What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

My daughter is 7, she had a friend, Megan, that lived across the street and they grew up together. When they started Kindergarten last year they grew apart a little bit and made a bunch of new friends. To complicate things, last year Megan's parents got divorced so she moved but stayed at the same elementary school so she's still close by.

DD and Megan continue to grow apart. Megan was never my favorite kid, she was always a little too bossy, acted older than she was, wasn't very kind to my 4yr old DS, I was a little happy that they were growing apart.

BUT

Her parents both keep texting asking for playdates and sleepovers. My daughter has very little interest in Megan, I don't mind NOT having her play with her but I don't know what to say to them. I have been going with the flow and saying "yes" here and there because this little girl has been through a ton in the past year and my daughter is empathetic to that too. She had her here this past week and was like "ugh, Mom,I just don't like playing with Megan, she's just become so mean".

Her dad just asked me about getting them together this upcoming weekend.

At what point do I put Megan's feelings aside and stop forcing my daughter to play with her? And, most importantly, how the heck do I tell Megan's parents (who I've known for 6 years) that it's over?? They aren't the type to get hints and the Mom is a bit pushy.

HELP!

What do you do when your kid is

I have no advice because I havent been put in this situation yet. Seems like you are damned if you do and damned if you dont. Sorry :( !!

What do you do when your kid is

My son has a friend that I don't love him playing with. Every so often I will say yes if we have nothing going on but, usually I just respond sorry, can't today, have plans and don't tell DS (usually we do have some sort of plan or the texts come at a weird time).

DS 2 also has a friend he is growing apart from - that I am friends with his parents - so I'm limiting playdates there as well...

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

I’d have the occasional play date here and there.
I’m sure they ask the daughter who SHE would like a play date with and she thinks your daughter is her friend. That will end soon if they really don’t get along.
She’s been through a tough time. I’d give her some slack! (Like you have been doing)... it won’t be forever!

What do you do when your kid is

honestly, I would turn down play dates and while you may see them at parties or whatever, if your daughter is empathetic and has tried and tried and she just can’t seem to have a nice time, I wouldn’t force my child to be in an uncomfortable situation. I would expect my child to be nice to the person and never exclude people, but if it’s a 1:1 play date, I would say no. Do they push this a lot as a babysitting thing?

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

Message edited 1/8/2018 12:37:13 PM.

What do you do when your kid is

I'd just be busy and slow to get back to them. You could also let them know about their daughter being "mean" but I find that most parents just get defensive and would not believe it.

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

Tough situation but maybe just say you're busy each time they ask, maybe they will eventually back off. I agree with a PP, many parents are in the "not my kid" mentality so even if you told them that Megan was mean to your kid, they may not believe it.

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

Are they texting and calling to have playdates at your house? Or just to get the girls together?

I went through the same thing with one of DC's friend. The mom was very pushy about having us get them together but only if they were at my house; never hers.

I just kept putting her off. We are busy enough and I just didn't have time to schedule anything.

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

I wouldn't force my kids to do a playdate that they specifically didn't want to do (if they were only lukewarm maybe.) I'd just keep declining and eventually they will get the hint.

I get that the kid has been through a lot (my own kids are children of divorce so I certainly empathasize) but it doesn't give a child an excuse to be mean. If she doesn't get playdates perhaps she will learn to be nicer. IMO that's really the only way she will.

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

I would just keep putting them off by saying you're busy. Eventually they will stop asking. I don't want to raise my kid to be a people pleaser. IMO if your DD doesn't like the girl, you shouldn't force her. A 7 year old is old enough to decide for herself.

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

What do you do when your kid is

Have you tried being honest. As a parent of a difficult child, we have been dropped by more than our share of friends. My son is constantly asking for playdates with those children and I have no idea what to tell him. I usually lie and tell him that they moved away. But I would recomend saying to the parents that it seems the girls have grown apart and DD just does not want to play with her any more. It may seem harsh, but at least there is closure. And the other parents can explain to the child why it won't happen so she stops asking.

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

Thanks everyone, great advice all around. It is sometimes a babysitting issue which I'd be fine with if DD was excited to hang out with her because they're always great at taking her in a pinch when a work issues arises, BUT I can't hang onto that relationship if DD is miserable. My daughter says she wants to give her one more chance when there are no other kids around (Megan causes a lot of "3s a crowd" issues) and then we'll take it from there.

It's interesting to get your takes on being honest with the parents vs. dodging their requests... yikes

Re: What do you do when your kid is "over" another kid but the parent keeps asking for playdates?

My kids are all older (14, 12, and 10)... if there’s one thing I can say it’s that kids friendships change constantly. Just because your daughter doesn’t want to play with this other girl now, doesn’t mean they won’t end up being BFFS in 6 months or 6 years. So please be careful what you say and how you handle this because they may end up being great friends later down the line. Even if they don’t, they may end up hanging out with the same group or in classes together or on a school sports team or any number of things etc and you don’t want this to follow either of them or become a “thing”.

Just my 2 cents. Don’t “force” a friendship but be very careful how it’s handled. Hurt feelings don’t get forgotten.