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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
I would just give what you normally give. She can ask, it doesn’t mean she’s going to get or is entitled.
I suspect she is going to be disappointed. Who can afford that plus a generous wedding gift (not to mention, who even wants to go to ALL these parties for one couple?)?
I can only imagine how much she expects to “make” per couple on the wedding?
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Posted 1/13/20 1:40 PM  |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by NervousNell
I feel like when you get the ring on your finger you should just send out invoices to your friends and family.
With a pre-addressed envelope and a slip you fill out to write in what you are giving. If you are cool, you can accept credit cards or even pay pal and venmo.
Maybe I can set up auto pay so I can help cover the engagement party, shower, bachlorette, and so on.
Just like any other bill I have to pay.
Here, take my fukin' money and leave me alone.
See you at the wedding.
So obnoxious and annoying to be honest.
Money grabs.
ITA!!! And these insane multi day bachelorette parties.. Whhhhhy??? I'd have no interest. At all.
When she said a FOUR day bachelorette party I actually laughed out loud.
I have a hard enough time taking 4 days off of work for vacations with my family. I can damn well guarantee you there is no way I'd be wasting 4 vacation days, and all that money, and 4 days away from my child to go away with a bunch of women for a bachelorette party.
Thank u, next!
Message edited 1/13/2020 1:59:37 PM.
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| Posted 1/13/20 1:58 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by LuckyStar
I don’t like engagement parties and certainly don’t see the point in having one just as extravagant as a wedding.
But...... if this is a close family friend whom you see all the time are you really going to split hairs over $50? I’d just roll your eyes and give $150.
Agreed. I would give the $150, no token gift. And $300 for the wedding.
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| Posted 1/13/20 2:04 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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another gift amount question (poll)
I think this varies based on who is responding. In my family, we over-gift. I would be expected to give at least $200 (that's my standard engagement gift)- but I would up it based on relationship. We give $400 as our standard wedding gift. That's just what we do in my circle. Others do less and that's fine- whether it's because they can't afford it, or because that's the norm in their circle or whatever the reason. People who get annoyed should just do what they want and not care what others do or what's "expected" I think you can give whatever you want and it will be fine. I doubt you'd lose a friend over it--- and if you did, then I guess they're not good friends. For our wedding 11 years ago, the standard gift was $300 (and that did not "cover their plates"- our wedding cost over $200 pp)- we didn't stop speaking to the people who gifted us $50, we don't love the people who gave us $500+ more...we appreciated anyone who came, who gave a gift, who wished us well. Everyone's circumstances are different and the gift isn't the point. And for the record, my parents did throw us an engagement party, at a hall, with a cocktail hour and DJ and the works and yes, we did use the gifts towards the wedding, but it didn't cover the whole cost and even the engagement gifts and wedding gifts didn't cover the cost... but that doesn't matter to us. Bottom line, give what you can/want to and go to the party and have fun.
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| Posted 1/13/20 2:08 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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another gift amount question (poll)
I’m not one for crazy parties and I absolutely agree with everyone that having a full on wedding as as engagement party is ridiculous.
But I’m honestly confused as to how so many women would purposely give a disappointing gift to a close friend because they didn’t agree with the appropriateness of their party. Or miss a good friend’s bachelorette party because it involved an overnight stay.TBH, I’ve never heard of anyone having a bachelorette party that didn’t involve at least a couple nights away. I don’t know when everyone on here got married but this is very normal now.
Assuming you can afford the festivities, a friend’s engagement is not the time to go all Emily Post. Just because WE wouldn’t do these things doesn’t mean we should make someone we care about feel like crap at what’s supposed to be a happy time.
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| Posted 1/13/20 3:13 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by LuckyStar
I’m not one for crazy parties and I absolutely agree with everyone that having a full on wedding as as engagement party is ridiculous.
But I’m honestly confused as to how so many women would purposely give a disappointing gift to a close friend because they didn’t agree with the appropriateness of their party. Or miss a good friend’s bachelorette party because it involved an overnight stay.TBH, I’ve never heard of anyone having a bachelorette party that didn’t involve at least a couple nights away. I don’t know when everyone on here got married but this is very normal now.
Assuming you can afford the festivities, a friend’s engagement is not the time to go all Emily Post. Just because WE wouldn’t do these things doesn’t mean we should make someone we care about feel like crap at what’s supposed to be a happy time.
I got married in 1998, destination Bachelorette parties definitely weren't the norm. Thank goodness.
It is what it is but I do think weddings in this region have become really over the top and insanely costly even for guests. Nobody wants to screw anyone or feel cheap but where does the gift giving end? Engagement parties, showers, destination Bachelorette parties, the wedding. I think it gets excessive and to expect large cash gifts for all is a bit much. JMO.
I'm glad most everyone I know is married, I'm over weddings. lol
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| Posted 1/13/20 3:26 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6655 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by LuckyStar
I’m not one for crazy parties and I absolutely agree with everyone that having a full on wedding as as engagement party is ridiculous.
But I’m honestly confused as to how so many women would purposely give a disappointing gift to a close friend because they didn’t agree with the appropriateness of their party. Or miss a good friend’s bachelorette party because it involved an overnight stay.TBH, I’ve never heard of anyone having a bachelorette party that didn’t involve at least a couple nights away. I don’t know when everyone on here got married but this is very normal now.
Assuming you can afford the festivities, a friend’s engagement is not the time to go all Emily Post. Just because WE wouldn’t do these things doesn’t mean we should make someone we care about feel like crap at what’s supposed to be a happy time.
I can't speak for everyone, but for myself... I'm not saying give $100 to disappoint the bride, but if that's what I (or the OP) would've given without the comment from the bride, then I'd still give it after. She can hope she gets $150 all she wants, but as others have said, a lavish engagement party is not crowd funding for a wedding.
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| Posted 1/13/20 3:31 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by Momma2015
Posted by LuckyStar
I’m not one for crazy parties and I absolutely agree with everyone that having a full on wedding as as engagement party is ridiculous.
But I’m honestly confused as to how so many women would purposely give a disappointing gift to a close friend because they didn’t agree with the appropriateness of their party. Or miss a good friend’s bachelorette party because it involved an overnight stay.TBH, I’ve never heard of anyone having a bachelorette party that didn’t involve at least a couple nights away. I don’t know when everyone on here got married but this is very normal now.
Assuming you can afford the festivities, a friend’s engagement is not the time to go all Emily Post. Just because WE wouldn’t do these things doesn’t mean we should make someone we care about feel like crap at what’s supposed to be a happy time.
I can't speak for everyone, but for myself... I'm not saying give $100 to disappoint the bride, but if that's what I (or the OP) would've given without the comment from the bride, then I'd still give it after. She can hope she gets $150 all she wants, but as others have said, a lavish engagement party is not crowd funding for a wedding.
I see what you’re saying but I feel like OP is kind of stuck now. I wouldn’t be happy but I’d still hand over the $150. If the normal gift is $100 and a token gift I just feel like it’s petty to not just go the few extra dollars.
I think I’m just baffled by how quickly everyone says they wouldn’t do something for a friend. To be fair, I’ve never been to an engagement party at a wedding venue. In my circle, you rip people off by having them pay for your trip around the world/bachelorette party, not the wedding.
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| Posted 1/13/20 3:49 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by LuckyStar
I’m not one for crazy parties and I absolutely agree with everyone that having a full on wedding as as engagement party is ridiculous.
But I’m honestly confused as to how so many women would purposely give a disappointing gift to a close friend because they didn’t agree with the appropriateness of their party. Or miss a good friend’s bachelorette party because it involved an overnight stay.TBH, I’ve never heard of anyone having a bachelorette party that didn’t involve at least a couple nights away. I don’t know when everyone on here got married but this is very normal now.
Assuming you can afford the festivities, a friend’s engagement is not the time to go all Emily Post. Just because WE wouldn’t do these things doesn’t mean we should make someone we care about feel like crap at what’s supposed to be a happy time.
I would never give a disappointing gift out of spite because like I said we tend to over gift in our house. To the point where I'm embarrassed to tell people how much we give sometimes because they have a heart attack and tell us we are nuts. So whether or not I agree with the party or roll my eyes, they will still get a generous gift because that is what we do.
But in terms of missing the bachelorrette party- I'm sorry but I have no interest in giving up 4 vacation day when it's hard for me to take time off as it is- and spend money that could be spent on a family vacation or for home improvements or whatever just because someone is getting married.
I don't see a need to go away on a trip to celebrate a marriage. That's just me.
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| Posted 1/13/20 3:57 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
I’m not one for crazy parties and I absolutely agree with everyone that having a full on wedding as as engagement party is ridiculous.
But I’m honestly confused as to how so many women would purposely give a disappointing gift to a close friend because they didn’t agree with the appropriateness of their party. Or miss a good friend’s bachelorette party because it involved an overnight stay.TBH, I’ve never heard of anyone having a bachelorette party that didn’t involve at least a couple nights away. I don’t know when everyone on here got married but this is very normal now.
Assuming you can afford the festivities, a friend’s engagement is not the time to go all Emily Post. Just because WE wouldn’t do these things doesn’t mean we should make someone we care about feel like crap at what’s supposed to be a happy time.
I would never give a disappointing gift out of spite because like I said we tend to over gift in our house. To the point where I'm embarrassed to tell people how much we give sometimes because they have a heart attack and tell us we are nuts. So whether or not I agree with the party or roll my eyes, they will still get a generous gift because that is what we do.
But in terms of missing the bachelorrette party- I'm sorry but I have no interest in giving up 4 vacation day when it's hard for me to take time off as it is- and spend money that could be spent on a family vacation or for home improvements or whatever just because someone is getting married.
I don't see a need to go away on a trip to celebrate a marriage. That's just me.
Agree with all of what you said. 
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| Posted 1/13/20 5:06 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
I’m not one for crazy parties and I absolutely agree with everyone that having a full on wedding as as engagement party is ridiculous.
But I’m honestly confused as to how so many women would purposely give a disappointing gift to a close friend because they didn’t agree with the appropriateness of their party. Or miss a good friend’s bachelorette party because it involved an overnight stay.TBH, I’ve never heard of anyone having a bachelorette party that didn’t involve at least a couple nights away. I don’t know when everyone on here got married but this is very normal now.
Assuming you can afford the festivities, a friend’s engagement is not the time to go all Emily Post. Just because WE wouldn’t do these things doesn’t mean we should make someone we care about feel like crap at what’s supposed to be a happy time.
I would never give a disappointing gift out of spite because like I said we tend to over gift in our house. To the point where I'm embarrassed to tell people how much we give sometimes because they have a heart attack and tell us we are nuts. So whether or not I agree with the party or roll my eyes, they will still get a generous gift because that is what we do.
But in terms of missing the bachelorrette party- I'm sorry but I have no interest in giving up 4 vacation day when it's hard for me to take time off as it is- and spend money that could be spent on a family vacation or for home improvements or whatever just because someone is getting married.
I don't see a need to go away on a trip to celebrate a marriage. That's just me.
I don’t disagree. For me, I would never tell a close friend that I couldn’t go to her bachelorette party unless I REALLY couldn’t. I missed one of my friend’s bachelorette parties because DD was a month old and I still feel guilty. I also thoroughly enjoy time with my girlfriends, so I don’t see it as a burden. Unless it’s somewhere absurd, I’m happy to go. But I understand why others may see it differently. It is technically someone dictating where you will take a trip and I get not being a fan of that.
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| Posted 1/13/20 5:49 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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another gift amount question (poll)
Double post
Message edited 1/13/2020 6:11:33 PM.
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| Posted 1/13/20 6:11 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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another gift amount question (poll)
I just think its all gotten to be so *much*. I've always gone to bachelorette parties for my closest friends/cousins but none of them involved flights. They were always a night or 2 at most in places that were easily drivable. I was always very cognizant of asking too much from people and I guess I am surprised when people don't do the same.
I don't see WHY you would have an OTT engagement party and then a wedding. But thats just me. We can afford to gift a lot but if someone told me they were expecting 150 per couple I would purposefully not give that - if they are looking at me like an ATM then they should look elsewhere.
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| Posted 1/13/20 6:11 PM |
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
I don't remember the last engagement party I attended. Thank god. Anything more then a casual bbq or house thing is obnoxious and a money grab.
To me that's like having a party to celebrate the fact that you got pregnant. Then having a baby shower. Then a party when the baby is born. Enough already lol
The new standard in our circle is $500 for weddings and that is what we have given for the last few years.
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| Posted 1/13/20 8:40 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
I don’t believe in covering your plate at events. Sorry don’t invite me if you expect me to basically help pay for your party ?????
I would t give more than $100 I don’t even give close to that for an engagement party.
For weddings my standard gift is $150-$200.
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| Posted 1/13/20 10:38 PM |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Do what you can afford. I chose option 1, but also remember that there will most likely be a bridal shower that you will have to get a gift for, and bachelorette party.
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| Posted 1/14/20 9:29 AM |
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Ellsey10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/15 614 total posts
Name:
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another gift amount question (poll)
My friend had a "surprise" engagement party at her house, then her and her fiance threw a mini wedding at a wedding venue a few months later. Everyone thought it was ridiculous cause they gave gifts at the first party then felt obligated to do so again at the second one. I voted $150 engagement gift and $300 wedding gift but I would ultimately do $100 cash and a token gift- $300 at the wedding. She's a good friend but you're also not there to fund her wedding.
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| Posted 1/14/20 9:34 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
I read everything before voting. And based on your responses, $150 and $300 is fine. Between a 4 day Bach party and shower gift, it’s a fortune.
If it wasn’t for the 4day bach, I would have said $150 and $400 because of the closeness of your relationship. But when people have these long drawn out, flights involved Bach parties, you gotta expect less of a gift. Unless you’re rolling in it. Then don’t be a cheapie lmao
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| Posted 1/14/20 10:44 AM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1063 total posts
Name:
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another gift amount question (poll)
I'm really amazed when I hear of the extravagant bachelorette and bachelor parties that people have. When most of my relatives got married (in the mid-1990s to early 2000s), we only went out to dinner and then to a club. I don't think we even got a limo at the time. Then, it expanded to limos. Now it's full-blown vacations! At some point it has got to stop. If people are spending over $1000 every time a friend gets married, how on earth can anyone save money for a house, retirement, etc.?
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| Posted 1/14/20 1:25 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by nycbuslady
I'm really amazed when I hear of the extravagant bachelorette and bachelor parties that people have. When most of my relatives got married (in the mid-1990s to early 2000s), we only went out to dinner and then to a club. I don't think we even got a limo at the time. Then, it expanded to limos. Now it's full-blown vacations! At some point it has got to stop. If people are spending over $1000 every time a friend gets married, how on earth can anyone save money for a house, retirement, etc.?
Who needs a house or a retirement fund?
It's all about the trips and photo ops for the 'gram and the hashtags!
#Haileysgettinghitched
#BrideSquad
#NashBash!!!
Message edited 1/14/2020 1:29:06 PM.
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| Posted 1/14/20 1:28 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
Posted by MerryChristmas
I don't remember the last engagement party I attended. Thank god. Anything more then a casual bbq or house thing is obnoxious and a money grab.
To me that's like having a party to celebrate the fact that you got pregnant. Then having a baby shower. Then a party when the baby is born. Enough already lol
The new standard in our circle is $500 for weddings and that is what we have given for the last few years.
Me too.. I’m so happy my family and friends do not have engagement parties. I never understood the point of them. A party to celebrate the fact that you will have another party. Ok.
Message edited 1/14/2020 2:36:35 PM.
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| Posted 1/14/20 2:36 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
I agree with most of the sentiments already expressed here - however i have to add in that the amount of $$ her family gave you when you got married shouldn't be a factor in what you give her AT ALL.
its not tit for tat
i wouldn't give $150 for an engagement party, but then again i've never been invited to a mini wedding version of one of those (thankfully) so have never had to make that decision! Most have been back yard or casual events.
If you are going to the shower, bach. party and wedding, then you are going to be laying out a lot of $$ so don't feel obligated to give anything more than your normal amount for the engagement party.
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| Posted 1/22/20 4:12 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2642 total posts
Name:
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another gift amount question (poll)
For a very good friend I would do 150 for engagement and 350 for wedding.
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| Posted 1/22/20 4:49 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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another gift amount question (poll)
I did $150.. thanks!
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| Posted 1/23/20 8:13 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: another gift amount question (poll)
How was the party?
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| Posted 1/23/20 8:38 AM |
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