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Message edited 3/16/2011 8:51:50 AM.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Sorry your going through this and I have no advice but If I were in your shoes I would feel the same way you feel...Best of Luck!

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

No career is worth your life and while he wouldn't be in combat, it is a dangerous place to be. No way in he!! my DH would be going there. I totally understand your feelings

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

that is so hard.

dh would go. he does basically anything legal for career advancement.

this sounds crazy...but as a sahm, i realize the "provider pressure" he has and i tend to support him.

6 months gone though...i would hate it but would survive. josh would have the hardest time...at the end of the day though...he would definitely go...and that is without knowing about the extra pay. with that info, dh would throw himself a going away party.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

I am sorry

But, I do see what Leo goes through. put in a 14 hour day yesterday..comes home, eats...left last night at 11 so store is closed so he can regrout floors. last week he painted the place after hours by himself.
he puts so much into trying to get ahead...no OT, just salary.

so if there was a sure fire way to get there, i could not say no. i would be in shock...sick for josh...but leo would need me to say yeah...

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

I don't know what to say. Bottom line, this is a decision you and your DH need to make.

It is dangerous, but so is practically every place on LI these days if you follow the daily headlines.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

I'd say no.

My DH was in the Army, and if he had told me that he volunteered to go to Iraq, I would have had a meltdown.

DH had previously been to Kuwait-actually he arrived the first day of the war. He said he never EVER wanted to go back.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

No, there is just NO way I would be ok with that. I know women do it all the time but I"M not that strong. So no, I don't think you're a witch for saying no.

Plus J is doing sooo well. I honestly wouldn't want to mess with that. I can't imagine Lance not seeing his dad for 6 months. I couldn't, he couldn't.

k

Message edited 9/1/2011 12:31:33 PM.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

I had a melt down of my own when DH got his current job and had to go to Virginia for 4 weeks for training. I felt like it was going to be forever and that Jack needed his daddy. He had just turned 2 before dh left and he missed Jack's 2nd Halloween

BUT, they spoke on the phone every day and the 4 weeks seems like a blip now in retrospect. (and now with SKYPE, they could see each other every day).

BUT, this was Virginia and 4 weeks. NOT Iraq and 6 months. IDK what I would do. Sorry, I'm no help.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

I totally understand your point.

my brother spent 2 tours in Iraq as a marine. my bff spent a year there as an army officer.

my cousin is currently serving out someplace in the area on a Navy ship. he has a family. a wife and two kids. and while the Navy is generally pretty safe nowadays, just the stress of being away from his family..is very hard.

but they make it work. he has no choice but to accept sea duty.

as far as your husband, I don't know what agency he's in so it's hard to say, but I can tell you that the culture in my particular offce/agency is that it's very difficult to move within the agency generally speaking.

there are people from my agency and other offices in my agency serving over there now. the odds are in your husband's favor in terms of his safety but no place in that country is "safe". even the green zone.

I understand the pressure he feels to move up and provide more. and this very well may be the best way to do it to be honest. but things would have to be different to make you comfortable.

for starters, you should move back to NY to be with family (my cousin before this deployment moved his wife and kids from MD to Jax, where her family is), even if you own your home. it's not easy and you will appreciate every face that knows what you are going through.

there is a chance if you say no he will resent you for not "letting" him do what he thinks he needs to do for his family. but there is also a chance, however slight, that your worst fears could come to fruition. you both have to realize this and be prepared for what could happen.

I wish you the best. this is not an easy decision in any way.

good luck.

ETA: from the kids perspective, it's easier now when they have a less concept of time. the 4 yr old does much better with his daddy's absense than the 6 yr old does, so if he were to do it, now would be the best time in terms of the kids.

Message edited 3/4/2011 10:23:28 AM.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Very sorry you are dealing with this.

My BIL is an independent contractor who works for the military, involving national security issues. (He can't give us many details on his job, so sorry I can't be more specific.)

He has done 2 assignments in Iraq, 6 mos at a time in the past 4 years. As well he did some time in Korea, by the de-militarized zone, for months at a time.

My sister had to be with their 2 kids alone, without any family in VA.

They somehow made it work. It wasn't the most ideal situation, but with phone calls & skyping, they were able to keep in contact a great deal. So it is doable that it can be done, and done more than once.

But obviously everyone is different and you have to do what is best for you and your family!

Good luck!

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

I don't think you're being a witch at all. I would feel the same way, and there is no way I would be cool with DH going.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Oh my!!!! I see both sides of this, and it can't be easy for you. DH is in the military and has been to Afghanistan. He will even tell you NO PLACE is safe. He did volunteer to go the first time, and I knew that he would never move from his current rank if he didn't go, and he would be "unhappy". But when he came back and a deployment came around and he was told he didn't "have" to go but could volunteer, I said NO! I told him that the first time I got it, I understood, but no way in H E L L was I going to do this again unless necessary. Also if you choose to do it, do it while the kids are young. I think you both need to swallow the initial shock....think it over a few days...and then talk to him.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

DH was deployed to Iraq multiple times while he was active duty.

Having BTDT, and knowing how much the country has changed since the other times he was there, and knowing that he'd be there in a legislative rep position and not a combat position... I still wouldn't "want" him to go. But I would not tell him he couldn't.

It would be something we had to weigh and decide together. Advancement in his career is an important thing. And the extra money helps. If he believed it was truly what he needed or wanted to do, I would support him. It would be hard, but we'd get through it.

But that's me. Good luck, I don't envy your being in that position

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

My husband is currently deployed to Afghanistan for 4-6 months. I am not going to lie, IT SUX!!

However, we both work for the same Government Department of Defense contractor and I realize the pressure for him to go on these deployments. It also helps him with job advancement which is very important to us. He works 84 hour weeks while he’s over there. Its part of the deal. He also gets time and a half for every hour over 40, plus 35% on top of everything for Hazard duty pay. That is a VERY significant amount of money in comparison to what he makes in the states.

He puts a tremendous amount of pressure on himself to make a lot of money and help provide nice things for us. I have protested these trips in the past as they are 100% voluntary, but he insists on going so I have never held him back.

We do not have children yet (one on the way) so I cant even imagine how difficult that will be but right now, its manageable. Im sure my tune will change once this little one arrives. I know he is well taken care of. I talk to him every day so that makes me feel better. I do agree with others that say Iraq is a much better place than it was years ago, thats not to say its a "SAFE" place.

Good luck with your decision. Please let me know if I can help in any way.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Thanks so much for all the advice!!

This is prob one of the toughest decisions ever. I honestly can say that I don't know what will happen. I know we have to make the right choice for us but it helps to hear others opinions and stories...

I would have been better about all this before having kids. With them in the mix now, i think to myself GOD FORBID something happened over there to him. I would be forever resentful that he went. Then again, the chances are prob slim...but you just never know. The money would be so nice. The opportunity for him would prob be priceless.

I asked him to please talk to someone at work about OTHER options that can help him along..anything they may have that doesn't involve leaving us for that long....i don't think there is much else for what he needs unfortunately.

Thanks again. I will update when i can!

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

I think I would let DH go. I know it would be hard, but I'd hate for him to be stuck if there was a way he could advance. If it's something he really wants to do, I think I would sit tight and hire a nanny to help out w/the daily routine and have my family on alert if I needed them in an emergency.

Very tough decision and many

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..

no way, I would not even feel bad about telling DH never to mention that to me again !!! my boys would not survive w/ out DH for 6 months, neither could I!!

I would be working FT if DH even considered doing something like this

Message edited 3/4/2011 2:40:32 PM.

Re: DH keeps talking about doing a 6 month assignment in Iraq..really need input..