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Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

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malsmom
LIF Zygote

Member since 4/11

28 total posts

Name:
A

Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Hi...I don't post much, but find myself in a situation where i could use some advice/perspective/an outlet
I have 2 DD's.they are 6 and 4. I just found out yesterday I am pregnant- totally unplanned. We aren't sure what to do. We weren't planning on having any more children due to finances, and the fact that having babies was really hard on me in the past. I am also looking at it like this could be a blessing or gift that we didn't think we would have again
So torn with what to do. Anyone ever been in this situation?

Posted 9/12/17 1:51 PM
 
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys

Member since 2/07

3885 total posts

Name:
proud mommy

Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Yes, I was in a very similar situation as you. I had 2 boys and unplanned 3rd pregnancy. Prior to, we had decided we were done mainly due to financials but also due to an OOS move we were planning.

My husband and I took a few weeks to let it sink in and then had many discussions about it. Ultimately we decided to have the baby. We figured out the finances (sort of) and didn't follow through with the OOS move (would have put us far from family). After that, I felt better about the decision and after a few months started to become happy.

I will admit, it was a hard time for us and we did not make the decision lightly.

Could you speak with your doctor about concerns you have regarding this pregnancy? And try to work out something with your finances? That may help make the decision a little easier.

Posted 9/12/17 2:17 PM
 

malsmom
LIF Zygote

Member since 4/11

28 total posts

Name:
A

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Thank you for your perspective! I plan to talk to my doctor.

Posted 9/12/17 2:46 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

18233 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

How does your husband feel? It would have to be a joint decision IMHO.

Posted 9/12/17 3:04 PM
 

malsmom
LIF Zygote

Member since 4/11

28 total posts

Name:
A

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

I totally agree. We are both undecided right now. That's what makes it even more difficult.

Posted 9/12/17 3:25 PM
 

drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!

Member since 6/07

8097 total posts

Name:
me

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Sometimes I think to myself, what if we never had our third? And now that he's here the thought makes me SO sad because he is probably my finest work! Before he was born I never really thought of it that way but now that he's here I'm aware of just how special & unique he is and my older boys absolutely adore him. The joy he brings them (and us!) makes it all so worthwhile. All the doubts or difficulties seem small & are put in perspective. I'm hoping you will have the same experience!

Posted 9/12/17 11:30 PM
 

nycgirl
Angels!

Member since 3/09

7658 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

It's so personal.

Yes, a third, especially with a big spread is hard financially if you work and don't have free child care.

I had an unexpected pregnancy. You never can tell what you would do until you are there... and it may be different from your "what if" and what you would advice yourself.

Posted 9/13/17 7:04 AM
 

malsmom
LIF Zygote

Member since 4/11

28 total posts

Name:
A

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

I agree. I have speculated what if in the past, but now that I am actually in the situation, it feels completely different.

Posted 9/13/17 7:52 AM
 

Aubreysmommy
LIF Adolescent

Member since 5/10

499 total posts

Name:
Baby Noelle is here!

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

I am currently in that exact situation. I have an 11yr old DD, almost 6 yr old DD whom was conceived via ivf, so we thought another wouldn't happen and we said it was off the table once I turned 40, which happened in Nov of last yr...well fast forward to Feb '17, found myself pregnant! I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with #3, in a house where we are converting the garage into a bedroom for us bc it's a 3 BR house.
Due to my age, finances, housing situation, starting ALL over at 40, we see-sawed on what we would do. Ultimately we decided to go forward with the pregnancy (even after all the negative comments regarding my age, that I must be crazy to have the children so spaced out in age..I honestly didn't think 40 was that uncommon to have a baby).
People tell me everything always works out - so that's what I'm trusting in right now!!

GL!!

Posted 9/13/17 10:04 AM
 

TwinMommyToBoys
LIF Adult

Member since 12/16

1915 total posts

Name:

Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

No one can tel you what to do, only you can decide what's right. My situation is a bit different, I have twins conceived via clomid/ IUI. I wanted a baby so bad. I never thought it would happen after we got some not so good news regarding prognosis, we went ahead and began the IUI. Fast forward, 2 weeks later I am pregnant! Yes! Life is complete. I was so happy, I always wanted to be 1 and done. NEVER wanted 2, ever. At my first scan, 5 weeks in my world and cloud 9, came crashing. Twins. My doctor was shocked as he gave us a 10% chance of even conceiving. I struggled with depression about having 2 my entire pregnancy, people questioning are they natural, saying how huge I am going to get, how I will deliver early. Well, my twins came at 36 weeks and I gained 45lbs worked up until 35 weeks. I felt better about the twins towards the end of my pregnancy, after they got here, I struggled with PPD, a lot of resentment that I had 2, hated having 2. I still periodically struggle with having 2 from time to time, however I have been on Zoloft about 2 months and it was recently increased. I don't say this to scare you, but you have to be comfortable with having 3 and wanting 3. If I were I. Your shoes, I would really have to think long and hard because I struggle to be a good mom at times to my twins. It's taken me 8 months to begin to cope and work on being a good mom.
I'm sure you will make the right choice, whatever it may be!!

Posted 9/13/17 10:24 AM
 

malsmom
LIF Zygote

Member since 4/11

28 total posts

Name:
A

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Thank you for your perspective. I understand. With both of my girls, it took me a long time to feel myself again. And that scares me. A lot to think about.

Posted 9/13/17 11:08 AM
 

TheDivaBrideandTeddyFrog
Leah's here!

Member since 9/07

5404 total posts

Name:
Sabrina

Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

I am currently living this. We had to use IUIs to have our first two and thought this would never happen..we'd always said if it just happened, we would go with it...the shock was and sometimes still is insane and pregnancy effs me up good, but then I think about having a baby and I think it must be for a reason...but we are also going to be a lot more careful in the future. ;) good luck with your decision-you are not alone.

Posted 9/13/17 8:31 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

5676 total posts

Name:

Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

I only have one and I would be upset over an unplanned second. I'd have a second but I'd be shaken to the core.

I couldn't fathom a third. Like positively cannot wrap my head around it. I don't know what I would do in that situation.

No one who had a third is ever going to say "I wish I didn't have my child." But, you have to do what feels right. You need to be present and happy for the children you already have. If you would be spread too thin with 3, a third might not be what's best for your family. On the other hand a little sibling might be wonderful for them. But, my feeling is at the end of the day a mom is a necessity and a sibling is not.

Posted 9/13/17 9:52 PM
 

Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!

Member since 12/10

2731 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Posted by Aubreysmommy

I am currently in that exact situation. I have an 11yr old DD, almost 6 yr old DD whom was conceived via ivf, so we thought another wouldn't happen and we said it was off the table once I turned 40, which happened in Nov of last yr...well fast forward to Feb '17, found myself pregnant! I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with #3, in a house where we are converting the garage into a bedroom for us bc it's a 3 BR house.
Due to my age, finances, housing situation, starting ALL over at 40, we see-sawed on what we would do. Ultimately we decided to go forward with the pregnancy (even after all the negative comments regarding my age, that I must be crazy to have the children so spaced out in age..I honestly didn't think 40 was that uncommon to have a baby).
People tell me everything always works out - so that's what I'm trusting in right now!!

GL!!



It will work out! I kinda think it's great! Your LO will have 2 little moms in addition. I'm sure the girls will be happy to help and it helps having another set of hands even just to run and grab a diaper. My sister is 9 years younger than me and I was basically her mom-LOL. She came everywhere with me. to the park with my friends (trust me it was annoying, but everyone thought she was the cutest thing ever-prob why she is such a ham todayChat Icon). Congrats!!!

Posted 9/14/17 9:26 AM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

6224 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Posted by drpepper318

Sometimes I think to myself, what if we never had our third? And now that he's here the thought makes me SO sad because he is probably my finest work! Before he was born I never really thought of it that way but now that he's here I'm aware of just how special & unique he is and my older boys absolutely adore him. The joy he brings them (and us!) makes it all so worthwhile. All the doubts or difficulties seem small & are put in perspective. I'm hoping you will have the same experience!



This exactly.

My 3rd was a shock and we were not too happy. I comforted myself by saying "maybe this is God's way of giving me that girl." Nope. But, let me tell you, he is heaven sent. He is the sweetest, happiest little guy. I really feel like he is special. He brings joy to anyone who meets him. People are drawn to him. I swear. It's the weirdest thing. Anyway...knowing what I know now, I feel terrible that I even had those feelings about him back then. I know and understand how you feel. It's a personal decision only you and DH can make but know that it can be the best "mistake" you ever make.

Posted 9/15/17 11:35 AM
 

aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys

Member since 4/06

11246 total posts

Name:
Ali

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

this scenario always plays out in my head as we have 3 boys. Sometimes I wonder what i'd want to do if we got pregnant again and then there's the whole... do I wait until 12 weeks to find out the sex to make the decision...

but in all honesty, I would want the baby no matter what sex it was (even though we're totally done having more). Totally a personal decision. I just wouldn't be able to discontinue with the pregnancy. Plus i'm a big believer in things happen for a reason.

For those reasons, my husband is going to get snipped. Chat Icon Chat Icon

Message edited 9/16/2017 8:55:27 PM.

Posted 9/16/17 8:53 PM
 

Christine2
LIF Adolescent

Member since 2/09

866 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

Was in the exact same situation (but with 2 DS) and thought the same as a previous poster - that maybe it would be my DD. I couldn't bear to terminate (even after finding out it was another DS). I think you'll know in your heart if you can or cannot abort a healthy fetus.

Posted 9/16/17 11:36 PM
 

Paramount
Sweet!

Member since 7/12

4267 total posts

Name:

Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

There is no shame if you decide you can't keep the pregnancy.

It may not be the right time, finances etc etc.

But only you can decided what is right for you. It there is no shame if you decide you can't go through.

Posted 9/18/17 9:18 PM
 

maybebaby
LIF Adult

Member since 11/05

6852 total posts

Name:
Maureen

Having a 3rd- anyone been in this situation?

As someone who views babies as a blessing, especially the fact you're in a good marriage (I assume?), I'm just of the thought that its meant to be. It'll work out. You just find a way. I know sometimes life hands you surprises that you aren't prepared for, but I would think of it as something that is just meant to be. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Posted 9/18/17 11:25 PM
 
 

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