Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

My Mom and I were planning a surprise shower for my future SIL (as she has little to no family). We were excited and willing to do this for her as a welcoming gesture to the family. Well, our good intentions have literally been flushed

My brother wanted to be 'consulted' on the place we were having it, as she expressed to him that if there was a shower planned for her, she didn't want it in a "firehouse" (where I had my baby shower) or a VFW type place because they were "tacky" That was the 1st issue that left a bad taste in our mouth. So anyway, we researched a bunch of places and came up with some nice suggestions. Every single one was vetoed down, not only by my brother but by fiance's "friends" who were now designated consultants on this project (who got them involved, I don't know). Brother finally booked a place without consulting my Mother or myself and got screwed royally on the price and terms. Mom was ****** because the price was overbudget by $20.00 a head (that was ONLY for catering) and she's got a guestlist of like 50+ people; all because her "friends" wanted in a pretentious type setting. Hey, this isn't her reception; it's a sit down and eat your buffet and cake while watching her open presents occasion We basically told brother HE was eating the difference because even though her friends live in a high profile world, we're all working class poor

Anyway, I now can't get one of her "friends" off our backs. She calls and interjects her opinions on this, that and the other thing and wants to be included in on the arrangements concerning the shower ***?!? No one has offered up any cash, yet they want to be invovled?? Why didn't they just plan the shower if they have such great ideas?? I guess I'm really ticked that anything we've come up with has been deemed tacky, yet this same friend is organizing a bachelorette party at Billy Dean's for a 36 year old woman I hope they had plenty to say about the Dollar Store invitations I sent out this week

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

This is where my Irish temper would come through.

I'd tell the friends to fork over all the $$$ for the shower and they can organize it without me, or they can shut the f*ck up!

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

If they want to have a say, they need to pay!!!

I'd tell them how much their share is then... I mean, seriously, the NERVE of some people!!!

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

i would tell her friends that you guys cannot afford a shower someplace else-and if THEY want it to be at a certain way, then they can chip in.....

i say : your pay, your way

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

If they've got so many opinions, why can't they offer up some $$?

That's what I'd say to them next time...."well, I was planning on this, but if you want that you're more than welcome to pick it up..."

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

I think your brother has some nerve. He is lucky that you are doing this for her. Ifher friends wanted to be in charge, they should have taken responsibility from the beginning. If they want it their way, it's time to pay.

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

OMG! I think its time to hand off the responsibility to the friends who want the fancy shower.

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

Ugh that sux! They have some nerve, and your brother should know better.

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

it's fine if that's the kind of shower they want to throw for her... you can kindly give them the go ahead to plan and PAY for the shower... if they don't want to do that they you should tell them to butt out! (nicely of course )

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

While I think it is rude of them to demand certain things.. Maybe it needs to be more of a team effort. Everyone's heart is in the right place-- just seems like there is a communication break down.

Perhaps you can have a convo with her friend-- and get a sense of how to plan the best shower (within reason) to make your FSIL happy. Since the place is already booked-- there is not much you can do there-- but, there are other creative things that can be done, that don't cost much $$ and are still done in good taste that would please everyone.

ETA-- maybe the friends want to take over certain planning/financial responsibilities for some aspects of the shower. Not necessarily the catering, but the other stuff that really adds up.

Message edited 2/26/2007 2:06:03 PM.

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

Posted by missus-hbradio

OMG! I think its time to hand off the responsibility to the friends who want the fancy shower.

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

I would be ******. If they are so concerned and interested and want such a high end shower, they should pay for it and plan it themselves. You are doing this as a nice gesture. I would tell your brother that you and your mother are offering X amount of dollars and anything after that, he or their "friends" are responsible for.

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

If her friends are not contributing...f them.

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

Posted by LaurenExp

If they've got so many opinions, why can't they offer up some $$?

That's what I'd say to them next time...."well, I was planning on this, but if you want that you're more than welcome to pick it up..."

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

I would outright say to the "put up or shut up." Who are they to tell you how to spend your money?!?! Especially since this is your FSIL!!!

Re: Grrr, can I vent?? (Family/Shower related)

Can you give them jobs or specific responsibilities? And, be sure to let them know that they're taking care of the cost for these things.

You can assign:
- games/prizes
- cake
- wishing well rental
- BM gift collection
- favors
- decorations
- after party
- bar bill

And, most importantly, assign two friends to be in charge of schlepping gifts during and after the shower. I'm always stuck with that role and have hurt my back at several showers -- give that one away!

Message edited 2/26/2007 3:45:29 PM.