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Is this rude of me?

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Tracy705
LIF Infant

Member since 5/08

301 total posts

Name:

Is this rude of me?

To make a long story short my inlaws and I do not get along at all. It's to the point where I cannot be in a 10ft radius of them! Causes me major anxiety due to they fact that they pretend I don't exist (even in my own home) or have something nasty to say to me.
My DS is turning 3 on December 21. We want to have a party but the idea of having all of these people here that didn't even come when both my children were born makes me itch! I told my DH that since it is the weekend before Christmas and I have issues we could just ask people over around 7pm for desserts, cake and coffee. I would put out a few appetizers for when they arrive. This way everything is celebrated and I don't have to deal with the inlaws for hours on end. (They stay for 6+hours when we serve a buffet.) Plus, I don't have to do a bunch of cooking right before all the holiday cooking I have to do. My DH says this is rude and I have to feed them a meal.
Just looking for some insight if anyone has the time.
Thank you!

Posted 12/6/13 1:10 PM
 
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jams92

Member since 1/12

6105 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

i think its fine, but i would somehow word it so people do not expect a meal
i have in-law issues too, so maybe that is why i see your point of you and agree with y ou

Posted 12/6/13 1:13 PM
 

Tracy705
LIF Infant

Member since 5/08

301 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

Posted by jams92

i think its fine, but i would somehow word it so people do not expect a meal
i have in-law issues too, so maybe that is why i see your point of you and agree with y ou


Since none of them respond to a written invite ever! I was just going to have DH say please come for cake and coffee around 7.

ETA: Thank you for your reply!!

Message edited 12/6/2013 1:16:06 PM.

Posted 12/6/13 1:15 PM
 

Strawberry2468
It's summatime

Member since 3/09

4739 total posts

Name:
Christine

Re: Is this rude of me?

I don't think its rude. We just invited our parents for cake on our girl's birthday. We had gone to dinner just the 4 of us prior.

Posted 12/6/13 1:29 PM
 

Bamama
LIF Adult

Member since 8/11

991 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

I don't think it's rude UNLESS people are traveling an hour plus.
Then, I always feel like a meal should be served.

Posted 12/6/13 1:46 PM
 

Tracy705
LIF Infant

Member since 5/08

301 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

Posted by Bamama

I don't think it's rude UNLESS people are traveling an hour plus.
Then, I always feel like a meal should be served.


Nope they live 5 minutes away and have only seen the boys 5 times in their lives.

Posted 12/6/13 1:52 PM
 

hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true

Member since 2/10

2695 total posts

Name:
Me

Is this rude of me?

Is it just the in-laws coming over or is it a full on party? They don't really seem to care if they are rude to you so if it's just them I wouldn't give it a second thought IMO!

Posted 12/6/13 1:55 PM
 

Mrs-Boop
My Babies

Member since 5/05

4956 total posts

Name:
Jaime

Re: Is this rude of me?

Totally Fine and not rude at all. You are inviting them for birthday cake to celebrate, not a meal. If that's not good enough, tell them not to come. We just did this for my DD's birthday. Had everyone here at 7, I had some cheese and crackers and chips out and then we had cake. Worked out perfect.

Posted 12/6/13 1:56 PM
 

Tracy705
LIF Infant

Member since 5/08

301 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

Posted by hopingforbaby

Is it just the in-laws coming over or is it a full on party? They don't really seem to care if they are rude to you so if it's just them I wouldn't give it a second thought IMO!


Inlaws and some of my family (like 4 people). My family is fine with it!

Posted 12/6/13 1:56 PM
 

CallaLily
Thank you, Saint Gerard!

Member since 10/07

4937 total posts

Name:

Is this rude of me?

I think it's absolutely fine. In fact, I give you credit for doing even that. If someone ignored me in my own home you can bet your ass they would not be invited back...inlaw or not!

Posted 12/6/13 1:57 PM
 

BabyFever
LIF Adult

Member since 8/06

1050 total posts

Name:
XXXXXXXXXX

Re: Is this rude of me?

My inlaws would prefer having appetizers then a meal, so I see no problem with it.

Posted 12/6/13 1:58 PM
 

hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true

Member since 2/10

2695 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Is this rude of me?

Posted by CallaLily

I think it's absolutely fine. In fact, I give you credit for doing even that. If someone ignored me in my own home you can bet your ass they would not be invited back...inlaw or not!



I think it is totally fine, especially given that it is a relatively small group. We did something similar for DS birthday.

Also, just wanted to add I totally agree with the above. You are a better person than I am that's for sure!

Posted 12/6/13 2:00 PM
 

Eunyboo
<3

Member since 7/12

4374 total posts

Name:
E

Re: Is this rude of me?

I think it's perfectly fine. Invite them over for cake & coffee.

Posted 12/6/13 2:00 PM
 

Tracy705
LIF Infant

Member since 5/08

301 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

Posted by CallaLily

I think it's absolutely fine. In fact, I give you credit for doing even that. If someone ignored me in my own home you can bet your ass they would not be invited back...inlaw or not!



Don't give me any credit, Please! I *****, cry and stomp about this until the day of! I told my DH that I seriously need to get anti-anxiety medicine to deal with his family stuff. (which luckily they never do anything but, the one time something comes up I am mess.) I was not joking!!

Posted 12/6/13 2:11 PM
 

BargainMama
LIF Adult

Member since 5/09

15568 total posts

Name:

Is this rude of me?

I don't think it's rude at all. Cake for a birthday party....sounds like a fine plan!

Posted 12/6/13 2:13 PM
 

VeeJay
Love baby feet

Member since 2/09

2894 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

I do not think it is rude at all, this is what we do with my family. I would just make sure people know they are coming just for cake and coffee.

Posted 12/6/13 2:15 PM
 

summerBaby10
let's be nice

Member since 9/07

10208 total posts

Name:
Wifey

Re: Is this rude of me?

No, I don't think it's rude at all.

Posted 12/6/13 2:23 PM
 

Dee0522
And then there were four...

Member since 6/09

2088 total posts

Name:
Denise

Re: Is this rude of me?

Not at all. My SIL always has "cake & coffee" parties for her kids birthdays and normally they start at 7. I don't think most people would expect dinner to be served after 7 PM.

Posted 12/6/13 2:55 PM
 

july4mrsO
Happy boy!

Member since 5/10

2867 total posts

Name:
Jess

Is this rude of me?

My brother and SIL do this with their children. They have a party for the kids and their friends and then separately have the grandparents come over for cake and coffee. Not rude at all!

Posted 12/6/13 2:56 PM
 

FranM
And so it goes....

Member since 9/05

2217 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this rude of me?

Posted by Tracy705

Posted by Bamama

I don't think it's rude UNLESS people are traveling an hour plus.
Then, I always feel like a meal should be served.


Nope they live 5 minutes away and have only seen the boys 5 times in their lives.



Not rude at all.
Considering the above I think you are doing more than enough by inviting them. I probably wouldn't even bother.

Posted 12/6/13 3:24 PM
 

kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!

Member since 8/07

12475 total posts

Name:
Keri

Re: Is this rude of me?

It's fine! I just did this for DDs birthday last weekend. We had snacks and cake.

Posted 12/6/13 3:41 PM
 

pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1

Member since 10/05

7395 total posts

Name:
Catherine

Re: Is this rude of me?

I don't think it is rude at all.

Posted 12/6/13 3:49 PM
 

Sparrow
LIF Adult

Member since 11/10

6826 total posts

Name:

Is this rude of me?

Totally fine! Would even be fine if you were on great terms with your in-laws. I see no need for a big meal for birthdays. We've been invited to BIL's for just cake and coffee for our nephews bday and we're on good terms.

Posted 12/6/13 4:08 PM
 

kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!

Member since 6/06

13519 total posts

Name:
Kerry

Re: Is this rude of me?

I have a great relationship with both sides and still are only going to do apps & dessert for my 5 year olds birthday. It gets too crazy!!

Posted 12/6/13 4:14 PM
 

Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys

Member since 5/05

9306 total posts

Name:
Kelly

Re: Is this rude of me?

I dont think its rude at all! We do this alot in our families, just rec'd an email from my SIL about having cake for her DD. My brother always does just cake, they are on a tight budget so to prepare meal for everyone is alot, it adds up quickly.

We always run into this issue too with our DS he is the 20th. its just alot to do right before the holidays, plus everyone is so busy that time of year that to take up a whole afternoon is alot.

I would extend the invite and say you are just doing cake and and light fare this year bc its so close to the holidays and you know how busy everyone is.

Posted 12/6/13 4:51 PM
 
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