Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

I live OOS in an area where the majority have relocated from somewhere else so friendships when made tend to be close bc we're all starting over.

I have 3 friends that I am particularly close to. All 3 know each other and each others spouses and kids. I am almost equally close to all 3 (A, B, and C.) B and C are also close. My DH and B and C's DH get together. A is not close to B and C. I will say that I am very close to A. We see each other a lot.

I want to host a friendsgiving-like dinner. Part of me wants to only invite B and C. I'm torn bc I'm so close to A but I almost feel like things would flow better with just B and C. Also, A's kids (all our kids are same ages) are generally whiny and also rude at the dinner table and are super picky. Once when they were here for dinner A's kid annoounced he didn't like something and kept complaining about the food and I can see their behavior being a problem for B and C.

I feel kind of guilty about wanting to leave out A. My son had a little Christmas party last year (they were all 5 and 6) and A's kid started saying that Santa wasn't real (they Christmas but not santa) and the moms were all upset as was I. He's that kind of kid, no filter and no good manners.

Ugh, would I be a horrible person if I just had B and C over? Each of us has 2 kids so that is already 6 adults and 6 kids. I'm so torn.

Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

We have a core group of couples that we hang out with and there is no rule that we all have to hang out together. We all see who we want when we want and there are no hard feelings.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from and why you feel the way you do - however, since A is the friend that you see and spend time with often, do you really want to risk those hurt feelings by leaving her out? Just b/c you CAN do it, doesn't mean it's the best option.

Flip it around - if A had B & C for this shindig, and didn't invite your family ......how would you feel about it? KWIM?

As far as her kids go, since they are all the same age, do a kiddie table and let them entertain each other for "dinner" time .....and just be relaxed about it.
Keep the formality for the grown ups.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

I would invite all or none. Sorry.

Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

If you are closest to A then I would not exclude A and her family.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Invite them all and see what happens.

If the kids are picky eaters... Maybe they will eat because the other kids are eating what you make.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

You are going to do what you want.

If you do exclude friend A; make sure you don't post anything on FB. In instances like this; FB becomes the root of all evil.

Otherwise, I would think Friend A would be real hurt; as anyone else would be if it happened to them.

Enjoy~

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

It seems it's not friend A that's the problem, it's her kid. Can you just not invite the little @sshole? Lol j/k. You can avoid inviting A but you run the risk of hurting your friendship. Is she the type that would brush it off or would it hurt her? You know her best. Is it worth hurting the friendship just to avoid the little @sshole? I agree with marisak, invite her and let the kids entertain each other. I wouldn't be sneaky about it either like keep it under wraps and not post on fb in hopes she won't find out, because she WILL find out and then it'll be worse.. Maybe this is a good lesson for her to get a handle on her little @sshole, just because she thinks he's cute doesn't mean others feel the same.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

I wouldn't risk hurting anyone's feelings. Invite everyone.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

It would really be distasteful to not invite A. That would not represent the spirit of Thanksgiving and "Friendsgiving". I understand where you are coming from and that you want to have a pleasant meal and I would probably contemplate the same question you are, but it would be so awful for A if they found this out. If I were A and found out after the fact, it would be friendship altering or perhaps ending.

I agree with a kids table with food kids like to keep them quite the adults enjoy.

Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

What if you hired a babysitter to watch the kids in the basement/den/wherever the adults are not eating? Order them a pizza and let them watch movies or play board games. Anything that keeps them entertained.

I think it would be mean to not invite A.

Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

i think all or none as well. And don't sweat the kid, he's not yours and everyone else knows that. It's their problem they are raising a little Shit lol j/k sort of haha
But I read on here all the time about 1 friend getting left out and they are so sad b/c of it.
Unfortunately you can't control everything. Maybe try and have kid friendly food to limit what he can say. Also I like the idea of a kids table or have them eat first, then the adults and ignore what he says.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

I would invite all three families - its not worth hurting your friend over it. I know what its like to be left out and its really hurtful and in my opinion its never worth hurting friendships once you get older as it gets harder to find good friends.

Don't worry about the kids being whiny - we all know kids like that and while they are a pain to be around if the parents are nice then you just suffer them.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Invite all and let the kids have a food fight in another room

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Invite them all, maybe A will decline & you won't have to worry about it.

Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Invite them all. It will get back to A and she would be hurt. Set up a kids table to have the kids out of the way.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

I would invite all

Friendsgivng is for friends

And as for the kids. Mine are not always the best behaved at the dinner table. I hope to think my friends don't think of them as brats or whiny etc

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

You said you are closest to a. A is the one you are questioning hurting. There is no way id hurt a out of your whole equation. I agree it's your home, your party but if u want to lose a as a friend then don't invite. I agree with all or none.

Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

I think you have to inivte them all. It sounds like it's A's brats that are the problem, not A. You said you are very close to her, is there some way when you doo the inviting you can say "in this house we teach manners to our children and expect the same of your monsters" but of course in a much less rude way and with way more tact than I would come up with! It's a shame the kids are like that, and makes you not want to invite your friends, but that falls 100% on the parenting.

Message edited 11/5/2016 1:57:59 PM.

Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

But if A is not close with B & C then I don't think you need to invite her. Just like I'm sure sometimes you do things alone with A and B&C aren't invited. And I don't necessarily think A would be hurt being excluded, especially since you said that your DH often hangs out with B&Cs. If A isn't upset that her DH is excluded from the guy nights then I don't think she'd be upset being excluded from other events with those 2 families.

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I actually don't think A would be upset if I invited B and C over for something. But I think deep down I know that it would be wrong of me to exclude A bc she's my friend. My DH and B and C's DH get together with others to play poker. A's DH isn't interested.

A and her family are slightly difficult/different in a way I can't explain. B and C are more like me. But A is super nice and thoughtful and I can count on her. A's kids are just strange in a way. Difficult, rude, and just don't know how to be around people. And A isn't like that but grew up in a family very different from the family she is trying to create. But yet these kids like to come over and play and my kids play with them nicely. A's one child is just immature and whiny and doesn't know how to act at the table whereas I am raising my children to know how to behave at a table and be polite and gracious.

I'm inviting her. Crossing fingers all goes well!

Re: Inviting friends to dinner, WWYD?

I'm not trying to be rude but sometimes you can do everything "right" and want to teach your children manners etc

And sometimes it's not that easy. The truth is some kids are more difficult than others

And sometimes it's much more than I'm
Raising my child right etc