Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

An update since March 2008, I had another ectopic pregnancy earlier this week in the same tube and in the exact same location. Instead of surgery this time, the doctor gave me a shot of methrotrexate (sp?) to basically kill my unborn baby. (unfortunately there was no other choice) I do not understand how this happened to me again. I had an HSG performed to check my tubes, they were clear as per the doctor and I was given the okay to start ttc again. I do not know what to do anymore, I honestly do not think that I am ever going to be a mother and DH will never be the father of my child(ren) because I do not want to go through the that emotional and physical pain anymore. I am scared to death that it will happen again. The chances increase dramatically after every ectopic too. I just don't know what to do. I am all confused and scared. Thanks for listening...sorry this post is sooooo long.

My story...
AF was due 2/12. I POAS Valentine's Day at 5 am. I AM PREGNANT! I woke my husband up and told him to look in the bathroom. He and I were very excited and happy. We were full of wonderful emotions. We tell only our immediate family of our greatest news. Everything is going great until I wake up on 2/25. I wake up and go to the bathroom and notice that there is blood (bright pink/red) on the toliet paper (sorry TMI). I ignore the incident in the bathroom until I get to work later that morning. I call my doc and he says he is unavailable to see me as he has an emergency but would be able to see me the following day or says that if I feel the need to go to the hospital, go to the ER. After the phone conversation, I got extremely emotional and notified my supervisor that I am going to the ER. I sign in at the hospital and call my dh. He arrives about 1/2 hour after I signed in. We wait about 5 hours and I finally get called to the back to see a doctor. The nurse asks me why I am at the ER and I told her I am pregnant and bleeding. She takes my urine and take my blood. It is confirmed that I am pregnant. I wait about 5 hours more then I go for an ultrasound. In the ultrasound room the technician is unable to locate anything and calls in the resident doc and doc on call to request a vaginal ultrasound. During the vaginal ultrasound, they notice there are no signs of pregnancy in my uterus (no gestinational sac) but noticed that my baby is located in my left fallopian tube. They call it an ectopic pregnancy. That was the most devastating moment of both my and my dh's lives. I start crying uncontrollably because during the sonogram, we see the baby's heart beating. I think it would have helped if I never would have looked, it makes this whole process harder to deal with, makes it seem more real. So we eventually go back to the ER and wait for the results of the sonograms and the bloodwork. My husband and I have now been at the hospital for 12 hours. They admit me to the hospital and take me to my room. I have not stopped crying since the ultrasound and I am still crying now, as I have never been away from my husband and I have never been admitted to a hospital before and I do not understand why this happened to me. So they take more blood and I decide to attempt to go to sleep. My husband goes home and will return in the morning. I wake up the next day to more blood being taken and I go for another vaginal sonogram. It is confirmed. It is an ectopic preganancy and the baby's heart is still beating. I go back to the room and call my husband. He stays with me all morning, then early afternoon I go to surgery. In the operating room the doc performs a laparoscopy and I finally get to go home. The end to my story is this...I wake up one morning and I am pregnant, but go to sleep that night not pregnant. I had no time to even comprehend what was going on with me. My dh and I were thrown into this with no hope of saving the life of our unborn baby. We are beginning now (1 week after our baby was taken from us) to understand and try to come to terms with GOD that all things happen for a reason, what reason, we do not know, but GOD did not want our baby to survive. We just do not know why this happened to us. The pain of losing our baby is devastating and extremely painful. There are so many people that get the joy of being involved with the miracle of child birth that do not deserve it. Drug addicts, dead beat parents, etc. It is just so hard.

I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read this and want to apologize for the length of this post.

Just writing this has helped with my pain.

Message edited 8/3/2008 12:06:25 AM.

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I don't know what to say- I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. A million to you!

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

Oh my, i'm so sorry - how painful. Tons of prayers and hugs for you

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

Im so sorry for your loss and all your pain. I will continue to pray for you and your DH. YOu will be blessed with a miracle dont give up

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss and am praying for you and DH. I don't think there are any words that can make you feel better but just know that you are not along and you are a strong woman. I just had an ectopic pregnancy as well and my surgery was this weekend. Please FM me if you want to talk.

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

No words can express the amount of strength you must have to go through something like this and to be able to get it all down in words. I cannot even imagine what you and your husband must be going through, but I pray that you have the strength and resilience to get through these difficult times.

Lots of hugs

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I dont even know what to say to you bc nothing will make you feel better right now. I am so sorry for your loss and I truly will keep you and your DH in my toughts right now. My prayers are with you and just try an stay positive, hopeful and pray alot(if you believe)

Message edited 8/3/2008 7:33:36 PM.

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I am so sorry you have gone through this emotional and physical ordeal. I know things seem hopeless but you might want to head over to the IF board for support. There are ladies over there who have experienced ectopics and other losses. There is hope for you and when you are ready I would recommend seeing a RE to help you. IVF may be an option to help bypass your tubal issues and allow you to get PG again! Best of luck.

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

OMG Kelly, that is absolutely terrible and I am so sorry. I have m/c and know the pain you are feeling, like many other women on here. There is no reason why these things happen. But you must not give up hope or your faith in God bc good things will come to you.

On a side note- you said the left tube. Is it possible that you can go to your doctor for a sono to find out when you ovulate from your right? I know that "normally" we ovulate every other side. Maybe you do have something in your left tube that was missed so trying from the right might help.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this.

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I am so sorry!

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

i'm so sorry you have to go thru this.....

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss!!!

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss....

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

So sorry for your loss!

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I know how you feel when you said that it would have been easier not to look at the screen. The same thing happened to me last year. I started bleeding, went to my ob/gyn who did a sono. I see the heart beating and assume everything is okay. I go home and have horrible cramping all night, go to the doc again inthe morning and see no heart beating. It is the single most devastating thing I have ever been through. I, too went to the ER to have A D&C and had to wait about 10-12 hours, in the triage with a crying infant nearby, hopped up on morphine.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

i am so sorry for your loss.. and reading your post reminds me of what happened to me

i didnt have a Ectopic pregnancy but i miscarried at 16 weeks, and delivered my baby.. i feel where you are coming from because my baby was healthy and everything was great.. but my cervix was too weak to hold it.. and it kills me inside knowing that my baby would have been ok

i really feel for you.. i have never been in a hospital either , and that was VERY traumatic.. we were there for what seemed like FOREVER

i hope you are feeling ok.. you and your husband need some time and just keep each other company and be there for each other! hang in there, i am always here if you want to talk

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

Oh I am so so sorry for your loss . Sending many to you and your DH.

Re: Another Ectopic Pregnancy (very long)

I am so sorry....I can't even imagine the emotions you are going through right now.
Hugs and prayers...