier to leave.

only u know ur relationship...good luck

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I can honestly say I don't know what I'd do. It depends on so many things, like ziamaria said.

A kiss, an emotional affair, a one-night stand... all very different circumstances and variations of cheating.

I have a child to think of also and that's what would make it hard to just kick him to the curb.

With a cousin...oooh that's rough. If it's a cousin that I'm close to and that is usually around at all family affairs - I don't think I could move on from that unless I cut ties with my family to a certain extent or she disappeared.

I'm so sorry you are going through this!

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I could never trust again...I got over it...but I would never live a happy and healthy life with a person who betrayed me once. I would always always wonder and be worried that I have to be perfect so he stays with me!

Im divorced due to a similar situation.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

No way! Sorry, I've tried to be with someone I didn't trust but loved so, so much. It didn't work. I don't beleive you ever get that trust back.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I am so sorry you are going thru this -

in all honesty I can't really say what I would do - my initial reaction would be - no - I couldn't forgive. However - there are so many factors involved - I honestly don't know what I would do if i was in the situation.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

please just know one thing.

nothing that anyone said on this thread should enter your mind in deciding what YOU should do.

no two anything is alike. no one else is built like you emotionally.

I don't think that what you decide to do with your husband/family should be compared to what anyone else will do.

good luck, and I am truly sorry you are experiencing this in your life.

if you need to sort out YOUR feelings. seek a therapist/priest/counselor.

and for your little girl

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

Message edited 6/12/2007 10:42:08 AM.

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

He admitted all, and is willing to do what ever to make it right, she denied it and told me she wanted to be w/ him, and told me she'd be w/ him and is a selfish *****... hate her

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

well it is a first cousin, like a sister, who i do see at all family affairs, holidays, but no more, if she is there, we won't be...

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

to answer all your questions...

It was a bad year, bad timing, and a lot of fighting w/ us... we were going thru a slump when it happen. it was emotional and sexual, the emotional hurts me more!

I snooped by gut instinct, no he has never cheated on me w/ anyone else before, very out of his character, he was a very loyal person!
Just a workaholic, lost his way, dumped his feelings of wht he wanted from me on to the wrong person.... that is how he says it happen. no matter what he said, it hurts, but she is a whore, and can't see him staying w/ her at all...

he admitted every little devestating disgusting heart wrenching detail. answered every question....

Re: Forgive a Cheater?

I did reach out to my family, not at first, b/c i was embarrassed, but i did, they all hate her, and always did anyway.

her mom, my moms sister, basically told me that she'd be ok w/ her daughter and him to be 2getha if thats what they wanted, and she'd support them, and she wasn't mad, so on.... she really hurt me deep w/ her words and agenda!