| Posted By |
Message |
Rosie4
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/12 643 total posts
Name:
|
Curious for input - Family money situation
Thanks for the input. It all worked out. 
Message edited 2/4/2018 9:37:19 AM.
|
Posted 1/21/18 8:01 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
You can't help the way you feel but try to isolate your feelings. You said yourself you aren't upset about the money and you don't need it. I think it's great that your brother wants to give you the all of the money, so there shouldn't be any hard feelings there. I think that the problem is the fact that you are being slighted by your mother who is clearly playing favorites to your brother right now and probably has in the past as well. It was not a family car. That money was a gift from them and you paid for a significant portion of the car yourself. However, I think that you need to let it go. I have a similar situation with my own mother so I know how hard it is but honestly she's not going to change so at some point you just have to let it go and move on or you will drive yourself crazy.
|
| Posted 1/21/18 9:01 PM |
| |
|
Rosie4
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/12 643 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by lululu
You can't help the way you feel but try to isolate your feelings. You said yourself you aren't upset about the money and you don't need it. I think it's great that your brother wants to give you the all of the money, so there shouldn't be any hard feelings there. I think that the problem is the fact that you are being slighted by your mother who is clearly playing favorites to your brother right now and probably has in the past as well. It was not a family car. That money was a gift from them and you paid for a significant portion of the car yourself. However, I think that you need to let it go. I have a similar situation with my own mother so I know how hard it is but honestly she's not going to change so at some point you just have to let it go and move on or you will drive yourself crazy.
Wow! I can't tell you how well put your response was to my feelings. The word slighted has crossed my mind a bit. Thank you. Believe it or not, your response has really helped me see this for what it is. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
|
| Posted 1/21/18 9:07 PM |
| |
|
blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
It was never a family car and if that's how they wanted it to be they should have paid for all of it!! She gifted you the money she should not all of sudden act like it was a loan or that gave them some rights to it.
I can also see that you might be bothered about the favoritism your brother received. He is in trouble they bail him out. Its one thing for them to sell the car offer you the money and you tell them no its OK your brother to keep its a whole another thing to assume you don't deserve any of it.
|
| Posted 1/21/18 9:24 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
WRONG and your parents were wrong to ask for the car when you were buying a new one. Totally wrong and very warped if you ask me.
|
| Posted 1/21/18 10:41 PM |
| |
|
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
First hugs, it is clear your parents play favorites and that must be painful. I am so sorry. I will say that it is unfair and not fun to be in this position. Second you are not alone. My own parents have done similar things to me so I really understand. I would not blame your brother who wants to give you the money. I would say it is between your brother and yourself. It does not involve your parents. I would talk to your brother and decide between the two of you. I would also say lead your best life and be satisfied that you and your husband are successful. It is so painful and I deeply feel for you. Hugs.
|
| Posted 1/21/18 10:58 PM |
| |
|
butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
The car is yours. The title is in your name. If it was a family car when they gave half they should have i clouded one of their names on the title. You honesty should be getting more money then it’s worth how because your brother and nephew drove it when you could have traded it in.
If your parents think the logic that they gave you half the money, then how much did they spend helping your brother on the down payment and deposit AND later ask back from him?
I get that money may not matter if you were able to buy a new car without that trade in money years ago but it is the principle and respect that is suppose to go both ways, not just obey thy parent.
Message edited 1/22/2018 12:51:19 AM.
|
| Posted 1/22/18 12:50 AM |
| |
|
MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22132 total posts
Name:
|
Curious for input - Family money situation
Wrong. Very wrong. Although points toyour brother for wanting to do the right thing. And although technically it is theirs now, via possession, they should OFFER you at least HALF of the profit. You paid for half, right? You not only paid for the car, but you put money into the car all those years. Brakes, oil changes, etc. Listen, it is great they want to help out your brother and that you don't need the money. But it's the principle.
You have every right to feel slighted. I know I would.
ETA: I think it is the 'family car' term that I am shaking my head over. No, it was NOT a family car. If they bought it outright and you drove it, then YES. But that's not the case.
I think I'm peeved for you because something similar happened to me.
Message edited 1/22/2018 5:56:25 AM.
|
| Posted 1/22/18 5:49 AM |
| |
|
chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
|
Curious for input - Family money situation
I understand why you feel the way that you do - the car was yours and yours alone and you've done everyone a favor by giving the car to your parents when you got a new car. BUT, that being said, I don't think parents are necessarily obligated to treat each child exactly the same. I think your brother needs much more than you do - whether it's through his own fault or not - and they recognize that and are trying to help him out. It sounds like if you needed help, they would be there for you too, but he is the one who needs help, so they are doing what they can. If you can find it within you to let it go and not feel slighted, I think that would be the best thing for you. Maybe look at it as YOU are helping your brother - it might not have been what you intended to do, but really, in the scheme of things, it is YOU that are helping him
|
| Posted 1/22/18 9:48 AM |
| |
|
CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by chilltocam
I understand why you feel the way that you do - the car was yours and yours alone and you've done everyone a favor by giving the car to your parents when you got a new car. BUT, that being said, I don't think parents are necessarily obligated to treat each child exactly the same. I think your brother needs much more than you do - whether it's through his own fault or not - and they recognize that and are trying to help him out. It sounds like if you needed help, they would be there for you too, but he is the one who needs help, so they are doing what they can. If you can find it within you to let it go and not feel slighted, I think that would be the best thing for you. Maybe look at it as YOU are helping your brother - it might not have been what you intended to do, but really, in the scheme of things, it is YOU that are helping him
I agree with this but I think instead of the parents saying "the car is his", or "it's a family car" and covering up the matter they should just come out and acknowledge that they are helping the brother because he needs it and at the same time ask that their daughter understand and reinforce that they would do what they could for her if she needed it.
|
| Posted 1/23/18 3:42 PM |
| |
|
NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Whose name is the Title in?
|
| Posted 1/23/18 4:31 PM |
| |
|
Sunny10
LIF Adult
Member since 10/10 1287 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by NYCGirl80
Whose name is the Title in?
xx
Message edited 1/23/2018 6:14:08 PM.
|
| Posted 1/23/18 6:10 PM |
| |
|
Rosie4
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/12 643 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by NYCGirl80
Whose name is the Title in?
It's in my brother's name. When my parents gave it to him, that's when his name was put on. He then gave it to his son, my nephew but remained on the title. I actually never thought at the time the car was no longer needed that it would be worth anything. As of yesterday, someone offered $2,000. I spoke to my mom about my feelings yesterday and it created a lot of friction, sadly. She then text me later with the offer they got and said they wanted to send me all of the money. It's not what I was looking for.
|
| Posted 1/23/18 6:20 PM |
| |
|
DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
|
Curious for input - Family money situation
I have been in almost the same position. I was buying a new car and my mother suggested I "give" my brother my old car. As in instead of trading it in for what the dealer would give me, together with the tax credit, he should get it. The expression "no good deed goes unpunished" comes to mind.
|
| Posted 1/23/18 8:54 PM |
| |
|
SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
I agree with everyone else. It would make me mad. They gifted you the money. They had no rights to the car to begin with. It's nice that your brother recognizes that all the money should go to you. Maybe you don't need it, but that doesn't mean your mom gets to decide who should get the money.
My mom is the same with my brother. Bends over backwards to help him out with money. I tell myself it's because he's the one that needs the help and luckily I don't (because I've always been responsible and taken care of myself). So it seems like she's playing favorites, but maybe she isn't.
It irritates me sometimes, but I think if I needed the help, maybe she'd be just as willing to help me. I mean, he needs the help cause he created the problems for himself, but still, he's the one that needs it. There were times (when I was younger) that I could have used some help from her, but I'd never ask. It's a pride thing I guess. My brother has no problem asking though.
|
| Posted 1/23/18 9:48 PM |
| |
|
CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14007 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by lululu
You can't help the way you feel but try to isolate your feelings. You said yourself you aren't upset about the money and you don't need it. I think it's great that your brother wants to give you the all of the money, so there shouldn't be any hard feelings there. I think that the problem is the fact that you are being slighted by your mother who is clearly playing favorites to your brother right now and probably has in the past as well. It was not a family car. That money was a gift from them and you paid for a significant portion of the car yourself. However, I think that you need to let it go. I have a similar situation with my own mother so I know how hard it is but honestly she's not going to change so at some point you just have to let it go and move on or you will drive yourself crazy.
I agree 100% with this answer. It's your mother, who is playing favorites, that is bothering you. She probably has done that most of your life and your mother probably doesn't even see it.
My mother plays favorites too and she would deny it up and down but it's there for all to see.
Sorry, it stinks but unless you let it go...it's just going to bother you and if you say anything...it's going to be turned around on you and you will be made to look bad.
|
| Posted 1/24/18 8:34 AM |
| |
|
CSK
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 892 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
I agree with everyone else. It would make me mad. They gifted you the money. They had no rights to the car to begin with. It's nice that your brother recognizes that all the money should go to you. Maybe you don't need it, but that doesn't mean your mom gets to decide who should get the money.
My mom is the same with my brother. Bends over backwards to help him out with money. I tell myself it's because he's the one that needs the help and luckily I don't (because I've always been responsible and taken care of myself). So it seems like she's playing favorites, but maybe she isn't.
It irritates me sometimes, but I think if I needed the help, maybe she'd be just as willing to help me. I mean, he needs the help cause he created the problems for himself, but still, he's the one that needs it. There were times (when I was younger) that I could have used some help from her, but I'd never ask. It's a pride thing I guess. My brother has no problem asking though.
I think the above might ring somewhat true.
You see favorites, she sees that she has 1 kid who needs help and the other is just fine and she focuses the attention/money on solving the problems of the struggling child. It doesn't have to be "fair" and it shouldn't be looked at that it needs to be. My mother trys to make things fair between myself and my brother, and although I appreciate the effort, and I feel generally it works out that way, I hope I could look past "fair" if my brother was struggling and I wasn't.
The mess of the car thing started with your mother putting strings on the money that shouldn't have been there and probably should have been discussed at the time.
Always easy to Monday morning quarterback a situation, family or otherwise. At this point, you told your mother how you felt, try and mend fences with her and your brother. take the money or not, split the money or not. I tend to think given the current state of things the politically expedient answer is to split it with your bother or let him have it, not cause its fair, but b/c it will make this go away with the least hurt feelings.
Message edited 1/24/2018 9:37:15 AM.
|
| Posted 1/24/18 9:35 AM |
| |
|
Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by chilltocam
I understand why you feel the way that you do - the car was yours and yours alone and you've done everyone a favor by giving the car to your parents when you got a new car. BUT, that being said, I don't think parents are necessarily obligated to treat each child exactly the same. I think your brother needs much more than you do - whether it's through his own fault or not - and they recognize that and are trying to help him out. It sounds like if you needed help, they would be there for you too, but he is the one who needs help, so they are doing what they can. If you can find it within you to let it go and not feel slighted, I think that would be the best thing for you. Maybe look at it as YOU are helping your brother - it might not have been what you intended to do, but really, in the scheme of things, it is YOU that are helping him
In theory I completely understand and agree with this reasoning. I too have a family situation like the OP's. And I've come to accept that parents naturally treat each child differently based on what each one needs.
BUT, when they start taking from one child to help another, that crosses a line IMO. And as long as you go along with it, it will continue to happen. Trust me, I know. So I think the OP was right to point out how unfair it was, and very kind of her to let her brother have the money since he needs it more right now. Hopefully going forward her parents will be more aware.
|
| Posted 1/24/18 3:10 PM |
| |
|
Disneygirl17
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/16 496 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by Goobster
WRONG and your parents were wrong to ask for the car when you were buying a new one. Totally wrong and very warped if you ask me.
Agreeed. My parents helped me with my last car but never asked for it back it for the money from the sale of it I call bs on the brother getting the money. IMO they are enabling him, he needs to help himself.
|
| Posted 1/24/18 3:16 PM |
| |
|
LInMI
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 1800 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
I think your feelings are completely legitimate, but I would move on and not even think twice about it (especially since you're in a good spot and your brother could use the $). I think your mom is just looking out for his best interest knowing he's been through a lot recently.
|
| Posted 1/24/18 3:31 PM |
| |
|
NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Curious for input - Family money situation
Posted by Rosie4
Posted by NYCGirl80
Whose name is the Title in?
It's in my brother's name. When my parents gave it to him, that's when his name was put on. He then gave it to his son, my nephew but remained on the title. I actually never thought at the time the car was no longer needed that it would be worth anything. As of yesterday, someone offered $2,000. I spoke to my mom about my feelings yesterday and it created a lot of friction, sadly. She then text me later with the offer they got and said they wanted to send me all of the money. It's not what I was looking for.
I'd let your brother keep the money, then. You let go of your rights when the title was transferred. I know this is not the popular opinion on the board, but you even said for yourself that you thought that the car wouldn't be worth anything so you transferred the title. Unfortunately, you can't now say - well, it's worth money, so now I want a stake in the car again. Put it this way, if the car needed a new transmission, would you pay for it or your brother/nephew? I'm assuming since he had the car, he would pay. Then he should get the money when it's sold.
|
| Posted 1/25/18 9:32 AM |
| |
|
