How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I was at a family member's house yesterday and was snuggling her 4 month old. Her mom had run out to the store to grab lunch so I was chatting with my aunts and uncles. Anyway I turned around and said to her dad. Someone needs a diaper change. He just said in all dead seriousness you know where everything is.

I went upstairs and couldn't find wipes so I sent my 3 year old back downstairs to ask for wipes. Then I couldn't find an outfit as it was a poop splosion. There was nothing together in the closet and she doesn't have a dresser. Said father pulled something out of the laundry and said check if it's clean and will fit her since he didn't know baby's size.

I made a joking comment and he goes "I just pay for everything your family member does the parenting"

If she goes out and I'm not joking he hires a baby sitter.

There is a big age difference between the two of them and he is very well off.

I have another family member who is the exact same way.

Dh's jaw literally dropped. He is extremely hands on and he was just chatting with me on the phone because it's been bugging him all day.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I know every family is different and what works for some won't work for others so I hate to judge other parents. But that makes me sad. I think a father should be involved with their children. More than just financially.

In our family I'm a SAHM so of course I do the majority of the parenting. I'm there all day, I know every single moment of our children's lives. I'm familiar with the teachers, I'm the one who makes doctor appointments, buys their clothes, makes their lunches etc, etc. But DH is more than just a financial supporter. On the weekends and at night when he's home he's holding the baby, changing diapers, playing with DD, hearing all about our day, etc, etc. I would be a little sad if he didn't even know where the children's clothes were. That kind of dynamic just wouldn't work for me. Kids are only little for so long and this is the time where they're forming their relationships with their parents. If there isn't any connection between child and dad now, chances are there never will be.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I would not be ok with that. Dh is very involved. Diapers. I pump so he can give bottles. I leave both of them with him when I need to do something. And he also "just pays for everything" bc I'm a sahm so to me that doesn't make up for everything else.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Posted by Garden-of-Eden

I know every family is different and what works for some won't work for others so I hate to judge other parents. But that makes me sad. I think a father should be involved with their children. More than just financially.

In our family I'm a SAHM so of course I do the majority of the parenting. I'm there all day, I know every single moment of our children's lives. I'm familiar with the teachers, I'm the one who makes doctor appointments, buys their clothes, makes their lunches etc, etc. But DH is more than just a financial supporter. On the weekends and at night when he's home he's holding the baby, changing diapers, playing with DD, hearing all about our day, etc, etc. I would be a little sad if he didn't even know where the children's clothes were. That kind of dynamic just wouldn't work for me. Kids are only little for so long and this is the time where they're forming their relationships with their parents. If there isn't any connection between child and dad now, chances are there never will be.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

That is completely ridiculous and I would never put up with that. Ever. My DH is extremely involved and I love the relationship he has with our son.

However, if this is something she agreed to before having a baby with this man, well then, I just feel sad about that.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

My exDH has always been an extremely hands on dad and we really do split duties and coparent evenly.

That arrangement would not work for me but I've learned not to judge other situations. Who knows if that was their agreement to have one since he is older or whether she likes having all the say/control of parenting decisions. You just never know.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I would never be ok with it but I know others who are fine. but I work full time so we have to 100% be a team.

I also don't judges what other situation is. If it works for them then so be it.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

That def would not work for me

They must be rich lol

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I'd be beyond livid and that would never fly with me. DH is extremely involved. Diaper changes, feedings, meal prep, attends activities with or without me. Everything. And he had absolutely no experience whatsoever prior to our children being born. As a PP said, he's a parent, not a sperm donor.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Thats a bit rediculous.... I mean, its his child! How could he not help out! I just left to go on a bachelorette trip for four days and left my husband with our kids. I didnt think twice about leaving them with him...

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

DH is 100% hands on. They are his kids too.

If a mom wasn't around to handle a baby but dad was and he gave me the response you got, I would probably call him a loser. I wouldn't care what their agreement is, that's not my agreement. Take care of your own kid. That mentality is so baby boomer generation and I have zero patience for that.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

She has made comments before how she is jealous how hands on Dh is but she knew going into this her Dh would not be involved in the actual hands on raising. He hired her a night nurse when she first came home so she didn't have to get up.all night.

I invited them to zoo in late Apr and she is coming but he said that's not his thing. I love her dd and my family member so.all I can do.is just be there.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

My DH, very but I knew how he was when we married. Some DH's are not very involved, but again I think it's been obvious before marriage.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

It doesn't sound like this child was a mutual decision. Does he have older kids and just agreed to have a child with her since she is younger and wanted one?

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

This is one of the most absurd things I've ever heard

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

DH is VERY involved, more than me probably. Not that Im not, he is just SUPER hands on.

I know some families that are like that, what they call "traditional roles" and it works for them. I don't judge bc they probably think our way is strange.

I couldn't live that way, but I don't think its wrong if others choose to.

Message edited 3/21/2016 7:55:02 PM.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

That would not fly in my house. We are a team and share responsibility.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Dh is hands on to an extent, but I went into marriage knowing that the vast majority of child rearing would fall to me, but I am ok with that, and I'm ok with more traditional gender roles.

Dh is wonderful with Dd, and is head over heels in love with her

That being said,

I believe it took him about 6 weeks before he changed a diaper
At 20 mo he's driven alone with her maybe 3 or 4 times
He's put her to bed maybe 10 times
He doesn't know where every single one of her things is, but he also doesn't know where all the dishes go lol

It doesn't make him a bad father, or an awful person-it's just how things work in our family. He works long hours and makes substantially more than I do.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

my dh does everything I do and I mean everything.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

That guy sounds like a douche.