Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

In the past, DH and I had casually mentioned relocating to another state for better quality of life as LI is just getting so difficult and taxes and the LIRR keep getting higher.

But, in the last week relocating to another state has become a REAL possibility. I'd say it's about 85% likely that DH will be offered a job at his company's new office in FL and if it happens, the move will happen fast. Before the end of the summer, as soon as early June.

Even though I said it was what I wanted, I'm so afraid sometimes. We would be leaving everything and everyone we know. We don't have ANYONE down there, no friends, family not even as acquaintance.

I wouldn't worry so much if it was just us but we have a 3.5 yr old DS and a baby due in August. I just feel so sad about taking my DS away from everything and everyone he knows (and he isn't great with new people). As if it wasn't bad enough that I'm rockiing his world with a new baby.

I'm just so confused. Sometimes it sounds so great. We'd be in a great climate, probably financially better off, bigger home, DH's commute wouldn't be an 1hr+ but more like 20-25 minutes. In place without the quick pace and stress of NY. But how can I leave everyone, especially my parents behind. They would probably move down also but not soon, maybe 1 year, maybe more.

DS sees my parents every.single.day. He loves them so much. He asks to visit and call them, if it were up to him he'd be at their house all the time. Dinners, holidays, bday parties - I'd take that all away from him.

If you moved away from your family somewhere where you knew no one, how did you know it was the right thing for you and your family? It's so hard to imagine not having anyone.

I don't know what to do or think and I know we will be faced with making a decision in the next 2 weeks. If anyone has any advice, anything....

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

DH's main office is in NC and they offered (and requested) him to move to the NC office (Greensboro). They offered to pay him a NYC salary IN NC (which would make us very very comfortable). We'd be able to afford a very large house with room for family to stay. Schools in the area we were looking at are very good, the town is actually nice, the people I met were nice and I'd never have to work if I didn't want to. My DH's commute would be 10 minutes as opposed to the 1-2 hours it is now, and he'd have much more time to be with DC (he barely sees them during the week b/c of his commute) ....

Anyway... we gave up ALL that to stay in our small home near my family. DH still wants to move- but I don't think it'll ever happen. It's a trade off. If I wasn't so close to my family I'd be considering it much more. I just couldn't imagine DC's birthday parties, recitals, school plays, etc, w/out my family.

ETA- I think you are in a totally diff situation b/c you said your parents would probably move down? If that's the case I would. Def you need to first go to the area and visit and see if you could picture living there

Message edited 4/18/2013 9:07:58 PM.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

Change is scary no matter what it is.

My advice would be to rent first and see how you guys like it down there.

Also, maybe join some local mom groups when you get down there. I am sure that can help with providing a good connection with other people.

Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

My family has moved all over ... One cousin moved his wife and 3 kids to Germany for like 2 or 3 years.... Family would visit them at times and they were back for every Christmas and during the summer for 2 or 3 weeks ... I have family 3 hours away in lancaster PA we see every 2 months or so and family more then 5 hours away in Maryland ... We see them for big events without a problem ... Are we there for 8th birthdays no but sweet sixteens and graduations yes .... It all depends on the family ... Are they able and willing to visit you

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

I can't comment for myself but my sister moved to Florida not knowing anyone and she met a great group of friends. A lot of them don't have family down there and they are eachothers "family" especially on holidays she can't come home for.

Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

What is your number One reason for moving?
I moved to NC, knew no one. Never been here before.
Best thing ever because I wanted to San and he wanted his commute over.
That together was enough to leve family.
Our little family would gain time together...because of that', never looked back.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

we are probably moving out of state soon. I wanted NC since its closer but I think we will be moving to TX> it breaks my heart to leave my family and to take my family away from DS since he loves them so much but I keep telling myself that this is the best decision for my family. if we can provide more for them in a cheaper state and give the kids a better life on a daily basis then I think that outweighs the limited family visits.
people do it a lot and they make it work with visits and facetime...Skype...email, FB etc. I know a lot of people who say they never regret leaving so I try to put those kinds of thoughts in my head even though I know when we do move im gonna bawl like a 2 yr old

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

We moved to Richmond, VA four years ago, without knowing a soul. DH's company was acquired and he was made a job offer, keeping his salary, and we relocated.My son was 15 months old.

My son was very close to my parents. He is their first grandchild,mand they watched him every day because I worked full time. I was sad for them, and him, to be separated.

However, the move was best for our family, our quality of life is so much better. I am now a SAHM, and DH is able to see our kids much more due to a much shorter commute. I got pregnant with our second son shortly after we moved. So lots of change for my son, but he did very well. We have a great home in a really nice neighborhood, with highly rated schools. We have made many new friends. Our financial security makes life much easier. We are actually saving more for retirement now, then we did on two incomes!

My parents ended up moving here about 2 years after we did, and they love it. We visit family and friends in NY when we can, and they come to see us.

It is one of the best decisions we ever made.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

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Message edited 1/11/2014 10:24:13 PM.

Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

I Just wanted to say you're not alone. I'm in the same exact boat you're in. We're moving to New Orleans in the summer.

I'm terrified, scared of the unknown, heartbroken to leave my mother. We've been a team since my father passed when I was 10. Im feeling such immense guilt with taking her one and only grandchild away. It physically hurts my heart.

We will know NO ONE! But, we are not thriving here in NY, & my son deserves a shot at the best life. If we stay here, we cannot have another child & that was a huge wake up call for us.

So, like I said you're definitely not alone.

I would rather be scared sh!tless and take the leap vs letting fear get the better of me and miss t on a great life and live with regret.

Message edited 4/19/2013 9:29:22 AM.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

Packed up and moved to Dallas/Ft. Worth area 4 years ago. Basically picked it out of a hat. We had certain criteria of what we wanted (cost of housing, near a major city, etc...) and Texas fit most of our needs so we left. Knew no one except DH's cousins who are in their 50's and we have nothing in common with. Still hardly see them as if we live 1000's of miles away anyway. 4 years later we have lots of friends (and I'm not the super social butterfly at all!), a comfortable lifestyle, a beautiful home and money in the bank. And without asking my brother and his wife moved down here 2yrs ago so we are now raising our children together. It was a nice bonus but we would have still been happy here.

There was definitely some depression and home sickness in the beginning but you have to pull yourself out of that funk and get out there. My oldest DD was 2.5yrs when we moved and I wasn't even pregnant with my youngest. I totally used my girls to make friends . Joined a mommy playgroup which has since "degrouped" since most of our kids are now elementary age but made a few close friends through that I still get together with. One of them so graciously watched my oldest DD when I was in labor with #2 which was a total blessing since we had no one else to watch her!
Your happiness will depend on whether you choose to be happy or not. Terrifying at first? Absolutely, especially if you're a little on the shy side like myself. But sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. 4yrs have gone by and this is I feel my home now. NY is in the past and I am knee deep into this great chapter of my life!

Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

My good friend upped and left to Florida super last minute. It was a do or die decision because she found out her DH was cheating on her. They had no one in Florida close by. She has been there for close to 10 years and love it. They have made awesome friends, repaired and rekindled their marriage, their kids are doing great and they have a home that no way they could have afforded here. The quality of life for them is 100% better than it was here. I know it was hard for them especially since my friends Mom has health issues and she is very close to her but the good thing about FL is that flights are cheap and you can drive so people do visit. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

You're lucky to have this opportunity to leave expensive Long Island and the racket this area is becoming. Taxes go nowhere but up, and LIRR services get worse each year. I hear stories from my parents and my in-laws about NYC/LI and realize things today really aren't that much better than in their time (60s/70s) because many of the problems they had back then are still going on now, the only difference is we are paying triple the price and for what? Higher Manhattan salaries and access to the Met or Annie musicals when we want??

Of the 10 people in my group of contacts that left NYC/LI, about 99% are happy they left. My co worker moved to Buffalo to work as a solo attorney and he is happier than ever, living in a 6 bedroom/3 bath home for half the price of a closet sized condo in Wiliiamsburg, Brookkyn. Then there's my BFF from high school who left Seaford for Raleigh NC 8 years ago and has never looked back. Se drives to Disney 4x/yr with her 3 kids and happily live in a spacious 5 bd/3ba house which they can easily afford on just 1 income (she's SAHM and has been since they left NY)..

My old boss just quit to manage a law office outside Atlanta, GA. Just talked to her yesterday and she is happy but shocked at how far $250K gets you for a home in GA compared to the same house she lived here in Huntington that she and her DH paid $ 700K for back in 2006!

Only 1 couple I know (through DH) left for Florida (Palm Beach) and returned to NY (Port Washington) because of hurricane weather (their house got wiped out after Hurricane Andrew). But they are retired and didn't want to deal with FL heat and hurricanes...

FWIW, I think your quality of life will def improve...LI is just not what it used to be. Nassau Colosseum is going to probably be some sh-hole strip mall after Mangano ruins it, and more people in the 20-40 age range in LI are refusing to stay because of lack of decent paying jobs here and affordable housing.

Message edited 4/19/2013 12:59:45 AM.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

We moved over 5 years ago & knew no one! We both came from small families & the idea of not having them when we want is hard & always will be.....
BUT the quality of life I have with my husband & girls we wouldn't have had in NY. I never intended to be a SAHM, but my DH makes more than I would as a teacher here, so I'm lucky enough to be home raising them.
it's truly a decision you need to make, but for us, we looked at how our "family" would benefit (house, neighborhood, etc).
Ironically my ILs have since moved down, so it's made it even better! Now if only I could convince my Mom.

From what friends tell us about the continual traffic, taxes, etc we don't regret leaving. I just wish we had a place for 4 of us to stay, because hotels gets expensive to visit as often as we'd like.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

I know exactly how you feel!! I just moved from LI to VA with my DH for my new job in August. We don't have kids...but my brother has 3 kids that I miss so much. The good thing is that I love my job. I love our new apartment. I've made some great friends at work and DH and I are having fun exploring the area. I do miss seeing my family for the little things like birthdays and stuff but we do Facetime alot and email and call. This was my first time leaving LI and I'm doing alot better than I thought I would...good luck!!!!

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

I would go especially having a job in place. And also because your parents may be moving soon. That is one of the things stopping me from relocating- trying to actually secure a job before going, and then, having to sell my house. Good luck!

Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

Based on what you have stated, if I were in your shoes, I would go. I would LOVE to move OOS. I come from a small family who all live here on the Island, except my father. I just feel like we would have a better shot at a comfortable life off of the Island. DH works for the City so, until he retires, our only option is move up to Orange County. I'm still trying to convince him to go but he is not budging. Anyway, it sounds so exciting and a chance to build a new life. I understand your concerns and they are completely valid, esp regarding DS. I just feel that kids are so resilient and he is at a good age where he could make a good transition.
GL!!!!! I wish I were in your shoes.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

Message edited 4/19/2013 10:22:31 AM.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

No advice but just

Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

Moved to fl too 7 yr ago. We knew no one. But like you said, it was for a better quality of life... Big/new/cheap home, weather, opportunity and just something new. Not gonna lie - first year was HARD! But after that it was smooth sailing. We made friends, got to know the area well. I'd def move again someday, but not back to ny.

Re: Moving to another state - Scared and confused. HELP!

I will most likely be moving out of state too. Most likely before the end of the year. I understand your scared. And at first so was I. I will miss my sister and her family the most but we are only moving 4 hours away. And when I think of the quality of life for my children it makes my decision so much easier. Change is such a good thing and you will always have the support of your family. Good luck and I hope your move is just amazing