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brooke23
LIF Toddler
Member since 3/11 482 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
Need some advice. My 3.5 year old DD is a smart little girl but has been acting terribly lately. Her emotions are out of control (the littlest thing makes her have a meltdown), she doesnt listen (very defiant) and is just full of energy that is untamed. i have been going through significant health issues which i thought/think she doesnt grasp but perhaps has had some influence on her too?
We need some help. her behavior cant go on like this ...its making all of us crazy as she is just out of control. I'm sure some of it is just her age, but I think its more than that. She can be the most loving little girl (is sensitive) but my household seems to be in chaos right now.
Where do I start? Can I get somebody to come in to the house? She wont act the way she does if a stranger is at our house, however -- but I need somebody to see how she behaves and how we can get some control over the situation. Do I take her to a psychologist, bheaivor therapist? do I go and just discuss her issues? Anybody have recommendations? I love her so much and dont want to see her out of control. My heart hurts.
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Posted 8/22/19 12:24 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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SnickNNick
In our new house!!
Member since 8/08 2119 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: where do I start
I don't have any advice, just wanted to say I think we're in kind of the same boat. Our daughter is very well behaved at school, and generally when other people are around, but has gotten so whiny and quick to get upset about things. And with me, she intentionally hits me, hits the dog, and nothing I do will stop her. Time outs don't work, holding her arms and telling her I won't let her hurt me or the dog doesn't work, I've tried everything. Now she's moved on to the manipulation of "I don't love you Mommy, I only love Daddy." And then she's crying for me as soon as Daddy takes over, but it's like it's because she knows she can beat up on me. She turned 3 in March, so almost 3.5 too. I think some of it is just their age but am all ears if anyone has ideas!
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| Posted 8/22/19 1:09 PM |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
Start with your pediatrician and go from there. It sounds like it could be from the chaos in the house but if you feel it's something more you should trust your gut. You can also contact your school district to get the ball rolling on an early intervention evaluation. It never hurts. Either they find nothing, or you are proactive in getting her help that she needs. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Message edited 8/22/2019 1:38:11 PM.
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| Posted 8/22/19 1:37 PM |
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Ellsey10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/15 614 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
First, I hope everything is ok with your health <3
I wish I could say I have advice for you, but I'm in a similar situation. DS is also 3.5 and the whining and meltdowns have become more frequent. I do notice meltdowns happen more towards the end of the day when he's getting tired so I try to be more understanding but sometimes they're just ridiculous and maddening. He barley listens anymore and when I put him in time out he tells me I'm mean. He's good at school and I assume he listens (they've never said otherwise) so I'm hoping this is just a phase? I'm not sure. It's all pretty frustrating some days. Long story short, you're not alone ! People say the terrible two's are bad ... DS teased me and was an angel at 2 ... he turned 3 and things took a huge turn!
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| Posted 8/22/19 1:45 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6655 total posts
Name:
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Re: where do I start
Ugh, this sounds just like DD. She's almost 3.5 and she's either the sweetest kid on the planet or a raging devil. It's exhausting. I am chalking it up to age, a lot of running around (summertime stuff messing with our routines), and her new baby brother who she loves dearly but also loves being the center of attention. She also seems like she wants to give up her naps (she fights them so hard), but she's a beast when she doesn't sleep during the day. Days she naps are sooooooooo much better.
I wish I had some advice, but I just want to say you're not alone, I know how hard it is, and I'm hoping, praying, wishing for all of our sakes that it's just a phase and they'll be out of it soon. I also hope you're doing okay medically. 
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| Posted 8/22/19 2:42 PM |
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Re: where do I start
Posted by brooke23
Need some advice. My 3.5 year old DD is a smart little girl but has been acting terribly lately. Her emotions are out of control (the littlest thing makes her have a meltdown), she doesnt listen (very defiant) and is just full of energy that is untamed. i have been going through significant health issues which i thought/think she doesnt grasp but perhaps has had some influence on her too?
We need some help. her behavior cant go on like this ...its making all of us crazy as she is just out of control. I'm sure some of it is just her age, but I think its more than that. She can be the most loving little girl (is sensitive) but my household seems to be in chaos right now.
Where do I start? Can I get somebody to come in to the house? She wont act the way she does if a stranger is at our house, however -- but I need somebody to see how she behaves and how we can get some control over the situation. Do I take her to a psychologist, bheaivor therapist? do I go and just discuss her issues? Anybody have recommendations? I love her so much and dont want to see her out of control. My heart hurts.
So I am a behavior analyst for kids and adults and also provide therapy, my recommendation is if she is not acting this way in the presence of others, video tape her - video tape her in various settings/ times, keep a daily log of her behavior. I always have my clients follow a strict schedule for a week (and by strict I mean your normal schedule, do it daily and at the same time) and maybe see if there are certain times of day her behavior is occurring. If she doesn’t do these things at school and doesn’t do them around others I don’t think it’s a behavioral disorder (she’s also young for a diagnosis) but rather a response to her home environment. If you have been giving her less attention while you are caring for yourself, she is likely looking for any attention, positive or negative. Don’t be too hard on yourself! Let me know if you want to talk further!
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| Posted 8/22/19 2:50 PM |
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brooke23
LIF Toddler
Member since 3/11 482 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
It is a think a combo of behavior and environment (DH and I unfortunately do a lot of yelling these days as I have been going through cancer treatment while working and he has been out of work ,while we also maintain a nanny so that he CAN go back to work and we dont want to lose her since she's great....i'm resentful, and he has lost his way, so we are struggling). I just got off Facetime with my husband...she got home from camp and was like a raving lunatic, screaming and crying and then told the nanny "you're fired. I dont want you to be my nanny any more" (I've NEVER said those words so dont know where she got it from) -- I guess maybe a video tape is a good place to start. In school and camp I've been told she's one of the more reserved kids (HA!!) ...BUT i did see for myself in school last year for example, that when the teacher said "i want all my friends sitting on the rug..." she was like the first one there and sitting. I guess I'm just an ineffective parent :( maybe I'M the one that needs training. I feel like she's going to be f&#ked up for life!
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| Posted 8/22/19 4:06 PM |
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brooke23
LIF Toddler
Member since 3/11 482 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
Oh -- and even though she doesnt really know what's going on with me, she is OBSESSED with bandaids....and last night I was cmpaining that my back hurt and as she got into bed she said her back hurt.....maybe this is all my fault :(
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| Posted 8/22/19 4:07 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: where do I start
Hugs. When my dd was three I tore my leg off at the knee (completely severed acl, mcl, lol, and pcl) in a bad accident. Dd was there and felt it was her fault even though it was not. She and DS had to live with my parents for nearly a month because the week of my surgery my husband fell down the stairs and broke his rotator cuff.
We ended up taking dd to therapy to help her work through her feelings. I am in NJ or I would reccomend the therapist. I would look for an in network child therapist. They will listen to your concerns and talk with your dd.
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| Posted 8/22/19 8:38 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
My DD is the same age. She’s an angel one second and a beast the next. Flips out over the most ridiculous things. She’s generally good in public though she did have a meltdown at swimming recently. She’ll sit 2 hours for brunch and then come home and lose it because her bow fell out of her hair. Everyone says it’s just the age. I hope so!
I’m sorry to hear about your health. Her behavior is NOT your fault. Please don’t blame yourself. You are a superhero for going through chemo with small children. I hope you are able to take time for yourself to decompress. The saying is true, the kids really are all right. Your DD sounds like a normal 3 year old.
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| Posted 8/22/19 9:13 PM |
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Re: where do I start
Posted by brooke23
Oh -- and even though she doesnt really know what's going on with me, she is OBSESSED with bandaids....and last night I was cmpaining that my back hurt and as she got into bed she said her back hurt.....maybe this is all my fault :(
Please don’t be too hard on yourself. YOU are going through some major life events. She is 3, she won’t always be 3. I tell myself, more than I would like to admit because I KNOW how to handle behavior, I do this for a living, yet my own kids, I’m just like WTF  so don’t beat yourself up! I think she is however old enough to have consequences to her behavior. I find that sometimes natural consequences are most effective at this age without putting in some sort of reinforcement system.
So if she says “I don’t want that toy,” you throw it out, she doesn’t want it, she gets what she asked for. And in that teach her empathy, mom worked hard to buy you that toy and it hurts me when you say these things. Same with the nanny statement, tell her “you saying nanny is fired hurts her feelings, you made her sad, would you really want nanny to leave you?” And if she says yes, ask her why, and if she says no, have her say, “nanny I’m sorry I said that I want you to stay” and model these things for her in the moment so she can learn in that moment because she IS 3 and won’t learn later on in the day from a moment that happened earlier. It’s so hard and I try to be this way daily with my own kids but my kids have said things I KNOW I said and they learned it from me and I’m not proud of, but give yourself a break! You haven’t damaged her and you are doing the best you can, it may be tough now but things WILL get better! Also take consolation in the fact, children behave their worse in front of their parents because they feel secure
Message edited 8/23/2019 8:05:26 AM.
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| Posted 8/23/19 8:04 AM |
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BabySurprise
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/13 556 total posts
Name:
Me
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where do I start
I just want to say, I'm sorry you are going through this but I'm so relieved that other 3-year-olds are major THREENAGERS. I could have written many of the things you all have shared.
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| Posted 8/25/19 11:03 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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where do I start
First off I'm sorry you are going through health issues. I hope you recover quickly.
You basically described my 3.5 year old. She is defiant, doesn't listen, will thrown tantrums anywhere to get her way. I think it's the age and she acts much worse when she's with me then she does with my sister or my parents. We have started to punish her (time outs and taking away toys, etc) but TBH it hasn't helped much. Also she is much worse if she hasn't napped so we try to get her to nap. It does help. I recall 3 was worse than 2 for my oldest as well. By the time she turned 4 she had mellowed out a lot so you're definitely not alone.
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| Posted 8/26/19 2:39 PM |
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Leb
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 4166 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
Feeling sick and parenting is the worst! Hope you feel better soon.
Have you looked into her diet? She could be eating something that’s a trigger. I avoid artificial dyes for example bc my daughter acts like a psycho path if she accidentally eats. She’s older now but I let her have cotton candy at a birthday this weekend and she was talking so fast and moving her jaw she looked like she was on cocaine.
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| Posted 8/26/19 9:19 PM |
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schools
LIF Infant
Member since 10/13 52 total posts
Name:
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where do I start
I am so sorry about your health problems and am wishing you a speedy recovery!. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to care for yourself and your family at this time. If the behavior is happening primarily at home and not at school then the behavior is likely due to difficulty in the parent child relationship. This could be for a number of reasons, she may realize you are ill and does not know how to process or handle the emotions that grief arouses in her. I would spend any spare time you have allowing her to express herself through play and follow her lead commenting on her play and what the characters in the play must be feeling. I would also empathize with her when she melts down and have her name and process what she is feeling. I think punishing this kind of behavior is ineffective and will make things worse.
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| Posted 9/1/19 7:18 PM |
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