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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
then moved away, found someone to love, and invited you to the wedding (having never paid you back)
would you give a gift at the wedding? or would you consider it a first installment payment of the money owed to you?
would you make note in the card??? like," hey Stanley, thanks for dinner...we'll call it $500 that you owe me now  have fun on the honey moon!   "
and what if you were a man thinking about this??? (if you can go there) do you think MAN to MAN would handle it differently than chick to chick.
is there a different mentiquette?
ET: b/c stef asked good q.
Posted by Mikismom
has the money been requested?
good question. I have no idea.
this is another topic I stole off dh's man board. 
FETA: (and not the cheese ) apparently the creditor has been dropping hints, making mention to the debtor about the debt for some time.
Message edited 2/4/2009 11:33:50 AM.
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Posted 2/4/09 10:34 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
it's water under the bridge. Move on.
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:37 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
If he borrowed it 6-8 years ago, didn't pay it back & I didn't mention it, shame on me.
I say you ask for the money now.
Then if you go to the wedding, give your standard gift you'd give.
The wedding & the money are two separate issues.
I don't think gender makes a difference but I could see my husband completely blowing it off because he tends to pizz away money.
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:37 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
after 6-8 years? I would forget about it and move on
has the money been requested?
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:38 AM |
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JC621
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 616 total posts
Name:
JC
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by Blu-ize
it's water under the bridge. Move on.
I agree. As annoying as it may be, it was so long ago and I wouldn't base my gift on it. I was always taught never to lend $$ to family or friends unless I was prepared to NOT get it back.
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:39 AM |
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MrsM-6-7-08
<3
Member since 8/06 4249 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
if i had a close friend who borred 800 from me that many years ago and never paid me back, i do not think i would be going to the wedding. why bother
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:41 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
If you never asked for it back--and that amount of time has gone by....i'd say consider it a lesson learned. But I wouldn't let it affect the gift you give.
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:42 AM |
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My4GirlsMyLife
My 4 girlies
Member since 2/08 9702 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by MrsPJB2007
If you never asked for it back--and that amount of time has gone by....i'd say consider it a lesson learned. But I wouldn't let it affect the gift you give.
ITA 
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:43 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by Mikismom
after 6-8 years? I would forget about it and move on
has the money been requested?
good question. I have no idea.
this is another topic I stole off dh's man board.
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:43 AM |
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Shelleybean11
Mommy of 2!
Member since 12/08 11013 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
At this point I would forget about it. Consider it a lesson learned in lending friends money. Enjoy the wedding.
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| Posted 2/4/09 10:43 AM |
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PumpkinGirl
:o)
Member since 10/08 1838 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by vmystique33
Posted by MrsPJB2007
If you never asked for it back--and that amount of time has gone by....i'd say consider it a lesson learned. But I wouldn't let it affect the gift you give.
ITA
i agree as well
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:00 AM |
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freshstuff
I would do me
Member since 5/08 1188 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
If I had a friend borrow money and not pay me back and they had the money for a wedding I would not talk to them again. Obv a wedding costs more than 800 and if they could afford that so they could of paid me back. It would be different if they borrowed it and couldn't get the funds to pay me back.
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:11 AM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
I would forget it, but remember it in the future when anyone asks to borrow money....ESPECIALLY that person
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:13 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
dh said he would go to the wedding but drink his money back
how many shots of Johnny Blue would that take? 
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:13 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
I don't think a sum like $800 is something you can or should shove under the table - this isn't $5 we're talking about.
I would do one of three things.
1. Ask for the money - you can be nice and friendly but still serious
2. Not give a gift, and put a note in the card explaining why - "consider the $800 you owe me, your wedding gift"
3. Give a gift, but make it smaller than what you'd normally give.
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:23 AM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
I don't think a sum like $800 is something you can or should shove under the table - this isn't $5 we're talking about.
I would do one of three things.
1. Ask for the money - you can be nice and friendly but still serious
2. Not give a gift, and put a note in the card explaining why - "consider the $800 you owe me, your wedding gift"
3. Give a gift, but make it smaller than what you'd normally give.
I agree- that is a lot of money and I wouldn't just consider it "water under the bridge" and let it go.
This person should be ashamed of themself and I wouldn't mind pointing it out- in one of the 3 ways mentioned above.
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:25 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by MrsPJB2007
If you never asked for it back--and that amount of time has gone by....i'd say consider it a lesson learned. But I wouldn't let it affect the gift you give.
Compeletly agree. After 6 - 8 years it's my fault for not mentioning it and letting it slide for so long
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:28 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
I don't think a sum like $800 is something you can or should shove under the table - this isn't $5 we're talking about.
I would do one of three things.
1. Ask for the money - you can be nice and friendly but still serious
2. Not give a gift, and put a note in the card explaining why - "consider the $800 you owe me, your wedding gift"
3. Give a gift, but make it smaller than what you'd normally give.
I agree- that is a lot of money and I wouldn't just consider it "water under the bridge" and let it go.
This person should be ashamed of themself and I wouldn't mind pointing it out- in one of the 3 ways mentioned above.
But after 6 - 8 years don't you think you would have brought it up by then and expected it back?
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:30 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by dooodles
But after 6 - 8 years don't you think you would have brought it up by then and expected it back?
new info indicates that the creditor reminded the debtor of his debt numerous times....not sure if that makes a difference.
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:34 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by dooodles
But after 6 - 8 years don't you think you would have brought it up by then and expected it back?
new info indicates that the creditor reminded the debtor of his debt numerous times....not sure if that makes a difference.
for me, yes - that makes a difference. I think after 6 - 8 years of asking for my money back and having my repearted requests ignored would have soured the friendship in the first place (I would have asked for $50 every other month at least). If this person moved away and the wedding was OOT - I doubt I would respond even.
And if the friendship had truly soured, I probably wouldn't respond either way
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:43 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by dooodles
But after 6 - 8 years don't you think you would have brought it up by then and expected it back?
new info indicates that the creditor reminded the debtor of his debt numerous times....not sure if that makes a difference.
With this new info, I agree with Don's #2 answer. Go to the wedding with card that says "I have forgiven your $800 debt as your wedding gift - congratulations."
I actually had something like this happen to me, but it wasn't $800. I told the person I couldn't afford a gift without being reimbursed for the $$ I lent, so there would be no gift. The only down side is that the loan was more than what I would have given at the time. You live, you learn.....
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:44 AM |
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Shelleybean11
Mommy of 2!
Member since 12/08 11013 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
Posted by dpli
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by dooodles
But after 6 - 8 years don't you think you would have brought it up by then and expected it back?
new info indicates that the creditor reminded the debtor of his debt numerous times....not sure if that makes a difference.
With this new info, I agree with Don's #2 answer. Go to the wedding with card that says "I have forgiven your $800 debt as your wedding gift - congratulations."
I actually had something like this happen to me, but it wasn't $800. I told the person I couldn't afford a gift without being reimbursed for the $$ I lent, so there would be no gift. The only down side is that the loan was more than what I would have given at the time. You live, you learn.....
ITA, the new info changes things a bit. I would go to the wedding and do as the pp suggested.
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| Posted 2/4/09 11:50 AM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
AH ha.
I would go to the wedding and write something along the lines of this in the card:
Since it would be silly for me to give you cash, only to have you give it right back to me for the debt you owe, I will just save us both the trouble and wish you a wonderful marriage....Congrats!
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| Posted 2/4/09 12:09 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
I wouldn't write it in the card. I don't know what the person has told their spouse & I wouldn't want to dampen their wedding by putting it there.
I would ask for the money now. I would say "since you have money for the wedding, I'd like to get the money back that you owe me."
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| Posted 2/4/09 12:46 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: wwyd? If someone you knew well borrowed $800 from you 6-8 years ago
I'd consider them apples and oranges. What this person owed me has nothing to do with the wedding gift I give them.
However, I would have flat out said long before too much time had passed that I want my money back.
If they couldn't give all the money back up front we'd work out a payment schedule.
Oh and yes I do think some men and women will react differently to this situation.
ETA: I think more women would pitch a bytch in the card vs. men who would more likely just drop it and move on.
Message edited 2/4/2009 12:54:55 PM.
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| Posted 2/4/09 12:53 PM |
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