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How far apart are your kids

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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true

Member since 2/10

2695 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: How far apart are your kids

Posted by NervousNell

Nothing is unreasonable!
if it works for you, it works for you.
If you want another baby, don't stop yourself just because of the age of your current kids. You can't change their ages.
Just go for it!



Agreed! My OLDEST brother is 15 years younger than me. My sister is almost 20 years younger than me!

Posted 9/18/15 9:15 AM
 
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jellybean78
:)

Member since 8/06

13044 total posts

Name:
Mommy

Re: How far apart are your kids

My kids will be 8 years apartChat Icon You know what they say you make plans and God laughs..that is me.Chat Icon

Originally we planned on a 4-5 year age difference. For us it had everything to do with child care costs and what we thought we can handle as parents and financially.

FWIW I'm 4 years older than my sister and 10 years older than my brothers and we are all close. My cousins are also 8 years apart and although growing up they weren't close now as adults they couldn't be closer so at the end everything works out the way it should.

Posted 9/18/15 10:08 AM
 

jellybean78
:)

Member since 8/06

13044 total posts

Name:
Mommy

Re: How far apart are your kids

Posted by evrythng4areason

My sister and I are just about 8 years apart, and I would never do it myself. Growing up I was expected to be a mini mother, and I was aware of anything I had to miss out on. Even as my sister got older and was a teen, I was expected to drive her places.

Jmo, but coming from someone who experienced it, it was rough.




My kids will be 8 years apart and this is something I specifically will NOT do with DD. Even now she's like Mommy I'll help you with the baby and I tell her NO you are a little girl you have fun and play the baby is mommy & daddy's responsibility.

That dynamic has everything to do with the parents and I agree that it could cause resentment which is why I will try my hardest to not allow DD to feel like a little mom.

Posted 9/18/15 10:10 AM
 

Bebelove
LIF Adolescent

Member since 8/12

720 total posts

Name:

Re: How far apart are your kids

Posted by Katie111806

DS and DD are18 months apart. DC#3 will be 7 years younger and 5.5 years younger.



Same for us when #3 comes along. I am worried about the age difference, but better late than neverChat Icon

Posted 9/18/15 2:25 PM
 

shellbebaby
So In Love!

Member since 8/11

1487 total posts

Name:
Michelle

Re: How far apart are your kids

I only have one and I am an only child, but my dad has a brother who is 10 years younger then him. Growing up they practically lived separate lives. My uncle was actually to young to be my dad's best man when he got married. He was still to immature to be my god-father when I was born. But as adults they are good friends, business partners and despite the fact that my Uncle still can make my dad crazy sometimes, they are very close. DH is 7 years older then his youngest brother, and other then the few years when DH was in college and BIL was still a kid, they have always been super close. I have another friend whose sister is is 15 years older then her (100% full sister). Elissa said her sister was always more like a mom then a sister. But now as adults they have a very close relationship and Elissa was a mentor to her cousin growing up. So I don't think there is such a thing as to far apart, I think that is entirely up to you.

That said, DH and I struggled to have DD. It took us 4 years to have her. We said that we will not go 4 years for #2. We personally don't want them that far apart. At that point we'd rather only have 1.

Posted 9/18/15 8:18 PM
 

2BadSoSad
LIF Adult

Member since 8/12

6790 total posts

Name:

Re: How far apart are your kids

5 years, they cant stand one another, LOL

Posted 9/18/15 8:28 PM
 

spooks
So in love!

Member since 6/06

4378 total posts

Name:
Sarah

Re: How far apart are your kids

Posted by DaniJude

I'm the youngest.

My brother is six years older than me.

My sister is ten years older than me.

I'm inseparable with both of them, always have been. So, doesn't matter!



same here with my sisters. Mine are 4.5 years apart - and while it was an adjustment for my oldest to have to share me (and we have twins) I see it being great - he's helpful and loves how they already idolize him!

Posted 9/18/15 8:31 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19339 total posts

Name:
L

Re: How far apart are your kids

Posted by evrythng4areason

My sister and I are just about 8 years apart, and I would never do it myself. Growing up I was expected to be a mini mother, and I was aware of anything I had to miss out on. Even as my sister got older and was a teen, I was expected to drive her places.

Jmo, but coming from someone who experienced it, it was rough.

I am six and nine years older than my brothers and evrything4areason , I had a similar experience growing up. Personally, it was a huge motivating factor for me having my kids close together in age. I do think it depends upon how you raise your kids, but there were absolutely things I missed out on growing up because I was expected to do things for my younger siblings. My brothers are close. While we speak, we don't have the same kind of bond they have. I was already out of the house by the time they were older and living on my own.

I would never say don't do it, but I would be really mindful of the expectations you set for both the younger and older child. My parents relied on me as a third parent at a young age by ten, because they both worked. I would not do that to a child.

Posted 9/18/15 9:41 PM
 

wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3

Member since 1/09

7395 total posts

Name:
Maureen

How far apart are your kids

My kids are all close in age, but that's what worked for us and it's what we wanted. My husband has one brother, 5 years younger than he, and my MIL always says how great it was. She felt she really got to thoroughly enjoy each of their infancies/toddlerhood separately, and my husband was a HUGE help with his baby brother. Plus, she says he was so independent because he was 5 that it made it so much easier for her to give attention to the baby. They have been super close their whole lives. In my family, my parents had 4 kids, each about 2 years apart, then 8 years later, had one more. I'm number 4, so my sister is almost 8 years younger than I am. With SO many significantly older siblings (ages 13, 12, 10, and 7 when she was born), she felt like she had 6 parents growing up and didn't like that aspect. But we ALL spoiled her and helped my parents out a ton. And, to this day, she and I are really close.

Posted 9/19/15 1:38 AM
 

Sash
Peace

Member since 6/08

9961 total posts

Name:
fka LIW Smara

Re: How far apart are your kids

Stepson is 11 years older than his brother. They love each other, only thing is they both have only child syndrome. I never understood the rushing to have subsequent kids so they are close in age.

Do what you want and works best for your family.

Posted 9/19/15 9:27 AM
 

Jacksmommy
My love muffin!

Member since 1/07

5815 total posts

Name:
Liz

Re: How far apart are your kids

My boys are 6 years apart. They love love love each other (and I hope it stays that way). The things that are tough are activities one can do are not necessarily appropriate for the other so it is hard finding things to occupy both. My older one is a great big brother and is a huge help!

Posted 9/20/15 1:54 PM
 

MissJones
I need a nap!

Member since 5/05

21835 total posts

Name:

How far apart are your kids

4 years and we planned it that way. Got to really enjoy DS as a person and he remembers being part of the 3 of us.

Posted 9/21/15 4:52 AM
 

shaleywhale
LIF Adolescent

Member since 12/09

537 total posts

Name:

Re: How far apart are your kids

Posted by jellybean78

That dynamic has everything to do with the parents and I agree that it could cause resentment which is why I will try my hardest to not allow DD to feel like a little mom.




I guess I would agree with this, with all due respect to other people's parents. Personally, I make it a point to let my daughter know that she is still my child, not a little mother or a servant. Yes, at times I will ask her to grab something for me that I need for him, or I will ask her to keep an eye on him for a second while I run into the other room. But for the most part, her "help" with him is all voluntary. She will come in and ask if he wants to go on the jump-jump with her (that's what he calls the trampoline). Or I will catch her laying on the bed with him and the two of them are watching Peppa Pig on youtube on her iPad or whatever. She really does enjoy spending time with him, especially now that he is a little person that can do things with her. Sometimes it can be a challenge when he can't do some of the things she can or vice versa. But for the most part, she has no problem going down to his level for a little while - she goes out and hunts for worms with him or she will go out and play airplane with him. But when she's ready to be an 11 year old hanging out with her friends, we make sure that she has that time to herself. Though there are times where even if she has friends over, they decide - on their own - to invite him in to watch a movie with them. Chat Icon

I also have random conversations with my daughter about how she is his sister, not his second mother. I am the youngest and I grew up with a sister that was 10 years older than me and I never felt like she was my sister... she never spent any time with me, she never "covered" for me, and was pretty unavailable most of the time. And when she did spend time with me and my sister, she always wanted to be an authority figure rather than a sibling. I hated it. To this day, I am very close with my middle sister and though it's better now than it ever was, I am really not at all close to my oldest sister. So I tell my daughter all the time that her job is to be a sister, not to be his mother. Tattling gets shut down real quick... I tell her that unless there is a REAL danger involved, it should be her and her brother against us (me and DH) lol. And when he is a little older and can understand, he will also learn that lesson.

I think, regardless of the age gap, it's important to try to foster a good *sibling* relationship. I'm sure I'll make mistakes along the way - Lord knows I've already heard a hundred times about how she feels jealous sometimes. But whenever I hear that word pop up, DH and I quietly re-evaluate what we are doing and make any adjustments to our parenting strategy that we feel necessary. I imagine all parents do this sort of thing, regardless of age gap.

In the end, I will do my best to make sure my kids don't grow up feeling resentful. We didn't plan our spacing, it was decided for us... so it is what it is. And when life doesn't play out in a traditional manner, you go with it and you just make it work the best way you know how! And while I guess I never imagined this is how it would be, now I can't imagine it any other way. Chat Icon

Message edited 9/21/2015 10:08:39 AM.

Posted 9/21/15 10:07 AM
 

MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!

Member since 5/06

14562 total posts

Name:
Marisa

Re: How far apart are your kids

Mine are 2 years apart.

My cousin has 3, with 5 years between each.

My DH and BIL are 2 years apart, with his sister coming 9 years later

My neighbor's kids are all 6/7 years apart.

there is no right/wrong !! Good Luck !!

Posted 9/21/15 10:31 AM
 

LotsaLuv
Us

Member since 6/10

4094 total posts

Name:
F

How far apart are your kids

Mine will be 4 months shy of 5 years apart. I actually feel really good about the gap. My DD got so much one on one time. Our new baby will be here end of March/beg of April, and DD will be entering Kindergarten in Sept, so this baby will get the same one on one time while she is in school. I also like the fact that DD is independent and will be a big help.

My brother and I are almost 5 years apart and I had to babysit a lot. I will make sure I do not force that on my DD. My parents did what they had to do, I am not mad about it, but would have liked a little more freedom after school.

Posted 9/21/15 1:25 PM
 

2boys1girl
and one more girl on the way!

Member since 5/10

2954 total posts

Name:
D

How far apart are your kids

My oldest is 11.5 years older than baby
6.5 years older than sister
2.5 years older than brother

DS2 is 4 years older than sister
9 years older than baby

DD is 5 years older than baby

I'm actually loving these age gaps, the kids all enjoy each other and I'm enjoying having separate stages.

Posted 9/21/15 2:48 PM
 

Garden-of-Eden
LIF Adolescent

Member since 5/15

590 total posts

Name:

Re: How far apart are your kids

I agree with the others who have already said my thoughts - What works for you is what will be right for your family!

To give my own thoughts on the matter, I originally said I wanted a 3 yr difference between my children. I never wanted less than that because I feared robbing my first of a full one-on-one experience with me (making her have to share attention with a sibling too early). Another reason I didn't want any closer in age is because I didn't want more than one baby at a time (twice the diapers, toddler tantrums, etc). So when DD was 2, we began to try for our second child. It didn't go as planned. I had endured 3 miscarriages and went through a state of unexplained infertility as well. It was HEART BREAKING and I cried constantly over the age gap that just kept growing and growing every single damn month that ended up in another failure. It was a rough time.

I did get pregnant finally (I'm now in 3rd trimester) and DD is 4. She will be just three months shy of 5 when DS arrives. The gap is further than I originally wanted, but I can see so much good in it. The fact that DD has just started Pre-K now - thank God my kids aren't too close in age that I'd have to deal with them both starting school at the same time. (Imagine when they're graduating HS - to have them both going to college at the same time). I'm so glad that when DD goes to kindergarten, I'll still have a baby at home. I'm glad that when she graduates HS, I'll still have one in Junior High, rather than experiencing an 'empty nest' all at once. I also like that just as DD got all of that one-on-one with me, so will her brother! I also appreciate that DD is out of her terrible 3 stage (terrible 2's did not exist in my house) so that I will not be as stressed dealing with that AND a newborn. I'm grateful that she's old enough to be truly excited about her little brother and will be able to help in her own little way rather than just feeling jealous about him.

So, for me, things didn't work out the way I had planned, but I think it all worked out the way it needed to. Yes, I do still get worried about if they will be friends with this 4-5yr age gap. But I know plenty of people who are only 1-3 years apart and have no relationship at all. I'm a middle sister and my oldest and youngest (6 years apart) are best friends. It depends on the personalities, the family dynamic, etc.

Posted 9/21/15 4:07 PM
 

Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink

Member since 12/05

13341 total posts

Name:
J

Re: How far apart are your kids

1 & 2 - 19 months
2 & 3 - 23 months
3 & 4 - 20 months

Posted 9/21/15 5:21 PM
 

MrsS2005
Mom of 3

Member since 11/05

13109 total posts

Name:
B

Re: How far apart are your kids

My boys are 3.5 years apart. We plan to TTC soon. Depending on how that goes, DS2 will be at least 4. I never wanted my kids close together. You need to do whatever works best for you and your family.

Posted 9/21/15 9:41 PM
 

CunningOne
***

Member since 5/05

26975 total posts

Name:

Re: How far apart are your kids

11, 9 and 3. #3 was NOT an oops baby.

Posted 9/21/15 9:42 PM
 
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