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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Background: one of DH's coworker is getting married this year. He is the youngest of their group (which consist of 5-6 people). He only knows him for 1 year or so. I never met him.
We have been invited to his wedding. It's in NJ on a Sunday night. OK, not going to happen since DS is 1 and we would come home before 3am or so (out with the babysitter!!!). We have no family for sleepover.
Honestly, we just don't want to bother.
Now, the RSVP says "number attending". I feel like they did not give us a choice to decline. Do I just put "0" attending?
Now I also feel it is expected from us to buy a present. Which at time, I feel is taking away from our family.
What would you do?
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Posted 6/30/08 12:11 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
You just put 0 for # attending.
I'd send a small gift off the registry with a nice card.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:12 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by Kara
You just put 0 for # attending.
I'd send a small gift off the registry with a nice card.
I agree but would put write something along the lines of "Best wishes for a wonderful day. Sorry, we won't be able to be there."
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:13 PM |
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ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
0 is the number attending. Just send a check.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:13 PM |
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VickiC
Rocking the party
Member since 5/05 4937 total posts
Name:
Vicki
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by Kara
You just put 0 for # attending.
I'd send a small gift off the registry with a nice card.
Ditto this. That's what I would do as well. Or send them $100.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:14 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by Kara
You just put 0 for # attending.
I'd send a small gift off the registry with a nice card.
I agree but would put write something along the lines of "Best wishes for a wonderful day. Sorry, we won't be able to be there."
The thing is I really don't want to buy them anything. 
I guess we have to.
ETA: I am no longer working during the week. Just a few hours on the weekends. So I do feel like $100 is a lot for someone I never met.
Message edited 6/30/2008 12:16:11 PM.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:14 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by smdl
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by Kara
You just put 0 for # attending.
I'd send a small gift off the registry with a nice card.
I agree but would put write something along the lines of "Best wishes for a wonderful day. Sorry, we won't be able to be there."
The thing is I really don't want to buy them anything.
I guess we have to.
ETA: I am no longer working during the week. Just a few hours on the weekends. So I do feel like $100 is a lot for someone I never met.
i hate to be the odd man out - but no, you don't have to! out of all the people that didn't come to my wedding, very few sent a check or a gift, and i would NEVER expect them to - i was actually surprised when it happened!
IMO, you are invivted to a wedding to celebrate, not to bring gifts. if you can't make it, i would send a nice card. that's it.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:17 PM |
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LIMOMx2
...
Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
I would write 0 and I would not send anything. If you don't go IMO you don't need to give a gift. I never expected anything from people that didn't go to our wedding.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:20 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by headoverheels
i hate to be the odd man out - but no, you don't have to! out of all the people that didn't come to my wedding, very few sent a check or a gift, and i would NEVER expect them to - i was actually surprised when it happened!
IMO, you are invivted to a wedding to celebrate, not to bring gifts. if you can't make it, i would send a nice card. that's it.
I agree. I had people that came to my wedding to celebrate, not give gifts. The people that did not come to my wedding did not send gifts, nor did I expect them to.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:20 PM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by nrthshgrl
I agree but would put write something along the lines of "Best wishes for a wonderful day. Sorry, we won't be able to be there."
ITA. Our invitations said the same thing and I was kind of disappointed when people just wrote 0 and nothing else. However, you don't have to get them anything. We had some people give and some didn't.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:21 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
write o with a line through it and write thank you for the invite sorry we wont be able to make it
no need to send a gift, unless you are really close with them
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:22 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
I would send a gift. I would feel bad not to. I understand not attending, but since this is a coworker of your DH and someone he will see daily, I would be mortified NOT to send a gift. - It doesn't have to be elaborate .......I'd write a check for $100 -
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:29 PM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
I would not send a gift.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:29 PM |
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Donna
1 year already!!
Member since 5/05 3360 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
You don't know him but what does your DH think? Since he has to work with him it might be best to send a small gift and write a note on the response card
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:30 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
I would not send a gift either
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:34 PM |
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nbc188
Best friends!
Member since 12/06 23090 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
I agree with some of the others. I would put a 0, and write "sorry, we are unable to attend". And from your description, since it doesn't sound like you (as a couple) are close with them at all, then I would not send a gift either.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:36 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by smdl
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by Kara
You just put 0 for # attending.
I'd send a small gift off the registry with a nice card.
I agree but would put write something along the lines of "Best wishes for a wonderful day. Sorry, we won't be able to be there."
The thing is I really don't want to buy them anything.
I guess we have to.
ETA: I am no longer working during the week. Just a few hours on the weekends. So I do feel like $100 is a lot for someone I never met.
i hate to be the odd man out - but no, you don't have to! out of all the people that didn't come to my wedding, very few sent a check or a gift, and i would NEVER expect them to - i was actually surprised when it happened!
IMO, you are invivted to a wedding to celebrate, not to bring gifts. if you can't make it, i would send a nice card. that's it.
I never said you had to spend $100. I said buy something small off their registry.
No, you don't HAVE to buy a gift, but I would. I didn't get gifts from many of the people who didn't come to my wedding and honestly never even thought about it until today... so I doubt they'd be offended or anything if you didn't send something. That said, if I were invited to someone's wedding and couldn't go for whatever reason, I'd still send a gift, as I think it's the appropriate thing to do.
If you don't want to or can't afford to, then don't. If you can afford to send a little something, i think it would be nice, especially since this is someone your DH works with.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:37 PM |
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babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
I'd send a small gift from the registry or a $30-50 check with a card.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:37 PM |
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ave1024
I Took The Wrong Road
Member since 12/07 6153 total posts
Name:
That Led To The Wrong Tendencies
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by smdl
The thing is I really don't want to buy them anything.
I guess we have to.
ETA: I am no longer working during the week. Just a few hours on the weekends. So I do feel like $100 is a lot for someone I never met.
You may not know them and don't want to send a gift but your DH does. So you are putting him in a situation that makes him look cheap if you don't send a gift.
Send the RSVP back saying not attending and maybe have your DH bring a small gift in a few days before his last day at the office.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:39 PM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
The only time I send a gift is when they came to mine and gave me a gift.. I always reciprocate.. Even If I can not attend.. So if this were me I would send a nice little best wishes note with the response card and that's it! ( I am assuming they were not at your wedding)
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:41 PM |
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CroatianBride
Our Angel Ivanka Rose <3
Member since 7/07 2031 total posts
Name:
Tat
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Unless it's close family you shouldn't have to send a check with a "no" reply.
If your husband is close to him at work, I would send a $50.00 gift card to Fortunoff or macy's
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:42 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by Kara
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by smdl
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by Kara
You just put 0 for # attending.
I'd send a small gift off the registry with a nice card.
I agree but would put write something along the lines of "Best wishes for a wonderful day. Sorry, we won't be able to be there."
The thing is I really don't want to buy them anything.
I guess we have to.
ETA: I am no longer working during the week. Just a few hours on the weekends. So I do feel like $100 is a lot for someone I never met.
i hate to be the odd man out - but no, you don't have to! out of all the people that didn't come to my wedding, very few sent a check or a gift, and i would NEVER expect them to - i was actually surprised when it happened!
IMO, you are invivted to a wedding to celebrate, not to bring gifts. if you can't make it, i would send a nice card. that's it.
I never said you had to spend $100. I said buy something small off their registry.
No, you don't HAVE to buy a gift, but I would. I didn't get gifts from many of the people who didn't come to my wedding and honestly never even thought about it until today... so I doubt they'd be offended or anything if you didn't send something. That said, if I were invited to someone's wedding and couldn't go for whatever reason, I'd still send a gift, as I think it's the appropriate thing to do.
If you don't want to or can't afford to, then don't. If you can afford to send a little something, i think it would be nice, especially since this is someone your DH works with.
I meant to quote the other answers on giving $100. You are victim of "wrong quoting".  I was mearly saying that it was hard to justify spending on someone I never met. It's DH's co-worker but it's really just a business relationship. Not like a buddy buddy. I feel we have to send something.
Maybe I can get something REALLY small on their registry.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:43 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by Kara
No, you don't HAVE to buy a gift, but I would. I didn't get gifts from many of the people who didn't come to my wedding and honestly never even thought about it until today... so I doubt they'd be offended or anything if you didn't send something. That said, if I were invited to someone's wedding and couldn't go for whatever reason, I'd still send a gift, as I think it's the appropriate thing to do.
If you don't want to or can't afford to, then don't. If you can afford to send a little something, i think it would be nice, especially since this is someone your DH works with.
ITA. No one that responded 'no' to my wedding sent anything, but I personally always send a small gift if I respond no.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:54 PM |
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LiveAgain
Listen close....
Member since 8/07 3545 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by 5ofClubs
I would write 0 and I would not send anything. If you don't go IMO you don't need to give a gift. I never expected anything from people that didn't go to our wedding.
ITA! there is no reason that you have to send a gift.
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| Posted 6/30/08 12:57 PM |
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vmac
Mommy VMac
Member since 8/07 1860 total posts
Name:
Vanessa
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Re: WWYD? Invited to a wedding we are not going to
Posted by KittyTheStray
Posted by Kara
No, you don't HAVE to buy a gift, but I would. I didn't get gifts from many of the people who didn't come to my wedding and honestly never even thought about it until today... so I doubt they'd be offended or anything if you didn't send something. That said, if I were invited to someone's wedding and couldn't go for whatever reason, I'd still send a gift, as I think it's the appropriate thing to do.
If you don't want to or can't afford to, then don't. If you can afford to send a little something, i think it would be nice, especially since this is someone your DH works with.
ITA. No one that responded 'no' to my wedding sent anything, but I personally always send a small gift if I respond no.
I agree with the above posts, I would either send a small gift or I would even send my DH to work with a card and small gift like a bottle of wine. When DH and I got married a few of his coworkers cam by his desk and gave him small gifts, and they weren't invited to the wedding. Since your DH works with him, I think it's best you send something.
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| Posted 6/30/08 1:09 PM |
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