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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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WWYD… update
UPDATE - thanks all. I understood and of course we’re not ending it. I think we’re just mad bc we are always the ones making plans and having them over and working more on the friendship. Our kids really have nothing to do with each other. We’ll reconsider and figure it out
Message edited 4/6/2022 9:20:28 PM.
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Posted 4/6/22 4:45 PM  |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: WWYD
I don't think its something you should end a friendship over.
While it is 100% your choice to decide who you invite to an expensive affair you are hosting, it is also their choice whether to attend or not.
I know you said they have family and sitters but maybe because it's a holiday weekend, people aren't available to watch the kids?
Either way, I wouldn't be insulted enough to end the friendship over it
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| Posted 4/6/22 4:55 PM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: WWYD
Posted by NervousNell
I don't think its something you should end a friendship over.
While it is 100% your choice to decide who you invite to an expensive affair you are hosting, it is also their choice whether to attend or not.
I know you said they have family and sitters but maybe because it's a holiday weekend, people aren't available to watch the kids?
Either way, I wouldn't be insulted enough to end the friendship over it
I know. I think he’s just pissed it happened within hours of each other when we got the text so they obviously aren’t happy their kids aren’t invited. Who knows. We were at our friend’s wife’s mother’s funeral a few weeks ago and they said there they would go. Plus dh and I are always the ones inviting over, making dinner plans, etc. I think we’re more hurt.
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| Posted 4/6/22 5:01 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by NervousNell
I don't think its something you should end a friendship over.
While it is 100% your choice to decide who you invite to an expensive affair you are hosting, it is also their choice whether to attend or not.
I know you said they have family and sitters but maybe because it's a holiday weekend, people aren't available to watch the kids?
Either way, I wouldn't be insulted enough to end the friendship over it
This.
Also - they may be hurt as well as they know that there will be kids at this affair, just not their kids.
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| Posted 4/6/22 5:13 PM |
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Re: WWYD
To end a friendship over this? No. I would think about inviting the kids if you really want the parents there. We never really had sitters so it would have been hard for us to go to something like this without the kids. Maybe some others will say no and you can spend the money on these kids instead.
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| Posted 4/6/22 5:20 PM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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WWYD
Its a holiday weekend and it will happen. Its very hard to expect them to get a sitter or even a trusted family member because of that since people do have plans. I would just accept it or invite the kids too if your really want them there badly.
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| Posted 4/6/22 5:36 PM |
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thewinterone
You make me happy
Member since 5/05 2473 total posts
Name:
cause you are gray.
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Re: WWYD
I would feel very put off I was invited to a "kid" party without my kids.
I get the significance of the occasion but still would find it odd regardless of venue or time.
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| Posted 4/6/22 6:11 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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WWYD
TBH, I’m having trouble wrapping my head around why you didn’t invite the kids. I 100% would have invited them. It’s insulting to have a party of that size full of kids and then purposely exclude theirs.
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| Posted 4/6/22 7:33 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: WWYD
Posted by LuckyStar
TBH, I’m having trouble wrapping my head around why you didn’t invite the kids. I 100% would have invited them. It’s insulting to have a party of that size full of kids and then purposely exclude theirs.
I agree. That's like me having a communion and not inviting some of the kids in my family because they were younger. If you really want them there I would just tell them if they can't find a sitter they are more than welcome to bring the kids otherwise I would just accept that they may not be able to be there and move on. I would definitely not end a friendship over this.
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| Posted 4/6/22 7:56 PM |
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ave1024
I Took The Wrong Road
Member since 12/07 6153 total posts
Name:
That Led To The Wrong Tendencies
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Re: WWYD
Posted by LuckyStar
TBH, I’m having trouble wrapping my head around why you didn’t invite the kids. I 100% would have invited them. It’s insulting to have a party of that size full of kids and then purposely exclude theirs.
Yeah this. It almost sounds like OP didn't invite them to save on costs.
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| Posted 4/6/22 8:00 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: WWYD
Posted by ali120206
Posted by NervousNell
I don't think its something you should end a friendship over.
While it is 100% your choice to decide who you invite to an expensive affair you are hosting, it is also their choice whether to attend or not.
I know you said they have family and sitters but maybe because it's a holiday weekend, people aren't available to watch the kids?
Either way, I wouldn't be insulted enough to end the friendship over it
This.
Also - they may be hurt as well as they know that there will be kids at this affair, just not their kids.
I completely agree with all of this and what many others have posted.
I’m going to be honest here even though you might not like what I have to say. I was in this exact same situation a few years back except my husband and I were the college friends invited without our kids. Although I was still close with my college friend, due to the age of our kids and also the distance between where we lived the kids theme selves weren’t that close. We went to the bar mitzvah thinking that all of the adult friends were invited without kids and assumed the kids would just be the school friends etc. However, when we got there we were at a table with the other friends who had been invited without kids but there were other friends just as you describe who were seated with their families as their kids were invited. It felt awful seeing that she had invited other Peoples kids and not mine. Watching all the families having fun together at what was really a kids party was really uncomfortable. It was as if she was separating out our friendship like our kids didn’t matter to her yet, all of these other people’s kids did. I felt hurt and annoyed honestly and years later it still bothers me when I think about it. We are still friends but it changed the friendship for me significantly. I wish I was like your friends and just didn’t go.
I think you are wrong and I think your husband thinking of terminating the friendship because you chose not to invite their kids when you invited other peoples kids is nonsensical to me. He is wrong in my opinion.
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| Posted 4/6/22 8:39 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: WWYD
Posted by ave1024
Posted by LuckyStar
TBH, I’m having trouble wrapping my head around why you didn’t invite the kids. I 100% would have invited them. It’s insulting to have a party of that size full of kids and then purposely exclude theirs.
Yeah this. It almost sounds like OP didn't invite them to save on costs.
Agreed and then getting mad at them for not coming doesn’t make any sense to me.
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| Posted 4/6/22 8:41 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by thewinterone
I would feel very put off I was invited to a "kid" party without my kids.
I get the significance of the occasion but still would find it odd regardless of venue or time.
This
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| Posted 4/6/22 9:02 PM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by thewinterone
I would feel very put off I was invited to a "kid" party without my kids.
I get the significance of the occasion but still would find it odd regardless of venue or time.
This
Same.
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| Posted 4/7/22 7:05 AM |
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by EricaAlt
UPDATE - thanks all. I understood and of course we’re not ending it. I think we’re just mad bc we are always the ones making plans and having them over and working more on the friendship. Our kids really have nothing to do with each other. We’ll reconsider and figure it out
Do you have them over with their kids or just them as adults? Do they have to get a sitter more often than yourself so you don't see the hardship it might be on them to just go out for a night at someone's home? Honestly I wouldn't want to spend probably $75-$100 to get a sitter for a night at a friends house to have food, drinks, play games, etc. It is harder when kids are younger as we didn't go out as much as we couldn't afford to the sitter AND the expense of going out.
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| Posted 4/7/22 7:58 AM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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WWYD… update
I would never be mad at someone for declining an invitation.
Life happens, people can't always make it for a variety of reasons.
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| Posted 4/7/22 12:57 PM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
UPDATE - thanks all. I understood and of course we’re not ending it. I think we’re just mad bc we are always the ones making plans and having them over and working more on the friendship. Our kids really have nothing to do with each other. We’ll reconsider and figure it out
Do you have them over with their kids or just them as adults? Do they have to get a sitter more often than yourself so you don't see the hardship it might be on them to just go out for a night at someone's home? Honestly I wouldn't want to spend probably $75-$100 to get a sitter for a night at a friends house to have food, drinks, play games, etc. It is harder when kids are younger as we didn't go out as much as we couldn't afford to the sitter AND the expense of going out.
No. WE always just go out to eat for dinner as adults, Been doing that for years. WE weren't even invited to the boy's communions Last thing we all did together with the kid's were the first kid's birthday parties. After that we were at each other's 40th no kids. They also have parents that live close by and the kids are always sleeping there.
Again, I retracked my statement. I understand people don't see our side or know the hole story. I texted that I am sorry to hear that and I totally understand. WE are keeping it the only my son's friends and family so didn't have a lot of friends kids. I also said the service is in the morning and they are welcome to come to that which there's also a kiddush after and they can bring kids. THey never responded.
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| Posted 4/13/22 9:02 AM |
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
UPDATE - thanks all. I understood and of course we’re not ending it. I think we’re just mad bc we are always the ones making plans and having them over and working more on the friendship. Our kids really have nothing to do with each other. We’ll reconsider and figure it out
Do you have them over with their kids or just them as adults? Do they have to get a sitter more often than yourself so you don't see the hardship it might be on them to just go out for a night at someone's home? Honestly I wouldn't want to spend probably $75-$100 to get a sitter for a night at a friends house to have food, drinks, play games, etc. It is harder when kids are younger as we didn't go out as much as we couldn't afford to the sitter AND the expense of going out.
No. WE always just go out to eat for dinner as adults, Been doing that for years. WE weren't even invited to the boy's communions Last thing we all did together with the kid's were the first kid's birthday parties. After that we were at each other's 40th no kids. They also have parents that live close by and the kids are always sleeping there.
Again, I retracked my statement. I understand people don't see our side or know the hole story. I texted that I am sorry to hear that and I totally understand. WE are keeping it the only my son's friends and family so didn't have a lot of friends kids. I also said the service is in the morning and they are welcome to come to that which there's also a kiddush after and they can bring kids. THey never responded.
It still sounds to me, like others said, they are upset that other kids would be invited but theirs would not be.
Are you saying that the kids are not invited to the service but can come later on? Not sure what a Kiddush is but assuming it is the party. Is that different from what you told them originally?
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| Posted 4/13/22 9:08 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
UPDATE - thanks all. I understood and of course we’re not ending it. I think we’re just mad bc we are always the ones making plans and having them over and working more on the friendship. Our kids really have nothing to do with each other. We’ll reconsider and figure it out
Do you have them over with their kids or just them as adults? Do they have to get a sitter more often than yourself so you don't see the hardship it might be on them to just go out for a night at someone's home? Honestly I wouldn't want to spend probably $75-$100 to get a sitter for a night at a friends house to have food, drinks, play games, etc. It is harder when kids are younger as we didn't go out as much as we couldn't afford to the sitter AND the expense of going out.
No. WE always just go out to eat for dinner as adults, Been doing that for years. WE weren't even invited to the boy's communions Last thing we all did together with the kid's were the first kid's birthday parties. After that we were at each other's 40th no kids. They also have parents that live close by and the kids are always sleeping there.
Again, I retracked my statement. I understand people don't see our side or know the hole story. I texted that I am sorry to hear that and I totally understand. WE are keeping it the only my son's friends and family so didn't have a lot of friends kids. I also said the service is in the morning and they are welcome to come to that which there's also a kiddush after and they can bring kids. THey never responded.
It still sounds to me, like others said, they are upset that other kids would be invited but theirs would not be.
Are you saying that the kids are not invited to the service but can come later on? Not sure what a Kiddush is but assuming it is the party. Is that different from what you told them originally?
The services are at the temple where my son reads from the torah. He's been learning it for over 6 months. THat's for anyone and in the morning then we are hosting a kiddush, which is some food after. We are having a celebration in the evening bc it's at a temple has to start at sundown and that is 8pm till 1am. That the kids aren't invited to. THat's for my son's friends who are around 12-13 and family kids like cousins. THe rest adults. If that makes sense
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| Posted 4/13/22 9:10 AM |
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
UPDATE - thanks all. I understood and of course we’re not ending it. I think we’re just mad bc we are always the ones making plans and having them over and working more on the friendship. Our kids really have nothing to do with each other. We’ll reconsider and figure it out
Do you have them over with their kids or just them as adults? Do they have to get a sitter more often than yourself so you don't see the hardship it might be on them to just go out for a night at someone's home? Honestly I wouldn't want to spend probably $75-$100 to get a sitter for a night at a friends house to have food, drinks, play games, etc. It is harder when kids are younger as we didn't go out as much as we couldn't afford to the sitter AND the expense of going out.
No. WE always just go out to eat for dinner as adults, Been doing that for years. WE weren't even invited to the boy's communions Last thing we all did together with the kid's were the first kid's birthday parties. After that we were at each other's 40th no kids. They also have parents that live close by and the kids are always sleeping there.
Again, I retracked my statement. I understand people don't see our side or know the hole story. I texted that I am sorry to hear that and I totally understand. WE are keeping it the only my son's friends and family so didn't have a lot of friends kids. I also said the service is in the morning and they are welcome to come to that which there's also a kiddush after and they can bring kids. THey never responded.
It still sounds to me, like others said, they are upset that other kids would be invited but theirs would not be.
Are you saying that the kids are not invited to the service but can come later on? Not sure what a Kiddush is but assuming it is the party. Is that different from what you told them originally?
The services are at the temple where my son reads from the torah. He's been learning it for over 6 months. THat's for anyone and in the morning then we are hosting a kiddush, which is some food after. We are having a celebration in the evening bc it's at a temple has to start at sundown and that is 8pm till 1am. That the kids aren't invited to. THat's for my son's friends who are around 12-13 and family kids like cousins. THe rest adults. If that makes sense
Ok so their kids are invited to the torah reading and the kiddush but not the celebration.
Basically, in wedding terms, they are invited to the wedding but not the reception. Even though other kids, family members are invited. I am sure they are insulted, honestly.
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| Posted 4/13/22 9:22 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by EricaAlt
UPDATE - thanks all. I understood and of course we’re not ending it. I think we’re just mad bc we are always the ones making plans and having them over and working more on the friendship. Our kids really have nothing to do with each other. We’ll reconsider and figure it out
Do you have them over with their kids or just them as adults? Do they have to get a sitter more often than yourself so you don't see the hardship it might be on them to just go out for a night at someone's home? Honestly I wouldn't want to spend probably $75-$100 to get a sitter for a night at a friends house to have food, drinks, play games, etc. It is harder when kids are younger as we didn't go out as much as we couldn't afford to the sitter AND the expense of going out.
No. WE always just go out to eat for dinner as adults, Been doing that for years. WE weren't even invited to the boy's communions Last thing we all did together with the kid's were the first kid's birthday parties. After that we were at each other's 40th no kids. They also have parents that live close by and the kids are always sleeping there.
Again, I retracked my statement. I understand people don't see our side or know the hole story. I texted that I am sorry to hear that and I totally understand. WE are keeping it the only my son's friends and family so didn't have a lot of friends kids. I also said the service is in the morning and they are welcome to come to that which there's also a kiddush after and they can bring kids. THey never responded.
It still sounds to me, like others said, they are upset that other kids would be invited but theirs would not be.
Are you saying that the kids are not invited to the service but can come later on? Not sure what a Kiddush is but assuming it is the party. Is that different from what you told them originally?
The services are at the temple where my son reads from the torah. He's been learning it for over 6 months. THat's for anyone and in the morning then we are hosting a kiddush, which is some food after. We are having a celebration in the evening bc it's at a temple has to start at sundown and that is 8pm till 1am. That the kids aren't invited to. THat's for my son's friends who are around 12-13 and family kids like cousins. THe rest adults. If that makes sense
Ok so their kids are invited to the torah reading and the kiddush but not the celebration.
Basically, in wedding terms, they are invited to the wedding but not the reception. Even though other kids, family members are invited. I am sure they are insulted, honestly.
Yes, cousins of my son and his friends. Again, we were never invited to any of their kids things. WE only go out as adults. I was invited to my neighbor's kid's bar and bat mitzvahs without my kids. THey were 6 and 4 at the time. DH and I went. WE got a sitter for the kids or my inlaws watched them.
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| Posted 4/13/22 9:29 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD… update
I missed the original thing but I am getting the jist of it. As long as they are not the only people invited without kids I think that what you did was completely appropriate. We were in a similar circumstance a few years ago. Invited to a Bat Mitvah, there were the friends of the girl getting bat mitvahed and family members children. The children of the parent's friends were not invited. It was fine. Also, if my kids were younger I would be happy they weren't invited to an event that doesn't even start until 8pm. TBH my kids would not want to be at a Bat Mitvah were they didn't know anyone. The thing that makes a Bat Mitvah fun for the kids is hanging out with their friends.
I wouldn't end a friendship over someone declining to attend a party for my child no matter what the reason though.
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| Posted 4/13/22 10:34 AM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1063 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by lululu
I missed the original thing but I am getting the jist of it. As long as they are not the only people invited without kids I think that what you did was completely appropriate. We were in a similar circumstance a few years ago. Invited to a Bat Mitvah, there were the friends of the girl getting bat mitvahed and family members children. The children of the parent's friends were not invited. It was fine. Also, if my kids were younger I would be happy they weren't invited to an event that doesn't even start until 8pm. TBH my kids would not want to be at a Bat Mitvah were they didn't know anyone. The thing that makes a Bat Mitvah fun for the kids is hanging out with their friends.
I wouldn't end a friendship over someone declining to attend a party for my child no matter what the reason though.
I agree with this. Even with weddings, you cut the list by "level". The kids of your siblings may be invited, but the kids of your cousins may not be invited. It sounds like the kids don't even know each other, so it's understandable that they weren't invited.
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| Posted 4/13/22 10:42 AM |
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Re: WWYD… update
Posted by nycbuslady
Posted by lululu
I missed the original thing but I am getting the jist of it. As long as they are not the only people invited without kids I think that what you did was completely appropriate. We were in a similar circumstance a few years ago. Invited to a Bat Mitvah, there were the friends of the girl getting bat mitvahed and family members children. The children of the parent's friends were not invited. It was fine. Also, if my kids were younger I would be happy they weren't invited to an event that doesn't even start until 8pm. TBH my kids would not want to be at a Bat Mitvah were they didn't know anyone. The thing that makes a Bat Mitvah fun for the kids is hanging out with their friends.
I wouldn't end a friendship over someone declining to attend a party for my child no matter what the reason though.
I agree with this. Even with weddings, you cut the list by "level". The kids of your siblings may be invited, but the kids of your cousins may not be invited. It sounds like the kids don't even know each other, so it's understandable that they weren't invited.
I think the main problem here is that the friends seem insulted but don't want to say it. There doesn't seem to be full communication so they don't know why they are declining when they usually hang out without the kids.
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| Posted 4/13/22 10:45 AM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4430 total posts
Name:
Karen
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WWYD… update
I think the friends are just confused on what is happening. I have been to plenty of events like this where we were invited as friends of the parents. My kids were not invited because they did not know each other. I went and had a great time!!!
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| Posted 4/13/22 12:50 PM |
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