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money lent to family

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noni882
LIF Infant

Member since 7/06

338 total posts

Name:

money lent to family

Backstory is my in laws came into a situation where they needed money to get them out of debt.
It was supposed to be for a short time only because they were supposed be getting money from their tax refund and another payment.
My DH made me feel guilty when I questioned whether we should loan the money or not so I agreed.
We loaned them close to 30,000. This was the bulk of our savings apart from 401Ks.
Fast forward and we still have not received repayment bc they say they want to give it back to us in full not little by little.
I am starting to get nervous that we may not get it back soon.
I have asked DH to talk to them again and he says he did but he is not good with dealing with his family. I understand that he wants to do everything for his parents but we are not in the place to be gifting them that money at all.
What would you do?

Posted 1/24/21 5:04 PM
 
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busymomonli
Resident Insomniac

Member since 4/13

1823 total posts

Name:

money lent to family

Can your husband tell them you would prefer they pay what they have so far and make payments on the rest, maybe saying you need the money for something? At least then you'd know the money is coming in even if a little at a time.

Posted 1/24/21 5:18 PM
 

GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!

Member since 11/06

26214 total posts

Name:
Shawn

Re: money lent to family

Maybe they could do $5k increments? That way it's not "monthly payments", but you start getting it back sooner, rather than waiting until the full amount?

Posted 1/24/21 5:21 PM
 

nycbuslady
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/15

776 total posts

Name:

money lent to family

I would say that we don't mind getting it little by little. Unfortunately, that likely means that they don't even have the partial payment.

I think you need to sit down with your inlaws together and tell them the truth. Tell them that this isn't extra money that you can do without. This is your savings that you need for yourselves. You may have to do the talking, but your husband needs to be on your side. JMO.

Posted 1/24/21 5:22 PM
 

chilltocam
LIF Adult

Member since 11/11

8574 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Posted by nycbuslady

I would say that we don't mind getting it little by little. Unfortunately, that likely means that they don't even have the partial payment.

I think you need to sit down with your inlaws together and tell them the truth. Tell them that this isn't extra money that you can do without. This is your savings that you need for yourselves. You may have to do the talking, but your husband needs to be on your side. JMO.



I agree - you all need to sit down together. Can you schedule time to talk to them, and let them know this is what you want to talk about, so they don't feel like it's an ambush

Posted 1/24/21 5:46 PM
 

MarathonKnitter
HAPPY

Member since 2/07

17074 total posts

Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE

Re: money lent to family

Posted by chilltocam

Posted by nycbuslady

I would say that we don't mind getting it little by little. Unfortunately, that likely means that they don't even have the partial payment.

I think you need to sit down with your inlaws together and tell them the truth. Tell them that this isn't extra money that you can do without. This is your savings that you need for yourselves. You may have to do the talking, but your husband needs to be on your side. JMO.



I agree - you all need to sit down together. Can you schedule time to talk to them, and let them know this is what you want to talk about, so they don't feel like it's an ambush



i agree, as well.
it's better to just put everything on the table.

i hate it when people force your hand this way.

Posted 1/24/21 6:10 PM
 

CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!

Member since 5/05

13524 total posts

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Re: money lent to family

If your husband is not willing to reach out to them - I would.
Let them know that you loaned them the money understanding that it would be short term. They're not paying it back, is causing your family financial harm. To that, add that you would prefer small, incremental loan repayments.
Tell them you would like to draft a repayment schedule so all of you can be on the same page.
See where it goes.
My guess is that you will never see that money. At which point, you have to decide what and how you want the relationship to look going forward.

Posted 1/24/21 6:26 PM
 

Pomegranate5
LIF Adult

Member since 2/11

4660 total posts

Name:
Pomegranate5

Re: money lent to family

Posted by noni882

they say they want to give it back to us in full not little by little.



This is a red flag. You need to have a sit down with them asap.

Posted 1/24/21 6:37 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19152 total posts

Name:
L

Re: money lent to family

I would assume the money is gone and you are not getting it back. I would tell them they need to pay you partial payments monthly. I know that is an expensive lesson, just don't repeat it. It might be a good idea for you to have separate finances from your husband as well.

Posted 1/24/21 6:46 PM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

8025 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Posted by Pomegranate5

Posted by noni882

they say they want to give it back to us in full not little by little.



This is a red flag. You need to have a sit down with them asap.



Have they received the payments that they planned to use to pay you back? Is it possible they are still waiting for them? If they have already received the payments back I would ask them to pay you back as much as you can now. And next time just say you don't have it, that all of your savings is tied up in 401k and IRA accounts.

Posted 1/24/21 6:55 PM
 

MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!

Member since 5/06

3098 total posts

Name:
MrsDrMatt

Re: money lent to family

You are being taken advantage of by your in-laws. Your husband is taking advantage of you too by making you feel guilty.

You will never see the previously owed money again. Don't give them more money because you wont see that again either.

It is time for your husband to put you and your family first. If he will not, I am sorry to say you have bigger problems.

I do wish you all the best. You are a strong woman for even realizing this is wrong. Stronger than you know.

Posted 1/24/21 6:55 PM
 

JME78
LIF Adult

Member since 11/09

3602 total posts

Name:

money lent to family

I would first have a conversation with your DH - tell him that he needs to tell his parents that its time to set up a payment plan. Any repayment is better than no repayment. Tell him that if he wont talk to his parents, you will.

After that call them and ask to set up a payment plan.

Posted 1/24/21 6:58 PM
 

Momma2015
Mommax2

Member since 12/12

6487 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Posted by JME78

I would first have a conversation with your DH - tell him that he needs to tell his parents that its time to set up a payment plan. Any repayment is better than no repayment. Tell him that if he wont talk to his parents, you will.

After that call them and ask to set up a payment plan.



Yeah, I know your DH is not good with his family, but he should be the one to do this. Though you may need to step in. This is not a small amount of money! $30k is a LOT! I'd have him ask how much they can give you back now. But it sounds like they are just not good with money and I'm not sure you'll ever see the full amount... or if you do they'll have to put themselves back into debt to get it to you.

Posted 1/24/21 7:29 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7164 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Sorry you are in this awkward situation. What a headache.

I would sit down with DH and tell him you need a repayment plan and make it up with him. Let him present it to his parents and if they need to adjust, so be it but at least you know you will be getting some money back.

I also have a DH who doesn't do well dealing with his family. Tell him he can do or you can do it, but it will go over FAR BETTER if he does it.

Posted 1/24/21 8:39 PM
 

JennP
LIF Adult

Member since 10/06

3644 total posts

Name:
Jenn

Re: money lent to family

Posted by LSP2005

I would assume the money is gone and you are not getting it back. I would tell them they need to pay you partial payments monthly. I know that is an expensive lesson, just don't repeat it. It might be a good idea for you to have separate finances from your husband as well.



I still agree with what a lot of people said about at least trying to set up a payment plan but I want to echo this, esp. the last part.

This is going to sound harsh but 30k is a LOT of money and unless DH is raging mad and ready to cut off relations with them over this I would start separating at least some money from him and tell him why.

Posted 1/24/21 9:34 PM
 

noni882
LIF Infant

Member since 7/06

338 total posts

Name:

money lent to family

Thank you everyone for the advice. I do have a small separate account that I keep in my name only but that money was from our joint account.
I am going to speak with DH and tell him we both need to have a call with his parents and really discuss at least setting up some kind of payment schedule.

Posted 1/24/21 9:44 PM
 

LastLightGlow
Mystic.

Member since 4/07

2642 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Posted by JennP

Posted by LSP2005

I would assume the money is gone and you are not getting it back. I would tell them they need to pay you partial payments monthly. I know that is an expensive lesson, just don't repeat it. It might be a good idea for you to have separate finances from your husband as well.



I still agree with what a lot of people said about at least trying to set up a payment plan but I want to echo this, esp. the last part.

This is going to sound harsh but 30k is a LOT of money and unless DH is raging mad and ready to cut off relations with them over this I would start separating at least some money from him and tell him why.



This. Now that you’re in this situation, start protecting yourself from the possibility you may never get this $ back.

Posted 1/24/21 11:29 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

3855 total posts

Name:
Karen

money lent to family

You need to sit down all together and come up with a payment plan. With that much money you should have discussed it before you gave it to them.

Posted 1/25/21 12:12 PM
 

MC09
arrrghhh!!!!

Member since 2/09

5525 total posts

Name:
Me speaks pirate!

Re: money lent to family

$30K is a lot of money to loan to anyone without coming up with a repayment plan beforehand. I think your DH has to be the one to step up about this. If he can't then you need to step in, but it will be better if he starts standing firm with them. They need to start repaying you guys back on a schedule asap.

I'd be more upset with DH for so easily handing over your entire savings. Are we talking grandma needed life-saving surgery or she ran up her QVC bill? You don't have to answer that, but one of these is not an excusable reason to take all the money from your kid's account and then be so cavalier about when you'd prefer to repay it. What happened to the $ they were waiting on? Why can't they repay you from there?

Posted 1/25/21 1:19 AM
 

Hofstra26
Love to Bake!

Member since 7/06

26247 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Posted by KarenK122

You need to sit down all together and come up with a payment plan. With that much money you should have discussed it before you gave it to them.



I agree with both comments.

That is SO much money, I'd be on them like white on rice to get that money back.

Posted 1/25/21 1:51 AM
 

Sparrow
LIF Adult

Member since 11/10

6824 total posts

Name:

money lent to family

Them not wanting to make payments sounds off to me. I would insist that they come up with a reasonable payment plan and a date to have the money fully returned. I can't believe someone would take that much money to begin with, then not start paying it back as soon as humanly possible.

I was aways cautioned against lending mone to anyone. If they're in the position to have to borrow money from a friend/family member as opposed to a bank then they're likely not someone who's ever going to be capable of paying it back. Good luck, I hope you get your funds returned!!

Posted 1/25/21 1:06 PM
 

tray831
Dee-licious!

Member since 3/06

5256 total posts

Name:
His Baby

Re: money lent to family

Posted by noni882

Thank you everyone for the advice. I do have a small separate account that I keep in my name only but that money was from our joint account.
I am going to speak with DH and tell him we both need to have a call with his parents and really discuss at least setting up some kind of payment schedule.



I really think a payment schedule is the best idea.
With a loan amount of $30K; I think $5K is more than reasonable. You can also be accruing interest on that money if they pay you little by little. Can't accrue interest on $0.

Just curious, but how long ago did you guys loan them this money? Are they both retired?

Posted 1/25/21 1:09 PM
 

nycbuslady
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/15

776 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Posted by tray831




I really think a payment schedule is the best idea.
With a loan amount of $30K; I think $5K is more than reasonable. You can also be accruing interest on that money if they pay you little by little. Can't accrue interest on $0.

Just curious, but how long ago did you guys loan them this money? Are they both retired?



I agree! And, what would annoy me too is that the stock market has done great these past few months. You could have made money on that money if you had it invested.

Posted 1/25/21 1:20 PM
 

JandJ1224

Member since 6/06

5852 total posts

Name:
Jannette

Re: money lent to family

I think a meeting might be necessary. I would be prepared to have some suggestions to help them get the money to pay you back. Maybe they can take a home equity?

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Posted 1/25/21 3:29 PM
 

Christine2
LIF Adult

Member since 2/09

1132 total posts

Name:

Re: money lent to family

Wow, that is a LOT of money. If they even had to ask you, I doubt they have the financial wherewithal to ever pay you back. They probably did not qualify for a loan. Unless you cannot make ends meet without this sum of money, I think I would consider something like this a gift.

Posted 1/26/21 3:54 AM
 
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