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Nevermind

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Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Nevermind



Posted by brownie

Posted by MrsH2009

I never want my child to fear me, fear does not equal respect. Children who fear their parents are the same that can't turn to them at times of need. If they are struggling at school, or became pregnant, etc, they fear their parents so much, they will not reach out to them. I don't want to be an alarmist, but I fear these will be the children that would kill themselves, rather than tell their parents something. Not your children, but children raised in a culture of fear.



I agree with this but I also think a kid having a little fear of one parent can help...it's definitely a fine line though.

I also think there's no one right formula for parenting and instead of saying 'you are a terrible parent for doing this' a better idea is 'try this, it's helped me with my 3yr old" etc. Chat Icon



I agree. I am just tired of seeing children and teens with such lack of respect for adults and authority. Why would that be nowadays if not related to this trend in changes in parenting styles compared to years ago?

I am just as concerned for children who are always tiptoed around, parents in fear of being mean, parents who were too much of a friend or buddy, afraid to be the "boss" and afraid of breaking their childs spirit by being too much of a disciplinarian, etc. Those to me are the children who can't take the knocks in the real world, who were always coddled to and placated, always used to getting what they want, and never dealing with a stern adult or authority figure. Those children are just as lost to me in the world and I am just as concerned for them.

I know loads of people who were given beatings, parents who got physical etc. Not one of them is a screw up, not one of them is scarred for life and not one of them hits their own child on a regular basis. Not one of them had any major problems that were a result of having parents that sometimes hit them.

That to me is the difference between parents who were physical for discipline vs TRUE ABUSE. An occasional hit, smack, etc, is NOT abuse IMO. Big big difference.

Posted 10/29/12 1:10 PM
 
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neenie

Member since 5/05

22351 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Janice

I fear for the children who have been told they are spirited. Terrible 2s turning into terrible 3s..turning into fu@$ing 4s....
If you do not want or enjoy spending the day with your child-no one ele will.
Make children that people will want to be around. That is our job.



Amen! Even $hitty adults had to build that foundation somewhere...

Message edited 10/29/2012 1:49:37 PM.

Posted 10/29/12 1:49 PM
 

neenie

Member since 5/05

22351 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

i think location plays into it, too. We were at a store down here (in NC) and another kid was being a little bratty to my DD (my DD was not all sunshine and rainbows either). The other kid's mom turned around to me when she realized and said, "Is my daughter being ugly to her?!"and turned quickly to her daughter and gave her *that look* and said "you better NOT be acting ugly!". Straightened them both up right away. I know that there *are* moms like that in NY too (i like to think that i was one of them) but i never experienced that- it was more of the 'my precious child would never do that', etc. But I feel like respect is a much more tangible thing around here. much more blatant.

Posted 10/29/12 1:54 PM
 

mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!

Member since 3/09

8583 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Nevermind

Posted by PennyCat

Sorry to crash here .. I don't believe in hitting EVER at ANY age... but hitting a 10 month old is like hitting a cat.. which, frankly nauseates me. Both don't know any better. This thread makes me so sad. Chat Icon

. So true. I'm really saddened by it too

Posted 10/29/12 2:20 PM
 

dm24angel
Happiness

Member since 5/05

34581 total posts

Name:
Donna

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Janice

I fear for the children who have been told they are spirited. Terrible 2s turning into terrible 3s..turning into fu@$ing 4s....
If you do not want or enjoy spending the day with your child-no one ele will.
Make children that people will want to be around. That is our job.



Seriously!! I have a hard time not remembering how I was desperate for a child when my children act up...

When I read/hear how some people act and how they feel about their children, I think of all the women out there who would DIE to have a chance to parent even the worst behaved child.

Posted 10/29/12 3:06 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Nevermind

nm

Message edited 10/29/2012 3:49:17 PM.

Posted 10/29/12 3:18 PM
 

Arieschick29
aries+cancer= pisces&gemini

Member since 3/06

4268 total posts

Name:
Jen

Re: Nevermind

My mother was verbally abusive and I WISH she hit me as a child. I don't recall any true discipline- timeouts, spankings nothing. But then if I pushed her too far she would say horrible, horrible things that I still cant get over.

My feeling is the hurt from a spanking goes away, but telling your child you wished they were never born will hurt forever.

Posted 10/29/12 3:40 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Arieschick29

My mother was verbally abusive and I WISH she hit me as a child. I don't recall any true discipline- timeouts, spankings nothing. But then if I pushed her too far she would say horrible, horrible things that I still cant get over.

My feeling is the hurt from a spanking goes away, but telling your child you wished they were never born will hurt forever.



Chat Icon I agree. Words can be just as devastating as a hit.

Message edited 10/29/2012 3:48:38 PM.

Posted 10/29/12 3:46 PM
 

saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!

Member since 5/05

16555 total posts

Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...

Re: Nevermind

I loathe and despise the word "spirited". Call a spade a spade. If your child is acting like a brat, say that.

Posted 10/31/12 11:28 AM
 

NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..

Member since 11/09

47768 total posts

Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!

Re: Nevermind

Posted by saraH

I loathe and despise the word "spirited". Call a spade a spade. If your child is acting like a brat, say that.



Exactly.
I am the first to admit that my DD is hard to handle and downright bratty at times.
A lot of it is the age, I know- and a lot of it we are working on.
But she is not spirited...she is a whiney, difficult brat at times.
Being 100% honest.

Posted 10/31/12 11:41 AM
 

Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy

Member since 3/08

10420 total posts

Name:
Momx100

Re: Nevermind

Woah....did not log on for a few days and totally did not expect this thread to still be going on.

We had a difficult few weeks with the 3.5 year old but he is back to being a great kid. I'm not sure if it was a phase where he was really trying to test us.

For the record, I did the closet time out twice. It isn't like we do it all the time. It was hugely effective at the time. From the overwhelming negative responses on it, I won't do it again. I guess it is a big difference if we put him in a room vs a closet? I don't know if it makes a difference but our closets are large. I would say the closet is almost as big as our second bedroom in Manhattan. (our second bedroom in Manhttan was tiny.)

I don't think my son was overly traumatized by it. We are not the best discipliners but we try our best. We usually have talks. I actually think we are on the low spectrum of being harsh in terms of discipline. I always feel like we don't punish enough and that may be the problem. I do believe in positive reinforcement for good behavior though. We are just trying to figure it out.

Message edited 10/31/2012 12:30:28 PM.

Posted 10/31/12 12:29 PM
 
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