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Cross post - Anti Social School district?

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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

956 total posts

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Cross post - Anti Social School district?

I cross posted this here for more traffic:

Does anyone else live in an anti social school district? I live in northeast queens, in a wonderfully diverse neighborhood with excellent schools, but I am so disappointed with the social aspect. They were in catholic school for pre k and were invited to a ton of birthday parties and play dates. Then I put them in public school because my son receives services. Kindergarten came and went with absolutely NO party invites and play date offers. First grade so far has been the same. No socialization whatsoever after school. They are in aftercare so they play with kids during the week but our weekends are so lonely - I’m a single mom and one of my three boys has pretty intense autism/intellectual disability so we are limited in where we can go. My two typical boys literally beg for play dates. I put them in CYO sports but it seems like the catholic school kids stick togther. My mom friends all live in very social districts on Long Island and their kids are too busy usually on weekends to come play with mine. I keep them busy but they are begging for play dates and they want to have a birthday party for their birthday - but honestly I don’t know if the kids in their class would come? It seems like birthday parties just aren’t a thing at our school. I don’t know if it’s because many of the parents are foreign? My friends who livein Manhasset and Sea Cliff asked if we got “booed” for Halloween and I actually laughed in their faces. The families here don’t do play dates or parties - let alone booing :(. Is anyone else in this boat? Just feeling sorry for the kids and myself :(. I feel so jealous when I see all the fun things my friends’ kids do on weekends.

Message edited 2/24/2019 4:10:55 PM.

Posted 2/24/19 4:09 PM
 
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Naturalmama
Love my boys!!

Member since 1/12

2934 total posts

Name:
Christine

Cross post - Anti Social School district?

My SIL & BIL live in Northeast Queens, their kids are always at birthday parties & having friends over. However, I will say they live in an area that is predominantly English speaking. A friend of mine lives in another area in Northeast Queens, and the very reason they put their boys in Catholic school, is because when they took a tour of the local public school, it was about 85% Korean. Let me add, she did not care what the children were- but she was told a majority of the parents do not speak English, and she knew that would make forming friendships difficult.
Are there kids on your block? The kids from the local Catholic school exclude your children in sports? That is sad to hear. It may be a cultural thing.

Posted 2/24/19 4:22 PM
 

Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

956 total posts

Name:

Re: Cross post - Anti Social School district?

Posted by Naturalmama

My SIL & BIL live in Northeast Queens, their kids are always at birthday parties & having friends over. However, I will say they live in an area that is predominantly English speaking. A friend of mine lives in another area in Northeast Queens, and the very reason they put their boys in Catholic school, is because when they took a tour of the local public school, it was about 85% Korean. Let me add, she did not care what the children were- but she was told a majority of the parents do not speak English, and she knew that would make forming friendships difficult.
Are there kids on your block? The kids from the local Catholic school exclude your children in sports? That is sad to hear. It may be a cultural thing.



Thank you so much for your response. I probably live near your friends. I wouldn’t say that Catholic school kids intentionally exclude them, just that they tend to congregate together which I don’t think is odd considering they all know each other. At any rate, it has not lead to any play dates or parties.

I really wanted to keep them in Catholic school but my son needed to be in the integrated class and also gets pt and ot so I really had no choice. I wish I could move but it’s not even close to a possibility. I really like the neighborhood and had gone to diverse schools my whole life but I did not have this problem. I feel like their childhood is passing us by. I want to take the initiative and throw them a party, but I am really terrified no one would go and that would be devastating. I have it on good authority with their teachers that they are friendly , polite and well liked boys so I don’t think there is anything else going on. Thanks again :)

Posted 2/24/19 4:30 PM
 

M514
Hi

Member since 8/10

5829 total posts

Name:

Cross post - Anti Social School district?

Have you initiated any playdates? Get in touch with any of the kids that your kids talk about or want to play with. Maybe by you initiating playdates, it’ll open the door for others to do the same.

Posted 2/24/19 6:06 PM
 

MissJones
I need a nap!

Member since 5/05

21463 total posts

Name:

Cross post - Anti Social School district?

I'll be honest. I teach in queens and the parents that are on top of play dates are the English speaking ones. The parents who don't speak English, well, culturally, it's not what they do. It's nothing against your kid. Many have their kids birthday party in school. That's it. Nothing outside of school.

Posted 2/24/19 6:13 PM
 

Christine2
LIF Adult

Member since 2/09

1082 total posts

Name:

Re: Cross post - Anti Social School district?

Can you sign your boys up for Boy Scouts? It's a great way to meet other moms and initiate playdates. I'd say a sport would work as well, but Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts have been a great way for me to meet other moms and they often have a lot of activities for the kids.

Posted 2/24/19 11:20 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

18916 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Cross post - Anti Social School district?

We are in a multi cultural district, which I love, but yes it is only the American parents that really initiate play dates. But everyone does birthday parties here. I would agree, join scouts or invite kids to your home. The other suggestion you might not love, have your two neurotypical kids in one school and your other child who needs services in the public school.

Posted 2/24/19 11:29 PM
 

LiveItUp
Love my babies!

Member since 8/11

4074 total posts

Name:

Cross post - Anti Social School district?

Did your kids' teachers send home a class contact list with phone numbers for the parents? Maybe you could try initiating some play dates, either at your home or even suggest meeting up somewhere. Are your kids signed up for any extracurricular activities? That's a good opportunity to meet some parents while dropping them off or waiting for them to be done. Also, not sure what your local library is like, but it might offer free programs/activites for kids. As for throwing a party, I dont think that just because other families dont have a party for their child, doesnt mean they wouldn't bring their child to someone else's party. We didnt have a party for our dd this year, just because we didnt want the expense of it, but we let her go to any parties she's invited too, as long as it doesnt conflict with something else we had planned. At the very least, even if a lot of their classmates didn't come to the party (I'm sure at least some would come) then you could also invite your friends' kids.

Posted 2/25/19 8:39 AM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

3604 total posts

Name:
Karen

Cross post - Anti Social School district?

Are there any district sports or clubs in your district. I would join those so they can interact with the kids in their schools. Boy Scouts was another great idea that someone mentioned.

Posted 2/25/19 10:20 AM
 

CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!

Member since 5/05

13094 total posts

Name:

Re: Cross post - Anti Social School district?

How often are you offering playdates and outings? I have found that birthday parties school invites ebb and flow but since parties are so expensive and RSVPing for events have declined...I see the # of invites decline.
But it sounds like you are hoping that someone will invite your kids over? I would start by touching base with a parent or two of the kids your kids enjoy and see if they want to meet up at the playground.

Posted 2/25/19 10:24 AM
 

curley999
Family!

Member since 5/05

2299 total posts

Name:

Cross post - Anti Social School district?

I used to live in NE Queens in district 26 and found the same. It is definitely cultural. It is mainly the few american parents that are open for play dates. For other cultures it is not a priority as their kids socialize at religious events and classes. I would still host a party if you wanted as they will likely still attend. We had some success on CYO and the little neck/douglaston sport teams. We also did some classes over the border in Nassau and found the crowd to be more friendly.

Posted 2/25/19 10:49 AM
 

drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!

Member since 6/07

8196 total posts

Name:
me

Re: Cross post - Anti Social School district?

Posted by MissJones

I'll be honest. I teach in queens and the parents that are on top of play dates are the English speaking ones. The parents who don't speak English, well, culturally, it's not what they do. It's nothing against your kid. Many have their kids birthday party in school. That's it. Nothing outside of school.


Yes this is exactly right in my experience too. Last year my son was in pre k at a daycare & had a lot of play dates and birthday parties every single weekend. This year he’s in K at a school that although itself is not that diverse, he happened to be randomly placed into the one K class that has all the ELL students, from many different countries & many ethnicities. The parents generally keep to themselves & don’t attend or throw parties. It’s definitely a cultural thing. I actually don’t mind it & find it a bit of a relief because we are so busy with other commitments this school year and he maintained some friendships with kids from pre k so we occasionally get together with them still & it feels like enough for now. So although I’m not minding it at the moment I could see how it could be a sad situation if you want to be doing more socialization for your kids but I don’t know if you’ll be able to really change it very much. All I can suggest is to look for socialization opportunities beyond school.

Posted 2/25/19 12:52 PM
 

Chatham-Chick
*********************

Member since 5/05

10309 total posts

Name:

Re: Cross post - Anti Social School district?

Do you have a Cub Scouts pack in the area? Definitely look into it! It's a very family oriented organization.

Posted 4/1/19 2:18 PM
 
 

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