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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
Yeah but that’s a totally different situation than what I said. I’m talking about when there ARE assets left and the relationship is positive and the mom doesn’t leave it to the kid. Of course, people should spend as they like when they are alive.
I guess that would seem off, but that doesn’t really seem realistic. And again the parent still wouldn’t be doing anything wrong. I feel the relations isn’t so positive if a parent would do that in your specific. example.
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Posted 2/23/22 4:12 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
Yeah but that’s a totally different situation than what I said. I’m talking about when there ARE assets left and the relationship is positive and the mom doesn’t leave it to the kid. Of course, people should spend as they like when they are alive.
I guess that would seem off, but that doesn’t really seem realistic. And again the parent still wouldn’t be doing anything wrong. I feel the relations isn’t so positive if a parent would do that in your specific. example.
I agree that it isn’t realistic , which is why I was surprised when you said it isn’t cold to not leave your money to your kid in that sort of situation. I disagree though that the parent isn’t doing anything in That situation.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:18 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4430 total posts
Name:
Karen
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What would you do …
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:23 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
that's not what she said, though. She said if said mother HAD assets and willingly chose to give to someone else that is cold. If a mother chose to use any remaining money on herself/enjoying the last years of her life then that's totally different. But being manipulative and making the choice to withhold assets from an only child with the intention of giving to someone else is a bit odd. JMO
She said a parent is cold as fuq for not giving their kids an inheritance and I’m sorry that is not true because I don’t think that child is entitled to sh!t when their parent dies. And if it’s such a beautiful harmonious relationship with rainbows and unicorns, then I’m pretty sure the person would leave their assets to their child. So that example doesn’t make any sense because it’s less likely that a parent in this great relationship with their kid would do it to spite them. I am using real life examples that would make sense of why a parent isn’t cold af for not leaving their kids assets.
What does entitled even mean though ? Kids are aren’t “ entitled “ to summer camp , lots of toys , extra curricular activities, a sweet 16 , help with college , help with a wedding , help with a down payment etc etc. Spouses aren’t “entitled” to getting presents , date nights , being a Sahm if that’s important , going on vacations etc. Grandchildren aren’t “entitled “ to be watched for free by grandparents , or to pick up the grandkids or to watch them when the parents go on vacation. Yet , these are all acts of love that people give to each other. So no , no one is “entitled” to an inheritance ,or anything really but if you are a giving , decent person you do things for other people. All that to say , unless you kid is an axe murder , a drug addict , a sociopath, or did something incredibly toxic , it’s pretty ****** to not leave them money that you have when you die and cannot use anyway.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:28 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:32 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4430 total posts
Name:
Karen
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:46 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
that's not what she said, though. She said if said mother HAD assets and willingly chose to give to someone else that is cold. If a mother chose to use any remaining money on herself/enjoying the last years of her life then that's totally different. But being manipulative and making the choice to withhold assets from an only child with the intention of giving to someone else is a bit odd. JMO
She said a parent is cold as fuq for not giving their kids an inheritance and I’m sorry that is not true because I don’t think that child is entitled to sh!t when their parent dies. And if it’s such a beautiful harmonious relationship with rainbows and unicorns, then I’m pretty sure the person would leave their assets to their child. So that example doesn’t make any sense because it’s less likely that a parent in this great relationship with their kid would do it to spite them. I am using real life examples that would make sense of why a parent isn’t cold af for not leaving their kids assets.
What does entitled even mean though ? Kids are aren’t “ entitled “ to summer camp , lots of toys , extra curricular activities, a sweet 16 , help with college , help with a wedding , help with a down payment etc etc. Spouses aren’t “entitled” to getting presents , date nights , being a Sahm if that’s important , going on vacations etc. Grandchildren aren’t “entitled “ to be watched for free by grandparents , or to pick up the grandkids or to watch them when the parents go on vacation. Yet , these are all acts of love that people give to each other. So no , no one is “entitled” to an inheritance ,or anything really but if you are a giving , decent person you do things for other people. All that to say , unless you kid is an axe murder , a drug addict , a sociopath, or did something incredibly toxic , it’s pretty ****** to not leave them money that you have when you die and cannot use anyway.
No kids aren't entitled to any of the stuff you posted because that is all extra stuff that may offered to people who have money. Many kids do not get any of that and parents can only offer the necessities ad love. A kid will not die if they dont get a sweet 16. Summer camp is in the middle because it is a necessity for some parents. So no kids are NOT entitled to summer camp, sweet 16 and especially for a parent to pay for a wedding. Anything after you are an adult, you are on your own, which is usually when you would get an inheritance.
I am not sure what your point is with this response.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:51 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
Except it is legally half mine.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:53 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4430 total posts
Name:
Karen
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
Except it is legally half mine.
Then start giving your mother money for utilities and the mortgage. If you are on the deed and legally it is half yours you should be contributing to maintaining the house.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:56 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
that's not what she said, though. She said if said mother HAD assets and willingly chose to give to someone else that is cold. If a mother chose to use any remaining money on herself/enjoying the last years of her life then that's totally different. But being manipulative and making the choice to withhold assets from an only child with the intention of giving to someone else is a bit odd. JMO
She said a parent is cold as fuq for not giving their kids an inheritance and I’m sorry that is not true because I don’t think that child is entitled to sh!t when their parent dies. And if it’s such a beautiful harmonious relationship with rainbows and unicorns, then I’m pretty sure the person would leave their assets to their child. So that example doesn’t make any sense because it’s less likely that a parent in this great relationship with their kid would do it to spite them. I am using real life examples that would make sense of why a parent isn’t cold af for not leaving their kids assets.
What does entitled even mean though ? Kids are aren’t “ entitled “ to summer camp , lots of toys , extra curricular activities, a sweet 16 , help with college , help with a wedding , help with a down payment etc etc. Spouses aren’t “entitled” to getting presents , date nights , being a Sahm if that’s important , going on vacations etc. Grandchildren aren’t “entitled “ to be watched for free by grandparents , or to pick up the grandkids or to watch them when the parents go on vacation. Yet , these are all acts of love that people give to each other. So no , no one is “entitled” to an inheritance ,or anything really but if you are a giving , decent person you do things for other people. All that to say , unless you kid is an axe murder , a drug addict , a sociopath, or did something incredibly toxic , it’s pretty ****** to not leave them money that you have when you die and cannot use anyway.
No kids aren't entitled to any of the stuff you posted because that is all extra stuff that may offered to people who have money. Many kids do not get any of that and parents can only offer the necessities ad love. A kid will not die if they dont get a sweet 16. Summer camp is in the middle because it is a necessity for some parents. So no kids are NOT entitled to summer camp, sweet 16 and especially for a parent to pay for a wedding. Anything after you are an adult, you are on your own, which is usually when you would get an inheritance.
I am not sure what your point is with this response.
My point is that if you take your argument to its logical conclusion then no one would ever give anyone anything because technically no one is really entitled anything , but life would be a cold , sad place.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:57 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: What would you do …
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
Except it is legally half mine.
Then start giving your mother money for utilities and the mortgage. If you are on the deed and legally it is half yours you should be contributing to maintaining the house.
That’s a separate topic , but whether I give or don’t give, it still remains legally part mine. The law grants ownership by being on the deed alone not based on what you contribute or don’t contribute to the property. ETA : if someone is a sahm and the husband pays all house related bills , but she is on the deed , the house is still half hers.
Message edited 2/23/2022 5:08:19 PM.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:58 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
He should have, but he didn’t. We don’t know why he did that, but the mother agreed to it. I only know of this situation because SO has the same situation. It is weird and sticky, but it’s been done. In my SO’s case it was about parentification. But that is another story.
If the mother truly wanted it in her name, she would see a lawyer about changing the divorce decree (if that is even possible in NY state).
We don’t know OP’s situation, but she should talk to her father and see a lawyer.
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| Posted 2/23/22 4:59 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4430 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
Except it is legally half mine.
Then start giving your mother money for utilities and the mortgage. If you are on the deed and legally it is half yours you should be contributing to maintaining the house.
That’s a separate topic , but whether I give or don’t give, it still remains legally part mine. The law grants ownership by being on the deed alone not based on what you contribute or don’t contribute to the property.
Great. Then I guess you have your answer on what to do. Keep your name on it and enjoy the money once you get it.
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| Posted 2/23/22 5:02 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
Except it is legally half mine.
Then start giving your mother money for utilities and the mortgage. If you are on the deed and legally it is half yours you should be contributing to maintaining the house.
That’s a separate topic , but whether I give or don’t give, it still remains legally part mine. The law grants ownership by being on the deed alone not based on what you contribute or don’t contribute to the property.
Please see a lawyer. The clause in the divorce decree might not even be correct. There could be something to do with the fact that you got this when you were a minor. I’m not a lawyer (I only did a few contract law classes in university), but I suggest you see one. It’s also a good idea to erase this thread.
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| Posted 2/23/22 5:05 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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What would you do …
Thanks to everyone who gave feedback. I did talk to lawyer who said it’s all risk and no reward to remove myself and advised me
to stay on. I came here to get some other feedback and thoughts , as I think it’s always good to do in this sort of situation. It’s obviously very tough with my mom threatening in my mom threatening me and acting so hostile suddenly. Oh and to answer everyone who asked , my father DOES not want me get off the deed.
He used his inheritance ( ironically ) to make the original down payment in purchasing the house years ago and he wants me have to have the proceeds one day.
Message edited 2/23/2022 5:24:02 PM.
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| Posted 2/23/22 5:20 PM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
Except it is legally half mine.
Then start giving your mother money for utilities and the mortgage. If you are on the deed and legally it is half yours you should be contributing to maintaining the house.
ITA with this.
It's the morally correct thing to do, but it could also be the legally correct thing. If she wanted to take you to court - I know you said she didn't but if I've learned anything it's that anything is possible - she could make an argument that you actually do not have that entitlement as you do not contribute and it could diminish your case and a judge's decision on what your share is. I do not want to get into detail as people's personal histories are sometimes weaponized against them, but I have seen that these things are not necessarily black and white.
Forget you and her in court for a second. Like another poster said, you are legally linked. One of you gets sued, the other gets roped in and could lose their share of the asset. If she doesn't pay or whatever you are on the hook for the taxes and possibly the mortgage if there is one depending on how it is written.
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| Posted 2/23/22 5:41 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Thanks to everyone who gave feedback. I did talk to lawyer who said it’s all risk and no reward to remove myself and advised me
to stay on. I came here to get some other feedback and thoughts , as I think it’s always good to do in this sort of situation. It’s obviously very tough with my mom threatening in my mom threatening me and acting so hostile suddenly. Oh and to answer everyone who asked , my father DOES not want me get off the deed.
He used his inheritance ( ironically ) to make the original down payment in purchasing the house years ago and he wants me have to have the proceeds one day.
I think people really aren’t realizing that your dad didn’t take his share of the house as part of the divorce. He instead left his share to you. This is what entitles you to at least half of the house. Your mom agreed to this years ago if she didn’t like that she should have never agreed to it.
I’m confused why people don’t think you are entitled to any portion of the house
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| Posted 2/23/22 5:58 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by blu6385
Posted by MrsA1012
Thanks to everyone who gave feedback. I did talk to lawyer who said it’s all risk and no reward to remove myself and advised me
to stay on. I came here to get some other feedback and thoughts , as I think it’s always good to do in this sort of situation. It’s obviously very tough with my mom threatening in my mom threatening me and acting so hostile suddenly. Oh and to answer everyone who asked , my father DOES not want me get off the deed.
He used his inheritance ( ironically ) to make the original down payment in purchasing the house years ago and he wants me have to have the proceeds one day.
I think people really aren’t realizing that your dad didn’t take his share of the house as part of the divorce. He instead left his share to you. This is what entitles you to at least half of the house. Your mom agreed to this years ago if she didn’t like that she should have never agreed to it.
I’m confused why people don’t think you are entitled to any portion of the house
From some of the replies, it's pretty clear that people have their own biases around this topic, likely based on their own personal experiences. Yes, my mom agreed and was totally fine with it, literally NEVER mentioned for years. That's why her sudden fixation is so weird and makes me suspicious.
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| Posted 2/23/22 6:10 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by JennP
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by KarenK122
People must really have wealthy families because I do not know anyone who was ever left anything substantial when their parents passed away. I expect nothing from my parents except not to leave me in debt when they pass. Let them spend it when they are alive and enjoy themselves. It just sounds entitled and greedy to me, especially when you are not contributing at all to the upkeep.
Depends on where you grew up , I guess. Almost all my friends will get inheritances from the mid six figures at the low end , to the multiple millions at the high end , but they come from upper to upper middle class families. Totally agree that people should spend and do whatever they want with their money when they are alive. The conversation here is centered around when there ARE assets left over to give.
I understand that. I just would not expect anything. You do not know why your mother wants you off the deed. You also do not know that she is not planning on leaving it to you. I just feel that you are creating a rift while she is living on something you may be getting anyway. I find it silly arguing about something that is not even yours. If your father wanted you to have money, then he should have sold the house or used his buyout to put into a trust for you.
Except it is legally half mine.
Then start giving your mother money for utilities and the mortgage. If you are on the deed and legally it is half yours you should be contributing to maintaining the house.
ITA with this.
It's the morally correct thing to do, but it could also be the legally correct thing. If she wanted to take you to court - I know you said she didn't but if I've learned anything it's that anything is possible - she could make an argument that you actually do not have that entitlement as you do not contribute and it could diminish your case and a judge's decision on what your share is. I do not want to get into detail as people's personal histories are sometimes weaponized against them, but I have seen that these things are not necessarily black and white.
Forget you and her in court for a second. Like another poster said, you are legally linked. One of you gets sued, the other gets roped in and could lose their share of the asset. If she doesn't pay or whatever you are on the hook for the taxes and possibly the mortgage if there is one depending on how it is written.
I was told by the lawyer i consulted with is that being on the deed alone confers ownership. What you pay/ don't pay doesn't affect it.
No different than a SAHM who never pays a dime toward the house. but is still entitled to half if it is sold ( aside from martial property laws, just based on being on the deed )
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| Posted 2/23/22 6:13 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by blu6385
Posted by MrsA1012
Thanks to everyone who gave feedback. I did talk to lawyer who said it’s all risk and no reward to remove myself and advised me
to stay on. I came here to get some other feedback and thoughts , as I think it’s always good to do in this sort of situation. It’s obviously very tough with my mom threatening in my mom threatening me and acting so hostile suddenly. Oh and to answer everyone who asked , my father DOES not want me get off the deed.
He used his inheritance ( ironically ) to make the original down payment in purchasing the house years ago and he wants me have to have the proceeds one day.
I think people really aren’t realizing that your dad didn’t take his share of the house as part of the divorce. He instead left his share to you. This is what entitles you to at least half of the house. Your mom agreed to this years ago if she didn’t like that she should have never agreed to it.
I’m confused why people don’t think you are entitled to any portion of the house
From some of the replies, it's pretty clear that people have their own biases around this topic, likely based on their own personal experiences. Yes, my mom agreed and was totally fine with it, literally NEVER mentioned for years. That's why her sudden fixation is so weird and makes me suspicious.
It’s because you kept saying inheritance and your post sounded like you were entitled to all the assets of the house. Which you aren’t if this was actually an inheritance. That is why people replied the way the way they did. However, this is not an inheritance and I did say you should keep your name on the deed. But I also think there is a big question mark with the fact that your mom has been paying for everything this whole time. So what was the deal with the original agreement with your name on the deed. You get half of the house if she was to sell tomorrow or only half of what it was worth back then? This is me asking out curiosity.
ETA: also this can have a negative effect. Do you get half of the debt or messed up credit if she doesn’t pay it? Lol.
Nm.. see you answered above:
Message edited 2/23/2022 6:48:24 PM.
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| Posted 2/23/22 6:46 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
that's not what she said, though. She said if said mother HAD assets and willingly chose to give to someone else that is cold. If a mother chose to use any remaining money on herself/enjoying the last years of her life then that's totally different. But being manipulative and making the choice to withhold assets from an only child with the intention of giving to someone else is a bit odd. JMO
She said a parent is cold as fuq for not giving their kids an inheritance and I’m sorry that is not true because I don’t think that child is entitled to sh!t when their parent dies. And if it’s such a beautiful harmonious relationship with rainbows and unicorns, then I’m pretty sure the person would leave their assets to their child. So that example doesn’t make any sense because it’s less likely that a parent in this great relationship with their kid would do it to spite them. I am using real life examples that would make sense of why a parent isn’t cold af for not leaving their kids assets.
What does entitled even mean though ? Kids are aren’t “ entitled “ to summer camp , lots of toys , extra curricular activities, a sweet 16 , help with college , help with a wedding , help with a down payment etc etc. Spouses aren’t “entitled” to getting presents , date nights , being a Sahm if that’s important , going on vacations etc. Grandchildren aren’t “entitled “ to be watched for free by grandparents , or to pick up the grandkids or to watch them when the parents go on vacation. Yet , these are all acts of love that people give to each other. So no , no one is “entitled” to an inheritance ,or anything really but if you are a giving , decent person you do things for other people. All that to say , unless you kid is an axe murder , a drug addict , a sociopath, or did something incredibly toxic , it’s pretty ****** to not leave them money that you have when you die and cannot use anyway.
No kids aren't entitled to any of the stuff you posted because that is all extra stuff that may offered to people who have money. Many kids do not get any of that and parents can only offer the necessities ad love. A kid will not die if they dont get a sweet 16. Summer camp is in the middle because it is a necessity for some parents. So no kids are NOT entitled to summer camp, sweet 16 and especially for a parent to pay for a wedding. Anything after you are an adult, you are on your own, which is usually when you would get an inheritance.
I am not sure what your point is with this response.
My point is that if you take your argument to its logical conclusion then no one would ever give anyone anything because technically no one is really entitled anything , but life would be a cold , sad place.
Lol.. yes it would be sad. Thanks for clarifying because I didn’t understand where you were going with it.
I will add I never said you should not go above and beyond for your kids if you have the funds to do so. Many do not. But a child always expecting it and feeling entitled to it, is how spoiled brats are made. A sense of entitlement like the world owes them something without having any independence because everything is handed out to them. This is what I was attacking, having the sense like stuff that isn’t yours is owed to you when it’s 100% not. That is where the statement “no child is entitled to their parents assets” is coming from. I am not saying you should not leave stuff to your kid but they are not owed it.
Message edited 2/23/2022 6:56:34 PM.
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| Posted 2/23/22 6:55 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
that's not what she said, though. She said if said mother HAD assets and willingly chose to give to someone else that is cold. If a mother chose to use any remaining money on herself/enjoying the last years of her life then that's totally different. But being manipulative and making the choice to withhold assets from an only child with the intention of giving to someone else is a bit odd. JMO
She said a parent is cold as fuq for not giving their kids an inheritance and I’m sorry that is not true because I don’t think that child is entitled to sh!t when their parent dies. And if it’s such a beautiful harmonious relationship with rainbows and unicorns, then I’m pretty sure the person would leave their assets to their child. So that example doesn’t make any sense because it’s less likely that a parent in this great relationship with their kid would do it to spite them. I am using real life examples that would make sense of why a parent isn’t cold af for not leaving their kids assets.
What does entitled even mean though ? Kids are aren’t “ entitled “ to summer camp , lots of toys , extra curricular activities, a sweet 16 , help with college , help with a wedding , help with a down payment etc etc. Spouses aren’t “entitled” to getting presents , date nights , being a Sahm if that’s important , going on vacations etc. Grandchildren aren’t “entitled “ to be watched for free by grandparents , or to pick up the grandkids or to watch them when the parents go on vacation. Yet , these are all acts of love that people give to each other. So no , no one is “entitled” to an inheritance ,or anything really but if you are a giving , decent person you do things for other people. All that to say , unless you kid is an axe murder , a drug addict , a sociopath, or did something incredibly toxic , it’s pretty ****** to not leave them money that you have when you die and cannot use anyway.
No kids aren't entitled to any of the stuff you posted because that is all extra stuff that may offered to people who have money. Many kids do not get any of that and parents can only offer the necessities ad love. A kid will not die if they dont get a sweet 16. Summer camp is in the middle because it is a necessity for some parents. So no kids are NOT entitled to summer camp, sweet 16 and especially for a parent to pay for a wedding. Anything after you are an adult, you are on your own, which is usually when you would get an inheritance.
I am not sure what your point is with this response.
My point is that if you take your argument to its logical conclusion then no one would ever give anyone anything because technically no one is really entitled anything , but life would be a cold , sad place.
Lol.. yes it would be sad. Thanks for clarifying because I didn’t understand where you were going with it.
I will add I never said you should not go above and beyond for your kids if you have the funds to do so. Many do not. But a child always expecting it and feeling entitled to it, is how spoiled brats are made. A sense of entitlement like the world owes them something without having any independence because everything is handed out to them. This is what I was attacking, having the sense like stuff that isn’t yours is owed to you when it’s 100% not. That is where the statement “no child is entitled to their parents assets” is coming from. I am not saying you should not leave stuff to your kid but they are not owed it.
I hear you. I think everything is a balancing act. There needs to be gratitude , for sure. Personally, I enjoy spoiling the people I care about in whatever way I can, provided they aren’t taking advantage of me. I spend a small rent payment on my kid’s activities each month, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My teenage relative is visiting this week and going through a rough time. I will spend hundreds on taking her out for shopping, mani / pedi dinner etc. She isn’t entitled to it, but in a cold world generosity is important.
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| Posted 2/23/22 7:07 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: What would you do …
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Sash
Posted by MrsA1012
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Posted by MrsA1012
Posted by Jacquelina
It makes me sad that she doesnt want you to be on the deed...I mean what parent wouldnt want their assets to go to their only child.
Lets just say god forbid she died tomorrow, doesnt it make sense that your only child remain on the deed so nothing ends up in the hands of the state?
Regardless of how and when your name was put on there...I know plently of people who have now added their adult children to the deeds of their homes/condos just to make the process easier when the time does come...
One comment mentioned she has no right to her parents money...like what??? So if the mother dies, who should the money go to then??? I expect all my assets to go to my children when I pass. I gave birth to them, I raised them and I loved them. They are my world. why wouldnt I want to leave them everything?
Thanks for these words. I’m pretty shocked to see so many people say children aren’t entitled to anything. Entitled no , but barring some crazy circumstances what loving parent wouldn’t want their kids to have their assets when they are no longer there? I spend SO much on my child. Most of my discretionary income goes to her and I will leave her everything when I die. I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who doesn’t think this way. It’s cold and disturbing , tbh. Ultimately , I don’t think my mom would actually disinherit me , but her behavior over this has been so hostile and pushy that it’s hard to trust her totally.
Because just like some parents can be jerks, children who become adults can also become little @ssholes. Every circumstance and family is different. You can’t make a sweeping statement calling a parent cold because they didn’t give their child an inheritance.
There is such a sense of entitlement on this thread.
And to answer your questions, I don’t think you should take your name off the deed but I do think you should chill with the words and how you describe the situation. I don’t think you mean it like that but like another poster said the word inheritance and it should go to me me and my kid sounds greedy. I would stick to facts, this is an arrangement your dad and mom made. Not you as you were a minor and you’re leaving it the way they arranged it.
Personally, If it was me, I’d probably just give her the house and be done with it. But my circumstances are totally different and not relatable to your family dynamics.
I said outside of extreme circumstances, ie the kid does something horrible or dangerous , he / she’ isn’t responsible enough to handle the money, then I can understand it. Absent that , I do think it’s cold and awful to not leave what you have to the children you choose to have , that you loved and raised. I will leave my kid everything when I’m gone and when I’m alive I would always help her in any possible way. That’s what being a good mom means to me.
There are plenty of excellent moms who don't leave an inheritance. No child is entitled to it. period. point. blank.
Not being left an inheritance, is not cold.
. If a mom has a good kid, loves that kid and has a good relationship with that kid but willing chooses to give her all assets to someone else then she’s not a good mom and yeah ,she’s cold af.
Maybe the mom wants to retire and travel the world after slaving her whole life for her kids and there are no assets left when she dies. So in this situation the mom is cold af and a bad mom?
No she isn’t.
that's not what she said, though. She said if said mother HAD assets and willingly chose to give to someone else that is cold. If a mother chose to use any remaining money on herself/enjoying the last years of her life then that's totally different. But being manipulative and making the choice to withhold assets from an only child with the intention of giving to someone else is a bit odd. JMO
She said a parent is cold as fuq for not giving their kids an inheritance and I’m sorry that is not true because I don’t think that child is entitled to sh!t when their parent dies. And if it’s such a beautiful harmonious relationship with rainbows and unicorns, then I’m pretty sure the person would leave their assets to their child. So that example doesn’t make any sense because it’s less likely that a parent in this great relationship with their kid would do it to spite them. I am using real life examples that would make sense of why a parent isn’t cold af for not leaving their kids assets.
What does entitled even mean though ? Kids are aren’t “ entitled “ to summer camp , lots of toys , extra curricular activities, a sweet 16 , help with college , help with a wedding , help with a down payment etc etc. Spouses aren’t “entitled” to getting presents , date nights , being a Sahm if that’s important , going on vacations etc. Grandchildren aren’t “entitled “ to be watched for free by grandparents , or to pick up the grandkids or to watch them when the parents go on vacation. Yet , these are all acts of love that people give to each other. So no , no one is “entitled” to an inheritance ,or anything really but if you are a giving , decent person you do things for other people. All that to say , unless you kid is an axe murder , a drug addict , a sociopath, or did something incredibly toxic , it’s pretty ****** to not leave them money that you have when you die and cannot use anyway.
No kids aren't entitled to any of the stuff you posted because that is all extra stuff that may offered to people who have money. Many kids do not get any of that and parents can only offer the necessities ad love. A kid will not die if they dont get a sweet 16. Summer camp is in the middle because it is a necessity for some parents. So no kids are NOT entitled to summer camp, sweet 16 and especially for a parent to pay for a wedding. Anything after you are an adult, you are on your own, which is usually when you would get an inheritance.
I am not sure what your point is with this response.
My point is that if you take your argument to its logical conclusion then no one would ever give anyone anything because technically no one is really entitled anything , but life would be a cold , sad place.
Lol.. yes it would be sad. Thanks for clarifying because I didn’t understand where you were going with it.
I will add I never said you should not go above and beyond for your kids if you have the funds to do so. Many do not. But a child always expecting it and feeling entitled to it, is how spoiled brats are made. A sense of entitlement like the world owes them something without having any independence because everything is handed out to them. This is what I was attacking, having the sense like stuff that isn’t yours is owed to you when it’s 100% not. That is where the statement “no child is entitled to their parents assets” is coming from. I am not saying you should not leave stuff to your kid but they are not owed it.
I hear you. I think everything is a balancing act. There needs to be gratitude , for sure. Personally, I enjoy spoiling the people I care about in whatever way I can, provided they aren’t taking advantage of me. I spend a small rent payment on my kid’s activities each month, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My teenage relative is visiting this week and going through a rough time. I will spend hundreds on taking her out for shopping, mani / pedi dinner etc. She isn’t entitled to it, but in a cold world generosity is important.
Girl, trust me my son does get spoiled and a lot of stuff he isn’t entitled to. Same with my two nieces, and then get it double because I also over compensate for the fact that they don’t have grandparents on our side. My sister does the same for my son.
My son gets a lot because:
1. He’s basically raised as an only child. My SS is 12 years older and reaped the same benefit
2. Because I grew up po, I couldn’t even afford the O & R type poor. Lol. So my son basically gets everything I wish I had.
So I do get it. You want to give your kids everything. My son has made comments, about getting our house or other things. And I always remind him this is our stuff that we worked hard for an he is not owed it. He has to work hard for his own stuff. I know he’s not being malicious but I also don’t want him to be entitled to the point that You gotta keep them ground.
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| Posted 2/23/22 7:38 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: What would you do …
I went through something similar, and I very stupidly took my name off the deed. DON'T DO IT.
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| Posted 2/23/22 7:51 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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What would you do …
DO NOT take your name off the deed. I'm sorry you are in this situation and have a strained relationship with your mom but IMO if your dad took steps to make sure you were on the deed during the divorce, chances are there is stuff behinds the scene he was worried about.
And no, no adult is "entitled" to their parents property however in this case since your mom and dad both had that as a marital home and your dad wanted to make sure you were listed on the deed, then yes you should absolutely keep your name on and protect your inheritance.
I am also on the deed to a property my mother bought that is now worth close to 7 figures. If I was put in your position there is no way I would remove my name. Hope everything works out and you both are able to repair your relationship.
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| Posted 2/23/22 8:01 PM |
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