my dad has cancer :(

A couple of weeks after I found a lump in my breast (which thankfully turned out to *not* be cancer!), my dad called to say that he has cancer. There's a half golf ball sized lump on the side of his neck. They did a PET scan last week and there's the main mass, a small spot on the other side of his neck, and 2 smaller ones in his lungs.

Originally he thought it was lymphoma, but he met with the surgeon yesterday and now he doesn't think that's what it is. The surgeon said the main lump is too wrapped up in stuff so he doesn't feel comfortable doing surgery to remove it. It's too close to tonsils and his throat and the surgeon thinks it might damage dad's ability to eat down the line.

So they want to do chemo and radiation. He'll have a port installed soon for the chemo and a feeding tube inserted because they think the radiation will make it hard to swallow.

Has anyone has experience with chemo/radiation on cancer that's in 4 places? The drs think they caught it pretty early so they're cautiously optimistic.

Any suggestions on things my dad might need during the 6 weeks of chemo? His birthday is during that time (he'll be 71) and I'd like to get him something thoughtful or something he might need since I'm not there to help him.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My FIL just went through 6 weeks of chemo and the best gift was something for him to do during the treatments- books to read, su doku puzzle books, crossword puzzle books, something to take his mind off it while he's sitting there. I hope you're dad is better soon.

my dad has cancer :(

I’m so sorry. Books, a comfy pillow, and iTunes gc to download games and music.

I remember a few of my former patients telling me they always wore the same outfit to chemo and then threw it out when they were done. It meant there was nothing in the house to remind them of the chemo. I bought it was such a good idea.

I would also get a second opinion regarding the surgery. ALWAYS get a second opinion with a cancer diagnosis.

my dad has cancer :(

So sorry to hear this. My advice would be to have your Dad go for a second opinion. Is he located in the NYC area? Especially due to the location of the tumor, and potentially side effects, I think it is warranted. My mom is going through a long journey with lung cancer and felt comforted getting a second opinion until she found an oncologist that we felt comfortable at Columbia University Medical Center. I know some major cancer centers have a speech and swallowing specialist consult with patients prior to radiation to the neck area. I made that my mom had access to that prior to her last treatment (also radiation the neck).

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I'm so sorry. I lost both parents to cancer and it sucks.
My dad had radiation to his mouth/neck the first time and, while it was a long time ago (over 20 years) and I think radiation treatment is now improved and more targeted, it did damage his saliva glands and his mouth was always very dry. Ask if they expect there will be any damage there.
With my mom, she always had the choice of watching tv during her chemo treatments but she often brought a newspaper or book with her. So yes, anything distracting would be good for him.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I'm so, so sorry.

I would say some comfortable blankets, pillows, slippers, etc.; my mom went through chemo on and off for around 15 years, and it tended to make her tired.

my dad has cancer :(

I'm so sorry.
A heated blanket or fire stick or subscription to Netflix maybe?

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I'm sorry to hear that.
Been thru it with my mom and MIL.

Definitely get a second opinion. It is always better to hear one, then you can do your own research and go with your gut feeling on a treatment plan.

When Dad has chemo, a warm blanket or wrap comes in handy, as well as something to keep him occupied.
A water bottle to keep hydrated - that is really important before chemo, drink a lot of fluids to plump up the veins.
Radiation is a quick treatment, but it will make him tired.

Wishing him well, and you the strength to get thru this.

my dad has cancer :(

Thanks so much for the well wishes and ideas. I'll see if there's anything he likes to pass the time. Usually he likes puttering around the yard or in his woodworking shop - so I'll see if he still likes to read or do puzzles.

How much space do you get when sitting for the chemo? Just a chair or is there space for other things around him (like a fold up small table to hold items)?

Message edited 12/29/2017 1:30:11 PM.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

Re: my dad has cancer :(

14 years ago, my mom was at North Shore Manhasset.
Her treatments were in curtained cubes, with a lounger chair, a small TV, hospital type table, and a chair for a companion.
Most of the time she slept. I'd get us coffee and a snack to nibble on during the treatment.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I'm so sorry. My dad was dx with cancer 3.5 years ago, in his esophagus. He had 7 cycles of chemo over 8 weeks (originally planned for 6 but he handled it well) and then that was followed by 28 radiation treatments that were daily except for weekends so took just over a month. That was followed by surgery. It was grueling and I don't know how he did it but he did. Just take it one step at a time and try to be informed.

It was thought that my dad would need a feeding tube but he didn't so hold off on that if possible. My dad felt surprisingly good through the radiation but ironically the 2 weeks post his last treatment were horrible, he couldn't get out of bed he was so tired. They had warned that that could happen but he was feeling so good and so optimistic on that last day that it sort of took us all by surprise.

Give yourself time to process everything, it can be very overwhelming. And just follow your dad's lead. Talk when he wants to talk and just be there for support as much as possible.

ETA: For the chemo treatments my dad was there 4-6 hours. He slept or watched TV most of the time. He would also feel very cold so a blanket could be helpful. He was at the North SHore/LIJ Cancer center and they had drinks and snacks there for the patients.

Message edited 12/29/2017 3:09:42 PM.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

Is the golf ball lump in his actual lymph node? Or somewhere else in his neck?

I know someone who had cancer in his neck (not in a lymphnode). He had radiation and chemo. He ultimately had to get a port and feeding tube. His taste buds were way off after he finished treatment, but I think it's a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things.

I'm sorry

Message edited 12/29/2017 8:21:05 PM.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t have any advice to offer that differs than anyone else but I wanted to wish your dad well and much luck

Re: my dad has cancer :(

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I'm so sorry to read your post. I will keep him in my prayers. I my brother went through chemo and radiation treatment and I know the sea bands (you put them on your wrists) helped with his nausea. I don't know if your dad will be on pills but my brother was and to make carrying them around easier, he got a silver pill canister with a keychain attached to it. I don't know if he likes to read or listen to music but maybe a new iPod loaded with some of his fav music and books would work. I'd ask around about headphones, he might need something aside from ear buds. The buds might be too much and cause headaches.


Sending prayers and positive thoughts you way.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I'm truly sorry. It's so painful to see your parent go through this. The ideas posted above are all so wonderful. Comfort, love, and prayers is about all he really needs right now. Definitely during that time stay in contact - let him know you're there with him in spirit even though you can't physically be there to hold his hand. <3

Re: my dad has cancer :(

my dad has cancer :(

I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say I’m sorry that you are going through this.

Re: my dad has cancer :(

I’m so sorry! Sending you so many hugs and prayers