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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: babysitting sitch
This is a lot to follow so my apologies.
One of my friends is having a destination wedding. All of my college roomates are attending. 3 of us have decided to bring our families and make a vacation out of it and will be staying for the duration of the week after the wedding.
My step daughter had decided she does not want to come. She's older and just wants to do her own thing. However, there goes my babysitter for the wedding. Me and the other 2 girls have decided we would just ask the hotel if there is a babysitter we could use for the night. The wedding is at the hotel so we would be there and take turns checking in. We made peace with it.
Now, another friend who was just coming for the weekend just announced she is bringing her kids because they have major separation anxiety from her (she is the epitome of a helicopter mom and made this personal hell for herself. Her kids are 10 and 8. It's freaking insane). This friend assumed my SD would be there to babysit so she was quite horrified to hear the new plan. She said she would pay my SD very well to come and babysit.
Now, I know my SD. She's a college kid and will do anything to make a buck. Quite frankly, I, along with my other 2 friends, would all feel much better if she was there to babysit. I spoke to her and I said if we made it worth the trip, would you come just for the weekend to babysit and she said yes.
Here's my question: Who has to pay for her airfare? Is it us because she's our kid or should I be telling my friends we need to split it? I feel like it is our responsibility because if she was coming we would be paying for her but now that we are essentially forcing her to come, I feel like I shouldn't have to eat the entire cost. But then I feel weird telling my friends they will have to pay her for the night AND split her airfare. IDK. Thoughts?
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Posted 10/30/19 11:02 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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loveus
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/13 684 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I think you should pay for her ticket and make your friends pay for babysitting. A price should be discussed beforehand. You should let your friends know you will pay for airfare and what they think is worth her while. Since she is going o my for the weekend maybe also have your friends pick up travel to and from the airports.
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| Posted 10/30/19 11:33 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I would ask your friends what they think is fair.
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| Posted 10/31/19 12:25 PM |
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Lucky09
2017!
Member since 1/06 7535 total posts
Name:
DW
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WWYD re: babysitting sitch
If I was one of your friends whose kids were being watched by her for the wedding, I would happily chip in for airfare.
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| Posted 10/31/19 2:49 AM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
If this was a nanny and not your SD, how would the cost be split then ?
Have an open discussion with your friends and see what they say.
Be honest, tell them that SD originally did not want to go, but now will just so she can babysit all of the kids. It's not really a vacation for her, it's work.
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| Posted 10/31/19 8:04 AM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6655 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Posted by Lucky09
If I was one of your friends whose kids were being watched by her for the wedding, I would happily chip in for airfare.
I would think this is what they meant when they said they'd "make it worth it". As her step-mother, I'd probably pay for the majority of the airfare, but I'd expect my friends to chip in and pay her for her time as well.
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| Posted 10/31/19 9:04 AM |
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
they should be chipping in for a portion of the airfare, of course.
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| Posted 10/31/19 9:16 AM |
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tray831
Dee-licious!
Member since 3/06 5355 total posts
Name:
His Baby
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Just curious; but how much each would it be if all couples were to split the airfare?
I don't feel anyone would offer the airfare unless asked. You would have to be forced to ask that question.
You were going to pay her airfare if she was going to come initially. So if it is that important to you, you would have to word it right to ask for airfare money; or skip that and be quite sure they agree on a fair price to give her (beforehand).
You don't want to go on this trip, when at the end, they all hand her $20. Because then blood would boil.
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| Posted 10/31/19 9:27 AM |
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pumpkinmom
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 2911 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I think since it's your child, and because in addition to babysitting, she will hopefully be taking part in the rest of the family vacation, you should pay.
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| Posted 10/31/19 9:32 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I actually think that this is a tough one because now your friends that were fine with the hotel babysitter are now paying part of your SD's airfare. I think that maybe you and helicopter mom should split the airfare. I would tell her that you are fine with the hotel babysitter and leaving your SD home so if she wants her there that badly then she needs to pony up half the airfare. See if she changes her tune then....
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| Posted 10/31/19 9:33 AM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Posted by lululu
I actually think that this is a tough one because now your friends that were fine with the hotel babysitter are now paying part of your SD's airfare. I think that maybe you and helicopter mom should split the airfare. I would tell her that you are fine with the hotel babysitter and leaving your SD home so if she wants her there that badly then she needs to pony up half the airfare. See if she changes her tune then....
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| Posted 10/31/19 9:37 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I'm going to assume your SD will help your family a bit more during the hours outside of the actual wedding/babysitting need.
I would probably pay for her airfare and say to your friends that you'll cover the airfare if they cover the babysitting hours. For that many kids and that many hours, I'm assuming your friends should chip in a good amount each.
ETA: The other option is just pool the entire amount airfare + babysitting and split it 3 ways.
Message edited 10/31/2019 10:29:35 AM.
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| Posted 10/31/19 10:28 AM |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I'd split the cost of everything between you and your friends since she is babysitting all of the kids.
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| Posted 10/31/19 10:50 AM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I think i would cover airfare and have your friends cover her babysitting fees and misc. expenses.
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| Posted 10/31/19 10:59 AM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I would expect to pay the airfare and have friends pay her for babysitting.
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| Posted 10/31/19 11:20 AM |
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WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I would have everyone split everything for her, you have to pay for her come so she can watch everyone else’s kids too? Doesn’t seem fair! Only way I would pay everything, if you were planning to initially before even the friends asking for sitting
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| Posted 10/31/19 9:09 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Posted by JandJ1224
I would expect to pay the airfare and have friends pay her for babysitting.
Same
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| Posted 10/31/19 10:20 PM |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1216 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
If paying for her airfare bothers you, then do not have her come. At first I was thinking split everything between all of you. But then I realized she is going on a FAMILY vacation. You were going to originally pay her airfare. I don't think your friends are including this in their offer to make it "worth her time." You can ask, but it will get awkward. Not sure how much the airfare is, but if it is a few hundred dollars I would bet they would not be so willing to do it. The real question is did you really want for her to come originally? If so, pay the airfare. Splitting her babysitting costs (or having helicopter mom pay the majority of it) seems fair enough though.
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| Posted 11/1/19 12:24 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
How long is she staying for? If it’s turning into a family vacation for her too, you should pay the airfare. However, by doing that and making her available, I think you covered enough of the cost and your friends should probably pay her for babysitting, not you.
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| Posted 11/1/19 2:49 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: babysitting sitch
I think your SD is basically extorting you guys. I don’t know where this wedding is, but it would appear she’d be getting a free trip in exchange for watching some kids for a few hours. I can’t really imagine paying her a large sum of money on top of the free trip.
But since your friends will I guess I don’t really blame her. I’d broach the subject of splitting the airfare and see what they say. Helicopter mom should definitely be putting her hand in her pocket. Who is paying for her meals and activities?
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| Posted 11/1/19 12:13 PM |
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Posted by ali120206
Posted by JandJ1224
I would expect to pay the airfare and have friends pay her for babysitting.
Same
This. And I would let them work it out between the two of them since one said she would pay her a lot.
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| Posted 11/1/19 12:14 PM |
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Posted by LuckyStar
I think your SD is basically extorting you guys. I don’t know where this wedding is, but it would appear she’d be getting a free trip in exchange for watching some kids for a few hours. I can’t really imagine paying her a large sum of money on top of the free trip.
But since your friends will I guess I don’t really blame her. I’d broach the subject of splitting the airfare and see what they say. Helicopter mom should definitely be putting her hand in her pocket. Who is paying for her meals and activities?
Don't all kids extort us 
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| Posted 11/1/19 12:15 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by LuckyStar
I think your SD is basically extorting you guys. I don’t know where this wedding is, but it would appear she’d be getting a free trip in exchange for watching some kids for a few hours. I can’t really imagine paying her a large sum of money on top of the free trip.
But since your friends will I guess I don’t really blame her. I’d broach the subject of splitting the airfare and see what they say. Helicopter mom should definitely be putting her hand in her pocket. Who is paying for her meals and activities?
Don't all kids extort us
I don't agree with this at all. OP stated that SD already opted out of this trip, because she didn't want to go. So OP's daughter is doing them a favor by going. So she should be compensated very well,,,after all, they can get a babysitter, they just feel more comfortable with the SD. But as for who should pay the airfare, IDK. I feel OP should because it is her kid, but on the other hand, it's helicopter mom being the PIA, so maybe she should.
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| Posted 11/1/19 7:52 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: babysitting sitch
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by LuckyStar
I think your SD is basically extorting you guys. I don’t know where this wedding is, but it would appear she’d be getting a free trip in exchange for watching some kids for a few hours. I can’t really imagine paying her a large sum of money on top of the free trip.
But since your friends will I guess I don’t really blame her. I’d broach the subject of splitting the airfare and see what they say. Helicopter mom should definitely be putting her hand in her pocket. Who is paying for her meals and activities?
Don't all kids extort us
I don't agree with this at all. OP stated that SD already opted out of this trip, because she didn't want to go. So OP's daughter is doing them a favor by going. So she should be compensated very well,,,after all, they can get a babysitter, they just feel more comfortable with the SD. But as for who should pay the airfare, IDK. I feel OP should because it is her kid, but on the other hand, it's helicopter mom being the PIA, so maybe she should.
Yeah, I was half joking. I’d have been all over that in college.
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| Posted 11/1/19 10:04 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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WWYD re: babysitting sitch
If I were your friend I would assume you would be paying her airfare since she is your stepdaughter. Although I wouldn’t say anything if asked to chip in and would gladly help out if she were watching me kids. But then is it payment in addition to covering her airfare? It’s going to be expensive. Is every parent paying her to babysit for the wedding? 8 think you need to have clear discussion with everyone involved before doing anything so everyone is on the same page. I think helicopter parent is making it weird and more costly for everyone involved lol
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| Posted 11/2/19 5:21 PM |
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