would you move far away?

if living on long island was a struggle for you and your family, you were basically stuck living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to afford daycare, you and DH both had to work when you'd give anything to be home w you LO, you constantly worried about the future & having enough $ to support additional children, wouldn't even be able to afford daycare for more than your current LO (making the wait between kids much longer than you'd like), and always worrying about your finances...

if a potential opportunity to move far away to an area where you could afford a big, beautiful home, be a SAHM, and have a more comfortable life in which you could have more kids when you wanted them were to present itself...would you take it? is that selfish?

let's just say this potentially wonderful life was a 10 hour car ride from long island? would your family/families freak out on you? would they be angry with you? would you be able to handle having more kids down the line without your family around you? does anyone have experience with this?

just asking, of course...for curiosity's sake.

Re: would you move far away?

honestly, I can't say. There is so much to consider in that scenario.

DH and I are very close to family, see them at least 1x a week, ILs even more. My sons adore their cousins who are like siblings to them. With that said I would have to put the well being of my immediate family first. the Big beautiful house to me is of no importance, even being a SAHM is negotiable for me, but it would be hard to pass up the financial security it would provide for the family, for my kids futures, for our retirements etc.

I would seriously consider it but...

I dont think anything would make DH move!

Re: would you move far away?

H-E-L-L yes I would do it..........no question. I would be packing my boxes, but that's just me.

Re: would you move far away?

I absolutely would. Even though I work PT and spend majority of my time home with my son...we are struggling very badly...and as much as we'd like another child...every time DH brings it up my answer is "not until we get rid of this house" Living in NY...LI expecially is a waste of money. You don't get much home for your money, you don't get quality home for your money, barely any land, no privacy, high taxes but you could spit and hit a bad neighborhood even in the highest priced neighborhoods. Heroin in schools is huge on LI and so are gangs. What the heck are we giving up all our money for?

It would suck to have to take DS further away from family but, if it's going to affect us for the rest of our lives (not being able to have another child when you want to means being older when you have your next child) then I'd suck it up and do whats best.

I feel like us staying here just to keep the family together means we will ALWAYS be living above our means and "keeping up with the joneses"

Message edited 5/4/2012 12:00:47 AM.

Re: would you move far away?

Yes, i absolutely would. In fact, this is what we will be
Doing. DH and i are actually going house hunting in north carolina at the end of June. We have talked about it for a while, and were thinking about doing it next year, but once our DS arrived, we actually thought to do it much, much sooner. The decision to do it was pretty simple for us. We dont get help from anyone, so that is not something we will be giving up by leaving. DH also works from home. We currently live in an apt. and if we decide to stay here and have more children, we would never be able to afford the type of home we want for our family. It's a tough decision, but we went over all the pros and cons, and decided it was the best decision for us.

ETA- we are not super close with Dh's family. We are closer to my family, which is the tough part. But, i can totally see us seeing them 1 x a month, by coming up to NY , them them coming to NC.

Message edited 5/4/2012 1:36:01 AM.

Re: would you move far away?

I would move. My family is all over the place so they wouldn't freak out and my FIL I think would handle it fine.....MIL would freak out and probably have a mental break down....but that would not stop us in the least bit.

Re: would you move far away?

even though that sounds like heaven and would be tempting i could not. my entire family is here and i would die without them! my sister is my best friend and a she and her family are my biggest support. her kids are role models and are so close to my kids. my parents are still here too and my kids are there every day with nana and pop i can't imgaine not having that. my brothers and their families are also here and have kids the ages of my kids so again, would not leave that.
it depends on individual circumstances. for me, having all of that family influence and connection trumps everything else. if not, then i would move in a heartbeat.

Re: would you move far away?

If i did not have a child with Autism i would in a heart beat.

the problems i have with moving far from friends and family now would be, special ed programs for DS, typical children who will accept him for who he is (he has had the same typical friends since he was 5 months old, he will be 5 in Aug).

my DD who is NT could adapt very easily, but it would be most hard on DS

Re: would you move far away?

If I could get the stability of our jobs somewhere else we would move in a heartbeat! Family and Friends can always visit!

Re: would you move far away?

Probably not. Home for me isn't a town or a house; it's my family and my friends. And they're all within 90 minutes of my house. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Also... being a SAHM is hard. A few days ago, I wasn't feeling well and was inches from snapping, it was AWESOME to have my mom stop in and give me a break for an hour. I couldn't do that if I lived so far away.

Re: would you move far away?

YEP...I would. Thats basically why we moved out of bklyn to PA (before we had DS); we still struggle financially right now, but I cant imagine owning anything in NY, paying for daycare etc.
We would probably be renting a 2br apt in brooklyn somewhere that would cost as much as my mortgage.

I would seriously consider it. You need to do what is best for your family and their future.

Re: would you move far away?

IN A MINUTE

Re: would you move far away?

This is a conversation DH and I have actually had recently. DH has no family here. And the family he does have stinks to be quite honest. But my family is so good to us and we're all very close. For us, it comes down to the question of which would be a better life for DD? Having a nice big house with a yard and what not? But having no family around besides us. Or having a family to love on her and make memories with? I'm not the SAHM type, so that isn't a factor for us. Having our family around is more important to us. That makes the quality of our life that much better.

Message edited 5/4/2012 8:25:13 AM.

Re: would you move far away?

We moved to the DC area but not necessarily because of financial reasons.

Yes, we just bought a large brand new house for the same price as a 2 bedroom apartment in the Upper East Side. Money definitely goes a lot further down here than in Manhattan. We are constantly surprised at how cheap things are down here.

However, what I enjoy most is our family time. In NYC, I felt like anyone who was semi successful had to pump in long hours. That is not the case in the DC area. Generally, all families eat dinner together and have decent hours without sacrificing professional advancement.

To answer your question, I would move 10 hours away but not necessarily to a rural area. I would be open to moving to another city like Boston or DC.

Re: would you move far away?

I lived on LI for my whole life until I got married. DH,before we married, bought a house in CT, so I moved there while subbing in upsate NY. We got married and , for DH's job, we moved to Salt Lake City, Utah. It's a very far car ride, , as well as plane ride. We lived there for 2 years. We flew back when we could and some people came to visit out there. It was a great experience. Cheaper living, I had a teaching job, before dd, and we still owned a house in CT. So much cheaper living out there.

He than got transferred back to Ct and we moved in still 1 1/2 hrs from LI.

He then got a job offer we couldn't refuse and we moved to Boston 3 1/2 away from LI. Both sides of the family live on LI, in the same town .

We go and visit a lot. I am able to SAH for now. Especially with teaching jobs right now. We rent an apt, b/c we still our home, rented out.

I do not think we will ever live on LI again. In CT we have over an acre of property for about 1/2 the amount taxes. We were not able to sell the house with the way the market was last year when we moved. I would like to be closer than Boston though. We do miss a lot of family gatherings but we make the best of it.

So to answer your question, would do it. I have friends who moved and such a better life than they did on LI. They just could not ahead on LI.

Re: would you move far away?

No question we would move and we are even considering the option of doin that now.

Ultimately, it's not about friends' and family's reaction but what's best for our family. Yes, they may get upset at the decision but at the end of the day YOUR decision should not hinge on their reaction. If it's the right choice and will afford you a better life, then I would do it.

Would I be able to handle having other kids without the help of my family? I don't know, but what I do know is that plenty of families do it and make it work. I take heart in the fact that we would not be the only ones in a situation without any family around and that so many do this and are successful.

Re: would you move far away?

All great responses, offering lots of perspective. Thanks ladies!!

Re: would you move far away?

Crashing... I'm a mommy to be and I would w/out a doubt take that opportunity. DH's job requires him to live in NY so until he retires (this is also his dream job so there is zero chance he will leave) we are stuck here on LI or at best, upstate. I have a very small family and I am only close w/my SIL & her husband. It would be difficult leaving them and their kids but they can afford to live a very comfy life here, I can not. My DH's family would be the "difficult" ones. I know my MIL would pitch a fit but, in the end, we would have to do what is best for us. I know it would be hard to raise a family w/out having DH's family close but in order to provide the best start in life for my kids, I'd be willing to deal.

Re: would you move far away?

I couldn't do it, personally.
I just feel like what good is a big, beautiful home if you don't have anyone to share it with? (other than your immediate family that is)
I know eventually you make friends and all, but my family is just too important to me.
I couldn't take my DD away from my parents- I think they would just die.

Lots of people do it though- I am just not strong enough to.

Re: would you move far away?

Ugh I am so torn. DH wants to move to TX and I loved it there when we visited but DH has crappy family here and I have a great family. i'm close to my family and it breaks my heart to leave that support system. I know we could provide a more comfortable life for the kids if we move but we would be alone. Moving to a place with no friends, family and help with the kids. I don’t know how comfortable I am with that. I can totally see myself living in TX but it stinks that it's a plane ride away, not really a drive.
10 hours away I would totally do. I wish there were places closer to LI that DH would consider moving so I’d feel better about the distance from my family.

Re: would you move far away?

Re: would you move far away?

In a heartbeat, but DH is set against it.

I keep arguing my point about being able to stay home, enjoy life a bit more, not be so stressed out about paying bills, being able to afford a decent size home without taking out a half a million dollor mortgage...etc

He isn't biting. He says all our friends and family are here and we would miss being around them.

He moved OOS for a bit when he was in his 20's and he came back because a few years into it and he missed not seeing them all.

I would want to try it before saying we would miss our current lifestyle, but I can't get him on board.

Re: would you move far away?

1000000000000%

We plan on moving before my 3 year old starts kindergarten.

I can not wait to get off of this God forsaken island, it is overpriced, overcrowded and over rated!

Just my opinion of course!

Re: would you move far away?

Obviously my answer is yes.
"done it"

My father did it too. He moved to Iowa from Texas. To say he had no family there is an understatement! He moved because one of my twin brother has special needs. It was rural but there was a much lower child to student teacher ratio. He got the attention he needed and truly flourished there. Cost of living is much lower there. He also got a stupidly large home. Two stories, full attic, full basement, four car garage, corner lot for $64k.

He is (as I am now) 17 hours away from family.

I don't regret for a second leaving my successful career driven job. The huge market for my industry in NYC. The security of always being able to have a job in NYC doesn't balance the scale of always fearing I'd lose my job and knowing it only was enough to keep a very small apartment and never have a home. I wanted security and stability for my daughter. San Antonio gives that to me.

My father doesn't regret his choices. The boys are now graduated and NOW he's thinking of moving back to San Antonio in the next 5 or so years.

Re: would you move far away?

My dh has been offered two jobs in NC with the same pay. We were really tempted but I just couldn't pull my dd away from my family. I think my mom would die of a broken heart. I would really worry for my mom who would never tell us not to go but would be crushed if we left. It's true we could live much more comfortably than we do now but we would have no friends or family there. What good is a big beautiful home and money in the bank if youre constantly home sick. My dd is way too attached to my parents and brother so ultimately i would feel like the move would hurt her sense of security!