How to deal with anger

How do you deal with anger? DH and I have been fighting and I feel myself bottling up and holding it inside. Eventually I am going to blow up.

I try to talk to him about what is bothering me and he just blows if off like I am making it a big deal.

How to deal with anger

therapy - solo and alone. can't work on a marriage if you don't know why you are the way you are.

How to deal with anger

Yeah, I'm a huge supporter of therapy.

In the short term, minfulness apps and journaling can help you find your center and calm down so it's not stewing in your gut all day.

Re: How to deal with anger

I agree with therapy as well. But honestly, Having some good girlfriends to help you blow off steam or even just writing it out yourself in a journal helps too. I also like to work out when feeling anger. I take Pound Class at cru ch fitness. I swear there are days I think I’m gonna snap those sticks in half I’m beating them so hard. Totally helps get out aggression

How to deal with anger

I’m pretty anti therapy but I think that’s just because I come from that world and it’s a personal thing. Anyway, therapy has been effective for so many and I would give it a shot, can’t hurt. In the mean time I would take some time for self care, take a day off work and spend alone. In terms of anger itself, I would think about why you are angry, what are the triggers and what are your coping skills to deal with the anger (these are things I use when I run a therapy group in anger). Understanding the source and triggers are the biggest thing. Are you typically an angry person aside from fighting with your husband ? If so, find out why, what triggers your anger? Is it learned from childhood? Do you have stressors that make you angry? If so what are they and how do you deal with them. Many people often have displaced anger and aren’t truly angry people. Meaning anger is a secondary emotion to something else. Some people often have trouble seeing the good when they are so focus on the anger. I often suggest to people to take a jar or container and some index cards and write (one or two lines) something they are great fuel for or a beautiful moment of the day, just to see the good. You will be surprised how often the jar fills up and it’s nice to reflect back on those moments because we all often think of the stress, not the little things. Good luck and if you need a referral for a therapist, let me know!

Re: How to deal with anger

Have you blown up at him? Does he know you are bottling it up? DH is a lot like this. He lets things roll off his back and then has a huge meltdown and I'm like . It is a million times better now than years ago because we talked about it. He doesn't keep things in so much anymore and I promise to listen more instead of just yessing him to death (bad habit I was used to doing--inherited that from my mom who used to yes my dad to death and just do whatever she wanted anyway ).

It's not easy, but it's good you are at least recognizing this. It took a lot of convincing for my DH to finally realize he was partly at fault for just not communicating that well and holding so much in.

Re: How to deal with anger

Message edited 7/2/2019 12:27:08 PM.

Re: How to deal with anger

Do you know the source of your anger? I recall a while ago (a year or more ago) your post about your husband. Did you ever resolve those issues or have they just festered? Does your husband understand why you are upset or has he brushed the concerns under the bed?

I think both individual and couples therapy can get you to the root of your problem. When I am upset, I just say it and don't keep it bottled up or say what I think the other person wants to hear because then I know I will become miserable and no one has time for that.

Journal and get your thoughts on paper so you know what you want to say. If you think you need a neutral third party to be there when you say it, therapy. If you can say it on your own then try for a calm location. But the thing that I always try to keep in mind is that I can only control how I react, I cannot control others reactions. I cannot make someone say or do something, even when it is objectively the right thing to do. I can't change the past. I can't second guess what I might have done with other information. I have to make the best educated decision I can with the facts at hand in that moment, not what I wish might have occurred, or said, or was done. Then, once all is said, you have to learn to let it go and forgive. Forgiveness is both for you and the other person, but mostly it is for yourself to learn to let go of the part that bothered you and to heal your soul. It is a daily thing, where once the apology happens, you have to take it at face value. While you can hope for change to take place, only you can account for your actions and reactions. While it would be nice for the other person to change, or want to change, it may not happen the way or how you want. It may not be immediate and you will need to figure out if you are ok with it, if your needs are being met.

Re: How to deal with anger

Posted by mrsrainbow

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I’m pretty anti therapy but I think that’s just because I come from that world and it’s a personal thing. Anyway, therapy has been effective for so many and I would give it a shot, can’t hurt. In the mean time I would take some time for self care, take a day off work and spend alone. In terms of anger itself, I would think about why you are angry, what are the triggers and what are your coping skills to deal with the anger (these are things I use when I run a therapy group in anger). Understanding the source and triggers are the biggest thing. Are you typically an angry person aside from fighting with your husband ? If so, find out why, what triggers your anger? Is it learned from childhood? Do you have stressors that make you angry? If so what are they and how do you deal with them. Many people often have displaced anger and aren’t truly angry people. Meaning anger is a secondary emotion to something else. Some people often have trouble seeing the good when they are so focus on the anger. I often suggest to people to take a jar or container and some index cards and write (one or two lines) something they are great fuel for or a beautiful moment of the day, just to see the good. You will be surprised how often the jar fills up and it’s nice to reflect back on those moments because we all often think of the stress, not the little things. Good luck and if you need a referral for a therapist, let me know!

If you work in the "therapy world" and are "anti therapy" then you are in the wrong line of work

that would be like if i was a teacher and said education didn't matter

Re: How to deal with anger

Maybe you should try writing it in a letter or email. I find that if I do that I can put down exactly how I am feeling and I have a chance to go back and edit it and make sure it’s coming out how I want it to. It also gives me a good amount of time to reflect on my feelings. Even if you don’t give it to him it will help you articulate how you are feeling so that when you try to speak with him it’s easier to get your point across.

Re: How to deal with anger

Posted by lululu

Posted by mrsrainbow

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I’m pretty anti therapy but I think that’s just because I come from that world and it’s a personal thing. Anyway, therapy has been effective for so many and I would give it a shot, can’t hurt. In the mean time I would take some time for self care, take a day off work and spend alone. In terms of anger itself, I would think about why you are angry, what are the triggers and what are your coping skills to deal with the anger (these are things I use when I run a therapy group in anger). Understanding the source and triggers are the biggest thing. Are you typically an angry person aside from fighting with your husband ? If so, find out why, what triggers your anger? Is it learned from childhood? Do you have stressors that make you angry? If so what are they and how do you deal with them. Many people often have displaced anger and aren’t truly angry people. Meaning anger is a secondary emotion to something else. Some people often have trouble seeing the good when they are so focus on the anger. I often suggest to people to take a jar or container and some index cards and write (one or two lines) something they are great fuel for or a beautiful moment of the day, just to see the good. You will be surprised how often the jar fills up and it’s nice to reflect back on those moments because we all often think of the stress, not the little things. Good luck and if you need a referral for a therapist, let me know!

If you work in the "therapy world" and are "anti therapy" then you are in the wrong line of work

that would be like if i was a teacher and said education didn't matter

I agree! Seems odd to work in that field and not believe in it.

Re: How to deal with anger

Re: How to deal with anger

Posted by mrsrainbow

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I’m pretty anti therapy but I think that’s just because I come from that world and it’s a personal thing. Anyway, therapy has been effective for so many and I would give it a shot, can’t hurt. In the mean time I would take some time for self care, take a day off work and spend alone. In terms of anger itself, I would think about why you are angry, what are the triggers and what are your coping skills to deal with the anger (these are things I use when I run a therapy group in anger). Understanding the source and triggers are the biggest thing. Are you typically an angry person aside from fighting with your husband ? If so, find out why, what triggers your anger? Is it learned from childhood? Do you have stressors that make you angry? If so what are they and how do you deal with them. Many people often have displaced anger and aren’t truly angry people. Meaning anger is a secondary emotion to something else. Some people often have trouble seeing the good when they are so focus on the anger. I often suggest to people to take a jar or container and some index cards and write (one or two lines) something they are great fuel for or a beautiful moment of the day, just to see the good. You will be surprised how often the jar fills up and it’s nice to reflect back on those moments because we all often think of the stress, not the little things. Good luck and if you need a referral for a therapist, let me know!

If you work in the "therapy world" and are "anti therapy" then you are in the wrong line of work

that would be like if i was a teacher and said education didn't matter