Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

So my DD is 4 1/2, her birthday is in Jan so she cannot go to Kindergarten until next year. Anyway she has never been to day care but has always been around lots of children.

So here is my problem.

She started Pre-k and for the first few days she went, was excited to go, enjoyed every min of it....Last week is when the trouble started. (I do not take her or pick her up because my work hours do not allow me so my FIL and a friend do that for me) When she came home one day last week i noticed she didnt eat any of her lunch, i asked her why and she said because she was crying. So I sat and talked with her to find out why and she said that when she goes again she would not cry. So weds comes and the same thing, she comes home without eating her lunch again. So again I sit down with her to understand what is going on and she just says that she cant eat lunch because she is crying because she misses me.
Friday comes and my husband takes her to school and picks her up. When he picked her up the teacher said she cried ALL day and again didnt eat her lunch. The teacher recommended that I send her to school with a picture of us so she can look at it when she gets said. Now its Monday, she goes to school with the picture of us in her folder...NO CRYING, Weds same thing.......but then this morning I go to drop her off (went to work late so that I could take her) and she wouldnt let me go and was crying so hard.

I dont know what to do. I understand its her first time away from anyone she knows but its been 3 weeks now and most of the time when she talks about school she says how much fun she has.

Anyone have any ideas to help her through or help me for that matter

I dont want to take her out of school because next year when she goes to kindergarten it will be 5 days all day...so she has to get used to it.

Message edited 9/21/2012 1:59:36 PM.

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

My Dd is still tiny so I don't have personal experience but as a dance teacher for preschoolers I know that the longer a parent stuck around before class the more upset the kids got. If you have a quick routine (ex: put her bag etc where it needs to be, hug and a kiss, "I love you so much, be a good girl") and out the door it may help a little. Let her know ahead of time that this is the routine and you can't stay long but that you want her to have fun at school and love her very much.

Also, she may do better being dropped off by someone else because they're easier to leave than Mommy. You're her favorite person in the world so it makes it more difficult.

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

get the book the kissing hand and read it together,

my son never forgets to let me kiss his hand before school, if i forget he remembers. he is in kindergarten now but we started doing it last year.

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

As a daycare provider I'll tell you the worst thing you can do is hang around too much. Give her a quick hug and tell her mommy will see you later an than tell her who is picking her up. She will scream but you just have to let her go. As a mom I'll tell you it's one of the hardest things you'll have tO do in her young years. She will get use to it eventually, she needs time. She can also feed off your fear so don't let her see you're scared or anxious to let her go. They picture thing idea is wonderful. I've also seen moms who spritz their perfume on their dd so they can smell them while they are away.

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

As a pre-k teacher the worse thing you can do is hang around. Drop her and go. I know its hard on you to see her like that, but she will be fine. I have had many criers in my class over the years and they are usually completely fine within a month or so. Once they get the routine down and are more comfortable they are fine. The worst thing you could also do is pull her out. Then she learns if I cry I don't have to go. SO keep making her go. If the picture of you works for her continue to send it, but maybe don't drop her off anymore continue to have your husband, FIL or friend drop her off so she doesn't have the chance to hang on you and cry. It will get better. She will love school and have a great time making friends. GL

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

My DD is a tiny bit older and has been in daycare since 21 months, but, in the very beginning we had an issue with crying. She got over it. There are still days when DH drops her off that she doesn't want him to go, but now that she is in a genuine pre-k and not daycare he makes a point of not hanging around.

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

As silly as this sounds, the first thing that comes to mind is the book Llama Llama Misses Mama. Maybe you can get a book that teaches her it's ok to miss you, but she could still have fun with other children and then tell you all about her day with you when she gets home. Maybe make it a special time of the day... find a place in the home the two of you can call "yours" and use that place to talk, cuddle, whatever but also to teach her that she is a big girl and you want her to enjoy her days too.

Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

My DD had the same issue when she started nursery school. First few weeks were fine, then all of a sudden she was having seperation issues. She liked going and wanted to go, but she didn't want to stay - crying so hard she'd fall asleep right there in the office. We worked hard with the director and teachers (at Abigail Bottoms - they were amazing in helping her through it) to figure out what would help her best. Tough love worked best for her, but it was the hardest few weeks of my life.

She'll get through it. It's absolutely normal at this age. {{{HUG}}}

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

Thank you everyone who responded, well since she has only gone 2 days so far this week I can say that each day will be its own challenge.

Monday she cried but weds NO TEARS....so fingers crossed she does great tomorrow and this will fade away quickly.!

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

Posted by Mdolph6

Thank you everyone who responded, well since she has only gone 2 days so far this week I can say that each day will be its own challenge.

Monday she cried but weds NO TEARS....so fingers crossed she does great tomorrow and this will fade away quickly.!

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

Its hard. Just hard.

And yes, this is why i felt pre-k and early care is important. To be around kids is one thing.. to be away from Mom & Dad (and/or family and familiar people) is an entirely different matter.

Even tho AJ's been in since 4m we still have/had troubles. 2yrs old was just tough, period. More tears than not. By 3 and now 4 its usually just the beginning of the term.

At 4 now, our routine is walk her in hand-in-hand, hugs and kisses (long and lots) then we back off and let her walk into class alone. We tell her we'll be back (and of course we are at the end of each day). She blows kisses and waves. We do not carry her. What's been best is she has a favorite teacher. So she runs to her.

Just remember you're doing the right thing. Sooner or later she'll be at school without you. At least at this level you can try to soften the blow. I take AJ out of school occassionally (like twice a year) and have a mommy and me day. But we always talk about what she will tell her friends in school and which friend what, etc.

I'm even talking up school itself. Kindergarten will be at a public school away from all her friends. We drive by it every single day so I tell her "That's going to be your school" and she asks if her friends and teachers will come "No, this is for big kids. So you will find new friends and they'll all be so nice and the teachers too". Yeah a full YEAR in advance we spend every single week talking about and prepping for Kinder!

I hope you all the best. I remember the days of leaving her crying the days she nearly ran into my arms at the end of the day. But those days make the currently "LETS Go! AJ! its time to go HOME!" even more ironic. She hates leaving now.

At 4 I wonder if you can make a call to the school on like Wednesday each week. If her photo solution doesn't work. I'd do something like "I'll call after lunch on 'this' day and show her on a calendar. Just thinking outside the box.

Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

Can you have her go shorter days and build it up?

I will tell you DS has been in DC since 6 weeks. 2 weeks ago we changed schools and the last 2 times I've dropped him off he was upset. Today I left in tears. His school called me about 30 minutes after I dropped him off and they said he was fine. Our issue I think is its right next to Chuck-E-Cheese and he wants to go there or still have "home days". I think its an adjustment.

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)

hang in there
it gets better
my daughter cried every day before preschool and prek.. she got better when we let her on the bus for kindergarten. I think it took like 2 weeks of preschool for her to stop carrying on!

Re: Need some Help/Advice about DD and School (sorry a little long)