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Nevermind

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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)

Member since 7/08

19083 total posts

Name:
Jib

Re: Nevermind

Sorry to crash here .. I don't believe in hitting EVER at ANY age... but hitting a 10 month old is like hitting a cat.. which, frankly nauseates me. Both don't know any better. This thread makes me so sad. Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 7:23 PM
 
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MrsA1012
she is here :)

Member since 9/10

5588 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Xelindrya

#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.

#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.

Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."

Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.

I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.

At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.

I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.

Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.

I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).

AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.

There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.

Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.

Good Luck




To this poster and the OP: PLEASE,PLEASE seek the help/ guidance of a mental health professional specializing in the treatment of children. The benefits to you and your child will be invaluable.

Posted 10/27/12 7:27 PM
 

MrsA1012
she is here :)

Member since 9/10

5588 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

Posted by lipglossjunky73

My Severely abusive mother taught me to fear her and called it respect. The yelling, beatings, and humiliation she inflicted on me would give you ladies nightmares. I'm 38 and still get anxiety thinking of her. Up until my late 20's if I saw a woman with the same shade of blonde as her I would hyperventilate.

That being said, hitting for discipline (outside of a rare spanking for a dangerous behavior) and aversive punishers are not useful in teaching anything. That is why they are not recommended. Teaching and reinforcing is what will help a child. Not fear. Not hurting them emotionally or physically. When a person hits or uses control strategies over a kid, it's about the adults anger more than the child's lesson. I am a behaviorist as a profession. This is backed by science.

Time outs are time out from a reinforcing activity. Nothing a out chairs, corners, or closets. Your simply ignoring a behavior can be considered a time out. I started giving time outs at 10 mts old. He would Do something after I said no. I would say time out, plunk him a few inches away from the scene of the crime and walk away. He got it right away and followed time outs until they were no longer needed at age 3.

Because of both my upbringing and my professional training, proper and appropriate behavioral strategies are very important to me.




Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon and so sorry about your mother ! How dreadful... Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 7:31 PM
 

MrsA1012
she is here :)

Member since 9/10

5588 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

Posted by wingsofsong

Posted by colette
And for Veronica, I'm normally uber-live-and-let-live about how people discipline their kids. The occasional swat certainly doesn't offend me. Actual hitting? Yes, it does offend me and I would have 0 respect for anyone I saw hitting a 10 MONTH OLD INFANT. I'm glad I wasn't in the parking lot near you that day, I would have FLIPPED MY SHIT if I observed it.




I just need to point out that when she was talking about her daughter at 10 months, she said "a swat on the hand or foot," specifically saying enough to get her attention but not cause tears. The actual real hitting (hard slap on the thigh) happened between 2 and 3 years. To be clear, I still don't agree with it. But it seems a few people had that mixed up.



Hitting an INFANT for ANY reason is horrifying!

Message edited 10/27/2012 8:04:45 PM.

Posted 10/27/12 7:37 PM
 

jellybean78
:)

Member since 8/06

12707 total posts

Name:
Mommy

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Naturalmama

Posted by ME75

I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!Chat Icon Chat Icon
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed Chat Icon
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post. Chat Icon



Chat Icon Chat Icon My siblings and I were raised the same way and all 3 of us are amazingly close to my mother. I am raising my DS the same way.



Chat Icon My Mother also hit us occasionally punished us and was not there to be our BFF . She didn't beat us black and blue but a whack here and there. She showed us love and discipline and I love my Mother to pieces and most importantly RESPECT her. I try not to hit DD but there are times when she needs a whack on the butt hand whatever.

I for one find it quite ironic that as more and more parents shun the notion of spanking your child on occasion (I'm not talking about beating them that's a totally different scenario IMO) that kids have become increasingly disrespectful not only to their parents but also to other adults.

To each his own. To the OP I didn't see your original post but I assume it has something to do with punishment and a closet.Chat Icon Do what you feel is rightChat Icon

Message edited 10/27/2012 8:53:19 PM.

Posted 10/27/12 8:51 PM
 

teachermom
LIF Adolescent

Member since 8/11

843 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by lipglossjunky73

My Severely abusive mother taught me to fear her and called it respect. The yelling, beatings, and humiliation she inflicted on me would give you ladies nightmares. I'm 38 and still get anxiety thinking of her. Up until my late 20's if I saw a woman with the same shade of blonde as her I would hyperventilate.

That being said, hitting for discipline (outside of a rare spanking for a dangerous behavior) and aversive punishers are not useful in teaching anything. That is why they are not recommended. Teaching and reinforcing is what will help a child. Not fear. Not hurting them emotionally or physically. When a person hits or uses control strategies over a kid, it's about the adults anger more than the child's lesson. I am a behaviorist as a profession. This is backed by science.

Time outs are time out from a reinforcing activity. Nothing a out chairs, corners, or closets. Your simply ignoring a behavior can be considered a time out. I started giving time outs at 10 mts old. He would Do something after I said no. I would say time out, plunk him a few inches away from the scene of the crime and walk away. He got it right away and followed time outs until they were no longer needed at age 3.

Because of both my upbringing and my professional training, proper and appropriate behavioral strategies are very important to me.




Thank you for sharing, I'm sure it isn't easy to think about. You broke the cycle, that is so important Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 8:56 PM
 

jellybean78
:)

Member since 8/06

12707 total posts

Name:
Mommy

Re: Nevermind

Posted by nycgirl

Discipline is never easy... Or pretty.


Bad behavior is normal at times. Discipline is hard. There is a big difference between putting a kid in a time out (even in a closet) and literally cutting their throats open. That was an unfair comparison.

Xelindra seems... After reading quite a few of her posts... Like a loving mother who goes all out for her kids. Not CPS material.

Instead of attack... Share your ways of discipline. Mine is not perfect either, but neither is any of yours. The original post was a frustrated mom saying all the things she's tried.



ITA. Seriously get a grip sanctimommies. Calling CPS on Veronica? Unnecessary comment. There is a HUGE difference between verbal and physical abuse and disciplining a child on occasion.

Posted 10/27/12 8:58 PM
 

Budjeg11
LIF Adult

Member since 4/11

2511 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by jacquig

Posted by Naturalmama

Posted by ME75

I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!Chat Icon Chat Icon
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed Chat Icon
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post. Chat Icon



Chat Icon Chat Icon My siblings and I were raised the same way and all 3 of us are amazingly close to my mother. I am raising my DS the same way.



Chat Icon My Mother also hit us occasionally punished us and was not there to be our BFF . She didn't beat us black and blue but a whack here and there. She showed us love and discipline and I love my Mother to pieces and most importantly RESPECT her. I try not to hit DD but there are times when she needs a whack on the butt hand whatever.

I for one find it quite ironic that as more and more parents shun the notion of spanking your child on occasion (I'm not talking about beating them that's a totally different scenario IMO) that kids have become increasingly disrespectful not only to their parents but also to other adults.

To each his own. To the OP I didn't see your original post but I assume it has something to do with punishment and a closet.Chat Icon Do what you feel is rightChat Icon



Ya I have to say I am leaning toward this camp as well.. My parents never hit us, but we definitly feared the threat.. and respected them. They are also the most generous, loving , self-less ,devoted parents I know.. HANDS DOWN. They didnt treat us as their friend growing up, now my mom is my best friend. I agree that children these days lack general respect and maybe it has something to do with parents trying to be their kids friends.

No matter what - parents are authority figures.. you SHOULD fear them to a certain extent, Im not talking trembling fear that you will get physically abused, but fear that you will "get in trouble" (i.e. get grounded, get a toy taken away, or most importantly that you will dissapoint these people that you love AND respect... that last fear only exists when you have a mutual Love and respect )

And for what it is worth.. I too have read Veronica's posts in the past and she does seem like a strict mom (probably more strict than I could be bc I am a softee) but I have actually thought to myself.. I want the type of realtionship with my daughter where I can have fun with her and still know that what I say goes with her and that she respects that. Sounds like thats the relationshp they have. .. but then again I am not with them 24/7 so who the heck knows... not me and not anyone else really.

Oh and for all those who can't comprehend how you can "swat" at a 10 month old.. DD went to eat soil from a potted plant yesterday-- FOUR times after I repeatedly said "No" and took her away from teh situation.. well the fifth time as she was about to put the dirt in her mouth, I did in fact swat at her hand and said "No". She didnt cry but she did seem a bit shocked.. she also stopped doing it.

Posted 10/27/12 9:21 PM
 

lbride
Lovin' my mini man!

Member since 3/07

2475 total posts

Name:
Lisa

Re: Nevermind

Kids are respectful by example. If your parents and those around you model respectful behavior then you are more likely to be respectful yourself. What does hitting teach kids?? In no other places in our society would it be recommended to hit someone else. husband pissing you off? just hit him - that'll teach him to piss you off the next time. Someone cuts you off in traffic ? get out of your car and slap the person in the head - could you imagine?..... hitting kids is such a weird and foreign concept to me. My parents never hit and never yelled - they were just good, genuine, hardworking people and we never had issues growing up and still respect their wishes now that we are adults. My cousins were all "spanked" and they are all dysfunctional.

Message edited 10/27/2012 9:39:32 PM.

Posted 10/27/12 9:35 PM
 

lbride
Lovin' my mini man!

Member since 3/07

2475 total posts

Name:
Lisa

Re: Nevermind


Message edited 10/27/2012 9:38:42 PM.

Posted 10/27/12 9:37 PM
 

jdbaby
LIF Adolescent

Member since 4/11

660 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Posted by Kidsaplenty

Posted by lbride

Posted by Xelindrya

#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.

#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.

Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."

Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.

I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.

At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.

I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.

Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.

I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).

AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.

There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.

Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.

Good Luck



wow this is scary...



Um, holy crap.

And xelindra, you have said NUMEROUS times that you had an abusive upbringing. You may not realize this, but history tends to repeat itself. Even if your discpline methods are not as bad as yours were as a child, they are still abusive to an average person with an average background. Your whole concept of parenting is based around abuse, and while your methods dont seem as bad they are STILL beyond anything someone with no abuse in their childhood would ever dream of doing. I was brought up in an abusive household and I went to counseling and I always check myself to make sure I'm not taking it too far. If everyone here thinks what you posted is wildly inappropriate it probably is, and I would check myself before I raised a f**cked up kid that will hate my guts.



Reading Xelindra's post sounds scary to me, as an adult (putting myself in that situation). I can't imagine how it feels to a 2-4 year old. And I agree, history tends to repeat itself....maybe this board could be the catalyst to you getting some help from a professional.

Posted 10/27/12 9:45 PM
 

SecretTTCer
LIF Adult

Member since 6/08

2283 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

I am ill after reading this thread. Many of you need some serious parent training and education on child development. At the very least, you should read Gershoff's meta-analysis on the detrimental effects of corporal punishment. It is the leading scientific study on the topic and analyzes dozens of past studies on hitting. The findings were overwhelmingly against corporal punishment.

Good parents don't physically harm their children. If you think otherwise, you need help.

Message edited 10/27/2012 9:53:13 PM.

Posted 10/27/12 9:48 PM
 

Crunchewy
LIF Adult

Member since 10/08

1232 total posts

Name:
A

Re: Nevermind

Posted by lbride

Kids are respectful by example. If your parents and those around you model respectful behavior then you are more likely to be respectful yourself. What does hitting teach kids?? In no other places in our society would it be recommended to hit someone else. husband pissing you off? just hit him - that'll teach him to piss you off the next time. Someone cuts you off in traffic ? get out of your car and slap the person in the head - could you imagine?..... hitting kids is such a weird and foreign concept to me. My parents never hit and never yelled - they were just good, genuine, hardworking people and we never had issues growing up and still respect their wishes now that we are adults. My cousins were all "spanked" and they are all dysfunctional.



Very well said.
Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 9:50 PM
 

lvdolphins
My Loves!

Member since 5/05

46292 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Wow! Just Wow! I seriously cannot believe what I am reading.
Timeouts in a closet? Hitting a childs thigh because she wouldn't sit in her seat?
You have GOT to be kidding me!
Some serious help is needed on your end Xylendra (however the heck you spell it).

Sad, seriously SAD!
Chat Icon

I feel terrible for your poor DD!

Posted 10/27/12 10:52 PM
 

TripletMom
My crazy Trio

Member since 3/09

2246 total posts

Name:
Paula

Nevermind

OK I didnt read all the repsonses but I have to say I never locked my kids in a closet although many times it has crossed my mind. I have locked them in their room when time-out dont work. I dissagree with you all on the spanking bc sometimes the only way for a child to really listen and get your post across is a good smack on the butt....like if they run away from you and into danger or about to really hurt themself doing something you told them not to do 500 times....It easy for us all to sit back and judge but until you are in the same exact situation as the other person you have NO idea what they are going thru.....everyone has to do what they feel is right for their kids...Having 3 yr old triplets is far from easy and all 3 are strong minded kids that like to push me to my limit....my kids really have no fears which isnt a good thing....time outs dont work all the time.....Its not easy being a parent these days and many days it really sucks and I am glad I get to go to work and dont have to deal with them.....

Posted 10/27/12 11:01 PM
 

MrsA1012
she is here :)

Member since 9/10

5588 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

Posted by SecretTTCer

I am ill after reading this thread. Many of you need some serious parent training and education on child development. At the very least, you should read Gershoff's meta-analysis on the detrimental effects of corporal punishment. It is the leading scientific study on the topic and analyzes dozens of past studies on hitting. The findings were overwhelmingly against corporal punishment.

Good parents don't physically harm their children. If you think otherwise, you need help.



Well said and that study is a useful place to start.

Posted 10/27/12 11:13 PM
 

2BadSoSad
LIF Adult

Member since 8/12

6782 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

I'm a hard@ss and this even made me gasp (not the OP, I think she was just grasping at straws for something to work. I think she knows its not the best method which is why she posted looking for advice). The OTHER post though, good flucking lord!

Posted 10/27/12 11:16 PM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Nevermind

I remember smacking my kid once because she would not sit in the carseat. I don't think she redden'ed whatever that means...but I wasn't going to stand in a parking lot while she told me she wasn't going to sit. Carseats are a PITA but a part of life. I can't offer candy at 7 aM every morning...so the first time she tried it, i let her know i mean business.

Posted 10/27/12 11:38 PM
 

neenie

Member since 5/05

22351 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

There's SO many people who i want to punch in the face or kick in the forehead on a daily basis but i don't because it's frowned upon, the laws, etc. And that's just for strangers. So, since i don't do that to them and i generally feel closer to my kids than these randoms, i feel it's only right that i show my kids at least the same respect as i do for people that i hardly know and can't stand. But, i'm kind of a sap like that.


To the OP- this age is SO trying on so many levels. I'm very strict with my girls, but they've also inherited my strong-mindedness (i tell myself this will pay off when they're older Chat Icon ). My 3 year old and I will go head to head if i let it get to that point. If i threaten to take away even her favorite toy, she'll open the garbage can for me (yup, i totally got the one just like *me* lol). So for her, going "stricter" (i think that was what you wrote) would just fail even more miserably. She really wasn't bad as far as terrible 2s goes, so this is a whole new evil ballgame to us. Anyway, what i've fond works best for us is that we REALLY build her up and go overboard with the praising when she does something good (sharing, going to bed on her own, helping her sister, etc) and when she starts getting to the point where she's about to start acting out or really starting to test us, we go right back into the whole, "OMG Abs, i was just thinking again about how proud i am of you that you went to bed on your own last night AND woke up and helped with breakfast! You are such a big girl!!!". It definitely borders on blowing smoke up her butt... but i see the difference in her feeling proud of herself and starting to learn that accountability.

We do time-outs, but not as much these days. For that, i put her in the high chair. I dont follow the minute per year of age rule- she just sits there until she can calm down and collect herself. I look at it as a way to stop behavior that was escalating, separate her from that scenario and regroup. But, that's what works for us. While she's sitting there, her little sister usually brings her toys and sits at her feet talking to her, so she kind of nulls any significance of our punishment anyway Chat Icon

Posted 10/27/12 11:41 PM
 

joey1974
LIF Infant

Member since 8/12

176 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

When I was a kid I don't remember any friends that didn't "fear" their parents. I'm not talking about being terrified of them, I'm talking about being afraid of getting in trouble. I remember kids respecting their elders. If I was ever disrespectful to an adult my parents would not tolerate it. I never was because you just didn't do that back then. I knew if I did something wrong I would be punished. There were no negotiations. No bribing. We were kids and we knew we either did as we were told or there were consequences.
What happened??? I can't believe what I see these days. Its absolutely rediculous how some parents allow their children to behave. I have very well behaved children. Maybe I'm lucky or maybe its because I don't put up with any BS. They know if they are bad they will be punished. No compromises.

Posted 10/28/12 12:09 AM
 

2BadSoSad
LIF Adult

Member since 8/12

6782 total posts

Name:

Re: Nevermind

Does anyone realize this "generation of parents who don't discipline or are too easy on their kids" were raised by an generation of mostly still old school parents? We are all a product of how WE were raised. So either everyone is lying when they tell those "back when I was a kid...." stories and their parents were just like "us", or the memory of how your parents were is a reflection of how they were IN THE MIND OF A 6 year old, OR the way "parents used to do it" ended up raising a generation of complacent parents?

Why is there all this talk of "kids and parents these days" and a generation of kids with no respect and yet no talk of how the newest generation of parents got that way? There is a disconnect somewhere.

Maybe it is just that the past always looks different bc your perspective is different now.

Message edited 10/28/2012 12:32:01 AM.

Posted 10/28/12 12:30 AM
 

HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron

Member since 4/07

9091 total posts

Name:
baby fish mouth

Re: Nevermind

Posted by jacquig

Posted by nycgirl

Discipline is never easy... Or pretty.


Bad behavior is normal at times. Discipline is hard. There is a big difference between putting a kid in a time out (even in a closet) and literally cutting their throats open. That was an unfair comparison.

Xelindra seems... After reading quite a few of her posts... Like a loving mother who goes all out for her kids. Not CPS material.

Instead of attack... Share your ways of discipline. Mine is not perfect either, but neither is any of yours. The original post was a frustrated mom saying all the things she's tried.



ITA. Seriously get a grip sanctimommies. Calling CPS on Veronica? Unnecessary comment. There is a HUGE difference between verbal and physical abuse and disciplining a child on occasion.



yeah there is... but her post borderlines abusive.

a child is not a piece of property. i thank god every day that my parents didn't treat us like second class citizens

Posted 10/28/12 1:03 AM
 

wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3

Member since 1/09

7393 total posts

Name:
Maureen

Re: Nevermind

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by wingsofsong

Posted by colette
And for Veronica, I'm normally uber-live-and-let-live about how people discipline their kids. The occasional swat certainly doesn't offend me. Actual hitting? Yes, it does offend me and I would have 0 respect for anyone I saw hitting a 10 MONTH OLD INFANT. I'm glad I wasn't in the parking lot near you that day, I would have FLIPPED MY SHIT if I observed it.




I just need to point out that when she was talking about her daughter at 10 months, she said "a swat on the hand or foot," specifically saying enough to get her attention but not cause tears. The actual real hitting (hard slap on the thigh) happened between 2 and 3 years. To be clear, I still don't agree with it. But it seems a few people had that mixed up.



Hitting an INFANT for ANY reason is horrifying!



Yes, as I said, "To be clear, I still don't agree with it." I quoted colette because she was saying the occasional swat doesn't bother her, but actual hitting does, especially when it is an infant. That is why I was clarifying to her what Xelindrya had said.

Posted 10/28/12 2:06 AM
 

MrsA1012
she is here :)

Member since 9/10

5588 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Nevermind

Posted by wingsofsong

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by wingsofsong

Posted by colette
And for Veronica, I'm normally uber-live-and-let-live about how people discipline their kids. The occasional swat certainly doesn't offend me. Actual hitting? Yes, it does offend me and I would have 0 respect for anyone I saw hitting a 10 MONTH OLD INFANT. I'm glad I wasn't in the parking lot near you that day, I would have FLIPPED MY SHIT if I observed it.




I just need to point out that when she was talking about her daughter at 10 months, she said "a swat on the hand or foot," specifically saying enough to get her attention but not cause tears. The actual real hitting (hard slap on the thigh) happened between 2 and 3 years. To be clear, I still don't agree with it. But it seems a few people had that mixed up.



Hitting an INFANT for ANY reason is horrifying!



Yes, as I said, "To be clear, I still don't agree with it." I quoted colette because she was saying the occasional swat doesn't bother her, but actual hitting does, especially when it is an infant. That is why I was clarifying to her what Xelindrya had said.



Okay, I understand.

Posted 10/28/12 12:16 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Nevermind

Posted by joey1974

When I was a kid I don't remember any friends that didn't "fear" their parents. I'm not talking about being terrified of them, I'm talking about being afraid of getting in trouble. I remember kids respecting their elders. If I was ever disrespectful to an adult my parents would not tolerate it. I never was because you just didn't do that back then. I knew if I did something wrong I would be punished. There were no negotiations. No bribing. We were kids and we knew we either did as we were told or there were consequences.
What happened??? I can't believe what I see these days. Its absolutely rediculous how some parents allow their children to behave. I have very well behaved children. Maybe I'm lucky or maybe its because I don't put up with any BS. They know if they are bad they will be punished. No compromises.


Chat Icon I see wayyy too many parents let their kids rule, let their kids RUN WILD and not put children in their place as children. I am not saying this has to be done with physical means, but I don't think going the other extreme and letting a child run wild is the better alternative either.

Posted 10/28/12 1:46 PM
 
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