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Should DD and I go to Hawaii without DH?

Forum Opinion Poll
Yes 65 81.25%
No 15 18.75%
 

what would you do

Posted By Message
Pages: [1] 2

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

what would you do

My sister booked a trip to Hawaii for her family months ago. They are going with a few other families from the kids' school. Her husband can't go. She doesn't want to go alone because she doesn't want to feel like a third wheel. She asked me and my daughter to go with her-and she would pay for everything. I took the time off from work anyway because my daughter doesn't have school and someone needs to watch her. My husband has never taken off work to stay with her during a school break.

DH doesn't want us to go for 2 reasons: it is a long time and I won't be with on New Years. I get that, but think he should put that aside because (1) I will be helping out my sister and (2) it would be an amazing all expense paid vacation! I feel like he is being selfish. We have never taken separate vacations and I wouldn't voluntarily book one. Although he was going to go to Miami to see his sisters without me and DD for a long weekend. In the end he decided not to go because of work commitments.

DH can't come- because that would defeat the point of me being there with my sister so she doesn't feel alone. We also can't go for less time and skip New Years, because my sister doesn't want to be alone on New Years with a bunch of couples.

What do you think I should do?

UPDATE: thanks for your comments. We have been to Hawaii together before, so that isn't a big deal. It is just that it is an amazing place and we want to go again. I've spoken with DH about it and while he isn't happy about it- it seems to be more of a jealously issue (he will be here freezing and I'll be in Hawaii). That he needs to get over. I have made plenty of sacrifices for him over the years and he just needs to deal with this - which he will. It is now even possible the trip will be shifted to Florida- which he cares about missing much less.

Message edited 12/5/2015 4:02:09 PM.

Posted 12/1/15 10:35 PM
 

Maybe-Baybe
My Sunshine

Member since 7/12

3415 total posts

Name:
My only Sunshine

Re: what would you do

I would go.

Posted 12/1/15 10:57 PM
 

WhatNow
Say Cheese!

Member since 1/06

8029 total posts

Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)

Re: what would you do

How important is New Years for your family? that's the question to ask yourself. Is it really such a big deal for you guys?

I know that I could never spend New Years away from my husband but that's because New Years is a HUGE holiday in my culture.

However, I don't think all people feel that way and it is a VERY attractive offer. I personally would probably take advantage of it while being there for my sister in her hour of need: but only if it was not during New Years...

Posted 12/1/15 10:58 PM
 

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

New Years isn't that important to me. While DH doesn't want to be alone, we don't usually do anything all that special. We usually just go to a friends' house for a kid-friendly party. DH would still be invited with all our friends- just I wouldn't be there. I don't think it has any special value to DH, but (understandably) he doesn't want to be alone on New Years.

Posted 12/1/15 11:03 PM
 

Bebelove
LIF Adolescent

Member since 8/12

726 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

Yes, especially since you have the time off already.

Posted 12/1/15 11:03 PM
 

WhatNow
Say Cheese!

Member since 1/06

8029 total posts

Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)

Re: what would you do

Posted by Shelly

New Years isn't that important to me. While DH doesn't want to be alone, we don't usually do anything all that special. We usually just go to a friends' house for a kid-friendly party. DH would still be invited with all our friends- just I wouldn't be there. I don't think it has any special value to DH, but (understandably) he doesn't want to be alone on New Years.



Then if I were you I would be packing my bags! Chat Icon And just be extra nice to your DH right before and right after! I am sure he will come around and understand your reasoning.

Posted 12/1/15 11:07 PM
 

RainyDay
LIF Adult

Member since 6/15

3848 total posts

Name:

what would you do

I agree, unless New Years is a big deal to the both of you, I would tell him to suck it up and go enjoy the trip with your sister and daughter.

Posted 12/1/15 11:12 PM
 

BaysideForever
LIF Adult

Member since 1/11

9976 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

free vacation with your sister? time for your lo to bond with a cousin in a memorable place?!?
GO!!!!

Posted 12/1/15 11:31 PM
 

pumpkinmom
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

2911 total posts

Name:

what would you do

Ok, I am the only no so far. I think you should go. It would be a great trip! But I said no because your husband doesn't want you to go. I just wouldn't do something like that without my husband being ok with it

Posted 12/1/15 11:51 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7566 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

Can you talk to your sister to see if DH can go? I know the whole third wheel thing but, I know with my brother, we don't even pay attention to any of that and we all just hang out as one unit.

If that's not possible, I would go. DH will get over it and he should be happy you guys are going to get to go on such an awesome trip.

Posted 12/1/15 11:58 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7114 total posts

Name:

what would you do

Not a chance in hell I wouldn't go and my DH would never keep me from a trip to Hawaii. That's just cruel!

Posted 12/2/15 12:40 AM
 

PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!

Member since 5/11

7473 total posts

Name:
Momma <3

what would you do

I'd go especially since you normally don't do much on New Years. Sounds like an awesome experience.

Posted 12/2/15 5:24 AM
 

haveaquestion
LIF Adult

Member since 11/09

918 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

Go. He needs to get over it. It's something nice for you and your daughter.

Posted 12/2/15 5:48 AM
 

SusiBee
. . . . .

Member since 3/09

8268 total posts

Name:
S

Re: what would you do

Go. It's for family and it is a great opportunity.
DH is being a big baby about being alone and should just suck it up for your and your child's sake.

Posted 12/2/15 7:43 AM
 

ineedababynow
LIF Infant

Member since 9/15

328 total posts

Name:
ap

Re: what would you do

aloha here I come. lol

I'd feel bad too but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I'll help your sister out if she needs lol

Posted 12/2/15 8:00 AM
 

StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!

Member since 6/10

21483 total posts

Name:
Stacey

Re: what would you do

Posted by pumpkinmom

Ok, I am the only no so far. I think you should go. It would be a great trip! But I said no because your husband doesn't want you to go. I just wouldn't do something like that without my husband being ok with it



I agree with this. I don't know how I'd feel if DH went to Hawaii without me.

Posted 12/2/15 8:07 AM
 

Sash
Peace

Member since 6/08

10256 total posts

Name:
fka LIW Smara

Re: what would you do

I'd go but to be honest my husband would urge me to go. And if it was the reverse I would make sure my husband went!

Eta: Hawaii aside and my DH resisting, j would hands down go just to be there for my sister. Her needing me would trump DHs hurt/jealous feelings.

Message edited 12/2/2015 9:09:19 AM.

Posted 12/2/15 8:16 AM
 

ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides

Member since 11/12

14481 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: what would you do

I would go. Your sister needs you. Plus its quality time, paid to boot, with your dd. Your dh is getting time in Miami with your dd without you.

Posted 12/2/15 8:26 AM
 

Sash
Peace

Member since 6/08

10256 total posts

Name:
fka LIW Smara

Re: what would you do

Posted by ANewDayHasCome

I would go. Your sister needs you. Plus its quality time, paid to boot, with your dd. Your dh is getting time in Miami with your dd without you.



Her DH was actually going to go without DD so to me that even more of a freebie, but he didn't go because of work.

Posted 12/2/15 8:27 AM
 

MrsB12614
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

1986 total posts

Name:
Mrs

what would you do

Your sister does need you- however I know deep down my DH would tell me to go. Family is important to us. Even though my DH would tell me to go, I would have a hard time leaving him. That's just me. I feel you should talk to your DH, ask him why he doesn't want you to go, if he has other concerns besides you not being here on New Years. However ultimately the decision should be made as a couple and while your DH should be understanding, if he isn't, you guys need to work together to make everyone happy and put YOUR family first before your sisters needs.

Posted 12/2/15 8:31 AM
 

blu6385

Member since 5/08

8346 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

paid vacation to Hawaii???!!! um yes I would be going. i have no issues with going on vacation without DH he will survive Chat Icon
go and enjoy yourself Chat Icon Chat Icon

i will say if it was the other way around i would no doubt feel jealous and resentful that DH gets to go and i don't. and i would probably be giving him a hard time too but i would let him go with the thought that i will def, be planning a vacation somewhere for my self Chat Icon

Posted 12/2/15 8:36 AM
 

JennP
LIF Adult

Member since 10/06

3984 total posts

Name:
Jenn

Re: what would you do

I don't know if I am going to say an outright "don't go", but I think you need to put yourself in your husband's shoes for a minute.

If my DH came home and told me he was taking DC to Hawaii and I couldn't come because he needed to be there for his friend I would be pretty pissed.

I think your sister is asking a lot of you.

I would try to work out a compromise of sorts. Maybe DH can come for the first half of the trip and then leave for the second half.

If your sister is really that upset about being without her husband perhaps she shouldn't go.

Posted 12/2/15 8:37 AM
 

Hofstra26
Love to Bake!

Member since 7/06

27915 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

For me, I wouldn't go. For one, I wouldn't want to be away on vacation without all of us together. But also, I'm guessing Hawaii is a trip you've never taken before and if it were me, I wouldn't want to take a trip like that without having my DH there to experience it with me. I know I am in the minority but we don't vacation without each other.

Posted 12/2/15 8:41 AM
 

Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU

Member since 3/07

13921 total posts

Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU

Re: what would you do

Posted by StaceyWill

Posted by pumpkinmom

Ok, I am the only no so far. I think you should go. It would be a great trip! But I said no because your husband doesn't want you to go. I just wouldn't do something like that without my husband being ok with it



I agree with this. I don't know how I'd feel if DH went to Hawaii without me.



I agree too

Posted 12/2/15 8:47 AM
 

JDubs
different, not less

Member since 7/09

13160 total posts

Name:

Re: what would you do

I would def go.. only because I know how awesome Hawaii is and I want to go back LOL.

Posted 12/2/15 9:06 AM
 
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