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Looking for advice - long

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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!

Member since 5/05

13519 total posts

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Re: Looking for advice - long

Posted by LSP2005

I think there are a few things going older kids ideally should be nicer to your son. But I am going to be honest, they likely don't want to play with a child four years younger than they are. It would be great for you if they did, or if their parents stepped in and enforced be nice rules, but they are not. You can only control your behavior. I do think you need to be there with your six year old and letting him be with the older kids unsupervised is on you. He is clearly not physically or emotionally strong enough to stand up to the bigger, older kids. Some boys like to wrestle. My son is nearly ten. He knows to treat younger kids nicely and would not stand for something like this to happen with his friends and a younger kid. He and his friends will sometimes play hockey and it does occasionally end up being a wrestling match. I know from other moms of nine and ten year old boys that occurs and is emotionally age appropriate for them. I know from my own kids that they want to close the doors to be with their own friends when we have groups of kids over. So again, I am going to say that behavior is also age appropriate where kids want to be with kids their own ages.

Now it comes to you and your kids. It is not fun being the odd man out. I do think at age six he is ok to play with the younger kids and would direct him to them, or to bring stuff specifically for him to do with you. He is not old enough to be on his own with what he is telling you.

As for your husband, I don't love his attitude. He is basically leaving the kids to you so he can be with his friends. He sounds like he is annoyed and embarrassed and deflecting the issue. I think deep down he likely wishes things were different between his friends and their kids, and his. There is no real easy answer here. I think until your son is a little bigger or perhaps in sports like baseball where all can play he is going to have a tough time. You need to be there with him since he is small. I would be upset my kid was scratched, but I think what you want is unfortunately not going to happen.



I basically agree with everything said above. Boys that age do stupid things to try to prove how "tough" they are- it's basically a pissing contest.

As for the moms of the boys, they should try to instill some empathy in their boys and make them include your son sometimes. But that is something that needs to be taught, like manners, by their parents.

Posted 5/31/17 1:58 PM
 
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Waste06
Waste not, want not

Member since 6/06

7219 total posts

Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma

Re: Looking for advice - long

While reading this, I had knots in my stomach, especially about the bathroom incident. I'm so sorry for your son.

However, I think a very important thing to note is that your son told you what happened and how he felt. It's important for your son to know that he can tell you anything and you will listen to him. You've developed a trusting relationship with your son, and that's a wonderful thing.

I don't have any words of advice, but I do empathize with your situation. I would be arguing with my husband about it as well. I'm a very protective mama bear, and I wouldn't like this situation one bit.

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Posted 5/31/17 3:57 PM
 

LiveItUp
Love my babies!

Member since 8/11

4086 total posts

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Looking for advice - long

Wow I would be so pissed and I wouldn't want 6 to ds around them anymore. And for that matter I wouldn't want 10 yo ds around them either. Does your 10 yo do stuff like that to your 6 yo when it's just the two of them at home? It sounds like these other boys are a really bad influence. There's a difference between normal kid ":rough housing" and purposely attacking and injuring a smaller, younger child. I'm angry for you and I hope your dh comes to his senses about this. I can't believe the other moms didn't do anything. If one of my kids did something like that theyd be in huge trouble!

Posted 5/31/17 4:38 PM
 

Kate
*****

Member since 5/05

7489 total posts

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Kate

Looking for advice - long

The kids and their parents are assholes. I was at a BBQ this weekend with many boys ages 7-10. They swam, played soccer, wiffle ball, and hockey all together. The big kids were not hurting the younger ones. Age gap is not an excuse for bad behavior.

Posted 5/31/17 11:48 PM
 

CallaLily
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Member since 10/07

4937 total posts

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Re: Looking for advice - long

Posted by ohbaby08

Who cares what the age gap is? Any child should not treat someone else like that. My son is almost 9 and plays with this 5 yr old cousin and sister all the time. Yes, sometimes he gets rough (wrestling, etc), but he would never scratch them or intentionally lock them in a dark bathroom. That's ridiculous. Those kids sound like a-holes and you are 100% right to be upset.



I completely agree. The age gap is not a valid excuse. These children are bullies and their parents (and I'm sorry to say, your DH) are being assholes.

Posted 6/2/17 12:55 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19146 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Looking for advice - long

Posted by CallaLily

Posted by ohbaby08

Who cares what the age gap is? Any child should not treat someone else like that. My son is almost 9 and plays with this 5 yr old cousin and sister all the time. Yes, sometimes he gets rough (wrestling, etc), but he would never scratch them or intentionally lock them in a dark bathroom. That's ridiculous. Those kids sound like a-holes and you are 100% right to be upset.



I completely agree. The age gap is not a valid excuse. These children are bullies and their parents (and I'm sorry to say, your DH) are being assholes.

while the older kids are 100% wrong, I do place some of this on OP. Things are progressively getting worse and her kid is being bullied more and more. Instead of standing up for her kid when little things were happening she keeps going back and sending him alone to play with the older boys. The older boys are not mature, she knows that. So I think under the totality of the circumstances she really is dropping the ball as a mom and a wife. I am not giving any of them a free pass. It is just easiest to blame the 10 year olds. There has to be some accountability from OP too. My son wanted to play with the neighborhood boys who are 5 years older than he is. Now they are super nice, but I still would limit how much time he could play with them as not to wear out his welcome. So yes, some of this is on OP.

Posted 6/2/17 1:22 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

6670 total posts

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Re: Looking for advice - long

Posted by LSP2005

Posted by CallaLily

Posted by ohbaby08

Who cares what the age gap is? Any child should not treat someone else like that. My son is almost 9 and plays with this 5 yr old cousin and sister all the time. Yes, sometimes he gets rough (wrestling, etc), but he would never scratch them or intentionally lock them in a dark bathroom. That's ridiculous. Those kids sound like a-holes and you are 100% right to be upset.



I completely agree. The age gap is not a valid excuse. These children are bullies and their parents (and I'm sorry to say, your DH) are being assholes.

while the older kids are 100% wrong, I do place some of this on OP. Things are progressively getting worse and her kid is being bullied more and more. Instead of standing up for her kid when little things were happening she keeps going back and sending him alone to play with the older boys. The older boys are not mature, she knows that. So I think under the totality of the circumstances she really is dropping the ball as a mom and a wife. I am not giving any of them a free pass. It is just easiest to blame the 10 year olds. There has to be some accountability from OP too. My son wanted to play with the neighborhood boys who are 5 years older than he is. Now they are super nice, but I still would limit how much time he could play with them as not to wear out his welcome. So yes, some of this is on OP.



How did the OP "drop the ball as a mom and wife?" That's an awful thing to say. The parents of these 10 year olds, who are basically abusing a 6 year old are dropping the ball. These kids don't want to play with a 6 year old. Fine. That doesn't give them a pass to physical harm the kid. At 10 they should understand that you don't make people bleed or lock them in bathrooms.

Posted 6/2/17 4:04 PM
 

Loveme
LIF Adult

Member since 6/11

3169 total posts

Name:
Me

Looking for advice - long

The older kids are completely in he wrong. DS has a male cousin who is 4 years older than him (DS is 5 and he is almost 9) and they play wonderfully. Yeah , they sometimes wrestle, but it never escalates. What those boys are doing to your son is wrong. I would intervene and try to be present next time you are all together. And I would for sure let the other parents know that scratching to the point of bleeding is not ok.

Posted 6/2/17 4:55 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19146 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Looking for advice - long

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by LSP2005

Posted by CallaLily

Posted by ohbaby08

Who cares what the age gap is? Any child should not treat someone else like that. My son is almost 9 and plays with this 5 yr old cousin and sister all the time. Yes, sometimes he gets rough (wrestling, etc), but he would never scratch them or intentionally lock them in a dark bathroom. That's ridiculous. Those kids sound like a-holes and you are 100% right to be upset.



I completely agree. The age gap is not a valid excuse. These children are bullies and their parents (and I'm sorry to say, your DH) are being assholes.

while the older kids are 100% wrong, I do place some of this on OP. Things are progressively getting worse and her kid is being bullied more and more. Instead of standing up for her kid when little things were happening she keeps going back and sending him alone to play with the older boys. The older boys are not mature, she knows that. So I think under the totality of the circumstances she really is dropping the ball as a mom and a wife. I am not giving any of them a free pass. It is just easiest to blame the 10 year olds. There has to be some accountability from OP too. My son wanted to play with the neighborhood boys who are 5 years older than he is. Now they are super nice, but I still would limit how much time he could play with them as not to wear out his welcome. So yes, some of this is on OP.



How did the OP "drop the ball as a mom and wife?" That's an awful thing to say. The parents of these 10 year olds, who are basically abusing a 6 year old are dropping the ball. These kids don't want to play with a 6 year old. Fine. That doesn't give them a pass to physical harm the kid. At 10 they should understand that you don't make people bleed or lock them in bathrooms.

because she is repeatedly sending him back to get hurt as it escalates. I would have nipped it in the bud many months ago before it got to this point. So sitting back and sending your little lamb to the wolves in my mind is dropping the ball. If you keep getting the same results expecting things to change, you are going to have a bad time.

Posted 6/2/17 10:17 PM
 

BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre

Member since 5/05

9320 total posts

Name:
Mrs. B

Re: Looking for advice - long

Posted by LSP2005

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by LSP2005

Posted by CallaLily

Posted by ohbaby08

Who cares what the age gap is? Any child should not treat someone else like that. My son is almost 9 and plays with this 5 yr old cousin and sister all the time. Yes, sometimes he gets rough (wrestling, etc), but he would never scratch them or intentionally lock them in a dark bathroom. That's ridiculous. Those kids sound like a-holes and you are 100% right to be upset.



I completely agree. The age gap is not a valid excuse. These children are bullies and their parents (and I'm sorry to say, your DH) are being assholes.

while the older kids are 100% wrong, I do place some of this on OP. Things are progressively getting worse and her kid is being bullied more and more. Instead of standing up for her kid when little things were happening she keeps going back and sending him alone to play with the older boys. The older boys are not mature, she knows that. So I think under the totality of the circumstances she really is dropping the ball as a mom and a wife. I am not giving any of them a free pass. It is just easiest to blame the 10 year olds. There has to be some accountability from OP too. My son wanted to play with the neighborhood boys who are 5 years older than he is. Now they are super nice, but I still would limit how much time he could play with them as not to wear out his welcome. So yes, some of this is on OP.



How did the OP "drop the ball as a mom and wife?" That's an awful thing to say. The parents of these 10 year olds, who are basically abusing a 6 year old are dropping the ball. These kids don't want to play with a 6 year old. Fine. That doesn't give them a pass to physical harm the kid. At 10 they should understand that you don't make people bleed or lock them in bathrooms.

because she is repeatedly sending him back to get hurt as it escalates. I would have nipped it in the bud many months ago before it got to this point. So sitting back and sending your little lamb to the wolves in my mind is dropping the ball. If you keep getting the same results expecting things to change, you are going to have a bad time.



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Please with your I dropped the ball as a mom and as a wife comment behind a computer screen. Chat Icon

It was two separate incidents - of which the first one I found out AFTER it all happened and the last one was at a party. I did NOT send him to the wolves to let them have their kicks with him. I told them at the party 'to take it easy'. There were other children who were the same age as these boys, they had no problem with DS being around them, they did not lay a hand on him. So yes, I blame the parents of these boys for being so lackadaisical about their kids and their behavior.

They were not asked to babysit him, he was not with them for hours on hours. We are talking him being with them for 20 minutes here and there through out the entire time we there - maybe 4 hours. If your child is that much of a jerk because a younger child wants to play with them, then yes I blame the parents. At 10 years old you should have the common sense to know not to touch a child who is smaller than you. If you have parents who don't care than your common sense is clearly skewed and you are jerk like your parents.

Posted 6/5/17 11:28 AM
 
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