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Faith26
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/20

29 total posts

Name:

Delete please

Please delete

Message edited 2/15/2020 2:01:13 PM.

Posted 2/13/20 5:50 PM
 
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

18609 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Need advice

I completely agree with your boyfriend. If 340 is too expensive for rent, then you cannot afford to spend money on your nails unless you are doing them yourself. Your priorities are out of order. Nice to have nails done, but if you can’t afford inexpensive rent you cannot afford to get your nails done. I a, sorry, nails are a luxury, not a necessity.

Posted 2/13/20 5:58 PM
 

PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken

Member since 6/11

8108 total posts

Name:
Phyllis

Re: Need advice

I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.

I think it’s a red flag.

When my DH and I were dating, we moved in together. He asked me for NOTHING towards the mortgage or bills. I chose to pay for groceries and household items as my contribution. Now that we are married, everything we make goes into our joint account (minus a percentage I take for my own personal account) and still he gets mad if I use “my” credit card for nails, hair and such.

Watch out.

Posted 2/13/20 6:28 PM
 

SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult

Member since 12/13

1442 total posts

Name:
B

Re: Need advice

I agree, it's a red flag. Him making a comment about it is one thing, having a chip on his shoulder about it is completely different. Especially since you've always given him the rent before. It's not like you asked to skip it, you're just paying a little late, right? I think it's definitely a preview of how he'd be if finances were combined. That being said, you've been out of work, you really shouldn't have been getting your nails done the whole time.

How old are you guys? Just wondering because it would change my opinion slightly (about his attitude) if you're a young couple, it's more reasonable for him to be upset about it if you're both young and not established. If you're an older couple, there's no way that would fly with me. If you're well into life and can't cover a few hundred bucks for your significant other, idk it just rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't continue dating someone like that.

Posted 2/13/20 8:21 PM
 

HeyJude
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/07

707 total posts

Name:
p

Re: Need advice

It doesn't sound very compassionate of him to get so angry over this. This is just one month that you are late paying, you lost your job and not getting full support from your ex? Yes, getting nails done is a luxury but you are starting a new job and if that is going to make you feel more confident and better about yourself,then someone who loves you should not be annoyed over $35. If things were so tight for him that he can't float the money for 2 weeks, he should tell you that.

Posted 2/13/20 8:54 PM
 

loveus
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/13

684 total posts

Name:

Need advice

.

Message edited 3/19/2020 10:33:25 AM.

Posted 2/13/20 9:04 PM
 

queensgal
Smile

Member since 4/09

2940 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

I think this is a good time to have some real discussions about money.

I think he has a point and I could see if being frustrating if he was counting on the money. However, I think he is being harsh given the recent job loss, etc. I think it would be different if you had been working and just friviously spent all your money and came up short. A relationship is a partnership and sometimes it means pitching in when one person is down (i.e without a job for a few months).

I think most important is can you have an adult relationship about this and discuss your feelings about money. It could be a control thing on his side, which I agree is a red flag. But maybe not - I think you will only know if you talk to him. Also, is he controlling in other aspects of your relationship? How tight is money overall?

Posted 2/13/20 9:15 PM
 

Faith26
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/20

29 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice



Message edited 2/13/2020 9:28:23 PM.

Posted 2/13/20 9:28 PM
 

Faith26
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/20

29 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by SecretlyTTC14

I agree, it's a red flag. Him making a comment about it is one thing, having a chip on his shoulder about it is completely different. Especially since you've always given him the rent before. It's not like you asked to skip it, you're just paying a little late, right? I think it's definitely a preview of how he'd be if finances were combined. That being said, you've been out of work, you really shouldn't have been getting your nails done the whole time.

How old are you guys? Just wondering because it would change my opinion slightly (about his attitude) if you're a young couple, it's more reasonable for him to be upset about it if you're both young and not established. If you're an older couple, there's no way that would fly with me. If you're well into life and can't cover a few hundred bucks for your significant other, idk it just rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't continue dating someone like that.



We are both in our 40's.. both have gone through divorces..
Yes, i am definitely keeping my eyes open. Hes been living here for 2 years doing ir on his own
. What is making me kinda suspicious is shortly beforw i moved in with him i to.his house, he had said he was getting 400 a month deducted fr his pay due to health insurance for him and his son that his company that he works for just addung it on finally to the employee's.. so now im thinming wait.. in his mind, did he think my moving in would be helping HIM off set that cost.. so essentially whonis really helping who out here?

I dont know bc other times hes givwn me money to treat me to getting my nails done or just some cash for gas.. etc.. so urs hard to twll with him.. but I thinjk from now on im definitely keeping my ears and eyes wide open.

Posted 2/13/20 9:34 PM
 

RainyDay
LIF Adult

Member since 6/15

2708 total posts

Name:

Need advice

I can see both sides. I would be annoyed if I was your bf but at the same time, I can see you needed a pick me up especially right before starting a new job. I am sorry you lost your job. Congrats on the new job. I would just let this blow over for now and toss it up to both of you trying to adjust to all the changes. Not easy moving in with someone new. Once things have calmed down a little I would definitely sit down with him and discuss this.

Posted 2/13/20 9:35 PM
 

Faith26
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/20

29 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by HeyJude

It doesn't sound very compassionate of him to get so angry over this. This is just one month that you are late paying, you lost your job and not getting full support from your ex? Yes, getting nails done is a luxury but you are starting a new job and if that is going to make you feel more confident and better about yourself,then someone who loves you should not be annoyed over $35. If things were so tight for him that he can't float the money for 2 weeks, he should tell you that.



I absolutely agree.

Posted 2/13/20 9:36 PM
 

Faith26
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/20

29 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by queensgal

I think this is a good time to have some real discussions about money.

I think he has a point and I could see if being frustrating if he was counting on the money. However, I think he is being harsh given the recent job loss, etc. I think it would be different if you had been working and just friviously spent all your money and came up short. A relationship is a partnership and sometimes it means pitching in when one person is down (i.e without a job for a few months).

I think most important is can you have an adult relationship about this and discuss your feelings about money. It could be a control thing on his side, which I agree is a red flag. But maybe not - I think you will only know if you talk to him. Also, is he controlling in other aspects of your relationship? How tight is money overall?



I agree. I do too perhaps i need to dealve deeper. Weve talled about it beforehand, but after this it really is bothering me. Money is pretty tight over all. I went through a major contentious divorce last year. He isnt rich.. but works very hard. He is a Christian man.. doesnt think wordly at all. He is all about being a good steward of money.
Nothing wrong with that as im of the same spiritual belief
I am going to have a talk with him this weekend in depth..

Posted 2/13/20 9:46 PM
 

Faith26
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/20

29 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by RainyDay

I can see both sides. I would be annoyed if I was your bf but at the same time, I can see you needed a pick me up especially right before starting a new job. I am sorry you lost your job. Congrats on the new job. I would just let this blow over for now and toss it up to both of you trying to adjust to all the changes. Not easy moving in with someone new. Once things have calmed down a little I would definitely sit down with him and discuss this.



Thank you i appreciate that..

Posted 2/13/20 9:47 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

6130 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.

I think it’s a red flag.

Watch out.



I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.

Posted 2/13/20 9:51 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

18609 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Need advice

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.

I think it’s a red flag.

Watch out.



I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.

see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.

Posted 2/13/20 11:20 PM
 

alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!

Member since 5/09

18070 total posts

Name:
Allison

Need advice

I agree with him. If you are unemployed you have to shift what you spend money on and pay for living expenses before luxuries. And nails are a luxury even with starting a new job because let’s be real no one is going To say “OMG she never should have been hired cause her nails aren’t perfect”.

Posted 2/14/20 7:43 AM
 

NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..

Member since 11/09

49018 total posts

Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!

Re: Need advice

Posted by alli3131

I agree with him. If you are unemployed you have to shift what you spend money on and pay for living expenses before luxuries. And nails are a luxury even with starting a new job because let’s be real no one is going To say “OMG she never should have been hired cause her nails aren’t perfect”.



I tend to agree.
I do my own nails. It's easy, cheap, and looks fine for a professional environment/my job.
Trust me, as long as your nails are neat, well groomed and the polish isn't all chipped nobody gives a crap about your nails at work.

Message edited 2/14/2020 7:50:39 AM.

Posted 2/14/20 7:50 AM
 

nycbuslady
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/15

503 total posts

Name:

Need advice

Actually, because of issues like this, I totally disagree with living together. First of all, it would feel weird to me to pay rent to a boyfriend. It's different if you're married because even if you keep some funds separate, you usually combine the funds for the day-to-day expenses, so you're both contributing to the household. When one person owns the house and the other doesn't, then it wouldn't feel like a partnership to me, but more of a business transaction. JMO

Posted 2/14/20 8:36 AM
 

Mrs213
LIF Adult

Member since 2/09

17229 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.

I think it’s a red flag.


Watch out.



I agree with this. I do kind of see your boyfriends point of view but it’s not like you went out and blew $500 on crap. I would keep this incident on my radar and see how things go before making any further commitments. He could have had a bug up his ass that day lol. And save your money so you have a nice down payment for an apartment in case things go south!

Posted 2/14/20 9:15 AM
 

Faith26
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/20

29 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by Mrs213

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.

I think it’s a red flag.


Watch out.



I agree with this. I do kind of see your boyfriends point of view but it’s not like you went out and blew $500 on crap. I would keep this incident on my radar and see how things go before making any further commitments. He could have had a bug up his ass that day lol. And save your money so you have a nice down payment for an apartment in case things go south!



Exactly,. Thats my thoughts on this too. I am actually a very old member on here i left long island years ago and living in another state now. But i remember most of you ladies.. by your names and avatar oics. My old name and account i guess was deactivated for non use but i came on here in 2007. Thank you dor your input.

I agree i need to save just in case..

I am a grown adiult woman in her mid 40's i dont need a man telling me what i can and cant spend my money on especially since it was only 35.00.. And i have been doing the nice thing and giving him the 340 monthly out of my alimony and unemployment and atill paying my own bills.. i dont ever spend frivolously so if i want to get my nails done right before i stsrt my new job Monday i will. Im not married to him and i dont feel he had a say how i spend my money that i do have.

Posted 2/14/20 9:31 AM
 

mommywantsababy
LIF Toddler

Member since 12/12

398 total posts

Name:
shh

Need advice

Where were you living before? It sounds like he’s being more than generous with you only having you pay $340...

Posted 2/14/20 10:09 AM
 

mommy2be716
LIF Adult

Member since 1/16

2648 total posts

Name:

Need advice

Sorry, but you're wrong. You have a child and he is agreeing to have you live in HIS place with HIS child and he's only asking you for $340. I don't think you are seeing a bad side of him- I think it's a side of him that shows he is being responsible for his finances.

Look at it from his perspective. How do you think he feels seeing that his girlfriend, who has no job currently, and who has a child to support, is spending the little bit of child support money they got this month at the nail salon instead of putting it toward rent? I don't think a manicure is going to make or break your job interview.

I understand wanting to do something for yourself because it is necessary to make yourself a priority at times. But going out of your way to say you can't pay for rent and then going out for a "luxury" you don't really need was probably not a great decision.

Posted 2/14/20 10:18 AM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

6130 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by LSP2005

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.

I think it’s a red flag.

Watch out.



I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.

see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.



Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.

Posted 2/14/20 10:31 AM
 

loveus
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/13

684 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

.

Message edited 3/19/2020 10:34:23 AM.

Posted 2/14/20 10:56 AM
 

MrsWoods
LIF Adolescent

Member since 4/12

515 total posts

Name:

Re: Need advice

Posted by LSP2005

I completely agree with your boyfriend. If 340 is too expensive for rent, then you cannot afford to spend money on your nails unless you are doing them yourself. Your priorities are out of order. Nice to have nails done, but if you can’t afford inexpensive rent you cannot afford to get your nails done. I a, sorry, nails are a luxury, not a necessity.



I have to agree with him. Cause if it were reverse and he went out and spent money on a luxury instead of saving it or giving it towards rent, you wouldn't be happy. I don't think its a red flag and think its just common sense when you live with someone and are not married that you pay something towards rent and/or bills unless you came in there living for free.

Posted 2/14/20 11:06 AM
 
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