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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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I got the job!
Well, I did it! I got the job!
The past few days I have been on a German army base in Eastern Germany and it has been nerve wracking. Staying in barracks was an experience in itself, and the base is kind of in the middle of nowhere. Apparently, the barracks I am in are the "VIP barracks"  .
It is still unofficial because they need to do German paperwork, but they were very clear that they want me! Now I need to decide where I want to move to. I can stay in Munich, but there are a few other factors I need to decide. This means leaving SO for good, but I don't want to get into that here. Let's just say he was a complete jerk when he found out I got the interview. I'll leave it at that.
I'm going into the nearby city to explore to see if I would like to work at that army base. I'm a bit confused where to choose, but I really liked the people at the base I was on these past few days. The teachers were very nice and the boss was great!
Yay to a cushy civil servant job!
ETA: It was nerve wracking not because of being on base, but because the interview process was difficult. Staying on base was an experience. I've been on American army bases and they have the added bonus of commissaries and PXes. No such thing here.
Message edited 3/3/2022 4:32:19 AM.
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Posted 3/3/22 4:12 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: I got the job!
Congrats! 
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| Posted 3/3/22 6:05 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
Congratulations!!!
Best of luck!
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| Posted 3/3/22 6:51 AM |
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BAK217
LIF Infant
Member since 8/14 327 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
CONGRATULATIONS on your new job, wish you the BEST !!!!
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| Posted 3/3/22 7:17 AM |
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mommy2devin
2 Boys, I need calgon!
Member since 10/07 1572 total posts
Name:
Shannon
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I got the job!
Woo hoo!! Congrats to you!!
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| Posted 3/3/22 7:32 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21536 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: I got the job!
That's AMAZING!!! Congrats!
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| Posted 3/3/22 8:15 AM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: I got the job!
Congratulations!
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| Posted 3/3/22 8:47 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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I got the job!
Yay - congrats! And I'm sorry that your SO was unsupportive. Anything that makes you happy should be cause to celebrate!
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| Posted 3/3/22 10:27 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
Congrats on the job!
I hope you can work things out with your SO. Maybe he was just caught off guard that you might take a position that would make it impossible to continue your relationship. I can understand how that might be upsetting. But obviously I don't know the details.
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| Posted 3/3/22 10:31 AM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7983 total posts
Name:
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I got the job!
wonderful!!! YAY
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| Posted 3/3/22 10:48 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
Congratulations!
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| Posted 3/3/22 10:51 AM |
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Lucky09
2017!
Member since 1/06 7535 total posts
Name:
DW
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I got the job!
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Message edited 3/3/2022 12:30:45 PM.
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| Posted 3/3/22 12:29 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
If my boyfriend of several years all of a sudden told me that he was taking a new job and relocating to a distant city, I would be very upset. I don't think it should be about having to choose one or the other, it should be about open communication and compromise. Ultimately the relationships in my life tend to be more important than career choices and I have found the same to be true of the people I chose as partners as well. In fact, in my last relationship my ex relocated because of job choices that I made.
Like I said earlier, we don't know the exact circumstances of the discussion or the decisions as I am sure there are many factors.
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| Posted 3/3/22 12:43 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: I got the job!
Congratulations!
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| Posted 3/3/22 11:11 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
Message edited 3/4/2022 12:31:39 AM.
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| Posted 3/4/22 12:29 AM |
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
No one deserves the silent treatment. That is a narcissist and there is a poster in here who goes through the same thing and you can see how angry she is and how unhappy she is with her life. You don’t want to end up being married and having multiple children with someone lien this. He should be happy for you and make the decision to either go with you or end the relationship. You need to do what is best for you especially when you have someone like this who is obviously not happy for you.
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| Posted 3/4/22 6:47 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
No one deserves the silent treatment. That is a narcissist and there is a poster in here who goes through the same thing and you can see how angry she is and how unhappy she is with her life. You don’t want to end up being married and having multiple children with someone lien this. He should be happy for you and make the decision to either go with you or end the relationship. You need to do what is best for you especially when you have someone like this who is obviously not happy for you.
I don’t know who the poster is, so that doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in getting married again and I don’t want children. That being said, I don’t need to be treated like that. It isn’t narcissistic in this case, imo, it is a fearful avoidant attachment style. It’s no excuse, though.
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| Posted 3/4/22 7:04 AM |
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
No one deserves the silent treatment. That is a narcissist and there is a poster in here who goes through the same thing and you can see how angry she is and how unhappy she is with her life. You don’t want to end up being married and having multiple children with someone lien this. He should be happy for you and make the decision to either go with you or end the relationship. You need to do what is best for you especially when you have someone like this who is obviously not happy for you.
I don’t know who the poster is, so that doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in getting married again and I don’t want children. That being said, I don’t need to be treated like that. It isn’t narcissistic in this case, imo, it is a fearful avoidant attachment style. It’s no excuse, though.
The silent treatment is one behavior of a narcissist and no, no one should be treated like that.
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| Posted 3/4/22 8:00 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
I guess my question would be how you approached it with him. Did you just all of a sudden say that you would be looking for a job not only in another city, but potentially in another country? If I had been dating someone for years and all of a sudden they came to me and said "oh by the way I am thinking about broadening my job search to include Mexico" I don't know exactly how I would handle it. But if you asked him what he thought about it and how you could make it work as a couple, then that's different. Either way it sounds like your career and this opportunity are more important than your relationship, so that's great and you should definitely go for it. I also don't agree with the silent treatment. I think that there should always be open communication, but it sounds like he is hurting too.
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| Posted 3/4/22 8:08 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
No one deserves the silent treatment. That is a narcissist and there is a poster in here who goes through the same thing and you can see how angry she is and how unhappy she is with her life. You don’t want to end up being married and having multiple children with someone lien this. He should be happy for you and make the decision to either go with you or end the relationship. You need to do what is best for you especially when you have someone like this who is obviously not happy for you.
I don’t know who the poster is, so that doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in getting married again and I don’t want children. That being said, I don’t need to be treated like that. It isn’t narcissistic in this case, imo, it is a fearful avoidant attachment style. It’s no excuse, though.
Do what is best for you, this sounds like an amazing opportunity and the job of your dreams. If he really loves you, he wouldn't try to hold you back. Instead, he'd be super supportive and try to find a way to make it work with you.
I am excited for you and I wish you all the best! 
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| Posted 3/4/22 9:00 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by lululu
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
I guess my question would be how you approached it with him. Did you just all of a sudden say that you would be looking for a job not only in another city, but potentially in another country? If I had been dating someone for years and all of a sudden they came to me and said "oh by the way I am thinking about broadening my job search to include Mexico" I don't know exactly how I would handle it. But if you asked him what he thought about it and how you could make it work as a couple, then that's different. Either way it sounds like your career and this opportunity are more important than your relationship, so that's great and you should definitely go for it. I also don't agree with the silent treatment. I think that there should always be open communication, but it sounds like he is hurting too.
I mentioned it to him when I asked him to help me with my German resume and cover letter last year (or two years ago?) and he helped me apply on the website because it was a bit complicated. That was for the same position but by Hamburg I think. I applied a few times for this position. He understood because I desperately needed a job and Munich is too damn expensive. He no longer works in my city now because of the pandemic, and is now an hour away. We talked about me moving out by him, but there are no jobs in my field by him and I didn’t want to commute to Munich for work. My car is kind of unreliable (sometimes I can’t get it to go into reverse easily and I can feel the same problem happening when I go into third; luckily I can get my car fixed for a discount because of this job) and public transport would be longer than an hour. He was also helping to pay rent in Munich and I got tired of that.
So it was mentioned about 1-2 years ago. In January this year is when I mentioned the Czech Republic (it’s a lot closer to me than Hamburg would be). That’s when he got upset and said something. I said I need a job and he understood.
Then I got the call for the interview and the assessment. Getting called for the assessment told me that this time was serious. There are a lot of regulations that stop me from working in Bavaria in my field, but this is a federal job and those regulations don’t count. This is a common problem in academia and many colleagues I have worked with have worked all over Germany for this very reason. At one point he said I should train to work in elderly care since they need so many workers there and then I can find a job by him. I didn’t do that obviously. When I told him that I got the call is when he went silent. I got a text 2 weeks later saying he needs time and I asked for a live discussion and not a text. Still no answer.
At this point I am not even going to tell him I got the job and I’m just going to leave. I blocked him on all platforms but he can still leave a voice message. Nothing.
I don’t care anymore. There is a lot more background, obviously. But I wanted to answer your question of how I told him.
He said a while ago that I often him put him in the position of making him choose between me or his family. I did no such thing. All I wanted was a secure and well-paying job. There is the option of staying in Munich, but I do not like the subject matter to teach. Plus he has shown his true colors.
ETA: there was no suggestion by him saying he would find another job. He said he liked his job.
Message edited 3/4/2022 9:34:48 AM.
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| Posted 3/4/22 9:32 AM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by lululu
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
I guess my question would be how you approached it with him. Did you just all of a sudden say that you would be looking for a job not only in another city, but potentially in another country? If I had been dating someone for years and all of a sudden they came to me and said "oh by the way I am thinking about broadening my job search to include Mexico" I don't know exactly how I would handle it. But if you asked him what he thought about it and how you could make it work as a couple, then that's different. Either way it sounds like your career and this opportunity are more important than your relationship, so that's great and you should definitely go for it. I also don't agree with the silent treatment. I think that there should always be open communication, but it sounds like he is hurting too.
I mentioned it to him when I asked him to help me with my German resume and cover letter last year (or two years ago?) and he helped me apply on the website because it was a bit complicated. That was for the same position but by Hamburg I think. I applied a few times for this position. He understood because I desperately needed a job and Munich is too damn expensive. He no longer works in my city now because of the pandemic, and is now an hour away. We talked about me moving out by him, but there are no jobs in my field by him and I didn’t want to commute to Munich for work. My car is kind of unreliable (sometimes I can’t get it to go into reverse easily and I can feel the same problem happening when I go into third; luckily I can get my car fixed for a discount because of this job) and public transport would be longer than an hour. He was also helping to pay rent in Munich and I got tired of that.
So it was mentioned about 1-2 years ago. In January this year is when I mentioned the Czech Republic (it’s a lot closer to me than Hamburg would be). That’s when he got upset and said something. I said I need a job and he understood.
Then I got the call for the interview and the assessment. Getting called for the assessment told me that this time was serious. There are a lot of regulations that stop me from working in Bavaria in my field, but this is a federal job and those regulations don’t count. This is a common problem in academia and many colleagues I have worked with have worked all over Germany for this very reason. At one point he said I should train to work in elderly care since they need so many workers there and then I can find a job by him. I didn’t do that obviously. When I told him that I got the call is when he went silent. I got a text 2 weeks later saying he needs time and I asked for a live discussion and not a text. Still no answer.
At this point I am not even going to tell him I got the job and I’m just going to leave. I blocked him on all platforms but he can still leave a voice message. Nothing.
I don’t care anymore. There is a lot more background, obviously. But I wanted to answer your question of how I told him.
He said a while ago that I often him put him in the position of making him choose between me or his family. I did no such thing. All I wanted was a secure and well-paying job. There is the option of staying in Munich, but I do not like the subject matter to teach. Plus he has shown his true colors.
ETA: there was no suggestion by him saying he would find another job. He said he liked his job.
Honestly, it sounds like you already broke up with him so it's a non-issue. Sorry if that sounds too harsh or blunt. I wouldn't even mention him when talking about this job because its a non factor. Why taint something good with a break up?
Congratulations and good luck!
Message edited 3/4/2022 9:41:39 AM.
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| Posted 3/4/22 9:39 AM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
No one deserves the silent treatment. That is a narcissist and there is a poster in here who goes through the same thing and you can see how angry she is and how unhappy she is with her life. You don’t want to end up being married and having multiple children with someone lien this. He should be happy for you and make the decision to either go with you or end the relationship. You need to do what is best for you especially when you have someone like this who is obviously not happy for you.
I don’t know who the poster is, so that doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in getting married again and I don’t want children. That being said, I don’t need to be treated like that. It isn’t narcissistic in this case, imo, it is a fearful avoidant attachment style. It’s no excuse, though.
The silent treatment is one behavior of a narcissist and no, no one should be treated like that.
Damn I must be abusive and narcissistic. No one has ever given someone the silent treatment or cold shoulder on here? I would call it immature but I think these are harsh words being thrown around.
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| Posted 3/4/22 9:41 AM |
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by Sash
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
No one deserves the silent treatment. That is a narcissist and there is a poster in here who goes through the same thing and you can see how angry she is and how unhappy she is with her life. You don’t want to end up being married and having multiple children with someone lien this. He should be happy for you and make the decision to either go with you or end the relationship. You need to do what is best for you especially when you have someone like this who is obviously not happy for you.
I don’t know who the poster is, so that doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in getting married again and I don’t want children. That being said, I don’t need to be treated like that. It isn’t narcissistic in this case, imo, it is a fearful avoidant attachment style. It’s no excuse, though.
The silent treatment is one behavior of a narcissist and no, no one should be treated like that.
Damn I must be abusive and narcissistic. No one has ever given someone the silent treatment or cold shoulder on here? I would call it immature but I think these are harsh words being thrown around.
Nope, I am a talking and could never stay silent for very long
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| Posted 3/4/22 9:50 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: I got the job!
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by lululu
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Lucky09
Congratulations! So happy for you! I don't want to comment on your relationship but I will say you should do what's best for you. Too many women, myself included, put their career second to their relationship - men never seem to make similar choices. Cheers to you!
Thank you! Yes, I agree that too many women put their career second to their relationship. I did that in my marriage and when it ended I really regretted it.
I told him about 2 months ago that I would be looking elsewhere for a job. I was interested in the Czech Republic at this time, but still trying for other areas in Germany because I didn’t want to have to learn Czech (My visa is as a permanent resident in Germany, but it’s EU wide, so it is easy to move).
When I got the call that I finally got this interview (he knew I had been trying for years for this place), it was the silent treatment. It’s still the silent treatment a month later. I tried to talk to him, but nothing. There are other factors involved, but it’s too long to explain.
I have been looking for a full time contract for 5 years. I need this. Part time contracts and freelance was not cutting it.
ETA: I can stay in my city, but it is for teaching a type of English I don’t care for. Plus, the silent treatment is abusive.
I guess my question would be how you approached it with him. Did you just all of a sudden say that you would be looking for a job not only in another city, but potentially in another country? If I had been dating someone for years and all of a sudden they came to me and said "oh by the way I am thinking about broadening my job search to include Mexico" I don't know exactly how I would handle it. But if you asked him what he thought about it and how you could make it work as a couple, then that's different. Either way it sounds like your career and this opportunity are more important than your relationship, so that's great and you should definitely go for it. I also don't agree with the silent treatment. I think that there should always be open communication, but it sounds like he is hurting too.
I mentioned it to him when I asked him to help me with my German resume and cover letter last year (or two years ago?) and he helped me apply on the website because it was a bit complicated. That was for the same position but by Hamburg I think. I applied a few times for this position. He understood because I desperately needed a job and Munich is too damn expensive. He no longer works in my city now because of the pandemic, and is now an hour away. We talked about me moving out by him, but there are no jobs in my field by him and I didn’t want to commute to Munich for work. My car is kind of unreliable (sometimes I can’t get it to go into reverse easily and I can feel the same problem happening when I go into third; luckily I can get my car fixed for a discount because of this job) and public transport would be longer than an hour. He was also helping to pay rent in Munich and I got tired of that.
So it was mentioned about 1-2 years ago. In January this year is when I mentioned the Czech Republic (it’s a lot closer to me than Hamburg would be). That’s when he got upset and said something. I said I need a job and he understood.
Then I got the call for the interview and the assessment. Getting called for the assessment told me that this time was serious. There are a lot of regulations that stop me from working in Bavaria in my field, but this is a federal job and those regulations don’t count. This is a common problem in academia and many colleagues I have worked with have worked all over Germany for this very reason. At one point he said I should train to work in elderly care since they need so many workers there and then I can find a job by him. I didn’t do that obviously. When I told him that I got the call is when he went silent. I got a text 2 weeks later saying he needs time and I asked for a live discussion and not a text. Still no answer.
At this point I am not even going to tell him I got the job and I’m just going to leave. I blocked him on all platforms but he can still leave a voice message. Nothing.
I don’t care anymore. There is a lot more background, obviously. But I wanted to answer your question of how I told him.
He said a while ago that I often him put him in the position of making him choose between me or his family. I did no such thing. All I wanted was a secure and well-paying job. There is the option of staying in Munich, but I do not like the subject matter to teach. Plus he has shown his true colors.
ETA: there was no suggestion by him saying he would find another job. He said he liked his job.
Yeah not texting or calling for two weeks is crazy. Like Sash said it sounds like you've already broken up so it's great that you have a new job and a move to look forward to! Good luck! Such an exciting time for you!
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| Posted 3/4/22 10:11 AM |
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