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JWG421
Our miracle is here
Member since 12/12 2507 total posts
Name:
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Mom needs help! Please do not delete
Good morning,
I know I cannot be the only widowed mother w a 5 year old who only acts out and not listens to me. My husband was always the firm one in the house, he passed away over the summer and all went down hill!
My son will be an angel in school, w my parents and everyone else. When it to me it’s a daily battle 24/7. Whatever I ask it’s the opposite etc I am drained. This makes me hate going out to stores etc because I feel like I’m “that mom” who is always yelling at her kids
I have tried to put him in time out but that does not seem to work- I’ve tried to explain why I am upset and that lasts about an hour.
He does see a Social worker at school.
Please need help, ideas etc
Thank you
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Posted 9/9/19 7:13 AM  |
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lmcmcl
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/15 483 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom needs help! Please do not delete
I am so sorry about your husband and all that you are going through.
As you know, this is a difficult time for you and your son. It is good that he behaves for everyone but you, as difficult as it is. But you two are locked in a battle of the wills. I always found if something doesn't work, change it up.
I am not a widow, so I can't relate to what you are dealing with. I can only offer one small bit of advice that worked for me with a behavioral problem.
I was having a difficult time with my 3 year old. Everything seemed to be a battle.
One day, at the end of my ropes, I am thinking how would they handle this in nursery school. (She went to a very lovey Christian school- I don't know how to describe it).
So almost mockingly, I said to her in my sweetest sugary voice" OK Ashley, I know you want to do that, but first we have to do this" Waiting for the battle, I was shocked when she replied "OK Mommy"
I then realized we were both entangled in a power struggle. After that I became more conscious of it, and spoke to her differently when we needed to do something.
Now I know this is not a solution to the problems you are facing, but sometimes change it up- you just may shock him because he is probably anticipating a negative reaction.
Good luck
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| Posted 9/9/19 8:41 AM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4430 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Mom needs help! Please do not delete
I would try to see a Family Therapist together. He is probably working out some very sad feelings and taking it out on the person he loves the most, you. So sorry for your loss.
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| Posted 9/9/19 8:48 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Mom needs help! Please do not delete
Posted by KarenK122
I would try to see a Family Therapist together. He is probably working out some very sad feelings and taking it out on the person he loves the most, you. So sorry for your loss.
I agree with this. I read something once that said that when kids act out towards only you ,their parent, it is because they feel you are their safe place, and the place they can release their feeling and emotions.
This is a very difficult time for you both and speaking to a therapist together, that specializes in this, could be very helpful for the both of you.
Good luck and many hugs.
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| Posted 9/9/19 8:53 AM |
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JWG421
Our miracle is here
Member since 12/12 2507 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom needs help! Please do not delete
Thanks
I will look into this
I am emotionally and physically drained
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| Posted 9/9/19 8:55 AM |
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Bamama
LIF Adult
Member since 8/11 991 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom needs help! Please do not delete
I am so sorry for your loss and your struggles.
If you have time, check out Dr. Ross Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) approach. It will make him feel more "in control" which is probably at the root of his struggles right now. Good luck.
Lives in the Balance
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| Posted 9/9/19 11:32 AM |
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Mmm777
LIF Infant
Member since 2/13 329 total posts
Name:
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Mom needs help! Please do not delete
My younger son is 5 and behaves some of the time this way and copies his older brother who doesn’t listen also
I have the choice works app that is letting him wait for an hour before he gets his way.
He still gets what he wants but he can see the time he gets it and it calms him down a bit
Not sure how it will apply for you
Message edited 9/9/2019 8:38:40 PM.
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| Posted 9/9/19 8:38 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Mom needs help! Please do not delete
I am sorry for your loss. I would try grief counseling and a bereavement support group for yourself as well as your son. The counseling for you will help you with different approaches when it comes to parenting a child who has lost a parent. I am so very sorry
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| Posted 9/9/19 9:42 PM |
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