"You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

I started this topic 3 years ago when DD was a baby and wanted to get some fresh perspectives, esp since I have new issues with a new kid...

DS is 9weeks and since the day we brought him home I've been struggling between these two things...

He currently has some BAD habits.. He'll only fall asleep on the boob, he's created a middle of the night wake-up where he isn't hungry and needs to be soothed back to sleep so I let him have the boob, he struggles to take a late nap so I hold him for it, etc. etc. and in the moment I think "screw it, we're at the 'do what works' phase" but then later I think "Oh NO! I am going to create a monster!!!!"

I'm petrified about hurting his ability to self-soothe for sleeping (DD was so good at it, I want her to be like her ) and he does put himself back to sleep through the night and during naps, I'll let him cry for a minute or two to see if he'll do it to try to learn self-soothing, but other times I get lazy and "do what works"

Off on a tangent here, I blame lack of sleep anyway, when do you switch from "you can't spoil a newborn" to "you're creating bad habits"? Is there a certain age? When should I start putting my foot down more?

Message edited 7/4/2013 8:58:33 AM.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

You can't spoil a two or three week old.

By 8 weeks, I started breaking DS habits...

By 4 months, the habits that I didn't break became things that lasted through now (put him to sleep in a swing, so even at 3, he will only nap in a moving stroller).
With DD, I broke bad habits at 8 week mark and it's much easier at 1.5 years.

I know many won't agree with this, but it's my personal experience.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

I gave my DD the boob for everything until she was 6+ months and didn't need it for everything anymore. She is a great sleeper at 2, and goes to sleep on her own and stays asleep for 12 hours. I don't think you can spoil and infant. I believe the philosophy that if you give them what they need when they need it...they gain security bc their needs are always met. I feel that if you don't meet all their needs, then they lack the security to be independent later on (IMO).

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

I don't subscribe to the idea that you can spoil a newborn, or an infant, for that matter. i also am not concerned with creating bad habits. If my girls want me to nurse them just cause, I do it. If they want me to hold them just cause, I do out. But then again I am very much into attachment parenting and believe that catering to their needs now will help them with confidence in the future.

So far it has worked for me. My ODD is 3.5 and is remarkably mature for her age. My YDD is 1 and I still totally baby her.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

I agree with Alisha. Bad habits or spoiling is subjective. Do what makes you and baby happy. If the baby starts patterns that hurt her or you, then intervene. When my ds cries I immediately soothe him, however if I am driving then he has to CIO. Granted the crying is so stressful that sometimes I will pull over. Don't even worry! If your kid starts throwing tantrums at two or three, then reevaluate.

One more thing, I don't buy into the self-soothing thing. I can't self-soothe and I am 34. I must read before bed.

Message edited 7/4/2013 7:03:04 PM.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

Thanks everyone, these responses help. I'm driving DH crazy, everytime we have success with something that makes our lives easier I start going into panic-mode that it's a bad habit that will take forever to break.

I thought the 2nd child was supposed to be less stressful!!!????

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

I think its only bad when its a habit and its interfering with stuff. Like if your baby constantly wants to be held and you cant get anything done. For me, that's impossible with 2 and DHs work schedule and it causes chaos. So I want my babies to be able to self sooth for naps and bedtime. DD currently falls asleep most times when eating so I let her since Im not going to wake her. I didn't make them self soothe til about 3.5/4 mo and they were fine going to bed, etc. I got rid of pacis at 7 mo b./c they would wake 10 times a night for them and couldn't put the back themselves. Now DD1 is in this 4:30 wakeup habit that needs to stop since its leaving me a zombie and affecting my health and ability to work.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

My thought on this when people would say this to me....no one is still rocking their 7 year old to bed. Look, they will only let you hold them and rock them to sleep for so long, I say, enjoy and savor the moments when you can, eventually, they will be embarrassed when you go to kiss them.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

My ped said 7 months and we began "training" at 7 months. No more being held to sleep, no running in everytime he woke up, etc.
I think at 9 weeks you are fine, they aren't cognizant of action/reaction at that age. You are pretty safe for a few months...

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

I nursed DD to bed for many many months…heck she still does it sometimes at 9 mos! We also did some rocking for a few months but then she got too heavy lol. She never fell asleep easily at night and the boob was comforting to her so we just went with it. Slowly she stopped needing it to fall asleep but like I said sometimes she still does fall asleep eating and I think it is sweet and I enjoy every minute. But anyway once she's out she stays asleep 11-12 hours so can't complain there. Also if I am not home she will take a bottle and go to bed ok - so no problems there!

In the beginning we tried not to hold her too much but she wanted/needed to be held constantly…esp during her witching hour. She grew out of that too. We used her swing for some naps or her rock-n-play or her crib but eventually tried to do most naps in crib by 3 months. However we weren't anal about it either.

I say just roll with it and follow his cues!

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

You know I am weird with this stuff and I think the bad habits are created for us as parents and not the babies at this age.

Everyone thought I was weird b/c I started from day one with everything with my DD. For us it was successful and I am going to try again with DC#2.

I just thought it would be easier to start the way I wanted everything to be rather than try to constantly change things as I went along. But everyone is different!

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs. "You're creating bad habits"

Message edited 7/9/2013 9:23:23 AM.