Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

DH and I want to move to a better school district before DS starts kindergarten and I am starting to realize that living on LI, we will most likely never live in the type of home I would like to. He would move tomorrow if I said yes but I am very comfortable in my job here and feel like I could never leave. My family is also here.

Anyway I am starting to almost feel jealous of friends with these beautiful homes, boats and huge yards and feeling sort of depressed that I need to come to terms with what we can afford. It also makes me feel guilty that I feel this way because it isn't like we are struggling and live in a run down home now. We live comfortably in a decent size house. Watching House Hunters in other states doesn't help.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, just wondering if anyone is in the same boat.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I used to, but now I just accept what I do have and feel grateful for it.

Life is way too short to think about 'what ifs...' and comparing yourself to another person is a huge wate of time.

I like my life.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

ALL THE TIME

But more so about things like Travel..not being able to see the places in the world I dream of.

Money so much as wanting to make sure my kids college is paid for...and wishing we could eat 100% organic type of stuff which is super $$.

School , When I graduate I will be fairly 'older' and lose so many years in a career I wish I had established earlier.

That type of thing.

The travel is the biggest.

I am wistful for the other things, like houses, cars, boats etc but not sad, I am blessed with what I have, and people would DIE to have what I do ....

But yes, there are things I wish I could do with my life...

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Yes I do sometimes.

DH and I are SLOWLY achieving our goals. It feels like so many around us are just powering through but they also have a lot of help (parents)

We have done everything on our own. And because of that, it's taking a lot longer then others we know. BUT, with every victory (even the small ones like a new bathroom mirror) it feels fantastic.

My house isn't huge, my car is a 2006, my pocket book cost $20 and I do my own nails.... and I LOVE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT OUR LIFE.

There are days I feel defeated. It's hard not too living out here in LI around people who seem to grow money on trees.... it happens to the best of us. But tomorrow wake up and look around at all you have and smile.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Thank you for the replies and I totally agree about appreciating what I do have. I hope I didn't come across as ungrateful because I certainly am not. I realize I am lucky for all of the things I do have in my life. Just feeling a little down after looking at houses today.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Very rarely, but it does happen. However, when I take a step back I feel like any sadness I do feel comes from what others expect of me or me not measuring up to other people's expectations.

We have a very nice townhouse that we rent. I wish we had a house, but thats coming, and I know it is. I dont even want a big house (more to clean...I have enough trouble with a 2 bed, 2 bath, LOL), just someplace where if my kid wants to draw on the sidewalk with chalk, he can without hassle and no one is walking their dog where my son plays. You can spend your whole life trying to keep up with the jones or trying to live up to some ideal. Its a waste of time and precious energy, for what? To be house-broke? At the end of the day, you cant take it with you. Its just a "thing". I try to feel blessed for the fact that despite a bad economy DH and I have managed to stay employed (knock wood), have a bounty of food on the table, health insurance, plenty of clothes on our back, and the ability to say "while I am not quite there yet, I will get there because I am a blessed person". In this economy I feel like we are far more fortunate than a lot of people.

You are not "bad" for feeling the way you do, but try and stop yourself when you feel that way and look at it for what it is...a thing. You have a home and a healthy, happy family...life is good!

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

ALL.THE.TIME. But...I have realized that things are not always what they seem. My SIL and BIL live in a beautiful house in a great neighborhood, drive expensive new SUV's. I was always so jealous of them UNTIL I realized that they live WAY above their means. She was paying me back for some stuff that I had picked up for her and she handed me a check for $36 and asked if I could wait until Friday to deposit it. WHA? I was unemployed at the time and my DH was working 2 part time jobs and I at least had an extra $36 and here she was in a gorgeous house and I had to wait to deposit her check. I would rather have what I have then have that problem.
It will take us longer to go where we want and get what we want but we will have EARNED everything.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I feel sad that living the way we want to live may mean not living close to my family. DH would move to the other side of the world for a nice home and comfortable lifestyle, but I am still struggling with that idea.

We are trying to figure out what a happy medium would be, and we do have a few years until we have to make a decision, but it's still hard.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Sometimes. I wish for a new car, new kitchen, new bag , bigger house etc. but those are all just things. When I'm 70, I won't care that I never got to drive a BMW

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I do understand the frustration of the cost of living here, and feeling conflicted about leaving family. But, idk, I grew up poor, rented and never owned, had to go to the food pantry from time to time to have enough to eat, never went on vacation once in my young life, didn't have health insurance, put myself through school, etc., etc.

So just the fact that I own a home and I was able to travel some and I'm a professional in a career I love and I have a retirement account--that is enough for me even though my house is only 1100 sq feet, with 2 bedrooms and one bathroom, even though I drive a 7 year-old Kia. Sure, we dream of "the good life" and indulge where we can. But in general, life is good (to me) in that arena.

And the thing that feels most out of reach ( ) money can't buy. That struggle has really clearly made the point that monetary success only counts for so much.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I struggle with this. Recently, I read one of those "lists" on how to live life and the one that REALLY stuck with me was

"Don't worry about how your life looks on paper."

So, when I allow myself to wallow in self pity. .. I see that we haven't been on vacation, that we are still living in my parent's attic (even though we own the home), that there are times where we are barely making it. . .

but when I live in the moment I am experiencing the joy that my daughter brings me every day, I can see how lucky I am to be married to my husband (just don't tell him I said that) and I can appreciate having my parents so close to me. . .

So, I try not to over think and I try to enjoy and MOST IMPORTANTLY I try to surround myself with people who don't care what the specifics of my life are at this moment but care about ME and MY FAMILY.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Yes. I sometimes feel jealous of the things other people have as well. But then I try to focus on what I do have, especially when it comes to things that money can't buy.

DH and I have this convo all the time. He can get a lot more envious of friends with nice homes and luxuries that aren't possible for us. But I try to remind him that things aren't always as they seem from the outside. Those friends had help from parents, or are in debt, or are stressed out beyond belief. In some cases, our friends are looking at our life, and wishing they had some of the things we do.

I think it's normal to feel that way sometimes, but if you let it consume you, you'll end up in a dark place.

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Sad sometimes because I will never have children and live the life that would have revolved around them.

But, I can't dwell on that and have to live my life with DH the way we both make it to be. We are not the type to have to keep up with the Joneses, but still want to do and to have what makes us content and comfortable. I (we) have learned to differentiate between needs and wants, and that sort of dictates our spending habits, although DH and I have different views which does cause some friction. All in all, we are content.
(One of my wants is a house. Meanwhile, we have my co-op, DH is happy with that. I still want a house.)

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

There will always be someone who has more than you do. And many people who also have less.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I used to hate that feeling. It affected other parts of my life. Unhappiness sort of hung over me.

I moved.

Family is important but I have a family too. She's the world to me. I would literally give up my whole life for her. So I did. Husband too. Just up and moved. People assume coming back to Texas meant family and friends. But really its just my Aunt. The rest are a good long drive away.

I could be in Dallas, Tampa, Phoenix, Atlanta, Houston or Raleigh. It just ended up being San Antonio. I didn't care. I *HAD* to move out of Long Island. It was suffocating me that I could not provide my daughter with a home, a yard and a good school. I died a little inside everytime I had to accept that I would never own a home there. Why did I move to NY if not to make a better life for myself? Instead I felt like I was painting myself into a corner. Sure it was a pretty corner but still I was trapped. Hence, I looked for transfers to get out. I miss all my friends in NY. Having 'friends' to just talk to see, visit, unload with, etc. No one in San Antonio 'knows' me like those in NY. I know it will take years before I settle in like that again. But in the meantime I see my daughter 'grow' inside and out. She smiles, she runs in her backyard, we play in the water, walk around the town, Go to the beaches, visit museums, aquariums, take trips here and there (in state and out), she goes to a great school. She knows that the house is HER house. She still 'remembers' a little of the apartment. But *THIS* is home. She even says it now "Home, safe and sound"

Home

Yeah, it was worth it and I'd have done it anywhere. It wasn't just the home and school but the ability to live comfortably. I couldn't do that in Long Island. I still have a place in my heart for Long Island, but I can't say I regret leaving.

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Sometimes I let my mind wander to all of things we want to be able to provide for my son (and future children) and I get overwhelmed. More than anything I worry I will never be able to give to DS what my parents gave to me (college paid etc.) That means more than anything *I* want, I have what I need, the only thing I really WANT for is a bigger home, that too is for DS though, and I know in due time that will happen.

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Honestly, I think that you would not feel this way in another state. The entire tri-state area is so insanely overpriced that quality of life isn't that great unless you are making a HUGE amount of money. Not even a good professional level salary will do anymore. These are better opportunities in other places. You can buy a stunning home with low taxes for 250-300 k all over the county. You then have more money for travel, kids etc. Maybe L.I isn't the right place for you.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I guess I think a little differently

you can either accept it and be happy

or find a way to change it

change is possible- it's risky, scary- but less risky and scary then living a life you don't want

I am so thankful for everything I have and if there is something else I want- I spend time thinking about how I can get it- not being upset about not having it- it's empowering

if you can believe it- you can achieve it- one of my many mottos

Message edited 6/25/2012 11:49:59 AM.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

i undersrtand how you're thinking. i used to feel that way a lot more.

now, and maybe because ive done things on my own after my divorce, i am so proud of what i have.

i will never have the biggest house in the "best" neighborhood according to other people, but i love where i am. i love that i can walk to my parents house. i love that no one competes with each other here. i love that im comfortable and happy and i dont spend each day thinking how i can move somewhere better.

happiness comes from different places for everyone.

think about what really makes you happy, and like beth said..either accept that youre happy, or work on changing it.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I think it's completely normal to feel this way on Long Island. DH and I are comfortable with the things we have and we know we will have all the things in life we want. It might take us a little longer, but we'll get there. I don't need material things to show that I'm happy. As long as I have my DH, I don't need anything else.