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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Please delete
Advice used. Thanks
Message edited 9/11/2020 8:25:59 PM.
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Posted 9/4/20 11:05 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How would you reply?
I would just be honest. We were so excited to celebrate with you, but since we can't bring our DD and we have nobody to leave her with while we travel, we will unfortunately have to decline.
When you have an adult only wedding, you expect people to have to decline due to that.
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| Posted 9/4/20 11:12 AM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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How would you reply?
I wouldn't be hurt. Many people choose to have adults only weddings (I did). Its not personal.
Just say that you don't have anyone to watch your DD and can't make it.
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| Posted 9/4/20 11:21 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
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Re: How would you reply?
I had an adult only wedding and I expected people to say no of that was a problem.
Can you not find anyone to stay with you DD?
Can maybe one of you go to represent your family?
If not I would decline by just saying sorry we can’t make it hopefully we can get together soon and celebrate. I probably wouldn’t even bring up why unless they ask.
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| Posted 9/4/20 11:22 AM |
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Re: How would you reply?
I would reply honestly: that you won't be able to make it because you have no one to watch your DD. I think it's good for them to know the reason, not for a vindictive purpose or anything of that nature, but so they know you aren't just arbitrarily not going.
Is it at all possible for one of you to attend though?
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| Posted 9/4/20 11:24 AM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: How would you reply?
Decline and tell them unfortunately you have no one to watch your DD. TBh this isn’t just a regular wedding where you are going for the evening. This involves travel, it’s harder even for regular people with childcare to get someone you trust to watch your child overnight. And I know a lot of people won’t want to leave their kid while they travel out of state.
How old is your DD?
Message edited 9/4/2020 12:19:49 PM.
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| Posted 9/4/20 11:37 AM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1063 total posts
Name:
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How would you reply?
If it's in May, you probably didn't get the invite yet. I guess it's good that they already told you that your daughter isn't invited so that you don't buy a dress or figure out taking her out of school, etc. Since you have some time, you don't have to reply right now. But, I agree with everyone else. Just be honest and say that you can't attend because you won't be able to travel without your child.
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| Posted 9/4/20 11:51 AM |
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tray831
Dee-licious!
Member since 3/06 5355 total posts
Name:
His Baby
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Re: How would you reply?
It's a common decision your friend's daughter and fiance made for their wedding.
Other than my flowergirl and ring bearer, there were no kids either at mine.
And if you allow for one; you have to allow for all.
I wouldn't be upset; it is their right to choose this. Do either of you have anyone to watch your DD for a day or two if you both wanted to still attend?
Otherwise, just politely decline.
I don't really think you owe an explanation; other than if you talk to your friend; you can tell her you received the invitation; but so disappointed you can't attend because there is no one to watch DD.
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| Posted 9/4/20 12:00 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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How would you reply?
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
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| Posted 9/4/20 12:03 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by chilltocam
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
I agree. And it's nice that they told you from the get go, as opposed to finding out when it's time to RSVP. It doesn't seem like they did it to be hurtful, but, if they invite your DD, they would probably have to invite a number of other kids and things could quickly multiply.
Could you see if DD could travel with you and if they could arrange for someone to watch her while you are at the wedding? Or do you have someone you could leave her with here?
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| Posted 9/4/20 12:09 PM |
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thewinterone
You make me happy
Member since 5/05 2473 total posts
Name:
cause you are gray.
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Re: How would you reply?
Message edited 6/7/2021 1:01:02 PM.
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| Posted 9/4/20 1:46 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: How would you reply?
I had an adult only wedding. I dont think you need to write a response why you are not attending. Just decline, and if she asks, then tell her you have no one to watch your daughter.
I think if you write that in the response, you will make her feel guilty.
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| Posted 9/4/20 2:35 PM |
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How would you reply?
I think it was kind of them to give you a heads up-and they’re daughter made this decision, not them.
That being said, if they’re this close to you, with this much notice couldn’t one of you go? Or could you find someone to watch your daughter for the 2-3 nights you would be gone? Or find someone to watch her while y’all attend the actual wedding? I think I’d be more upset as your friend that you didn’t make any effort to go just bc your daughter couldn’t.
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| Posted 9/4/20 3:12 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by mommywantsababy
I think it was kind of them to give you a heads up-and they’re daughter made this decision, not them.
That being said, if they’re this close to you, with this much notice couldn’t one of you go? Or could you find someone to watch your daughter for the 2-3 nights you would be gone? Or find someone to watch her while y’all attend the actual wedding? I think I’d be more upset as your friend that you didn’t make any effort to go just bc your daughter couldn’t.
I agree with this. I've never been to a wedding that had kids attending (nor did I have any at my own). To me, weddings are always a no child zone. It wouldn't even occur to me that my DD would be invited to anyone's wedding, ever.
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| Posted 9/4/20 4:49 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommywantsababy
I think it was kind of them to give you a heads up-and they’re daughter made this decision, not them.
That being said, if they’re this close to you, with this much notice couldn’t one of you go? Or could you find someone to watch your daughter for the 2-3 nights you would be gone? Or find someone to watch her while y’all attend the actual wedding? I think I’d be more upset as your friend that you didn’t make any effort to go just bc your daughter couldn’t.
I agree with this. I've never been to a wedding that had kids attending (nor did I have any at my own). To me, weddings are always a no child zone. It wouldn't even occur to me that my DD would be invited to anyone's wedding, ever.
I agree. To me, weddings are an adult function.
My wedding was 100% child free as well
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| Posted 9/4/20 4:51 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: How would you reply?
Wait until you get the invite and then just RSVP no. You don't have to explain.
If they ask, tell them the truth. You aren't able to leave your DD, and you aren't comfortable traveling alone.
But I don't agree that you can't make exceptions. If there is a child, or a family that you are especially close with you certainly can have them without having to invite every other child you know. The couple doesn't have to explain how they chose their guest list. Especially since you are OOT guests, it's easy to explain why your child was allowed to attend. But whatever, I digress.
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| Posted 9/4/20 4:53 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommywantsababy
I think it was kind of them to give you a heads up-and they’re daughter made this decision, not them.
That being said, if they’re this close to you, with this much notice couldn’t one of you go? Or could you find someone to watch your daughter for the 2-3 nights you would be gone? Or find someone to watch her while y’all attend the actual wedding? I think I’d be more upset as your friend that you didn’t make any effort to go just bc your daughter couldn’t.
I agree with this. I've never been to a wedding that had kids attending (nor did I have any at my own). To me, weddings are always a no child zone. It wouldn't even occur to me that my DD would be invited to anyone's wedding, ever.
I agree. To me, weddings are an adult function.
My wedding was 100% child free as well
Have you ever been to a Hispanic wedding? Funerals and weddings are a free for all. Kids attend both. 
I did have kids from close extended family attend my wedding. During that time, pretty much all the sitters were at the wedding. The Abuelos & Tias etc. one example: my close cousin traveling, single mom. What was I going to say, you can’t be a bridesmaid or come to my wedding because she didn’t have a sitter for my “nephew”. But my wedding was also before Christ, and times have changed.
I think the Latino community has assimilated a lot more.
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| Posted 9/4/20 5:52 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Sash
But my wedding was also before Christ, and times have changed.
B.C. wow how long you married?
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| Posted 9/4/20 5:56 PM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by ali120206
Posted by chilltocam
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
I agree. And it's nice that they told you from the get go, as opposed to finding out when it's time to RSVP. It doesn't seem like they did it to be hurtful, but, if they invite your DD, they would probably have to invite a number of other kids and things could quickly multiply.
Could you see if DD could travel with you and if they could arrange for someone to watch her while you are at the wedding? Or do you have someone you could leave her with here?
Unfotunately we have no one to look after her here in NY for that long. We would have been gone two nights. And if we were to have someone watch here there, it would take an hour back and forth to drop her off then head back to the wedding. Then leaving again another hour back and forth to pic her up and then bring her back to the hotel. We were excited to go, its just a disappointment because we also wanted to see our friends as well
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| Posted 9/4/20 6:03 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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How would you reply?
If these are friends that at are as close as family just be honest and tell them that you are disappointed but you understand and will not be attending. When you receive the invite simply rsvp no.
I agree with pp who suggested trying to find childcare for the wedding if it is possible and you would like to attend.
I had an adult only wedding with exceptions for my flower girls but it was my choice.
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| Posted 9/4/20 6:05 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by MrsWoods
Posted by ali120206
Posted by chilltocam
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
I agree. And it's nice that they told you from the get go, as opposed to finding out when it's time to RSVP. It doesn't seem like they did it to be hurtful, but, if they invite your DD, they would probably have to invite a number of other kids and things could quickly multiply.
Could you see if DD could travel with you and if they could arrange for someone to watch her while you are at the wedding? Or do you have someone you could leave her with here?
Unfotunately we have no one to look after her here in NY for that long. We would have been gone two nights. And if we were to have someone watch here there, it would take an hour back and forth to drop her off then head back to the wedding. Then leaving again another hour back and forth to pic her up and then bring her back to the hotel. We were excited to go, its just a disappointment because we also wanted to see our friends as well
Could you have a sitter stay at the hotel with your DD?
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| Posted 9/4/20 6:06 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommywantsababy
I think it was kind of them to give you a heads up-and they’re daughter made this decision, not them.
That being said, if they’re this close to you, with this much notice couldn’t one of you go? Or could you find someone to watch your daughter for the 2-3 nights you would be gone? Or find someone to watch her while y’all attend the actual wedding? I think I’d be more upset as your friend that you didn’t make any effort to go just bc your daughter couldn’t.
I agree with this. I've never been to a wedding that had kids attending (nor did I have any at my own). To me, weddings are always a no child zone. It wouldn't even occur to me that my DD would be invited to anyone's wedding, ever.
I agree. To me, weddings are an adult function.
My wedding was 100% child free as well
Have you ever been to a Hispanic wedding? Funerals and weddings are a free for all. Kids attend both.
I did have kids from close extended family attend my wedding. During that time, pretty much all the sitters were at the wedding. The Abuelos & Tias etc. one example: my close cousin traveling, single mom. What was I going to say, you can’t be a bridesmaid or come to my wedding because she didn’t have a sitter for my “nephew”. But my wedding was also before Christ, and times have changed.
I think the Latino community has assimilated a lot more.
Yes! I’ve been to Hispanic weddings, Italian, Jewish, Indian, Greek, Caribbean, Irish, Filipino. I’m from Queens. I’ve seen it all and never a kid (except for flower girls and ring beaters). Maybe I was always just too drunk to notice any little ones running around
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| Posted 9/4/20 6:10 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by mommywantsababy
I think it was kind of them to give you a heads up-and they’re daughter made this decision, not them.
That being said, if they’re this close to you, with this much notice couldn’t one of you go? Or could you find someone to watch your daughter for the 2-3 nights you would be gone? Or find someone to watch her while y’all attend the actual wedding? I think I’d be more upset as your friend that you didn’t make any effort to go just bc your daughter couldn’t.
I agree with this. I've never been to a wedding that had kids attending (nor did I have any at my own). To me, weddings are always a no child zone. It wouldn't even occur to me that my DD would be invited to anyone's wedding, ever.
I agree. To me, weddings are an adult function.
My wedding was 100% child free as well
Have you ever been to a Hispanic wedding? Funerals and weddings are a free for all. Kids attend both.
I did have kids from close extended family attend my wedding. During that time, pretty much all the sitters were at the wedding. The Abuelos & Tias etc. one example: my close cousin traveling, single mom. What was I going to say, you can’t be a bridesmaid or come to my wedding because she didn’t have a sitter for my “nephew”. But my wedding was also before Christ, and times have changed.
I think the Latino community has assimilated a lot more.
Yes! I’ve been to Hispanic weddings, Italian, Jewish, Indian, Greek, Caribbean, Irish, Filipino. I’m from Queens. I’ve seen it all and never a kid (except for flower girls and ring beaters). Maybe I was always just too drunk to notice any little ones running around
I get it. My stepson was at my wedding. Till this day I forget he was at the reception.
This is coming from my personal experience with my family and friends. And there’s a lot of us. Most of my life I’ve seen kids at weddings but over the past few years I feel like they’ve become more Americanized. Sh!t my son went to my close friends destination wedding in DR 5 yrs. ago because she wanted me their as a bridesmaid. He was the only kid lol. I’m just speaking from personal experience because of the comment about kids not belonging at weddings. I grew up where us kids were allowed at everything, nothing was off limits. I’m not saying it’s only Hispanics but I don’t speak on other cultures only my own.
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| Posted 9/4/20 6:36 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by MrsWoods
We have friends who are like family members to us and even our DD is their goddaughter but they moved to Georgia recently. Their daughter, who we are also close with, recently got engaged and will be having her wedding down there in May. So we were excited and planned to go with our DD but were just informed that its an adults only wedding and they can not make any exceptions not even for us. So that kinda took us by surprise. My husband and i understand but we are also hurt at the same time. I guess we will have to skip it but how do you reply?
dear xxx,
We are so incredibly thrilled that you and yyy are getting married. As your wedding is out of state, and we cannot secure child care, we must regrettably decline. Please know how much we care for you and know you will have an amazing wedding. We look forward to seeing all of your photos!
Love,
Mrs Woods
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| Posted 9/4/20 6:38 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by MrsWoods
We have friends who are like family members to us and even our DD is their goddaughter but they moved to Georgia recently. Their daughter, who we are also close with, recently got engaged and will be having her wedding down there in May. So we were excited and planned to go with our DD but were just informed that its an adults only wedding and they can not make any exceptions not even for us. So that kinda took us by surprise. My husband and i understand but we are also hurt at the same time. I guess we will have to skip it but how do you reply?
dear xxx,
We are so incredibly thrilled that you and yyy are getting married. As your wedding is out of state, and we cannot secure child care, we must regrettably decline. Please know how much we care for you and know you will have an amazing wedding. We look forward to seeing all of your photos!
Love,
Mrs Woods
 this is perfect. Thanks for putting the work in that I was too lazy to do.
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| Posted 9/4/20 7:06 PM |
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