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UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult

Member since 2/11

4769 total posts

Name:
Pomegranate5

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by contro

I'd like to thank everyone who responded. In this mixed, mostly pro-vax community, I expected most of those fear-based responses. Nonetheless, I'm grateful for your contribution. After speaking with a few physicians and other families on both sides of the vaccine issue, my husband and I have formulated our opinion of this and we wrote a letter to our family members.
I'm saddened to hear that this debate in my family came down to vaccine status. I feel strongly about not vaxxing my children based on their allergies, their medical needs, and our family history of severe reactions. I would NEVER judge a family for choosing to vaccinate. There are a ton of reasons why having any child around a newborn is risky. And to me, it's simply not a vaccine issue for several reasons.
First, Regardless of vax/unvaxxed status...everyone of us has the same odds of being exposed. There are other ways to build immunity besides vaccines. But, the point is that my children have the same chances of other kids of being exposed to illness. Both sets of children will launch an immune system attack and be CARRIERS while their body fights off the virus. The difference (theoretically) is that vaccinated kids may not get the disease or may get a less intense version. It does NOT mean that they can not spread it simply because they are vaccinated. If its in their body...it's spreadable! As a result, my children are no more a risk to her than other kids. And in fact, mine are actually less of a threat because they won't present the newborn with the risk that a vaccine shed can offer.
Second....my husband and I live with our 'diseased' children and my inlaws are with them frequently. Our adult immunity to such diseases has lapsed over time. The same is true for most adults at the party. We could be exposed and be carriers without ever being symptomatic. So, in order to be completely safe, as they have expressed a desire to be, all undervaxed children and adults without boosters or titers would need to be excluded. Pertussis mirrors the sniffles and common cold in the early stages and yet, there will be people there with such symptoms just by virtue of it being a large gathering.
Third, there are a myriad of real illnesses (not possible ones) that permeate every surface of day care and early childhood social settings. Coxsackie, hand, foot and mouth, roseola, etc....all run rampant. These are a very real danger to a newborn.

After much thought about their retracting the invite...this is my conclusion.
If their fear was truly and solely one of contracting disease, then they would take the proper measures...which means excluding all children or keeping the newborn home. The fact that they singled out my children who are truly no more likely to be fighting off a vaccine-preventable-disease than any other child is not only totally illogical...it's discrimination. And it hurts that it's coming from a family member. It seems to me they are saying, 'we don't want your kind because you are unsafe'. I know their beliefs are based in ignorance and lack of education rather than malice. But in the end, ignorance should never be an excuse to uphold discrimination. Even if they are not "judging" per se, their 'separate yet equal' way of going about things is also a form of discrimination.

But thank you again for your comments.



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Posted 8/6/13 2:03 PM
 
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ReiRei13
Life is Good!!

Member since 1/08

6460 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by contro

I'd like to thank everyone who responded. In this mixed, mostly pro-vax community, I expected most of those fear-based responses. Nonetheless, I'm grateful for your contribution. After speaking with a few physicians and other families on both sides of the vaccine issue, my husband and I have formulated our opinion of this and we wrote a letter to our family members.
I'm saddened to hear that this debate in my family came down to vaccine status. I feel strongly about not vaxxing my children based on their allergies, their medical needs, and our family history of severe reactions. I would NEVER judge a family for choosing to vaccinate. There are a ton of reasons why having any child around a newborn is risky. And to me, it's simply not a vaccine issue for several reasons.
First, Regardless of vax/unvaxxed status...everyone of us has the same odds of being exposed. There are other ways to build immunity besides vaccines. But, the point is that my children have the same chances of other kids of being exposed to illness. Both sets of children will launch an immune system attack and be CARRIERS while their body fights off the virus. The difference (theoretically) is that vaccinated kids may not get the disease or may get a less intense version. It does NOT mean that they can not spread it simply because they are vaccinated. If its in their body...it's spreadable! As a result, my children are no more a risk to her than other kids. And in fact, mine are actually less of a threat because they won't present the newborn with the risk that a vaccine shed can offer.
Second....my husband and I live with our 'diseased' children and my inlaws are with them frequently. Our adult immunity to such diseases has lapsed over time. The same is true for most adults at the party. We could be exposed and be carriers without ever being symptomatic. So, in order to be completely safe, as they have expressed a desire to be, all undervaxed children and adults without boosters or titers would need to be excluded. Pertussis mirrors the sniffles and common cold in the early stages and yet, there will be people there with such symptoms just by virtue of it being a large gathering.
Third, there are a myriad of real illnesses (not possible ones) that permeate every surface of day care and early childhood social settings. Coxsackie, hand, foot and mouth, roseola, etc....all run rampant. These are a very real danger to a newborn.

After much thought about their retracting the invite...this is my conclusion.
If their fear was truly and solely one of contracting disease, then they would take the proper measures...which means excluding all children or keeping the newborn home. The fact that they singled out my children who are truly no more likely to be fighting off a vaccine-preventable-disease than any other child is not only totally illogical...it's discrimination. And it hurts that it's coming from a family member. It seems to me they are saying, 'we don't want your kind because you are unsafe'. I know their beliefs are based in ignorance and lack of education rather than malice. But in the end, ignorance should never be an excuse to uphold discrimination. Even if they are not "judging" per se, their 'separate yet equal' way of going about things is also a form of discrimination.

But thank you again for your comments.




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Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.

Posted 8/6/13 2:47 PM
 

InShock
life is good

Member since 10/06

9258 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by ReiRei13

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Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.




What kind of responses would she have gotten? I think this was one of the most respectful threads I've seen on LIF concerning a VERY controversial topic.

Posted 8/6/13 2:58 PM
 

cateyemm
Twins!

Member since 7/10

8027 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by InShock

Posted by ReiRei13

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Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.




What kind of responses would she have gotten? I think this was one of the most respectful threads I've seen on LIF concerning a VERY controversial topic.



That is an anti-vax group. Im not sure why she posted here if she already knew what the repsonses would be.

Posted 8/6/13 3:07 PM
 

alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!

Member since 5/09

18388 total posts

Name:
Allison

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by cateyemm

Posted by InShock

Posted by ReiRei13

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.




What kind of responses would she have gotten? I think this was one of the most respectful threads I've seen on LIF concerning a VERY controversial topic.



That is an anti-vax group. Im not sure why she posted here if she already knew what the repsonses would be.



To try and stir up something.

Posted 8/6/13 3:38 PM
 

Ever-After
Goals w/o plans r just wishes

Member since 6/09

2585 total posts

Name:
C

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I'm glad you sent a respectful reply to the family members. I think that whole situation is a very sad one. It seems like if they wanted to exclude any risks in a more respectful (and wiser) way then they would have simply excluded ALL children from being around their newborn. To simply exclude one family makes it seem a little bit more biased and unfortunate. It's almost kinda funny though because a lot of people claim they wouldn't want an unvaxxed kid around their newborn, which is fine, but when DD was a newborn I, personally, didn't want the vaxxed kids around her for fear of the live virus' shedding. Funny how different people just look at things differently. In my case though, I was just careful with ANYBODY touching her. I wouldn't disrespect somebody for having a different opinion than me. I mean, I do understand parents just wanting to be careful with their little ones, but I feel like they could have handled it better in this circumstance. It's a shame. I hope you guys are able to work it out and all respect & enjoy each other in the future. Chat Icon

Posted 8/6/13 3:45 PM
 

cateyemm
Twins!

Member since 7/10

8027 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by alli3131

Posted by cateyemm

Posted by InShock

Posted by ReiRei13

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Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.




What kind of responses would she have gotten? I think this was one of the most respectful threads I've seen on LIF concerning a VERY controversial topic.



That is an anti-vax group. Im not sure why she posted here if she already knew what the repsonses would be.



To try and stir up something.


Thanks for keeping Tuesday interesting!! Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/6/13 3:48 PM
 

ReiRei13
Life is Good!!

Member since 1/08

6460 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by InShock

Posted by ReiRei13

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.




What kind of responses would she have gotten? I think this was one of the most respectful threads I've seen on LIF concerning a VERY controversial topic.



I agree with you 100% that this thread stayed respectful (until Allison a few posts down...I do not think anyone was trying to stir the pot but YOU Allison).

What I meant was, the OP stated that she expected to receive the fear based responses that she did, ones which agreed with her family member. Had she posted this on a board like GMQV which is mostly anti-vax, she would've heard more responses giving her suggestions on what to put in a letter, etc, as more people would've/could've placed themselves in her shoes as they themselves do not vaccinate their children.

Posted 8/6/13 4:05 PM
 

Aries14
Can't plan life...

Member since 8/08

2860 total posts

Name:

My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

My two nephews are 13 and 8 and both unvaccinated. Like you, my sister has her reasons. Mainly medical. When my first DD was born I asked my ped about her being around my nephews (as a newborn) and he gave a chuckle and said "you are fine. I would only want you to stay away from them if they were obviously sick". And my ped is very pro-vax.
And in the end, she is my sister and they are my nephews... I would never ever tell my FAMILY not to be around.
And for whatever its worth - these kids are and have always been in public schools without a problem. So you really never know if every kid your children encounter or play with is vaccinated.

Posted 8/6/13 4:21 PM
 

Melmel821
Love being a mom!

Member since 5/08

2776 total posts

Name:
Melanie

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

hmm... seemed very judgmental of the pro-vax community to me.

I wouldn't really let any children near my newborn because they carry germs... I've learned that having DD in daycare.

But I agree.... if you choose not to vaccinate and DEMAND respect for your decision... you need to man up and respect others' decisions to protect their children too.

Message edited 8/6/2013 4:30:48 PM.

Posted 8/6/13 4:29 PM
 

alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!

Member since 5/09

18388 total posts

Name:
Allison

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by ReiRei13

Posted by InShock

Posted by ReiRei13

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.




What kind of responses would she have gotten? I think this was one of the most respectful threads I've seen on LIF concerning a VERY controversial topic.



I agree with you 100% that this thread stayed respectful (until Allison a few posts down...I do not think anyone was trying to stir the pot but YOU Allison).

What I meant was, the OP stated that she expected to receive the fear based responses that she did, ones which agreed with her family member. Had she posted this on a board like GMQV which is mostly anti-vax, she would've heard more responses giving her suggestions on what to put in a letter, etc, as more people would've/could've placed themselves in her shoes as they themselves do not vaccinate their children.



From the poster that loves to stir.

Happy Tuesday!!!

Posted 8/6/13 4:42 PM
 

ReiRei13
Life is Good!!

Member since 1/08

6460 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by alli3131

Posted by ReiRei13

Posted by InShock

Posted by ReiRei13

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Excellent, well written letter!!

And you hit the nail on the head, this is a very pro-vax community! You would've gotten much different responses had you posted this on a group like "Great Mothers Questioning Vaccines" on FB.




What kind of responses would she have gotten? I think this was one of the most respectful threads I've seen on LIF concerning a VERY controversial topic.



I agree with you 100% that this thread stayed respectful (until Allison a few posts down...I do not think anyone was trying to stir the pot but YOU Allison).

What I meant was, the OP stated that she expected to receive the fear based responses that she did, ones which agreed with her family member. Had she posted this on a board like GMQV which is mostly anti-vax, she would've heard more responses giving her suggestions on what to put in a letter, etc, as more people would've/could've placed themselves in her shoes as they themselves do not vaccinate their children.



From the poster that loves to stir.

Happy Tuesday!!!




I'm rarely ever on here anymore, so I'm not quite sure how you can make that statement. But Happy Tuesday to you too! Chat Icon

Posted 8/6/13 4:58 PM
 

Kerie-is-so-very
versatile!

Member since 5/05

13532 total posts

Name:
K

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by Melmel821

hmm... seemed very judgmental of the pro-vax community to me.

I wouldn't really let any children near my newborn because they carry germs... I've learned that having DD in daycare.

But I agree.... if you choose not to vaccinate and DEMAND respect for your decision... you need to man up and respect others' decisions to protect their children too.



I agree.. there seems to be a lot of judgment of the pro-vax community. Yes, it would bother me that other kids were invited but I do believe in severely limiting a newborn's exposure. My pediatrician would agree but I am sure someone will say that she has bought into propaganda. She's actually very flexible and gave me no issues about my proposed vaccine schedule, which was not convenient for the office at all. When I had a NICU baby, no lay person's opinion mattered to me.

Posted 8/6/13 8:31 PM
 

DiamondGirl
You are my I love you

Member since 7/09

18802 total posts

Name:
DiamondMama

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I have to say that you writing you expected 'mostly fear based responses' makes me wonder why you posted here at all Chat Icon

Certainly I find it wrong if other unvaccinated children were invited to the party, it is obviously not nice to single out your children.

But to generally not allow any unvaccinated children around their newborn IMO is fine, they are trying to protect their child. Heck most people don't want kids around a newborn regardless of if they are vaccinated or not.

Posted 8/6/13 9:23 PM
 

BeachGrl
LIF Adult

Member since 10/11

2140 total posts

Name:
Kristy

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by contro

I know their beliefs are based in ignorance and lack of education rather than malice. But in the end, ignorance should never be an excuse to uphold discrimination.



I'm not happy with the idea of my baby being around non-vaccinated people either, and it's not because I'm ignorant or have a lack of education. It is just how I feel after weighing out all the possible scenarios.

Idk if I would go as far as to dis-invite family to a party, but I honestly don't see anything wrong with them protecting their child the same way you do yours.

Posted 8/6/13 9:32 PM
 

mig
LIF Adolescent

Member since 11/10

888 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I don't know...maybe it's just me but it sounds to me like there must be more than just the vaccinations vs. non vaccinations issue here. Is there something else that happened or was said during the fight that could have gotten this kind of reaction? I know it's only the children that were "uninvited" but maybe that's just a way to get back at you or someone for something? This just sounds crazy to me.

Posted 8/6/13 9:42 PM
 

contro
LIF Zygote

Member since 8/13

9 total posts

Name:

Re: UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Just updated on page 1 in the OP section.

Posted 8/10/13 5:07 PM
 

meloyellow
LIF Adult

Member since 3/13

1843 total posts

Name:

Re: UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

Posted by Kidsaplenty
Vaccines are not some magic bubble that prevents a virus or bacteria from living on your skin.



totally agree. my son does get his shots...but I know that vaccines don't mean he's any cleaner or that he doesn't carry any of those viruses...they only affect the way HIS BODY responds to them. I think that the response to exclude your kids paired with many responses on this thread shows a misunderstanding about the way in which viruses and germs are spread and immune systems.

Posted 8/10/13 6:39 PM
 

stargazerlily
LIF Adolescent

Member since 12/11

706 total posts

Name:
Lara

UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

I have rethought my post after considering other people's comments and I just wanted to say that I do understand the concept that unvaccinated children are not an immediate threat to children (or people in general) at a birthday party. However - you had the right to make your choice for your kids (which others see as hurtful) and so does your family (which you see as hurtful).

Posted 8/10/13 7:13 PM
 

Ltdentway99
LIF Adult

Member since 9/06

1752 total posts

Name:

Re: UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

What would life be like without vaccinations? Large groups of the population would die off. We are so lucky to live in a country that vaccinates their people and wards off mass diseases. If there was a vaccination against cancer or AIDS, wouldn't you want it?

Posted 8/10/13 9:22 PM
 

rmdrn125
LIF Toddler

Member since 5/07

497 total posts

Name:
mom mom

UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

When my children were newborn I didn't want ANY children around them, really didn't even think of vaccines.. Just thought of the common kid colds.. I lovingly refer to all kids as little germ carriers.. Like previously written, my kids my rules...

Posted 8/10/13 9:43 PM
 

Ever-After
Goals w/o plans r just wishes

Member since 6/09

2585 total posts

Name:
C

Re: UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

In regards to Saphire01's comment (and a few others), this isn't a debate against Vaccines VS Non-Vaccinated children. It's not a black & white issue as there is a risk on both sides (the diseases vs the risks of the vaccines themselves). Neither choice makes you a 'bad' parent. We all just want the best for our children. After (hopefully) an efficient amount of research we've all come to a choice that is best for our personal situations & family. That said, to OP I stick by what I said earlier that this is a very sad situation. It's upsetting that a family member would make your feel unwanted because of a personal choice that you've made in the best interest of your family. I do understand them standing by THEIR choice and wanting their children to be safe, but from the e-mails you wrote to explain your standpoint, it's pretty obvious that it's not really about that. For her not to hear your words at all and to instead claim that you're 'attacking' her by giving her your respectful opinion kind of shows that she doesn't want to hear it. You are excluded no matter what you say and honestly, I wouldn't want somebody like that in my life or my children's. Family, or no. I'm sorry this hurts or upsets you, but it might be time to just count your losses and move on.

Message edited 8/10/2013 11:15:53 PM.

Posted 8/10/13 9:47 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19411 total posts

Name:
L

Re: UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

After I read your update, I really don't think their uninviting you was about your kids vaccination status at all. Frankly, I would examine the relationship you had with them. I think the vaccine thing was a cover for a larger issue. Sorry about that. edit to say - when my kids were newborns I did not want any children near them for the first two months. I was worried about the common cold more than anything else.

Message edited 8/10/2013 10:13:00 PM.

Posted 8/10/13 10:11 PM
 

Christine2
LIF Adult

Member since 2/09

1213 total posts

Name:

Re: UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

Vaccination protects individuals from disease, but its impact is more far-reaching. Vaccination also benefits an entire community. When you are infected, your vaccine-primed immune system revs up to speed and stops you from becoming contagious — or at least shortens the time you are contagious — minimizing your opportunity to infect others. Likewise, if everyone around you has been vaccinated, you, by definition, are more likely to be protected from infection. And there comes a point when enough members of a community have vaccine protection that everyone in that community, including even the unvaccinated, is less likely to get sick. This phenomenon is called herd immunity.

The phenomenon can work in reverse. If enough people forgo vaccination, the entire community is put at risk. The antivaccine movement in the US is a major concern. Once sufficient numbers of children are left unvaccinated, diseases once under control may come back. Sadly, the very children who remained unvaccinated because of their parents’ opposition will be the most at risk as herd immunity begins to wane.

Food for thought.

Posted 8/10/13 11:42 PM
 

juju
Welcome to the World!

Member since 5/05

6747 total posts

Name:

Re: UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

Posted by rmdrn125

. Like previously written, my kids my rules...

totally agree with this poster. I feel your letter was totally unnecessary. You should have dropped it when you were uninvited. Everyone has a difference of opinions when it comes to vaccinations. At the end it is not about vaccinations but about respecting her wishes. I'm sorry but imo you should have taken the high road. Now you come across as the person to create drama.

Message edited 8/11/2013 2:19:47 AM.

Posted 8/11/13 2:19 AM
 
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